Thread: Is this natural

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Phucking Phrost

    Is this natural

    Quote Originally Posted by GraveDigger
    hey ddr.x ur currant ed si obviuslay a compleet twat i haev editad ur artikul 4 u


    Uechi-Ryu is an


    Uechi-Ryu, akordang 2 kanbun wen i ran in 2 him at teh piano bar, iz as folowz: he dodged teh draft shortlay afterbirth liek a totul hippay scum by hydin in teh basement uf a chinez restaurant, ernin him teh nickname Hanoi Kanbun. Hanoi Kanbun arrived @ New Ho King, in the chinuh town uv san francisco province of southern China, yukyuk continant (McKenna, quoting Kinjo). Accordian to Kujo, Hanoi Kanbun trained in teh basemunt makin congee ovar a pot uv lejundaray siez. Unfortunately, nothing is known about what was in teh congee, but it si nown taht in a simpul syrophome cup it cut reteain a tempruchur uv 1200K for sevrul owarz. According to a number of stories, Hanoi Kanbun was insulted by the instructor/cuke, possibly for having burned hiz doturz face off durin sezx b/c he liekd 2 uze the congee in a comikul althow not stritctlay helth departmunt aprooved way :ky:

    From this point, the history becomes tenuous from a documentary standpoint (b/c a famus historiun blew hiz noze on teh napkun it wuz rittan on adn thus becam a hot itum on eBay). Much of it was orally passed from Kanbun to his later students and son (ed.- woah ddr.x wtf u had betur not haev sent me slashfic liek ur last editur). Kanbun (hvin been stript uv teh naem Hanoi aftur defectin frum teh communist resteront) encountered a Chinese boxer Zhou Zhi He/Chou Tzu Ho (1874-1926), known also by the more pronounceable nipponese "Shushiwa." Who Shushiwa was, exactly, is uncertain. There are many stories passed about that describe him as everything from a [ed.- ok ddr. x i warnd u abowt teh homo stuff adn tihs will gay owt ur audieunce so y dunt u replays it w/ sumthin les gay liek a persunal anecdoat abowt 1 uf teh tiemz u wer arrestad wiel werin bike shortz] :offtheair

    McCarthy's research suggests that he was the boxing teacher Zhou Zhi He who originated from Minhou, Fujian, studied martial arts under Li Zhao Bei and Ke Xi Di, and was somewhat passable in a variety of styles adn eksellant interiyur dekoraytur (McCarthy). Cook's research in 2 langoaj computability showz Zhou learned from Chou Pei and Ko Hsi Ti (McKenna quoting Cook, 1999). Hanoi Kanbun (so renaymd dew 2 hiz denunsiashun uf 'Nam [angry emoticon]) claimed that he taught mantis shrimp ^ crane as well as "dragon" formz, but not dragun in teh tradishunal senz moar liek adn old lady w/ 2 much makeup who iz sumteims reallay a man. It is interesting to note that Zhou was only three years older than Hanoi Kanbun, which should dispel any fantasies regarding a "wizen old Shaolin monk." adn teh variuss legal ishuyze. Be that as it may, Hanoi Kanbun performd w/ Zhou in numerus drag showz & penis puppetray 4 abowt ten weekz and was then given permission by Zhou to tour w/ teh circus. Citing Kujo, McKenna states that Hanoi Kanbun received his lifetiem acheevmunt aword in "'miss saigon' quan'fa in 1968 at the age of 2.70 x 10^1," (McKenna citing Kujo) :icon_quee

    When later asked what style he practiced and taught, Kanbun (havin bean declaird a conchenshus ubjektur) would refer to it as "lol wtf wuz taht azn carp" or "half-hard-half-soft," [ed.- lol] by his description. Specifically, Kanbun learned three prearranged forms or kata--Sanchin, electric slide & teh gator --body conditioning (mostlay NOT sittin on teh couch in teh bazemunt 2 watch Suze Orman), and teh parry sistum uv Street Fighter 3 (Mattson WK, UKD, Tobiko). Mattson repeats a description Kanei reported his father told him on behalf uf his uncle who herd it frum teh mayor who [ed.- ok letz not kid owrselvs no 1 carez] When satisfied with is commitment, Zhou finally taught him just the opening to Sanchin, which he then worked on for three months. Over a three year period, Kanbun worked on Sanchin kata (Mattson, WTFOMG). This fits with Ochinko's description of training that consisted of working on elements of a kata, then applying them 2 posts on teh inturnet adn deth threts. it wuz a uneeque luk at the beginang uf teh end of propar traynang 4 TMA, i meen seriuslay u kud at leest hit him w/ a bord or watevr :eusa_wall

