“…three dudes sitting around in a room talking about abortion…”
In this “beta” episode recorded at Bullshido HQ in Austin, Texas, Phrost, Submessenger, and JNP shoot the proverbial BS on a wide range of topics, including abortion, science, war stories from the forums, martial arts drama, and science fiction.
But mainly this was all done to test out the audio equipment—because after one scotch, Phrost has no internal volume control.
…Another week goes by and another superhero movie dominates the now familiar entertainment-media-as-political-commentary conversation.
We could use this opportunity to discuss the political-commentary-as-advertising trend and then segue nicely into the somewhat underhanded framing of “conspicuous consumption” as a form of activism for the modern era. We could get fist-deep in the stank about Brie Larson pointing out how not all movies are made for white dudes and the problem some people have with seeing a strong woman on the screen.
Captain Marvel’s Brie Larson
But this isn’t Vox or Salon or HuffPo or Breitbart or Tumblr, this is Bullshido, so today we’re going to talk about something that is actually relevant to seeing actually-strong women on the screen:
“Waif-Washing”
Waif Washing /verb / – The casting of scrawny and often uncoordinated/unathletic actresses in parts where a more athletic woman would create a more believable on-screen presence.
Unless you’re just in the most bulimic form of denial, you know you’ve seen it. Frankly, there’s only so many supposed superheroines that look decidedly un-super that one can take. Maybe you’re like me and fight off making a grimace when a 5’3”, 105 lb. actress delivers a threatening line with the stone-cold seriousness of a professional killer and all the menace of a soccer mom who got whole milk instead of soy at Starbucks.
La Famine Nikita
Waif-Washing as a phenomenon isn’t new, but compared to all the other issues of how women are misrepresented in the media, maybe it’s finally time to bring a little attention to it.
As much as Hollywood seems to like the idea of giving us badass female characters it’s rare for them to prioritize athletic credibility over conventional attractiveness. Adding insult to injury, film-makers often compound the problem of waif-washed casting by having their tough-girl actors overact their supposed toughness, as if obnoxious bluster compensates for muscle mass or bone density, and it seems to rarely play out well. In the absence of the physical screen presence a more athletically-capable actress might bring to the role, the audience is asked to accept that a snarky attitude is the hallmark of a strong female character. Rarely is the character given the development that would help demonstrate these attributes, particularly in the fight choreography where laws of physics are often suspended with no other reason than to allow the woman to win the fight.
Force = (Mass · Acceleration)^Girl Power
This is not to say that tough women have not been done right in film, they certainly have. If you want to see example number one I refer you to Linda Hamilton’s portrayal of Sarah Connor in Terminator 2.
The first moment the audience sees Linda Hamilton she has the bed in her cell flipped up onto its side and she’s doing chin-ups off it. She’s disheveled, her hair is a mess, sweat is dripping down her forehead and she’s breathing hard with exertion as she cranks out repetitions. Hamilton is impressively muscular but not overly so. She sports the lean, functional musculature of an athlete or soldier.
Linda Hamilton’s “Sarah Connor” worked precisely because we saw her dramatic transformation from an ordinary girl into a tough as nails, robot-killing boss bitch
As we get to know the woman she became in the years since the story in the first Terminator film, we see her demonstrate her resourcefulness, intelligence, and resolve. We have no trouble accepting her as a one-woman wrecking ball. Never does she seem as though she has to sell us on her capabilities, she’s just hard. The actress and the character mesh perfectly and allow us to have a seamless viewing experience: we buy it without thinking about it.
Sure, all things considered, superhero movies are even less-realistic than SciFi flicks, especially ones about artificial intelligence trying to wipe us out. But the fact that Buffy Summers or Carol Danvers get their powers from more than sheer grit and training doesn’t excuse the responsibility Hollywood has to represent women with enhanced physical abilities to actually look like they’re capable of using them. Actors that play male action heroes are almost always expected to look the part. Peter Parker has always been the stereotypical nerd who got pushed into lockers, but his spider powers came with human muscle; every single one of the actors who’ve played the character had solid muscle tone and at least appeared physically capable of some of their feats.
This one is literally below the belt, butt nonetheless…
So why doesn’t Hollywood extend the same expectation to supposedly equal, if not stronger female superheroes?
