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  1. #31
    Northeast Anti-Silliness Department Inc. supporting member
    Ke?poFist's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Long Island, NY
    Kaju, BJJ, Judo, Kempo
    This is an awesome thread
    Knowing is not enough, you must apply...
    ...Willing is not enough you must do
    ~Bruce Lee

  2. #32
    Fearless Ukemi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    JJ of the B variety
    Agreed. I wish I could have given many more green varrots to Virus.

  3. #33
    Virus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    I accept virtual varrots.

  4. #34
    sochin101's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Lincolnshire, England
    No gym currently.
    Tech Support: Hi Bas Rutten products, how may I help?

    User: Man, I hate this Bas Rutten's Lethal Streetfighting dvd... I want my money back.

    Tech Support: Holy. ****. I mean, really, sir? Have you read the small print?

    User: dude, quit stallin'

    Tech Support: I'll draw your attention to the line that says "All refunds are handled personally by Mr Rutten, and are in accordance with ancient Dutch trial by combat laws."

    User: oh... so... how much do you think I'll get for it on eBay?
    Where there is only a choice between cowardice and violence, I would advise violence.


  5. #35
    Antifa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Starting Over... Judo
    Quote Originally Posted by KempoFist
    This is an awesome thread

    I'm always glad to make people smile.

  6. #36
    Virus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Hello Karate tech support this is Steve.

    Yeah, I joined up at this karate club and it was advertised as being a real fighting dojo. It's slogan was "Keeping it t3h r34l in the hizzle diggidy yo fo shizzle westside 4 life."

    Where is the dojo located sir?

    Sydney, on the North Shore.

    I see. And what is your problem sir?

    Well we do 45 minutes of kata then we spar for 15 minutes and we don't actually use anything in the kata. I don't see why we still have it.

    I see.

    It's like, we do these circular blocks and chamberd punches from a horse stance but I've never seen anyone do that in sparring.

    I understand sir, this is a common complaint. You see, those kata are not meant to be combat technqiues, they are concepts.

    Concepts? What does that mean?


    Sorry? I didn't get that.


    Is that even a real word?

    Sorry. Next question.

    err. ok. Well I've got all these old karate books and they don't say anything about concepts.

    We only discoverd they were concepts in 1993 sir.

    Oh. You mean 1993 excatly?

    Yes sir. 1993 on the dot.

    Yes sir. I don't know if you heard about the UFC but it really showed us what's a concept and what isn't.

    Ok, well then how do I know what's a concept and what isn't?

    If you use it in sparring it's a real techqniue. If you can't it's a concept.

    Oh. couldn't the person who made up the kata just have been wrong?

    No sir. People who invent martial arts are never wrong.

    I wasn't aware of that.

    Do you really think some idiot would just invent a bunch of stupid technqiues that don't work and call it a martial art?

    Yeah. hehe. It does sound kind of silly when you put it like that.

    That's right.

    Well thanks for your help. I'm going out the backyard to work on my concepts.

    That's good to hear sir. A concept a day keeps the grapple away.

    Thanks bye.

    Last edited by Virus; 2/07/2007 8:52pm at .

  7. #37
    Virus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Bujinkan tech support this is Jeff.

    Hi. I'ts me again how's Jeff?

    Jeff is doing well, thanks for asking.

    I'm glad to hear your brother is well.

    I wasn't talking about my brother, I was referring to myself in the third person. do that often?

    No, just when people ask me about my brother.

    Yeeeahhh. That's really weird.

    With respect sir, you're calling a bujinkan technical support hotline. Is there anything about this situation that isn't wierd?

    Good point.

    I thought you would see it so. Tell me about your problem.

    Well now I'm just wondering why there's no bujinkan in mixed martial arts?

    Why should there be? We are a battlefield street system for survival not a sport.

    Yeah but some guys have been talking and they say that things that work well in the ring tend to also work well in a real fight.

    But those people don't do bujinkan. You aren't supposed to listen to them. We are above such concepts as "getting submissions" and "winning fights".

    Oh yeah I forgot.

    Good lad.

    But how about just a little sparring just to..

    Too deadly.

    But just for..

    Too deadly.

    But I just think...

    Toooo deadly!

    Ok point taken.

    We are masters of time and space. We control the kukan. We are in tune with the natural order of things. This is the way of the ninja. We cann't concern ourselves with such mundane knowlege as "do wristlocks really work?" and "why do we go limp after a lunge punch?"





    Thanks for calling tech support. If you have any further queries please quote this reference number: l0l-t3h-n1nj3r

    OK got that l0l-t3h-n1nj3r

    Good, remeber that.

    Oh, one last thing, why do we wear black gis?

    Becuase black absorbs and white reflects.

    What does that have to do with the question?

    Last edited by Virus; 2/08/2007 9:29pm at .

  8. #38
    Guess which finger is the fickle one... supporting member
    FickleFingerOfFate's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Up in your grill.
    Karate/ Arnis
    XMA Tech Support:

    XMA Tech; How can I help you?

    Trevor; My name is Trevor and I wanted to learn a martial art so I could be cool and quit getting my ass kicked

    XMA; Hows that working out for you?

    T; not well

    XMA; Did you purchase the awesomely cool XMA brand jumpsuit?

    T; Yes, but the bullies say its gayer than my argyle sweaters

    XMA; Did you brandish your competition bo staff?

    T; They laughed at it.

    XMA; How about the numchucks or kamas? Those must have slowed them down.

    T; Oh yeah, I even turned on the flashing light function. They rolled on the ground laughing for 5 minutes.

    XMA; Then your only recourse is to use your best MA techniques on them.

    T; I Let them have it, I did a double back cartwheel into a jumping spin kick followed by a flurry of punches and spinning backfists. They beat my ass, tore the patches off my jumpsuit and stepped on all my weapons and broke them.

    XMA; I thought you learned a martial art.

    T; I did. I spent 3 years doing XMA.

    XMA; There's your problem. XMA isn't for fighting, it's strictly a LARPing art.
    We'll send you out a brochure of real Martial arts. I personally recommend BJJ.

    T; will the real MA's keep me from getting beat up?

    XMA; Only if you quit wearing the jumpsuit. Have a nice day
    If you can't laugh at yourself,
    Others will be happy to do it for you. :evil6:

    The 2 most abundant elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

  9. #39

    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Fredericton, New Brunswick
    Rusty muay thai
    I suggest we harness Virus' talent and lock him in a little room with access to only two things: a typewriter and ample nutrition.

  10. #40
    Doctor X's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Prost's Mom
    Fucking Prost
    MAP Tech Support:

    Caller: Hello? I have a question about one of the regulations.

    We're sorry, your call cannot be completed as dialed. Your account has been terminated.

    Why yes, I still have sand in my vagina! It is because I am a lying cowardly child who got buttfucked by MEANIE Doctor X! I also do not know the Latin and it makes me cry!!--Phrost

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