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  1. #1
    OFFICIAL Mayor of Cwcville supporting member
    Boyd's Avatar
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    Mastering the Rubber Guard: A Review

    Quote Originally Posted by Eddie Bravo
    Above all, I would like to thank the sacred plant cannabis sativa. Without this ancient medicine entering my life at twenty-eight years of age, I would not be writing this book, there would be no rubber guard, and I would certainly not be creating the music I'm currently producing.
    Quote Originally Posted by Eddie Bravo
    I'd been working at a strip club for five years and had dated quite a few of the dancers. I went from one girl to another, just as I had been doing since the age of thirteen. Some girls lasted longer than others, but ninety-nine percent of my relationships went the same way: lust then infatuation, love then suffocation. I always wound up feeling trapped, confined, and burned out after a few months of bliss, but I couldn't put my finger on why I kept going through the same alcoholic routine of getting drunk with love then feeling miserable later.
    Quote Originally Posted by Eddie Bravo
    I felt like I needed a psychiatrist the first time I laid eyes on that big juicy ass.
    Quote Originally Posted by Eddie Bravo
    When I couldn't stand being without her any longer, I called her up. I asked her to leave work and meet me at the club. I said I was blowing the **** up on E and all I could think about was kissing and squeezing and dancing and fucking the **** out of her,
    Quote Originally Posted by Eddie Bravo
    Yeah, that was Eddie, a pathetic, lost soul who disguised all his fragile emotions by creating dark and evil music.
    Quote Originally Posted by Eddie Bravo
    All of a sudden I understood stand-up comedy.
    Quote Originally Posted by Eddie Bravo
    I did wind up writing and ghetto-producing one sketch about this white guy named Quatoof who wanted to be a thugged-out black guy so bad he wore heavy, dark makeup and afroed out his hair.
    Quote Originally Posted by Eddie Bravo
    if you myspace me at www.myspace.com/thetwister, I'll send you a demo. We even have a song called "put ur weed up".
    Quote Originally Posted by Eddie Bravo
    Her ***** and body and sexuality had me under a spell. I called her Voodoo....I learned my lesson after that one, and I haven't had a girlfriend since. That was August of 2000. Six fucking years! Whoa!
    Quote Originally Posted by Eddie Bravo
    Why is everyone on the planet all about having a voluntary parole officer living with them? In a ganja filled state, I came to the conclusion that jealousy and possessiveness were nothing more than ancient DNA programs--programs designed by mother nature when the future of the human race was uncertain.
    Quote Originally Posted by Eddie Bravo
    You can even Google it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Eddie Bravo
    "We have all been bamboozled!" I thought to myself.
    Quote Originally Posted by Eddie Bravo
    And what really tripped me out was when I found out it's actually a LUNG CLEANER AND EXPECTORANT! ****!
    Quote Originally Posted by Eddie Bravo
    What about TV celebrity Joe Rogan?
    Quote Originally Posted by Eddie Bravo
    Before weed, (Joe Rogan) was the master of relationship jokes and sexual humor. But now he has evolved into something special. Today he's like some sort of new age philosopher that just so happens to make you laugh harder than any comedian who's ever lived, and I'm not just saying that because he's my best friend. He's actually unbelievably amazing, as a comedian and especially as a philosopher. I've toured the country with him quite a few times, and everybody on the comedy circuit knows Joe Rogan is the next big comic icon. They all know it--Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle, Andrew Dice Clay, all of them. They know.
    Quote Originally Posted by Joe Rogan
    Take a bath and get a job, you fucking hippie.
    10/10
    Last edited by Boyd; 12/10/2006 2:30pm at .
    Captain's Log: Just a little update for all my TRUE and HONEST friends out there:

    1) I am STRAIGHT! I am STRAIGHT! Get it through your thick skulls, numbskulls!

    2) My name is not Ian Brandon Something.

    3) Kacey is coming with me now. I have stolen her from the other Christian Weston Chandler.

    REMINDER: I am still the one and only true creator of sonichu and rosechu electric hedgehog pokemon

  2. #2
    OFFICIAL Mayor of Cwcville supporting member
    Boyd's Avatar
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    Yuppers.
    Captain's Log: Just a little update for all my TRUE and HONEST friends out there:

    1) I am STRAIGHT! I am STRAIGHT! Get it through your thick skulls, numbskulls!

    2) My name is not Ian Brandon Something.

    3) Kacey is coming with me now. I have stolen her from the other Christian Weston Chandler.

    REMINDER: I am still the one and only true creator of sonichu and rosechu electric hedgehog pokemon

  3. #3
    sasquatch989's Avatar
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    Wow, Eddie Bravo is a fucking tard. I like his rubber guard, I think it is a major mark of progress for grappling, but it is unfortunate that it came from a tool like him.

  4. #4
    Cassius's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boyd
    Yuppers.
    You really should clone yourself. Being so awesome is a lot of hard work for one man.
    "No. Listen to me because I know what I'm talking about here." -- Hannibal

  5. #5
    Roidie McDouchebag's Avatar
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    I give this thread a 10/10.

  6. #6
    SuperGuido's Avatar
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    Eddie Bravo needs a talk show.

  7. #7
    Samfoo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Satori
    Eddie Bravo needs a talk show.
    Ask and ye shall receive:

    http://www.victorybelt.com/radio/sound-1.htm
    Quote Originally Posted by Osiris
    Imagine if track was run like the martial arts community. While the winning teams would just sprint down the field, smoking the competition, you'd have a bunch of losers running around explaining how they can skip down the track just as fast. Never mind that it doesn't fucking work. Oh no, they're too fast for track. They run on the STREET.

  8. #8

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    I looked it over today, and it seemed very well done, a huge improvement over Jiu-jitsu Unleashed. But then he started talking about that gay grappling ****.

  9. #9
    OFFICIAL Mayor of Cwcville supporting member
    Boyd's Avatar
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    Just so there's absolutely no confusion, I want to point out to everyone here that Eddie Bravo cited writing a sketch comedy piece in blackface as an example of how hilarious and creative marijuana makes you.
    Captain's Log: Just a little update for all my TRUE and HONEST friends out there:

    1) I am STRAIGHT! I am STRAIGHT! Get it through your thick skulls, numbskulls!

    2) My name is not Ian Brandon Something.

    3) Kacey is coming with me now. I have stolen her from the other Christian Weston Chandler.

    REMINDER: I am still the one and only true creator of sonichu and rosechu electric hedgehog pokemon

  10. #10
    OFFICIAL Mayor of Cwcville supporting member
    Boyd's Avatar
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    And by the way:

    Quote Originally Posted by What Eddie Bravo Thinks A Black Person Sounds Like
    Sheeeeet, of muthafuckin' course I'm Royler's number one dog, you betta axe somebody!
    Captain's Log: Just a little update for all my TRUE and HONEST friends out there:

    1) I am STRAIGHT! I am STRAIGHT! Get it through your thick skulls, numbskulls!

    2) My name is not Ian Brandon Something.

    3) Kacey is coming with me now. I have stolen her from the other Christian Weston Chandler.

    REMINDER: I am still the one and only true creator of sonichu and rosechu electric hedgehog pokemon

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