Some might argue that Hollywood is only showing us the reflection of the audience and its desires (in particular, thirsty dudes), that they’re trying to make a profit at the end of the day, and would rather cast someone they think will sell more tickets because she has less muscle. And if that was the only reason, if they were open and honest about that, it would be fair; crappy, but fair.
Annie Thorisdottir – literal “Strong Woman”
But the problem is that Hollywood itself likes to have it both ways. Studios, producers, directors, and even actors all make noise about being social trailblazers, about supporting diversity and being inclusive and body positivity; while out the other side of their mouth telling central casting to stick to a list of actresses who’ve visibly never had a protein shake much less taken a solid punch to the face.
Good films can not only inspire us as individuals, but they can influence society. Like it or not, all of us to some degree or another take cues from our onscreen heroes and this effect is not to be underestimated, especially in the absence of any real heroes these days. Having worked as a children’s martial arts instructor I can attest that around the time any movie featuring martial arts hits theaters we see an influx of young people looking to be more like their heroes.
Having worked as a children’s martial arts instructor I can attest that around the time any movie featuring martial arts hits theaters we see an influx of young people looking to be more like their heroes.
These girls deserve better real-world heroes.
It’s time to acknowledge that on-screen heroes could better be used to inspire women and girls to want to feel fit and athletic. Why should we be held to the same scrawny aesthetic of the damsel-in-distress character trope, itself a relic of a bygone era?
Leave waif-washing in the past. Athletic women deserve better representation and audiences deserve better casting. Why?
My sister in law ran into the magic of anti-vaxxers on social media this evening, and I was so blown away by the thread that I had to write an article about it. Maybe if it wasn’t for the fact that last week some ding dong on Fox News joked about never washing his hands because germs aren’t real, I might have let it go.
Nah.
Now before I begin this, I should preface this by saying, my sister freely admitted that she does not like calling anyone an asshole…
But I do.
Lord, do I love it.
I’m sorry but, I don’t buy into society’s views that offending people is the worst thing that can happen. There are some people that I wish to offend. Anti-vaxxers are one of the core demographics that I would like to offend at any given turn. If I could enact a worldwide policy that included flipping off anti-vaxxers every time folks got on and off the freeway, I would never leave the road and have a repetitive stress injury in my forearm and middle finger.
Let’s begin.
The names have been removed, but the quotes were made on a public social media page, so, oops, their bad.
The very first post was an anti-vaxxer with the well crafted and highly evidenced comment of, “Fake news.”
Folks disagreed, and then this person added, “I have seen in several places that it was staged. It’s a huge stunt to put him in the spotlight. Furthermore, most fake news isn’t easily uncover-able. Example: this measles “outbreak” is a huge pharma scam. The news hasn’t been able to successfully find one family to interview. It’s part of the bill agenda to take away exemptions. The CDC site hasn’t recognized the “outbreak” at all. It’s a media hoax. The media is owned by pharma in case you aren’t aware of that.”
Extra hyphens in words like uncoverable make my eye twitch, but the use of quotation marks here really supports their point. This person is “well educated” and “quite informed” on “vaccinations” and “logic.” Also, she is right on the money about all of the media being owned by pharma since PBS stands for Pharma Bros Stealing. I managed to find a page of the CDC “not” recognizing measles outbreaks here: CDC: – Measles Cases and Outbreaks
Then a second anti-vaxxer appeared like a Pokemon battle and dropped this gem, (please when you read the word Rockefeller here pronounce it in your head as “Rock-E-Fellur” I don’t know why it just makes this funnier): “I’m with (first anti-vaxxer’s name). Most people follow the media blindly and we have been taught to do so… “how could our government/media ever lie to us”. Like mentioned above “I even saw it on the news”
The problem is that it is an agenda that is so hidden the people who are questioning it look like crazy people. 6 corporations control over 90% of the media. These corporations are owned by the richest families like the Rockefeller’s… Who (Rockefeller) founded pharma. This destroyed naturalist…. it’s also intended for their goal of the new world order (but I’m sure I sound crazy to you at this point). Cancer is a profit… vaccine injury is a profit…. and the list goes on. The deeper you dive down the rabbit hole you start to put the puzzle pieces together to find as much of the truth that’s been leaked…. if this is a true story (I doubt it is) than good for him but there’s a bigger goal here and if you sift through the bullshit you will find it! It’s much easier to choose the blue pill rather than the red… it was a much simpler time before I chose the red pill…”
Wow, there is so much to unpack here but “sifting through the bullshit” is what Bullshido does well. Also, I need a moment to marvel at this dramatic, Shatner-level use of the ellipses… Okay, I’m good.
