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  1. #1
    ghost55's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    Ghost becomes a Ninja Black Belt



    That's right motherfuckers, it's time. I actually have seen this book before, so that's right: it's FLASHBACK TIME!

    *Cut to an eleven year old ghost55 that stands at around 5'4" and weighs 150lbs. He wears those faux jeans with an elastic waistband because his mother picks his clothes and he is a fat **** with no self esteem*

    Young ghost55: I'm fat and other people make fun of me. Clearly I need to be more like Batman. No one makes fun of Batman.

    *five minutes later*

    Young ghost55: well, I can't afford to be Batman, but Batman was trained by ninjas, and that's almost as good, right?

    So our young hero goes to the library and get's some books on ninjitsu and kendo which he reads for a few hours before they get confiscated for being too violent. The kendo book had lots of footwork diagrams, so that quickly bored our young hero. The ninjitsu stuff was interesting for a bit, but a lot of it still seemed hilariously impractical. Once the books were confiscated he stopped thinking about martial arts and went back to reading superhero comics and dreaming about shooting up the school every time someone made a joke about him dying alone.

    Next up: the forward!

  2. #2
    slamdunc's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    From about 1979 through 1983, I thought ninjers were the shizzz, hell, I thought I was one. Then, for the longest time, I didn't believe in them at all. Me and the old lady went out last weekend and my interest is now renewed. I have proof that ninjers exist.

    I thought I spelled it wrong, but as I said I'm a mechanic not an English professor.

  3. #3
    FinalLegion's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by slamdunc View Post
    From about 1979 through 1983, I thought ninjers were the shizzz, hell, I thought I was one. Then, for the longest time, I didn't believe in them at all. Me and the old lady went out last weekend and my interest is now renewed. I have proof that ninjers exist.

    You and your missus are sporting some awesome tattoos.

  4. #4
    Cake of Doom's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by ghost55 View Post
    That's right motherfuckers, it's time. I actually have seen this book before, so that's right: it's FLASHBACK TIME!

    *Cut to an eleven year old ghost55 that stands at around 5'4" and weighs 150lbs. He wears those faux jeans with an elastic waistband because his mother picks his clothes and he is a fat **** with no self esteem*

    Young ghost55: I'm fat and other people make fun of me. Clearly I need to be more like Batman. No one makes fun of Batman.

    *five minutes later*

    Young ghost55: well, I can't afford to be Batman, but Batman was trained by ninjas, and that's almost as good, right?

    So our young hero goes to the library and get's some books on ninjitsu and kendo which he reads for a few hours before they get confiscated for being too violent. The kendo book had lots of footwork diagrams, so that quickly bored our young hero. The ninjitsu stuff was interesting for a bit, but a lot of it still seemed hilariously impractical. Once the books were confiscated he stopped thinking about martial arts and went back to reading superhero comics and dreaming about shooting up the school every time someone made a joke about him dying alone.

    Next up: the forward!
    Let me know if it includes "stealth elevator fart". I'm sick of getting caught out.

    Quote Originally Posted by FinalLegion
    You and your missus are sporting some awesome tattoos.
    I second that. Good ink.
    Train hard, fight easy.

  5. #5
    ghost55's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Forward:
    "The training a student must undergo in order to become a practicing Ninjainvolves tasks that are not to be taken lightly; indeed, attaining the higher stages demands an intensity of effort and perseverance greater than that required for any other pursuit." That is how the forward begins. This is a 109 page book, and most of these pages are full of shitty diagrams, but who knows, maybe this man knows something I do not. The forward then goes on to ramble about how knowledge is the true path to ninja mastery, and that books can't take you all the way but "the master will appear when the student is ready" (or more accurately "the student will attend an expensive seminar once he runs out of reading material if he is that stupid). Apparently true masters of the art exist; they just don't advertise. I guess that means that the Booj is fake because it has websites and ****. Before ending, the forward reminds us that the only true master is the master within, because it sounds cryptic and wise or something.
    To be continued...

  6. #6
    Ulsteryank's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by slamdunc View Post
    From about 1979 through 1983, I thought ninjers were the shizzz, hell, I thought I was one. Then, for the longest time, I didn't believe in them at all. Me and the old lady went out last weekend and my interest is now renewed. I have proof that ninjers exist.

    Is that Six Flags?...

    Yea I remember ordering one of those smoke bombs out of BB magazine with my grass cutting money. That was a let down!

  7. #7
    slamdunc's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Ulsteryank View Post
    Is that Six Flags?...

    Yea I remember ordering one of those smoke bombs out of BB magazine with my grass cutting money. That was a let down!
    It is Six Flags St. Louis. I had the smoke bombs, the throwing stars and the climbing stuff, what a goof I was.
    I thought I spelled it wrong, but as I said I'm a mechanic not an English professor.

  8. #8
    Ulsteryank's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by slamdunc View Post
    It is Six Flags St. Louis. I had the smoke bombs, the throwing stars and the climbing stuff, what a goof I was.
    Thought it looked familiar!!

    Yea remember those too. Throwing metal things that looked like leaves at trees. Miss and you were trying to find it for ages!

  9. #9
    ghost55's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I'm pretty sure today was fate telling me to stop dragging my ass on this so I'll do another bit now

    Preface:
    Ashida Kim spends two entire pages on how Ninja's need to be mysterious. Which in his mind means doing things like never eating, sleeping, or going to the bathroom when other people are around so they all know that you are one badass ninja ************. He then ends the preface by quoting Machiavelli. Because reasons.

  10. #10
    Cake of Doom's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    If only Ashida Kim could master the art of not being alive around other people, the world would be a much happier place.
    Train hard, fight easy.

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