It’s Perfectly Legal to Kill Someone as Long as you Use This Specific Weapon

by Phrost | February 20, 2018 11:45

Legal in all fifty states, and nearly every country on Earth!

Attention psychopaths and sociopaths: have you ever wondered what it’s like to kill another person, but are worried about those pesky legal consequences that might ruin future plans? Have you wanted to kill thousands of people? Well there’s great news: one method of killing other has been completely legal throughout all of Human history.

Are you ready to find out? Just keep reading through this 20 page slide presentation

we’re kidding. You’d be within your rights to want to murder us for that. Anyway, here’s the answer:

It’s Bullshit.

Yes, it is perfectly legal to kill someone using bullshit.

“WTF?”, you grumble to yourself about wasting a click, and look for the back button. Just wait though, we’re gonna ‘splain.

No, Seriously

Imagine you’re in an Otis Redding mood and head down to sit down at the docks and stare at the water, contemplating existence, trolley problems, and what-not. Just then you hear thrashing and gurgling below—someone’s drowning.

Drowning WikiHow

“WORLD STAR!”

Immediately you spring into action. Leaping to your feet you heft an object in their direction, shouting “here, this will save you!”.

It’s a boat anchor.

They drown.

Of course they do.

But hey, you “believe” anchors save people from drowning, so it’s all good, right?

Of course it isn’t. Right?

Let’s tweak the scenario: your mother is diagnosed with pneumonia. She’s having trouble breathing to the point her lips are turning blue. Instead of offering her a ride to the emergency room, you offer her a Homeopathic[1] remedy. How about this one? You’re close friends with a billionaire tech mogul who comes down with one of the few treatable forms of pancreatic cancer. You encourage him to try enemas instead of going to a real doctor.

Steve Jobs Cancer

Heal Different™

Or, you’re the parent of an infant who requires a blood transfusion to survive, due to a defect in the baby’s ability to produce properly-formed erythrocytes capable of delivering adequate oxygen. You refuse blood products and insist on curing it with prayer[2]. 

At this point you’re thinking “but in all these scenarios, the people genuinely believed those things would help… even if they didn’t“. Sure.

But can you prove that? In every case?

It is perfectly legal to kill someone with Bullshit

Now what about this one:

A medical doctor knowingly falsifies information to support the idea that vaccines actually cause diseases. This leads to hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people being reluctant to vaccinate their children out of stark, emotional, irrational terror. Consequently, diseases which were once all but eradicated worldwide, start popping back up in small, but growing clusters around the least-educated parts of your own country.

Andrew Wakefield

This is disgraced former doctor Andrew Wakefield. He published fraudulent research stating that Autism was caused by the MMR vaccine, causing fear and panic among parents, leading to a whole generation of under-vaccinated children. We’re not saying Andrew Wakefield is a murderer, let alone a mass-murderer or guilty of genocide, we’re just saying that if that was his secret intention all along, he totally got away with it.

Most of the people who were and are afraid of vaccinating there children do not know Andrew Wakefield’s name, much less his fraudulent legacy. They just know the fear he put into them, which took advantage of the innate fear every loving parent has of doing accidental harm to their child.

Related

And then there are these motherfuckers…

David Wolfe and Food Babe

Hi, I’m famous for being the naked guy on a reality show about weirdos[6]. And my background is in IT and marketing. We’re nutrition experts!

There’s no paragraph about David Wolfe and Vani “Food Babe” Hari, we just wanted to remind you that they’re both motherfuckers.

The Takeaway

We’re not advocating for the legal system to get involved when Grandma offers you a Hot Toddy for your cold symptoms or when your Hispanic mother-in-law advocates rubbing a commercial menthol gel on any-and-every body part to cure any-and-every thing that ails her grandkids.

But when grossly unqualified people advocate specific courses of medical treatment, including diets, people fucking die. If you wouldn’t ask your yoga instructor for advice on fixing your air conditioner, why the hell would you let them chime in on how to fix a complicated medical issue?

And what’s worse, where the hell would they get off providing anyone advice on that front in the first place? So sure, there’s probably not a case of someone deliberately killing another person by giving them bullshit medical or dietary advice, but there sure is an evidence of people pretending to be an expert on medical issues, causing other people to die.

And who’s to say none of them actually, secretly, sociopathically, were happy about it?

Endnotes:
  1. Homeopathic: https://www.bullshido.net/embarrassing-fact-about-homeopathy-supporters/
  2. insist on curing it with prayer: https://www.bullshido.net/states-allow-religious-exemption-killing-children/
  3. That Time When an AIDS Conspiracy Magazine Went Out of Business Because the Employees Died of AIDS: https://www.bullshido.net/that-time-when-an-aids-conspiracy-magazine-went-out-of-business-because-the-employees-died-of-aids/
  4. These States Allow Religious Exemption for Killing Children: https://www.bullshido.net/states-allow-religious-exemption-killing-children/
  5. YouTube Star who Claimed Veganism Cured Cancer has Died of Cancer: https://www.bullshido.net/youtube-star-claimed-veganism-cured-cancer-died-cancer/
  6. I’m famous for being the naked guy on a reality show about weirdos: https://www.bullshido.net/5-reasons-sharing-david-wolfe-meme-makes-asshole/

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