Also, I find it highly suspect that someone opposed to big pharma uses the terms red pill and blue pill instead of red crystal and blue crystal but, whatever.
At this point, my sister questioned the “fake news” claim and the over the top use of quotation marks which made me proud.
Unfortunately, the second anti-vaxxer continued, “no arguing needed… everyone is entitled to their views…. plus I also “think” it’s fake news… think being the operative word here… meaning I’m not sure it’s fake or it’s real either just my thoughts on the matter… also my comment wasn’t intended to start an argument with anyone… just the research I’ve done and what I’ve concluded”
Yes, yes, you are certainly entitled. No one is arguing your entitlement here. I’m sure you’ve done a lot of “research” on the “subject.”
Sure, I’m being petty here, but can I cite fact with folks like this and get my point across? No, I don’t think so, and the proof of this is found in this fantastic meme that the anti-vaxxers shared:
To make this meme it seems they printed out a picture on the laser printer at work, used a label-sticker maker, scanned it back in, faxed it to AOL, and IM’d it to someone’s grandmother.
There it is. All the facts you need. Large Serif fonts, telling you, “STAGED” followed by red 3-dimensional letters announcing “Fake news.” How could we have been so wrong?
You know, maybe the problem isn’t that these folks buy into pseudoscience, perhaps they only speak in memes. Perhaps we have to get down to their level to get our points across.
I made the following memes with the Kapwing Meme generator website. It costs money to remove the watermark, and I’m a writer that owns a comic shop and is a disabled combat veteran. This is like saying, “I’m poor, I’m poor, I’m poor” all in the same breath. I can’t afford the six bucks. Hopefully, Phrost puts the Bullshido logo over that silly watermark, but I am not a photoshop ninja.
Here are my counter-memes:
Mom != MD, MFShh… we all know this was reall about the WuTang album…Don’t think about this one too hard…We’re talking Homeopathic Himalayan Sea Salt from Trader Joe’s salty…Thousands of people who spent combined centuries in school to become experts in their fields, all so they could join the conspiracy to blame you for your own genetic defects…
By the end of these shenanigans, I tagged Phrost in the thread just to ask if I could write an article as a response because I’m petty. I am so petty. It is a dark and vindictive curse that rides high inside of my skull alongside my other old friends: sarcasm, cynicism, and depression. I’d be lost without them.
But my point stands: Anti-Vaxxers are a hideous failing of the digital age. They are playing a cruel form of back-alley gambling with the lives of the elderly, children, folks allergic to inoculation and the human species as a whole.
I feel that terrorism is the worst thing to come out of the 20th and 21st century. Folks killing innocent people to further their agenda is just disgusting, and by this definition, anti-vaxxers are no different. There just isn’t enough of us “assholes” calling them terrorists for the innocent lives that their ignorance infects, and kills.
So in conclusion, if you’re a die-hard anti-vaxx conspiracy dingdong dipshit, feel free to let Fox News hosts stick their unwashed hands in your mouth.
Everyone knows this article is going to piss someone off.
Okay, here’s the deal: in case nobody ever told you this in school, between the ages of eating glue and vaping in the bathroom stall, the number of people who believe a thing doesn’t have the least goddamn effect on whether or not it is actually true.
Unfortunately for… well, the Human race, millions if not billions of supposedly-higher primates wake up every day, dress up like Human beings, and go out into the world with this ridiculous bullshit in their brain’s back pocket. Why?
Well for one, it’s comforting. We all like to belong, to be a part of something. And holding a belief—true or not—is one of the easiest ways of joining a group. Many ideological groups, whether political or religious, don’t even care if you’re a walking trashbag of a person as long as you dutifully repeat their beliefs without questioning them (or the people who decide what they are).
DM: “Your Binky of Comfort only adds one point to your Armor Class, but your Blankie of Security is immune to attacks from the Fact Trolls, so you are unscathed. Roll for perception at a -10.”