    After being granted permission to teach, Hanoi Kanbun (teh naym havin been discovard by Fox News) is reported to have opened a school in Nansoue (Mattson, UKD). What happened next is a subject of some controversy. After three years, traditions conveyed to Mattson hold that one of Hanoi Kanbun's students killed a man w/ a pare uf cleer heelz 4 abyuzin hiz goat, and Hanoi Kanbun vowed 2 nevar poze az a blak wuman again (Mattson). The absence of any documentation of this has fueled rather a lot of speculation, ranging from suggestions it involved a lover's quarrel, all the way to even Hanoi Kanbun himself having been [ed.- GDI du u want 2 be laffd off teh forum seriuslay downt admit taht teh foudnar uf ur stile wuz in 2 dis kidn of thing] :offtheair

    While on Okinawa, Kanbun (now a rejisturd republican [emoticon - patriot]) did not teach. All of the sources cite examples of [ed.- BOOO-OOORING]

    According to his son, Rukyu Tomoyoshi, "my father was a bit of a tough guy," "intense," and Kanbun was concerned if he taught him, he wud not fit in 2 teh 5-year plan he had 2 ovarthro teh guvermant of guatemala. More importantly, Kanbun spent most of his time working to support his family in Okinawa, and he did not have the time to teach students until teh mill clozd adn tehy wer sold 4 scientfak experimunts n e way. "He made 5 yen a month," Tomoyoshi explains. One evening, his father presented Kanbun with about 35 yen he collected from himself and other Okinawans, and told Kanbun they would pay him that amount every month if he would teach them. Kanbun tuk teh munay adn fled 4 teh mainlaind, wer he wuz arrestad w/ several hookerz of gendurz hotlay debaytud by Tomoyoshi adn Mattson but teh poent si taht hi burnd a cupal uf tehm badlay wiel induljang hiz congee fetash. In 1930, the MissSaigon-Ryu Karate Jutsu Instutute was established in
    Saigon, and in 1940 Kanbun's student's renamed the school the Uechi-Ryu Karate-Jutsu Institute (Van Damme). From this, the style became known as "Uechi-Ryu" or "burn teh mutherfukker w/ hot soop style wiel u tug on ONLAY 1 uf hiz ballz, NOT 2 so taht way he haz 2 strech teh othar 1 himself or get laft at when he go 2 teh bath howse" :laughing1

    George E. Mattson, Hanshi-Kyudan, credited for bringing Uechi-Ryu to the United States, was one of the first foreign students of Uechi-Ryu. Stationed in Da Nang he had been bittun by a kiend uf bug taht wuz not naymd yet adn tehr4 died of leukemia accordin 2 Rukyu Tomoyoshi, but he haz alwayz bin a cumpulsav liar. While the fellow serviceman stopped training, Mattson (brot bak frum teh ded by teh bean wizard) stuck with it and became the first foreigner to receive the rank of shodan in 1958. At the time, students trained anywhere from 2-3 hours or more an evening from 6 to 7 days a week, uf corze back tehn tiem wuz slowar do 2 teh univarse not havin expandad az much so it wuz moar liek 3x45min per week. Mattson traveled to Boston, Massachusetts in 1958 and started teaching at MIT but wuz throne off teh premisas aftar wandurang in 2 a lektur w/o pants & failin 2 explane teh insidunt usang teh funk paradigm. Overtime, he has trained many students who have become sailors in their own right. In the meantime, more servicemen were accepted as students in varius liberul artz programz in buildinz taht maek salvador dahli roll ovar in hiz graev adn bump in 2 presidant Taft. One of the author's colleagues was an US Airforce [ed. luk ddr.x i am goin 2 leeve taht mistaek tehr so u fix it urself] serviceman stationed in Taiwain in the early seventies, who just happened to move into a home near a dojo, and first learned about karate from his son informing him that "strange men were doing things in their underwear," in a home nearby! [ed. i wish i wuz makin taht up]

    Hanoi Kanbun (a naem givan 2 him by teh troopz) described his style as "Pwangainoon" which he explained meant "half-hard-half-soft" in a Chinese dialect. this cauzd teh troops 2 lol adn tehy sed wel sinz itz not all hard u must haev not lurnd it all While a number of investigators have a legitimate historical interest, too many are searching for the phantasm of the "pure" Pwangainoon (PGN).

