5 Reasons Why Sharing a David Wolfe Meme Makes You an Asshole

5 Reasons Why Sharing a David Wolfe Meme Makes You an Asshole

Unless you have carefully curated your feeds and friends lists, your participation on Social Media has probably exposed you to more mental pathogens than you know. The blatantly idiotic, migraine-inducing stuff these days is fairly easy to spot and avoid. But some idiocy is of the insidious variety: hard to spot at a glance, and sometimes dressed up in shiny platitudes and candy coating.

This describes just about everything posted by David “Avocado” Wolfe: nine times out of ten, the things he posts—for the ultimate purpose of establishing his own credentials to spread even more of his bullshit— are innocuous if a bit vapid, and easy to agree with. For example:

Herp derp, I’m an introvert

Again, Wolfe shares these processed, pre-chewed nuggets of dubious wisdom that are only a stencil and paintbrush away from being on the wall of some divorcee’s McMansion, to spread the reach of his influence. This really shouldn’t need to be explained to anyone with half a brain, except for the fact that this asshole’s got 10,621,865 goddamn subscribers on Facebook alone.

So let’s help fix this problem, shall we? Since this sack of garbage and cacao nibs likes sharing memes so much, let’s post memes with the shit he actually says.

Gravity is a Conspiracy

 

Here you go, whip this out the next time Janice shares this asshole’s stuff

What does Avocado-for-brains have to say?

Gravity is not intrinsic to matter. That Carl Sagan idea that was sold to us on Cosmos on PBS, was sold to us deliberately to actually confuse us just so you know that. There’s people who have known that gravity is a force that can be displaced. There’s people that have known that since the 50s or even earlier than that. But by screwing up, confusing our mind about things, and giving us incorrect theories we were brain washed into a totally different belief system. That gravity is intrinsic to all matter, we’re fighting gravity, we have to push our way through gravity to launch a craft up into outer space, all this nonsense.

Yes, PBS and Carl Sagan are conspiring to literally keep you down. On Earth. Instead of floating into space.

Jesus Christ.

Solar Panels “Drain the Sun”

We’ll just quote his memes into a meme. Pimp My Car references are still funny, right?

That macaroni salad you brought to the potluck isn’t worth all this hassle

The Earth Is Flat

Of course he believes this.

Of course he does.

Here:

That rock monster or whatever is looking at the horizon. Think about that for a second…

Deer Antlers Are Cosmic and “Levitational”

“Levitational” as fuck, bro.

This makes us “punchinal” and “chokeabitchical”:

Dear [sic] antler is not a product. It’s a cosmic substance. And it’s an androgenic substance, by the way—very androgenic. And it needs to be taken with respect and understanding, which is why we’ve been getting into this whole thing about estrogenic forces and then androgenic forces. You gotta know that deer antler is an androgenic force. And why? Because it’s cosmic in nature. It’s elevating. It’s levitational in nature. Which actually makes you younger. The forces of levity make you younger. Rudolf Steiner said that we gradually age due to substances in our body that are seized by the earth’s gravity. He could have said anything. He could have said anything at all, but he said that. That’s amazing. Then he said that you want to use the force of levity to drive the force of levity into your body. Then he talks about silica, that silica can be made to be levitational again.”

Chocolate is an Octave of Energy

You know what, we don’t even care any more.

Fuck it. Here’s someone else’s meme:

…that’s not how anything works, Janice.

Now that we’re thoroughly depressed/angry… deprangry, we’re just going to leave you with the following thoughts:

Sure, David Wolfe is a colossal asshole. For his own notoriety and validation he will sell you on some bullshit raw food nonsense rather than having you seek out actual dietitians, medicine, and medical professionals to address your health concerns. But who’s the bigger asshole: the one who takes the shit, or the one who takes someone else’s shit and smears it all over their own wall?

Do the world a favor and de-friend anyone who follows David Wolfe. Or at the very least, use one of these semi-carefully crafted memes to shame them into not smearing Wolfe shit in the first place.

[Article updated 4/25/17 @ 1900 to remove the phrase “basic bitch” which the author intended as a gender-neutral insult but has since been convinced by more reasonable people that absolutely nobody would read it that way given the context, especially the running joke about a fictitious, elderly hippie named “Janice” who likes both dream catchers and avocados entirely too much. -ED]

Phrost

Phrost

@Phrost


Tags assigned to this article:
AvocadoDavid Wolfedeer antlersnutritionSkeptic

31 comments

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  1. danceslowlikehoney
    danceslowlikehoney 18 April, 2017, 22:23

    Gibberish article about an apparently full-of-gibberish person. Who the Hell is Janice?

  2. Tricia Mary
    Tricia Mary 19 April, 2017, 08:12

    All memes shamelessly stolen! 💖 (Unfortunately I expect to give them a workout very soon.)