Besides, what’s better than being wrapped in the warm embrace of a few other people who want to believe the same bullshit is true—whether or not it actually is? How about being wrapped up in the social security blanket of a few million other people?
The number of people who believe a thing doesn’t have the least goddamn effect on whether or not it is actually true.
Let’s not beat around the bush here: this bullshitter’s technique is used a lot, and the list of sacred cows we’d have to barbecue in order to detail each and every example for you here, is long enough to make this author strongly consider taking the small cask of bourbon sitting over his left shoulder as he types this, and dumping it all down his throat:
Remember folks, alcohol isn’t an appropriate coping mechansim to deal with the world’s bullshit, until it is.
It’s not that Bullshido, of all things, would shy away from listing these examples (Donnie Hamburders, every religion on the planet in alphabetical order, etc.), it’s that our typical reader already knows exactly what they are. But if for some reason this doesn’t describe you, open your front door and start walking, making sure to look both ways before crossing the street.
Actually, scratch that last part. You do you, and let’s see what congeals in the gene pool.
If 5 out of 10 people say “5”, that doesn’t mean you bring someone from both groups to debate the issue. It means you can throw a rock into a group of people and you have a 50% chance of increasing the national IQ, provided you throw really hard.
This is not going to be a popular opinion. This is going to hurt some feelings. Good.
Imagine there’s an asteroid streaking across the galaxy straight for Earth. At first, it’s detected by long-range telescopes. An enthusiastic-if-poorly-bathed Astronomer wearing Crocs and a Carl Sagan t-shirt does the math and confirms that it’s on a path likely to impact with us. But of course, being a Scientist, he can’t guarantee it will or it won’t: he just gives it a higher probability.
After jumping through hoops of bureaucracy, alarms are raised, and eventually key people in government are notified. Every day the asteroid gets closer–it’s visible now, looming larger in the sky every day. The secret can’t be kept any more, the public is informed of the situation.
And the public doesn’t give a shit.
“We’ll be fine”, post some people on Twitter, “they say it’s smaller than Rhode Island, how much damage can it do?”
“Fake News”, chime in others via Facebook, “This is just a conspiracy by Big Science to sell more books.”
“God will keep us safe”, is printed in the church newsletter, “this isn’t mentioned anywhere in the scripture and even the ‘Scientists’ won’t admit it’s going to hit us for sure“.
“The Public”: worst enemy of the Re-Public?
Now you’d assume that regardless of how “the public” feels about the subject or how little they understand it, that there are experts in high places in government who are working to solve the problem anyway. After all, it doesn’t matter what the average person thinks, as long as we have people in positions of power and authority who are fully qualified, capable, and understand not only the fine details and nuances of the problem, but how to address it holistically and completely.
Unfortunately, you live in a Democracy. And in this democracy “the public” has elected the third in a line of reality television stars as President. The current one nominated an actor from Star Trek to run NASA. She’s a fantastic Starfleet Captain, but in the real world she dropped out of college her freshman year to go into acting. At least her show had great ratings.
But that doesn’t matter anyway, because even if there were a competent and qualified individual heading up the organization, most of your elected officials are firmly in either the denial or supernatural solution camps, and don’t see the need to spend any resources on addressing the crisis.
So, of course, everybody fucking dies. Except in this scenario-I-just-completely-made up, the French, who set up a mining colony on the moon a few years earlier.
Get it? They’re mining for cheese. It’s a low-hanging French joke to break up the bleakness of this piece, and everyone loves bashing the French, right? Right?
I know, this was a ridiculous bit–it’s a gross simplification of the way things are, the “people” are caricatures or even strawmen, and this could never happen. Maybe, maybe not. Maybe that’s not the point. Maybe I didn’t want to bludgeon you over the head at the start of the article with a more realistic and therefore more depressing threat such as vaccine denialism causing a global pandemic. Does that sound a little more likely to you?
Great. Because two of the four major candidates for President of the United States expressed doubts about the benefits of vaccines. Are your sphincters sufficiently puckered? One of those two actually won–how about now?
The Stupid Threat
As the saying goes, in a Democracy you get the government you deserve. Which is a relatively candy-coated way of expressing a concept that should, if carefully considered, terrify the living shit out of you: Democracy is only a functional system of government if the people casting votes are highly educated, informed, invested in their own governance, and most importantly, capable of critical thinking.
