Categories: BS Fake News

Why are Millennials?

Millennials: millennials millennials? Millennials. Millennials, millennials millennials.

Millennials millennials, millennials millennials.

Millennials millennials.
Millennials millennials millennials!
Millennials millennials. Millennials millennials millennials.
millennials millennials millennials millennials millennials millennials millennials millennials.

Millennials? Millennials.

Millennials

Millennials millennials millennials, millennials millennials millennials millennials. Millennials millennials, millennials millennials millennials millennials millennials millennials millennials.

Millennials mill-enn-ials? Milleeeenials.

Millennials millennials millennials, millennials millennials.
Millennials millennials millennials millennials. Millennials millennials millennials millennials millennials, millennials.

Millennials Mil-
-ennials millennials
Mill-enn-i-al-s.

Okay, you get the point.

Avocado toast eating, cord-cutting persons roughly between the ages of 18 and 35 that don’t buy diamonds or spend money at chain restaurants that microwave over-salted entrees: how can the world deal with them?

By writing tons of articles about them, and raking in those sweet, sweet clicks, that’s how.

How this is BS

I’ll admit this piece is a little out of Bullshido’s normal wheelhouse. But I’m taking this opportunity to flex a little on the garbage “journalism” that’s spewing onto the Internet. This goes beyond run-of-the-mill clickbait into something that’s much more insidious: like an arms dealers selling to both sides, this kind of pseudojournalism encourages generational conflict in order to reap a profit.

Shame on you guys.

Millennials are going to click on the article because you’re trash talking them. Baby Boomers and the crustier members of Generation X are going to click on it because you’re assuaging fears of the threat to their senses of superiority to a younger generation that’s wholesale rejecting established cultural institutions and norms.

For the record, the first draft of this article was just the word “millennials” repeated 400 times. Hell, by the time I’m done typing this sentence I might even revert it back. You jerks are lucky we like you.

Do everyone a favor: whether you’re a soon-to-be-dead Baby Boomer nervously watching your Social Security benefits dwindle while sucking down a tall pitcher of Fox News, a Generation X-er who’s busy staying afloat with that mortgage on a McMansion you really shouldn’t have bought in the 2002-2006 real estate frenzy bubble, or even a pesky Millennial who has the free time to read this ridiculous article because you can’t find an entry-level job that requires less than 5 years experience: don’t fucking click on articles with the word “Millennials” in the title.

Millennials: millennials millennials? Millennials millennials.

Millennials.

PS: Goddamnit Vice. You used to not suck.

UPDATE:

This is piece is now a repository for all the Millennial-related memes and stuff we come across. Enjoy.

To answer the question, no, that’s just “natural causes”

View Comments

  • As far as I'm concerned, Millennials should be reserved for people like Dracula and Duncan McCloud. The word makes it sound like someone's been around forever. Besides, hasn't there actually been more than one Millennium?

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