  3. mdcleaver
    mdcleaver 19 April, 2017, 08:37

    I tried to respond to all David Wall themes on Facebook, but not usually by calling my friends assholes. Maybe a slightly toned down version of this would have more chance of being useful in combating his lies.

  4. Tony
    Tony 19 April, 2017, 22:40

    Sometimes, when looking into a crystal-ball, ” I can see right through, to the other-side”-;#SyntheticWorld

  5. Tyler
    Tyler 20 April, 2017, 13:15

    Wtf? I’m not angry or depressed by this nonsense word salad, just confused.

  6. Mama Bear
    Mama Bear 20 April, 2017, 13:35

    Was just about to say what mdcleaver said. It would be very helpful to have a version a little less hate filled, more scientific in response to his silliness.

  7. Deek
    Deek 20 April, 2017, 13:54

    Agreed- he stole actual video footage of mine without permission from an original video on my youtube channel- He then cut it into his own video, and didn’t live link anything- as a loophole, he put the smallest (completely missable- as he intended so people wouldn’t migrate away from his content) credit at 50% opacity in the corner- that NO ONE would see. His recut video of mine saw well over 4 million views, and NONE of that transferred to the original video from which he stole. Not cool at all. This is theft, and apparently this guy does this ALL the time…. had he simply asked permission of live-linked me (a VERY common courtesy online), it would have been a different story…..

  8. Michael Pullmann
    Michael Pullmann 20 April, 2017, 16:57

    And so we’re clear: This androgenic substances/estrogenic substances shit is sexist AF.

  9. Dana
    Dana 20 April, 2017, 17:11

    Dietitians are not the be-all, end-all. For instance, most of them push the idea that skim milk is better for you than whole milk because it contains more calcium and no saturated fat. First off, saturated fat doesn’t cause heart disease; hyperinsulinism and chronic systemic inflammation do. Secondly, the fat helps you absorb the calcium, AND the vitamins A and D they added to the milk.

    Don’t even get me started about dietitian-prescribed “diabetic diets”. 90 percent or more of them make your blood sugar WORSE.

    If these dietitian assholes would just learn how to science, nobody would listen to Dickhead Takes Avocados In Vain.

    But yes, I generally agree with you.

  10. aslkdjfasj
    aslkdjfasj 20 April, 2017, 20:47

    Actually this post is just too aggressive of an approach. I get that it’s hard to tell that the world is flat when you are in an airplane and going over the ocean lol.. Still, this article was way too aggressive and take it from me, aggression doesn’t work. It closes people up. How do I know, well it’s funny I used to be fairly aggressive with stuff and for me to even read this is actually closing me up to your post. It’s making me take my thoughts off of this post and your opinions and onto how aggressive you’ve been with your thoughts. So essentially I’m not even paying attention to your post anymore lol.

    Tone it down.

  11. Clan
    Clan 20 April, 2017, 23:17

    Agree with mdcleaver. This would be much more shareable if all the insults were not couched in pure misogyny. “Basic bitch wisdom”, “some divorcee’s McMansion”, “macaroni salad…pot luck” (a pursuit typically assigned to the woman), “chokeabitchical”, and “Janice”, who does all the sharing. I agree DAW is a snake oil salesman, but your writing is just too creepy to pass along. And unlike SciBabe’s profane diatribes, is not funny as a result.

  12. Lyle McDonald
    Lyle McDonald 21 April, 2017, 01:37

    For a site dedicated to stopping BS, how about NOT sharing something about the guy in the first place. Because a post about why sharing something about the guy is just as bad. Just ignore him. the end.

  13. Robert
    Robert 21 April, 2017, 13:15

    What’s your beef with him or are you paid by say the pharmaceutical industry cause he’s highlighted that their drugs aren’t that good?

  14. Phrost
    Phrost Author 24 April, 2017, 01:16

    That’s not good enough. He’s got tens of millions of followers, many of whom just follow him for the saccharine pseudo-wisdom and aren’t aware they’re legitimizing his efforts to promote pseudoscience simply by adding to his follower count.

    You may deal with bullies by ignoring them, but we don’t.

  15. Phrost
    Phrost Author 24 April, 2017, 01:19

    Plenty of individuals and groups out there politely pointing out how this guy’s a fraud.

    Good for them. That’s not how we fucking do things.

  16. Phrost
    Phrost Author 24 April, 2017, 01:31

    Hey everyone, we’re still working out the kinks of the comments system… our current system, as you see, sucks.

    For those of you who aren’t familiar with Bullshido and just came across this article on a share, it seems you’re a little confused about how we do things. That’s fine.

    Like I said above in response to another comment, sure, there are plenty of sites for people to make polite jabs at hucksters like David Wolfe. And if that’s your cup of tea, then feel free to sip on it and share it with everyone you know. Because we’re all on the same side in this fight.