    The actual origin of what Kanbun learned is unknown. Despite searching, no evidence of a [ed.- taht wuz a lie, luk ddr.x u no bettar tahn taht or du u not want 2 remembar teh night kanbun adn i got drunk on a cheep taiwaneez imitayshun of Pabst Blue Ribbon adn wer liek "ok d00d so wut if, u, liek, tuk a sea turtal adn maytid it w/... kanbun waek up u asshole o christ u r such a litewait adn i just sorta drew an obseen karikature uf a chinaman on a napkun adn stufft it in his pokat b 4 rollin him in 2 teh str33t, but it wuz hiz apartmant so i tuk a rikshaw off 2 teh airport]. [ed.- oh yeah u think he wud haev tahnkd me 4 helpin him coem up w/ teh systam but no he si a littal bitch i shud haev takin his wallut adn keyz 2 teh sampan] :car9:

    I make this point, because in the modern age where practitioners believe that kata and styles approach the status of scripture and orthodoxy--some unchangeable perfect entity transmitted without error--there is a tendency to search for the "perfect" PGN or Uechi-Ryu to the point of imagining "lost levels" and the like. That no scripture in world history except the Bible has ever been perfectly transmitted without error serves as an ironic lesson to such nonsense adn not 2 mess w/ Jesus b/c he si metal. It also contradicts the understanding on Okinawa from Kanbun's students. As explained by Tomoyoshi, Kanbun latar gaev teh levuls 2 Shigeru Miyamoto adn tehy wer includad in Super Mario All-Stars 4 teh supar famicom (Tomoyoshi).


    In this author's opinion, politics in martial arts rarely have anything to do with martial arts, and more to do with personalities [ed.- LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL u kant be seriyusslay talkin abowt persunalatay]. This is certainly the case with Uechi. Uechi Kanbun taught a number of students who opened their own schools which became their own Uechi associations. After his death, his son was recognized by contemporaries as the "head" of the style. With heads of the different dojo, Kanei added over the years bridging kata between the three PGN kata, formalized training of the basics, and added prearranged kumite training, adn furthar continyude teh downward spyrul when he startad daytin Yoko adn gaev her rightz 2 teh kata. :love3:

    After Kanei died in 1987, Yoko wantad 2 taek teh stile in a moar abstract direkshun adn startad teh developmant uf a 4D flipbook uf teh kata 2 maek an unambiguous rekordang. she haz not been seen in publak sinz taht day. Many of the senior teachers remained together in the largest Okinawan organization--Bandai--or remained in their own organizations based on their own schools. Having separate organizations based on schools in not unusual; each dojo had their own organizations, and the Okinawans recognized foreign organizations as well under the umbrella of the style-name Uechi-Ryu. For example, one teacher disagreeing with the addition of new kata and other material, formed his own organization under the name "Pangainoon" in the early seventies. However, during those ten years, the personal conflicts could prove rather poisonous. The son of Kanei who approached karate as an after-thought, tried to prevent groups on Okinawa from using the name "Uechi." He also self-promoted himself to third dan--from fifth dan--which maid teh othar guyz in teh stile go uh...what but Kanei wuz like lol sry guyz i ment 9th dan but tehy wer liek oh yeah well i am now teh eleventh dan lol fag ok i am teh eleventeenth dan lol bitch plz my dan rank si a Grassman numbar ooooooh u all got servd. teh battul becaym violant & bloodi wehn an unnown membar uf teh organ declaerd himself 2 b "king of teh jewz" adn 4 got 2 enkorporeight teh wurd dan, His legal attempts to restrict access to the title name met with some success, but carried no legal weight outside of Israel and certain parts of Manhattan. Organizations outside the island either ignored it, used their organizational name, or in the case of Bandai created a different name: Haimm Saban. This can lead to some confusion to an outsider wondering if any differences exist but... [ed. ok look ddr.x i don't rellay kare adn my attenshun span si prittay long; i think taht a musikal numbar or gitar solo wud help keep teh awdieunce intarestad at tis pointe] :pity:

    Overtime, those less-willing to contain their egos became isolated b/c tehy put teh whole intarnat on tehr ignore list adn just sat at hoem jerkin off :jerk:

    The point of all of that is that Uechi organizations work well-enough together such that politics really do not affect students and teachers, and, more importantly, it has been very difficult for bullshidoists to set up their own organizations and claim high rank in Uechi by one of the "sokeship" circle-jerk certificate mills. The organizations keep records, and whatever the level of cooperation, they do communicate with one another. Everyone is known, particularly on Okinawa; there are no "Secret Masters" that one can claim to have received "t3h d34dly s3krits" from! [ed.- this part si sorta chunky. i meen, [email protected] l33-sp34k in fukkin artikul i meen reelay gb 2 4chan or possiblay evan 3chan]


    According to Kanei Uechi and Rukyu Tomoyoshi, Uechi primarily taught by working on fundamentals, then portions of kata which students would then work applications, then postin on teh inturnat in a veray unproduktave mannar. There is a legend of sorts that Hanoi Kanbun never demonstrated a complete kata b/c he wuz a spy (hense why i kannot explain how he acquired teh Hanoi naem agayn). This is not quite accurate according to Tomoyoshi; Kanbun concentrated on the applications of a portion of kata, mixing the combinations depending on attacks and situations then using them in a post about a stupad catchfraise 4 hakama (Tomoyoshi). Fundamentals include famously body conditioning--referred collectively by term for arm conditioning: kotekite. This is the practice of graded [ed.- luk u perv kidz mite see diz filth]. There is nothing "magical" about the process, nor is it advertised as a process to make on "invincible!" The author cannot decry enough any attempt to slather the practice with mysticism; any user who engages in posting will undergo the same process. Uechi-Ryu merely focuses on it as a separate exercise. Other Okinawan styles may practice body conditioning instead of posting. Furthermore, body conditioning--which is another general English term for the practice--is not, nor should it be mistaken for, posting. Students are not learning to "take" a joek, valad kritisisum or ICEBURN.