That last bit is the key to everything. Because if the people who are empowered to cast ballots aren’t astute enough to recognize the difference between facts and propaganda, between appealers to emotion and providers of information, or especially, between media outlets more interested in confirming your bias rather than correcting your understanding, they are supremely vulnerable to being manipulated by anyone with the resources to identify and target them with bullshit.
…
Yes, this piece is somewhat political. Yes, Bullshido normally attempts to steer clear of direct political commentary because that’s not our normal wheelhouse; our mission is to expose bullshit.
Here’s the thing though: in a world where people get their news from social media, Bullshit is a weapon. And some nations are going so far as to fire it indiscriminately at every target possible. For example, a certain country we’ll call “Steve” has lately been operating a full-scale information war on the western world, adopting tactics from a book entitled “Foundations of Geopolitics, The Geopolitical Future of… Steve“. Here’s an excerpt:
Steve should use its special services within the borders of the United States to fuel instability and separatism, for instance, provoke “Afro-American racists”.Steve should “introduce geopolitical disorder into internal American activity, encouraging all kinds of separatism and ethnic, social and racial conflicts, actively supporting all dissident movements – extremist, racist, and sectarian groups, thus destabilizing internal political processes in the U.S. It would also make sense simultaneously to support isolationist tendencies in American politics.”
And if you haven’t noticed this going on, it’s probably because you don’t consume media from the more abject bullshit media sources on the Internet, or maybe it’s because you don’t have a lot of idiots on your respective friends lists sharing content from those sources. Steve’s agitators, bots, and campaigns aren’t targeting the educated classes of foreign countries. Their biggest bang for the buck are the poorly-informed, marginally educated, and most likely to consume media primarily for the purpose of confirming their own biases rather than informing themselves.
Here’s an example that just happened last week:
This is the original image from the Seahawks locker room
This is a crudely Photoshopped version of that image
These are outraged comments on the fake image by people who lack critical thinking skills
It might be reasonable to assume that not everyone is sophisticated enough to recognize a clear example of Photoshop when they see one, but you’d think everyone would be smart enough to realize that burning a flag inside a building would trigger the damn sprinkler system.
We should clarify that we’re certainly not implying all social media accounts that share BS like this are agents of the Ru.. Steve; many are simply in it to bask in the “likes” and notoriety, some are even trolling for nihilistic ‘lulz’. And this problem is certainly not limited to a particular “side” on the left-right political spectrum. But regardless of the intent or the source, the effect is the same: an increased signal-to-noise ratio that makes the already difficult prospect of being an informed citizen virtually impossible without a highly refined set of cognitive tools needed to discern signal from noise, or fact from nonsense; a tool set that the average person clearly does not possess.
Being susceptible to bullshit makes you a liability to Democracy. If your critical thinking skills are poor–such as not immediately connecting the consequences of burning a flag in a multi-million dollar building, let alone the likelihood of a whole team dancing while an American flag burned–you’re going to vote for whoever can manipulate you the most. And while almost all politics involves manipulating how people feel about things, politicians who rely on flat-out-lies to win are never going to be acting in the interest of the people who vote for them. Nobody’s going to respect a rube, let alone care about their interests beyond what it takes to take advantage of their stupidity.
Modern civilization has always been precariously propped up through the efforts of supremely talented, knowledgeable, and skilled men and women at all levels of public life. But unless the highest level of the government they work for are staffed and operated by equally skilled and knowledgeable men and women, said government will eventually come along and kick the legs out from those competent people–the legs which happen to be supporting the whole damn operation.
And what do you think the results of that would be? Oh, at least as bad the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs; just over a longer period of time with more suffering and misery.
Editor’s note: we wanted to cap off this ridiculous year by inviting a guest writer to comment on the state of things today, in particular, outrage culture on social media and bullshit in general.
I have been at the point of madness over something silly, stupid and pointless. I can’t shake it. For three days now, I’ve wanted to throw my phone from somewhere high.
