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  1. #1
    bobyclumsyninja's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Kickboxing (student)

    So you're in your house...

    So anyway, you're in your house, and you are upstairs, and you hear someone kick the door in downstairs...

    Just what the hell do you do? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU DO???


  2. #2
    slamdunc's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    TKD, CMA & American Kenpo
    Drop the safety (making sure the click is audible), double-click the Stinger into strobe mode, and a hunting I shall go. Once I locate the bad guy, I make sure that he understands that unless he does exactly as I say, I cannot guarantee his safety. If he goes prone as instructed, he gets to go to jail, if he doesn't, I'll probably let the air out of his dumb ass.

    I thought I spelled it wrong, but as I said I'm a mechanic not an English professor.

  3. #3
    The Question's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    I'd take a look at who is at the motherfucking door. Just a look. If it's more than one - Conceal myself in a location with a tactical advantage. I would suspend myself above the door by exerting the right amount of force on the walls with my arms and legs as per my ************ training and what I used to do to stalk people. I would then drop on a ************ when he walks under me, disarm him, then shoot/stab him in both lungs, while preparing for the others so that when they arrive they also get fucked.

    If it's only one, I'm bullrushing that ************ and putting the wall hanger between his 3rd and 4th ribs on the left side. Mitsurugi.

    If it's 5 or more, I'd tell them to sit the **** down and let's have a drink while I go to the cabinet for the single malt whisky, whiskey on the rocks, ************. We would all have a drink of that ****. But I would put motherfucking cobra venom in that ****. They don't know I'm immune to cobra venom and keep ice cubes with cobra venom frozen into them for just these occasions. They would all pass off peacefully into a liquor flavored death (I call it being whisked away) while I quietly muse upon relevant thoughts, like if there is any space left in the backyard to bury more home invaders, or if that one I buried partially alive 5 minutes ago is still fucking breathing and ****. You know how it is.

    Motherfuck home invaders.

    ****, that got out of hand real quick.
    Quote Originally Posted by Goju - joe
    being a dick with skill is only marginally better than being a dick without skill.

  4. #4
    cualltaigh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Cooltown, SEQ
    BJJ, MMA
    walk downstairs, bitch-slap my brother in law Soprano's style and string up to the rafters with duct tape. Tell him that I'll let him down when he sobers up, agrees to replace the door and gets me the $50 bucks he owes me.
    Dum spiro, spero.
    Tada gan iarracht.

  5. #5
    battlefields's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Australia, Land of Oz
    BJJ/ MMA/ MT
    Rage out. Scream something along the lines of "that's fucking it, I told you last time was the last fucking time, you're fucked now!" and possibly beat him to death with the iron, which would be the best object for blunt force trauma as it is easily graspable on my path to the front door.

    I'm done with my housemate getting that blitzed.
    Quote Originally Posted by Devil View Post
    I think Battlefields and I had a spirited discussion once about who was the biggest narcissist. We both wanted the title but at the end of the day I had to concede defeat. Can't win 'em all.
    Quote Originally Posted by BackFistMonkey View Post
    I <3 Battlefields...

  6. #6
    goodlun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    San Diego, CA
    BJJ, FMA
    um put on my Gi cause that is how I train.
    I live in a single story house not a lot of time from door being kicked in until contact especially since I would have to get myself over to my daughters room stat I doubt it would take all of a few seconds for him to see the bedroom wing vs the common area.

  7. #7

    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Gold Coast, Australia
    Judo, Muay Thai
    Update your facebook status?

  8. #8
    gregaquaman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Arlie Beach
    mma /boxing/muai thai
    Scuttle into the vents. Then slowly pick off the intruders one by one.
    Whitsunday Martial Arts Airlie Beach North Queensland.!/WhitsundayMartialArts

  9. #9

    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Wesht Cark
    True story

    Fad o fad o, when my wife was at college in London she was a dirty squatter and lived in a house frequented by anti road protesters (c. 1992 Leytonstone)

    I, my then girlfriend and all our buddies were enjoying a grand slap up meal upstairs when we heard a rukus ensue down stairs

    The men folk leap into action and tear down stairs to find a skinhead in the hall(he as gained entry by smashing the front room window and climbing in) opening the front door. We charge down pushing him outinto the front garden to find a gang of 5 skinheads bent on our destruction.

    Melee takes place and one friend with long dreads gets his hair grabbed (I distincly remember him saying "let go of my fuckin' hair". My opponant goes down (not sure why). I knee drop onto his chest and apply a choke. next thing I know I get a proper hard kick to my right thigh. I roll off him and take up a defensive posture and recive several more kicks to the legs. At this point I distinctly remember shouting "Alright. You've made your point!". My GF then jumps on top of me to protect me (I love that girl!!!)

    The ring leader then declares "Thats enough" and they scarper

    I get up and we check the damage. I feel elated, hardly feel my bashed up leg.

    My friend has been glassed in the face. At the time I was a medic in the army so I go into medic mode and reassure him etc. and apply a field dressing to his wound. The cops and ambulance arrive and I escort him to hospital (getting a go on the entonox...for medicinal porposes)

    My friend was scarred for life but did not loose his sight

    My whole right thigh was bruised and the next day was sore as ****. I was a week limping

    I still get a surge of adrenalin while recounting this saga even now nearly 20 years on

  10. #10

    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    I place my arms onto the wall, and wait for a swat team, which was sent to the wrong address, to convince themselves there is absolutely no need to empty their mp5ves into me.

    (I live behind break and fireproof door, so even a swat team would have to use a dynamite to gain a surprise entry)

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