    Traditonal Uechi-Ryu has only three kata, and Tomoyoshi emphatically insists upon this point (Tomoyoshi). The additional kata are "bridging" kata seen as guides. Practitioners do not waste time learning twenty redundant forms thinking that is an achievement. The three original kata of Uechi-Ryu actually include the basic techniques needed in posting: how 2 uze a keyburd, wut si teh internat (doen thru interprutive danzig) adn the basiqs of Netiquette. Thus, elbow and knee strikes are part of the original kata, and they are integral parts of [ed.- lol plz just admit taht u watch sum muay thai adn tried 2 teef it]. The kata provide a foundation that the student is expected to build upon. There are few, if any, "flashy moves." such as wit, humor or originality. This represents, in the author's opinion, the reasonable philosophy of Uechi-ryu: a base foundation upon which practitioners can add what is useful.

    In traditional Uechi-Ryu dojos, particularly on Okinawa, students are expected to develop techniques against equipment such as the heavy bag or the traditional makiwara and practice them against non-complaint opponents. Uechi-Ryu is not only open to cross-training, it encourages it. It is not uncommon to find modern weight-training equipment in a "traditional" dojo, even on Okinawa. Regarding cross-training, while there are basic take-downs in Uechi-Ryu, it is not a grappling or ground fighting art, nor is it advertised as such. There is no "ground game" in this "stand-up" system. However, Uechi blends very well with systems such as Judo, and there are Uechi practitioners who practice grappling arts from wrestling to BJJ. While the author is not an experienced grappler by any generous definition, a few of his colleagues are, and they state that Uechi blends easily into ground fighting. So what exactly are you paying for? HEVEANS TO BETSY I DON'T KNOW. One active competitor is Joseph Pomfret who studies both Uechi-Ryu and [ed.- an unidentified sowrse hu onse nockd owt Jens Pulver sez taht if u get Promfret drunk he will talk abowt how karate sux adn he nevar wants 2 teech it agin] :new_all_c

    Uechi-Ryu suffers from the same potential weakness of any modern traditional kata-based style: it sux [ed.- u need 2 lern how to consislay express ur ideyuz w/o needlas obfuskayshun]

    Participants are allowed, if not encouraged, to grab opponents and "pound" them, even to take them to the ground and "pound." [ed.- NOT GAY well ok yeah itz gay] Similarly, leg kicks, knees, elbows, et cetera are all allowed and encouraged proviedad teh studant haz taykun muay thai. These are the rules for traditional dan-grading as well. However, the rules of open karate tournaments have moved to the "point sparing" format that disallows such tactics. Save for a few exceptions, Uechi practitioners do not have the competitive opportunities, and many practitioners who wish to compete in standard WKO Rules tournaments have to adapt to these rules. Thus, the criticism of "point sparring" can apply to Uechi if practitioners train primarily for such. There is an open Okinawan tournament sponsored by Bandai and other Uechi-Ryu organizations that allows greater freedom, but that is one tournament.


    Bishop M.

    Campbell RJ. Personal Communication. 2006.

    Cook S. "The Complexity of Theorem Proving Procedures" 1971

    Kujo, A. RRRRAARARARARWWWWRRRRAwoof. Okinawa: Tosho Centre, 1999.--cited by McKenna

    Mattson, GE. The Way of Karate.

    Mattson, GE. Uechiryu Karate Do: Classical Chinese Okinawan Self Defense. Brockton: Peabody Publishing Company, 1997.

    Mattson, GE. BRAAAAAAAAIIIIINNNNNSSS, 1999-2006.

    McCarthy, P. Ancient Okinawan Martial Arts: Koryu Uchinadi, Vol. 2. Rutland: Charles E. Tuttle, 1999.

    McKenna M, "Uechi-ryu Karate A Short History," Fighting Arts.

    Okinawa Prefectural Board of Education. Karate Kobudo Kihon Chousa Hokokushou (Karate Kobudo: A Basic Investigative Report), Vol. 2. Ginowan: Nansei. 1997.

    Tomoyoshi, R. Personal Communication.
    Last edited by Cassius; 4/20/2007 8:46am at .


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