Categories: News

Medieval Marital Arts – Combat Marriage Counseling

You read that right: marital, not martial. Over the years we’ve all had a chuckle when knuckleheads got the two confused, but in this case, we literally mean a husband and wife beating each other to death, sanctioned by local courts.

[the_ad id=”1482″]

In medieval Europe, particularly under the Holy Roman Empire, resolving marital disputes often involved trial by combat. However, to keep things fair, several interesting stipulations were put in place. That’s right, Social Justice Warriors of Tumblr, they literally put the man in a hole in the interests of equality.

German law provided that in such a case the man should be armed with three wooden clubs. He was to put be up to his waist in a three-foot wide hole dug in the ground, with one hand tied behind his back. The woman was to be armed with three rocks, each weighing between one and five pounds, and each one wrapped in cloth in form of a small sack. The man could not leave his hole but the woman was free to run around the edge of the pit. If the man touched the edge of the pit with either his hand or his arm, he had to surrender one of his clubs to the judges. If the woman hit him with a rock while he was doing so, she forfeited one of her stones.

Whether or not this counts as “Traditional Marriage” we’ll leave up to the experts (and the bigots), but the spectacle was undoubtedly more entertaining than spending an hour a week in counseling. Oh, and bonus: if the sticks and stones didn’t break enough bones in the process, the loser was often put to death, sometimes by being buried alive.

Is this the Stone Cold Stunner? We didn’t watch much Ye Olde WWE

So by our definition, this may not be the best means for civilized people to resolve marriage difficulties, but it certainly qualifies as Badass. You can read more about this bit of history, here: Marital Duels

Comments are closed.

Share
Published by
Bullshido Staff

Recent Posts

The (Phone) Call of the Void

Editor's note: we wanted to cap off this ridiculous year by inviting a guest writer to comment on the state…

3 weeks ago

Are Martial Arts a form of Cultural Appropriation?

The academic definition of Cultural Appropriation is "the adoption of elements of a minority culture by members of the dominant culture". Last…

4 weeks ago

Soy Sauce “Cleanse” Renders Woman Brain Dead

Yes, we did not go for the obvious joke that she was already brain dead to attempt this in the…

1 month ago

Antivaxxers Responsible for 30% Increase in Measles Cases

Merry Christmas you shitty parents. Shame on you. You gullible cognitive troglodytes. Sure, you might suffer some of the consequence…

1 month ago

Astrophysicist and Science Ambassador Neil DeGrasse Tyson Accused of Sexual Misconduct

The Scientific community is not exempt from problems of predatory behavior, or out of the reach of the #MeToo movement;…

2 months ago

These Heroes Just Pulled Off the Greatest Academic Hoax of the Modern Age

It's 4 AM CST as we're typing this, and in a few hours a lot of people are going to…

4 months ago