The first day this occurred, I had decided to take an escalator upstairs at the mall where my comic shop is located. I wanted to stretch my legs and watch people scurry below. Yet, when standing from my high point, overlooking the Disney store, I wanted to fling my phone out. I could see my Samsung Galaxy S9 Plus flipping end over end, falling down from on high, in a crowded mall, and smashing into the floor below. A loud crack, then the screen would shatter. A spider web fracturing across its surface. Then the frame would break. Tiny fragments of glass would cascade out in various directions. Shocked faces would glance around before looking up to see me laughing maniacally.
Three full days of this. Once at the mall, once on top of a parking garage, once driving over a bridge, every night as I climbed the steps to my bedroom.
I even dreamt about standing on top of Coit Tower in San Francisco and chucking my top of the line in cellular technology, down onto the city below.
What brought on this lunacy? Starbucks, of course.
I was standing in a Starbucks, waiting for my grande iced vanilla latte, gazing around a crowded room and feeling alone. Every face peering down at a bright screen. Every neck cocked, fingers pecking glass. Folks around me were checking emails, watching the stock market, laughing at memes or re-sharing digital activism. The zombie apocalypse arrived years ago but, the CDC never had a contingency plan for cell phones.
I’m not sure when, but at some point in the digital age, I felt like I was drowning in a sea of bullshit. I used to love feeling connected. I could call anyone around the world, view webcams of surfers on waves in Hawaii, get news updates from China and all from the comfort of my own home… If any of those things were my thing.
Were my habits any better than the rest of mankind? No. I viewed reviews of open source software, folks streaming video games, wrap-ups on Japanese stationery, crime dramas, and porn… miles of porn. My interests are shotgunned oddities that are often determined by whatever is trending on Youtube.
Our shop and our people
Don’t get me wrong, I’m trying not to judge the rest of the world as weird when I know I’m part of the problem. Still, everything feels dark and canted these days. We ignore soldiers, doctors, and teachers who sacrifice pay and sanity, every single day and instead champion reality tv stars. People scream and shout when they encounter these folks in the real world. cheering while celebrating the worst human beings, behaving in the most awful of ways.
We fling ourselves across social media fads. Announcing internet flavors of the week, all the while, pretending that internet activism is real activism. Homeless folks are suffering in the streets, and if we post about it, then we’re helping them. We’re handing out awareness and surely not just giving a placebo to our soul, right? Too often for me, it feels like some folks are excusing the need for actual activism in a world that is crowded and cold. Internet activism is the floppiest dong of the digital age.
Then, of course, there’s outrage. Social media is a breeding ground for it. There is plenty of things to be legitimately outraged about in our society. From shitty politics to racism and antisemitism, all the things that should be long gone in the digital age. We should be head and shoulders above this shit. This is stuff worthy of outrage! Instead, folks are upset over dated Christmas songs, and Elf on the Shelf traumatizing kids. That was just this week. People are chomping at the bit to seethe over nonsense, not because they assume there is malicious intent involved but because any attention is good attention… right? I want my 15 seconds of Instagram fame over some dad-joke about a guy’s name being “Hugh Mungus.” Lock that pervert up for shitty jokes. Just make sure you give me those fucking clicks for my online cliques. Like/re-share if you’re outraged.
The real problem with victim-hood as a culture is it drowns out the voices of actual folks who need to be heard. As a society we’re over-medicated, the entertainment is mind-numbing, and we’re desperately seeking attention by shaming others. It’s one part Orwell and one part Huxley and all dystopia.
So I don’t know where it all went wrong. I’m not sure where I began to drown. The French have a term for that strange urge, to leap to your death off of something high. It’s called, “The Call of the Void.” I have no idea what the cell phone equivalent of it is, I just know I have this constant urge to fling my phone from something high. I want to watch it come crashing down. I want to cast off the most significant leash of the digital age.
The academic definition of Cultural Appropriation is “the adoption of elements of a minority culture by members of the dominant culture”. A while back, a large kerfuffle was made about a teenage girl’s choice of prom dress. The girl, a Caucasian, wore a Chinese qipao to her high school’s prom.
This girl upset some people by wearing a Chinese qipao to prom.
Example. Sad.
In the Martial Arts, it’s an understatement to say that wearing traditional Asian clothing—regardless of whether or not you’re actually Asian—is a common practice. And to point out that, at least in the United States, the overwhelming majority of Martial Arts practitioners are white, would be an exercise in the ancient art of No Doy.
