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  1. #11
    DdlR's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by BudoMonkey
    So, I'm having a little issue. As some of you know, I had to take 3 years off of competing due to a serious injury sustained during muay thai training. Now, prior to that, I fought often- in muay thai, boxing, and karate tournaments. Now, in my younger years before this layoff, I had no problems with motivation. I was ferocious. I would enter damn near every tournament I could, never thought once about the safety of my opponent nor the reason I was fighting- I just stormed in there and wrecked people.

    But, something has changed in me. I am 23 now, and I have a 2 year old son named Felix who is the best thing to ever happen to me. Like I said, this has changed my whole outlook on life, and now I am having a little problem with motivation. During my last tournament, an iska sanshou comp, the following thoughts kept popping up into my head: Why am I here? What am I trying to prove? Why did I pay money and drive all this way to spend time away from my son? I'm sitting here waiting around all day...I should be up in the hotel room playing with him. I should be taking him to frickin universal studios. (which I did after the fights)

    And more disturbing, I found a severe lack of motivation to hurt my opponents. I kept thinking, 'these kids have fathers too. what if that was my son in there? I wouldn't pick my own son up and slam him on his head...I don't wanna hurt them''
    Like I said, I never used to have this issue, but is was largely present this time around. I'd never even thought of these things before, and had no problem seriously injuring other competitors with no remorse.
    I'm a father too, and my son is close to your own age. Taking responsibility for our children, and loving them, naturally opens the door to questions like "why am I here?" and "what am I trying to prove?" If you take those questions seriously you'll find that your priorities and motivations change for the better.

    Hurting people remorselessly ... that's kid stuff, like imagining that you yourself are somehow invulnerable.

  2. #12
    You have to work the look. supporting member
    CrackFox's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Ok, I think I'm going to go with EternalRage on this one: if you start getting paid then will it really change the way you feel about fighting? Really?

    I don't know you, so I could be way off base here, but here's my two cents:

    If you'd told me that you currently get the occasional paid fight, where you had no problems breaking faces, then I'd say, yeah, going pro is the way forward for you. Thing is that you haven't been paid to fight, not since you've had your change of priorities anyway, and so you can't be sure that the cash really would change your mind.

    I guess you just have to ask yourself if the money makes a big difference to you, or is it just one issue you picked arbitrarily. It couldn't hurt to give going (semi) pro a go, but don't expect it to magically fix everything. Also, I don't want to sound preachy, but if you've got a young family, then getting that sorted is more important than fighting, and there are much more reliable ways of putting food on the table.

    The other thing is that you might just be a bit bored of it. Give the jits a go for a while, see how it goes. Everyone needs variety.

  3. #13
    BudoMonkey's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Thanks for your input, man.

    No, it wasn't something picked at random. It would just be a logical reason to fight. I do have a good steady job.

    And no, I'm not really bored but I'll admit that jits is a bit more fun right now just because its fresh to me.
    Last edited by BudoMonkey; 7/18/2008 12:16pm at .
    "This is why we are here. Because the Martial Arts for too long have been cloaked in an unnecessary level of secrecy bordering on mysticism, and its in these shadows that the cockroaches love to hide. -Phrost"

    Quote Originally Posted by Squerlli
    And of course, our resident hard man, underground fighter, kitten rescuer, loving father (I'm serious), and over all very sexy furry ************... Budo monkeh.

  4. #14
    His heart was visible, and the dismal sack that maketh excrement of what is eaten. supporting member
    Devil's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    What you're feeling is normal. I've been through the same thing. It led to me not training as much. It's just not worth all the extra hours away from the family. Your kids are only kids for such a short time. Being a positive, constant presence in your child's life, especially while they're little, is the most important thing you will ever do in your life.

  5. #15
    BudoMonkey's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Respect, devil.

    Wise and refreshing words.
    "This is why we are here. Because the Martial Arts for too long have been cloaked in an unnecessary level of secrecy bordering on mysticism, and its in these shadows that the cockroaches love to hide. -Phrost"

    Quote Originally Posted by Squerlli
    And of course, our resident hard man, underground fighter, kitten rescuer, loving father (I'm serious), and over all very sexy furry ************... Budo monkeh.

