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  1. #31

    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    New Zealand
    Kickboxing/MuaiThai (new)
    I don't think it's anything to be concerned about; the OP has a stereotypical social mechanism that is 'here is my circle of privacy' and BJJ breaks that circle. It's easier to circumvent such things with a girl (for obvious reasons) but interaction with another person of the same sex when it's drilled into you that it is 'not normal' or 'not acceptable' can trigger similar feelings of 'is this right'.

    He'll get over it after a few months of rolling and ball sweat on his face.

  2. #32

    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    I have similar problems much like OP when it comes to grappling, although mine a more anxiety based. Although my background is more freestyle Taekwondo based, we do have a few guys at the club that like to grapple. I have little to nil grappling experience or knowledge so when these situations arise my mind is racing trying to figure out what to do, how to move, where is an opening, etc. These times do not worry me. However when the grappling stops (for whatever reason) and they are still in close proximity, then I start getting nervous, anxious and uncomfortable. From my experience, keeping your mind focused on the task at hand and less on grappling with another guy helps wonders with the dealing of the sensations.

    Dealing with females however is far worse for me, but that is due to an entirely different issue.

    Summary: Focus on what your doing and less on where you are. Helps work for me.

  3. #33
    battlefields's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Australia, Land of Oz
    BJJ/ MMA/ MT
    Don't worry, you'll grow up... I mean, you'll grow out of it.

    I cannot begin to think of how often I make fun of how gay it is to grapple. You know, cause I'm comfortable in my own sexuality.
    Quote Originally Posted by Devil View Post
    I think Battlefields and I had a spirited discussion once about who was the biggest narcissist. We both wanted the title but at the end of the day I had to concede defeat. Can't win 'em all.
    Quote Originally Posted by BackFistMonkey View Post
    I <3 Battlefields...

  4. #34

    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Stockholm, Sweden
    Shoo Sheetzoo
    Man, I think we've all been there, at least to some extent. You just need to divorce the concept of intimacy with simple physical contact; after all, are there sexual implications to you hugging your grandma? Playing with your pets? It's something you're unaccustomed to now, but in three months you're gonna feel like the biggest doofus for thinking that way. Ge det tid, landsman.


  5. #35
    goodlun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    San Diego, CA
    BJJ, FMA
    OP I am curious about a couple of things one being how much intimate contact you have actually had.
    For that matter your age as well.
    Mainly to echo Hadzus post about being able to tell the difference between various types of physical contact.

  6. #36

    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Wing Chun
    Quote Originally Posted by EbonyBlade View Post

    Haha, yeah - I know the name of the topic sounds really ridiculous... But considering how popular especially BJJ has came late years Im SURE that I cant be the 1st person with this problem... Probably not even the first to admit it?

    Well it all comes down to this - I started MMA training with boxing and muay thai and some very basic stand-up grappling like clinch-game and takedowns. **** man, Im not very good at the stand-up fighting really (Im about 178 cm and 90 kg with quite low fat %) - basic combos are easy to throw but more compliated stuff seems very complicated for me...

    I have a ridiculous yet annoying problem - Im quite much of a "natural" grappler - all the grappling I have taught this far has been very easy to learn, much easier that f.e even basic punching and also (due to my backround in bodybuilding naturally) Im quite strong and can easily "out grapple" guys that are technical a bit better than me (a lots of better then is totally another thing) with replacing my beginner level technique with just raw strength...

    Then we get to the fucked up part haha... To put it short - Im totally fucking homophobic! Not in the meaning of the word that I think any ill of gays or so (Im very liberal actually and other peoples sexual interests are not my business as long as they are not pedophiles or some other sick fucks who ruin peoples lives) - I just feel god damned incomfortable even in doing some stand up grappling - like the basic clinch game. But okay - this I can somehow deal with...

    But Im mentally in DEEP **** when it comes to learning the ground game... The open guard etc makes me just totally fucking nervous, it feels just so "gay" (haha dont take it too serious please) that I just freeze... Iv been trying for past 2 and half months to learn some basic BJJ & MMA ground game but man - how I get over this very stupid homophobic feeling?

    Im pretty normal swedish guy - I know a couple of gays within my group of student friends and they are just fine fellows but they seem to recognize my irrational homophobia and sometimes jonkingly annoy me with telling tales of their sex adventures hahaha.... I always in these cases really leave the table or just pretend not hear anything but I actually wouldnt have believed that this kind of thing would carry over into my training...!

    Yeah, you maybe think that Im fucked up or something but well - some people have hard time to start training cause they are f.e terribly shy or for other such mental reasons - I just happen to have a bit different kind of problem... Close contact with other guys feels just uncomrtable and on the ground its just all fucked up... I cant focus on my actual training at all cause of this homophobic mindfuck... I try to think it rationally that hey - some macho guys from brazil have invented this thing so why it is ME whos having this kind of shitty problems haha....

    I dont really know how to describe it better... But I certainly do appreciate if anyone who maybe has had a similar problem can tell how to get rid-off these stupid distracting associations...

    I really want to learn proper grappling game since I feel its way more my thing than the stand-up game but its really difficult to take it seriously cause of the issues I mentioned... Maybe homophobic is the wrong word actually - I just use it cause I couldnt came with anything better... But its the very close contact with other guys that is giving me a hard time to do even basic drills and light sparring on the ground...

    Now when you probably have laughed your asses off how is it possible that someone has a problem as ridiculous as mine I am more than grateful for any tips that could prove even slightest help... I refuse to quit this great hobby of mine only because somekind of phobia but its damn frustrating that I dont learn almost anything of the ground game during the same time as couple of guys who started at the same time with me already are sparring with advanced students etc...
    I have a suggestion for you. It's how I got my freind into it that had similar reservations.

    MMA ground fighting.

    Put gloves on and allow the top guy to punch you. You will very quickly realize the purpose of your feet on his hips and wrapping your legs around him to control distance. When he's behind you and looking for hooks it's easy to mentally think to yourself "this is so gay." When he's behind you and slamming shots into your ribs and head to get you to open up you don't think that at all.

    I'm not being sarcastic, you don't have to go hard or anything just have him lightly punch at you in dominant positions and you will naturally use the tools that disturb you now. You will do this because getting punched in the face and body when you can't hit back sucks. Your mind will eventually make the connections that the positions you are doing is to maintain a certain distance from the opponent to minimize his damage rather than the homo erotic connections you currently have.

    This worked with my friend and he was able to shift his mindset pretty quickly. I think it will help you with your problem.

  7. #37

    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Just go to grappling class regularly. 2+ times a week, and you'll be over this issue within two months, pretty much guaranteed.

  8. #38

    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    How is it going?

    Any improvement ? Do you still train bjj?

    I had my fifth class today and I still didn't feel gay, too worried about losing my limbs and or conciousness, even though was a light roll

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