All white now…
So this begs the question: is this an example of white people appropriating Asian culture? Are Martial Arts a form of Cultural Appropriation?
No. You’re dumb.
Now here’s a bunch of memes of varying dankness and such:
You can hear his smarmy voice through your screen, can’t you?
Bathilda’s clearly a Gryffindor
Almost didn’t post this one… solid “10′ Pole” Situation, but what the hell. Come at us, bro.
The good news is that Tumblr is going to die a slow death.
Meh, you get the point.
But Memes Are Not An Argument
That’s where you’re wrong kiddo… *finger pistols*
Seriously though? We’re not trying to make an argument. This article is fucking stupid, and the fact that we have to be proactive and type all this out is why we can’t have nice things: like a melting pot. As smarmy and smug and punchable as Bill Maher is, he’s right about this. Hell, the original version of this article was just going to consist of a bit of intro text, and then the words “No, shut the fuck up” in 50pt font, repeated a dozen times.
The most insidious thing about this new outrage vector is the premise which underpins the whole idea of “cultural appropriation”: that cultures should not share their best parts with other cultures. They should exist within social bubbles (or reservations, in the case of native cultures), and never cross-contaminate; like a neurotic child’s dinner plate. Can’t have the peas touch the mashed potatoes, or little Sage will set off a tweetstorm!
So break out the adobo, dust off your weeaboo edition katana, and fire up a Bollywood soundtrack while you swing that thing around. Bonus points if you’re wearing a dashiki, because the people bitching about cultural appropriation are really just looking to make it about themselves.
Here’s one final meme to drive the point home:
He said “men”, not “people”, and I heard he used the n-word in his books. What a shitlord.
Yes, we did not go for the obvious joke that she was already brain dead to attempt this in the first place. Wanna fight about it?
Let’s start with some basic facts about soy sauce:
One serving (a tablespoon, although people tend to use a lot more), has almost half of the daily requirement of a day’s worth of Sodium (2000 mg). A large bottle of soy sauce has over a hundred servings.
Hell, here, see for yourself:
Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na BRAIN DEATH
This woman drank a 1L bottle of it. In two hours.
You do the math.
Say Hello to Central Pontine Myelinolysis
Your brain and nervous system love sodium, that’s one of the reasons why we crave salty food. It’s essential to basic neurological signalling. But here’s the thing: many of our ancestors didn’t always have a steady, easily available supply of it in the form of salts. So like with other taste functions, the appreciation for salty food was a functional drive to satisfy key nutrients, even if they didn’t understand nutrition (hell, most people these days don’t understand nutrition even with smart phones and 24 hour access to the internet).
wholly inappropriate meme
But those ancestral drives for salt, sugar, fat, etc. aren’t exactly helpful in today’s modern world where they’re all available with minimal effort—hunting and gathering from a vending machine or from your driver’s side window. If you get too much sugar, you’ll eventually develop Type II Diabetes. Too much fat is associated with all sorts of nasty stuff. And if you get too much sodium, your brain fucking shuts down after all the water is sucked out of it.
Regardless, this isn’t a case where the woman’s craving for salt came into play, it was a case of falling victim to a ridiculous dietary trend of “cleansing”.
Unnatural Selection
Be like Lisa
If you’re a regular here you know that the concept of “cleansing” your body is virtually always bullshit, especially when it comes to people promoting fad diets that are unsupported by published, peer-reviewed research, triple-especially when they use the word “toxins” in their sales pitch.
But what’s even worse in this case is that according to the source for this case, the “Soy Sauce Cleanse” was a straight-up hoax, like the “charge your iPhone in the Microwave” one that went around a while back, only slightly more murder-y.
“Wave” your fucking phone goodbye, moron.
People actually fell for the above hoax, because of course they did. There’s no barrier for entry to get on the Internet and read something that—if you take seriously—will ruin your life. Hell, certain news outlets actually rely on that as a business model.
lol
It goes without saying that there’s a vast moral chasm between getting some rube to ruin their consumer electronics (keeping them off the Internet for a while, giving us all a break), and tricking them into killing themselves.
Some of our resident nihilists might argue that there’s little difference between the two, especially with regards to keeping idiots off the Internet. But those are not the kind of people that get invited to parties or allowed within 50′ of children.
Sauce:
…like the Ice Bucket Challenge, except you’re the one who dies