  6. #16
    You have to work the look. supporting member
    CrackFox's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    One thing I forgot to say, and it's a bit of an obvious one. If you enter every single competition that comes up, then there's a high chance you're going to think they're bullshit, because that's just what they are. Pick the fights/tournaments where winning is really going to mean something to you, and work towards those. If nothing comes up, then **** it. It's a hobby, it should be fun.

    EDIT: Hmm, maybe hobby is the wrong word, but I hope you catch my drift.
    Last edited by CrackFox; 7/18/2008 12:57pm at .

  7. #17

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    This thread makes me want to never have kids.

  8. #18

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    perhaps you're just not that same guy anymore. hell, some of us never had the 'killer instinct', both instructors i've had have called me on it. i like to fight, but i don't particularly like causing people pain. i like to hit hard, but i don't feel the need to damage someone.

    i have this one friend at my gym who has the same problem, and it shows more in him since he is a phenomenal boxer and great at BJJ. when MMA sparring, it takes a lot for him to actually hit people, he's always pulling his punches. it's actually gotten to the point where our instructor will beat on him for a round, and threaten to step it up a notch if he doesn't go all out when sparring.

    perhaps your time off and your son have just molded you into a different person. as you said, nothing to feel ashamed of, doesn't make you a *****, or a bad fighter.

  9. #19

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Good for you, Budo. That's just your maturity overtaking you. In Abraham Maslow's "hierarchy of states" you're progressing from the Athlete state, where you're seeing what your body can do, to the Warrior state, where you're going out and conquering for your home and family.

    Either that, or you were just doing it to get chicks the whole time.

  10. #20
    tharuz's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by BudoMonkey
    So, I'm having a little issue. As some of you know, I had to take 3 years off of competing due to a serious injury sustained during muay thai training. Now, prior to that, I fought often- in muay thai, boxing, and karate tournaments. Now, in my younger years before this layoff, I had no problems with motivation. I was ferocious. I would enter damn near every tournament I could, never thought once about the safety of my opponent nor the reason I was fighting- I just stormed in there and wrecked people.

    But, something has changed in me. I am 23 now, and I have a 2 year old son named Felix who is the best thing to ever happen to me. Like I said, this has changed my whole outlook on life, and now I am having a little problem with motivation. During my last tournament, an iska sanshou comp, the following thoughts kept popping up into my head: Why am I here? What am I trying to prove? Why did I pay money and drive all this way to spend time away from my son? I'm sitting here waiting around all day...I should be up in the hotel room playing with him. I should be taking him to frickin universal studios. (which I did after the fights)

    And more disturbing, I found a severe lack of motivation to hurt my opponents. I kept thinking, 'these kids have fathers too. what if that was my son in there? I wouldn't pick my own son up and slam him on his head...I don't wanna hurt them''
    Like I said, I never used to have this issue, but is was largely present this time around. I'd never even thought of these things before, and had no problem seriously injuring other competitors with no remorse.

    Everything has changed in me. Now, I can't think of any reason to fight if it's not for money. It better be a nice chunk of change too, something to make it worth my while. It's just the only motivation I can think of to be away from my family and hurt people.

    Anyhow; what does that make me? I don't feel like a ***** for it, but it feels weird to be missing that natural drive, to even need motivation in the first place. But that's how it is. Is it wrong to feel this way? Does anyone else have this problem?

    I am competing in NAGA either way, in October, but only cause I've just started ju jitsu so I need to test myself. Plus, I don't have to worry about the risk of injuring others or myself so much in grappling anyways.

    Oi, thoughts or comments please.
    dude....that's exactly why I want to be a bachelor for a while and not a father, so I can live a life of "evil fighting"

    Right now you have to make a desicion and ask yourself some questions:

    is this what you love doing?

    can you see your life being worth something without martial arts and sparring?

    how real does life seem without getting in the cage and getting hit?

    what kind of a role model do you want to be to your son?

    is it difficult to train and compete knowing or thinking that you're wasting time that could be spent with your son?

    is it a psychological disadvantage not being able to get the right mindset to hurt people?

    but you know, there are some people that think getting hurt is good for them

    that it makes them tougher, or more mature.

    I can't think of anymore questions, but think long and hard before making a desicion.

    who knows?

    maybe you can coach your kid into being the next UFC champion.

    it's your life.

    have fun.

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