    But that’s not how we fucking do things around here. And your first indication should have been when you clicked on an article entitled “5 Reasons Why Sharing a David Wolfe Meme Makes You an Asshole”, but that’s none of my business, so we’ll just be over here with Kermit sipping our own brand of tea.

  17. John Hedtke
    John Hedtke 24 April, 2017, 17:08

    Phrost: 🙂

    I think that, when someone says something like “The Earth is flat and gravity is a conspiracy,” saying politely “My, that’s very interesting; how did you come to that conclusion?” is really not the point because you have in front of you someone who is possibly too stupid to fucking breathe on their own. Counteracting someone who’s bought into flat-earthism and mystical new-agey bullshit without any idea of what science is or how it works is not a gap you can adequately fill.

    When you have someone who’s clearly got the IQ of a small soap dish, the thing to do is to aim your energies at providing better educational opportunities for the next generation and wait for these idiots to die off. I’m sure they have some use somewhere, but I’m at a loss to think of what.

  18. Phrost
    Phrost Author 26 April, 2017, 00:45

    @John, they absolutely do have a use, after you’ve established that they’re either unwilling or incapable of processing evidence rationally. And that use is based on the old-ish adage “if your life can’t be a shining example, at least it can be a dire warning”.

  19. Jasanne
    Jasanne 27 April, 2017, 19:48

    or the one who takes someone else’s shit and smears it all over their own wall?…………Hmmm, didn’t you just do that? Why waste your time, you can just hide posts if you dont’ like them.

  20. pines
    pines 29 April, 2017, 01:50

    Ignoring dumb people only enables them to continue being dumb in a safe environment safe from fact and criticism.

  21. Phrost
    Phrost Author 29 April, 2017, 17:22

    Yeah, we’re taking pictures of the shit and telling people to stop doing that.

    Shit analogies. Shit analogies everywhere.

  22. Rach
    Rach 30 April, 2017, 16:46

    Seriously Phrost, I agree wholeheartedly with what you’ve written. If I see anyone post anything in regards to this complete brain dead moron, I always call them out on being a brainwashed imbecile.. and then unfriend them if I have to.. and/or post a meme of one of his memes calling Mr Avocado IQ out on his bullshit. The guy is honestly fucked in the head. There’s no other explanation for it. How he has that many followers is mind boggling to me! Do we really have that many stupid people inhabiting this earth with us?! Holy shit, it makes me feel sorry for the next generation who will be told this bollocks and be lead to believe any of it as truth.
    Don’t mind those who obviously don’t understand your way of writing. You may be trying to respond to those *secret* DAW followers.. so it’ll get you nowhere.

    Stupid assholes. Stupid assholes everywhere.

  23. virgo47tp
    virgo47tp 25 May, 2017, 07:36

    What galls me the most about these people is that they learned the truth in GRADE SCHOOL and it worked just fine until this douche or one of the dozens like him came along and got them to throw that all away just so they can feel like part of some exclusive club that’s smarter than the rest of us.

    Yes, bliss ninny antivaxxer flat earther chemtrailer – I’ve done my research, in a fucking university, where research is supposed to be done.

  24. Phrost
    Phrost Author 25 May, 2017, 16:34

    *Internet Fist-Bump*
    -Ed

  25. DaddyPhattSakk
    DaddyPhattSakk 7 June, 2017, 21:25

    Good job Phrost! I’m glad I’m not the only one who angry rants at these assholes. It’s like, to them, if it sounds cool, it MUST be true!

  26. Red bird
    Red bird 11 June, 2017, 22:49

    Spot on. Thank you Phrost. This guy is a grifter & needs to be taken down. A good friend encountered him in Jamaica & couldn’t believe the BS he spews & that some people BELIEVE THAT

  27. Franco
    Franco 20 June, 2017, 14:43

    He is opinionated so what wrong with that????🤔🤔🤔🤔

  28. Phrost
    Phrost Author 23 June, 2017, 15:18

    He is opinionated so what wrong with that????🤔🤔🤔🤔

    You’re entitled to your own opinion, not your own facts. Wolfe isn’t sharing opinions, he’s stating bullshit as fact.

  29. I'm crazy and I think that's ass only
    I'm crazy and I think that's ass only 2 July, 2017, 21:25

    I fucking adore this website hahaha. I’d post in the forums but all of my martial arts questions were answered. Good on calling out this douchenozzle. When I had a Facebook all of the loser “hippies” ate his shit up like their Xanax pills.

  30. AJ
    AJ 11 July, 2017, 21:23

    Did the trove of people above saying that this article is too aggressive even realize they found it on a site titled “bullshido.net?”

  31. Phrost
    Phrost Author 12 July, 2017, 05:00

    @AJ …that point seems to have been lost on them.

    Plus the fact that they clicked on an article with the word “Asshole” in the title.

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