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**money** · 7/21/2010 7:51am,

Motherfucker, I already bought your book, what more do you want from me?! I GIVE AND GIVE AND IT'S NEVER ENOUGH.

When are you doing another book? That shit was hilarious.

**Dr. Fagbot Q. MacGillicuddy, PhD** · 7/21/2010 8:01am,

True story:

Publisher: Your book actually made us a little money. Considering fewer than half of the things we publish break even, that's pretty good.

Me: Really? Wow. Awesome!

Publisher: So let us know when you're ready to do something else. We'll put it out. We want to be in the P. Hughes business.

Me: Holy balls, how excellent.

...two years later...

Me: Hey publisher - I want to write a novel using one of the established properties you have licensed.

Publisher: Really? Shit, that might be a really good idea. Which one?

Me: Conan the Barbarian. I want to write the definitive modern Conan novel.

Publisher: Doesn't answer any calls or reply to emails.

THE END

**JBliss** · 7/21/2010 8:51am,

Are you fucking serious??? I would have lined up to get my hands on that. Conan.
Such a good idea. Also why are you getting rid of your White Mice CD? I'll have to tell
Jolly and Will and they won't be happy. Well Will doesn't ever seem happy, but you don't want to see a man named Jolly get mad. Melt Banana too? Gang Wizard? The Happy Flowers? But I just cleaned my cut out with a wire brush!!! You need to write one of those obnoxious "scene" bios like "Our Band Could be Your Life" about Gainesville,
get all the posers talking about the Central Florida punk scene in the 80's and 90's and how it was seminal for the development of blah blah blah. And make fun of all those Posi-youth motherfuckers who couldn't stay straight edge but still loved having tons of rules to live by. Either that or do a period romance novel like Wuthering Heights. Or combine the two. Period scene romance novel. Steam Punk romance? That might sell.
Just put Iggy Pop in there somewhere and I'll read it.

**Dr. Fagbot Q. MacGillicuddy, PhD** · 7/21/2010 11:57am,

1. I am fucking serious, and I did months of research getting ready to develop a pitch. Of course, I play the first Conan movie like some people play favorite albums (i.e., to establish a comforting, familiar background atmosphere while I nap or do shit around the house), and "Anvil of Crom" from the soundtrack is my ringtone, so "research" could effectively be swapped out with "going into my house," but I re-read all the Robert E. Howard stuff as well as a significant chunk of the L. Sprague De Camp/Robert Jordan/John Maddox Roberts/etc. pastiches, the reissued Savage Sword of Conan mags, Marvel Conan comics, and new Dark Horse stories, plus revisited other genre classics like Fritz Leiber's Fafhrd and Grey Mouser stories and all Moorcock's Elric stuff... Man, I was going to do such a good Conan book, so chock full of adventure and violence and fuckin' and hoisting tankards of mead and wizards and shit... It would have been so good.

2. I am wholly compulsive when it comes to bands, so it was either sell the White Mice or buy their entire discography. Nobody took the eBait, so it looks like I'm stuck making space in the Ws after all.

3. Gang Wizard is boring; when I want Happy Flowers I want I Crush Bozo and not much else. Speaking of Happy flowers, for more than 20 years I have been contemplating this tattoo:

Because it's just so damn cute I can barely stand it, eeeeeeeeee!

4. I lived through all that "Our Band Could Be Your Life" shit and the guy who wrote it is an ass-knuckle who cribbed quotes from 1980s zines and presented them like they were recent.

5. The only successful bands to come out of Central Florida's punk scene moved here from other places and were hated by all the locals. Straight edge people pretty much evaporated on contact.

6. Everything I know about romance is circumscribed by six humble letters: J B L I S and S. I guess that's five if you don't want to count the S twice.

7. Iggy Pop lives next door to my friend Kevin. Kevin says he doesn't see Iggy around too much, but when he does Iggy is usually only wearing one shoe.

**JBliss** · 7/21/2010 11:42pm,

One of the best things i ever saw was when the Wham! City kids went on tour with the "Baltimore versus" fest and DJ DOGDICK was spinning his brand of cracked out 8-bit happy hardcore whatever and projecting a Jimmy Joe Roche psychedelic Trash video of Conan wielding his mighty blade. The whole time I'm standing there hypnotized with some 7ft tall metalhead beanpole screaming at the top of his lungs " THE RIDDLE OF STEEL!!!" and that, my dear Hughes, was just the beginning of how weird/awesome that night got. I think it culminated with the Lord of Baltimore ,Dan Deacon, shaking his adorable fat ass around and making the kids piss EGA graphics into their own mouths.

I wish you could see that video. . . oh wait HERE IT IS. Just watched it again...there
really is a lot to like.

YouTube- ULTIMATE REALITY

You should right the Conan book anyway. Just for you n me, in fact you should write us into the story, we can be bards and go along for the ride while Conan cleave foes in twain.

**Dr. Fagbot Q. MacGillicuddy, PhD** · 7/22/2010 3:42pm,

Originally posted by JBliss View Post

I wish you could see that video. . . oh wait HERE IT IS. Just watched it again...there
really is a lot to like.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P81dHaZiyA8

I feel like I just asked the self-replicating machine elves to show me what my soul looks like. And they did.

***jnp*** · 7/22/2010 4:23pm,

The Germs and Leo Kottke in the same collection?

You make my brain asplode.

Your book was awesome. Write more.

**Stampy** · 5/21/2011 9:38am,

Some great stuff on there

MAGMA = amazing

Not listened to Melt Banana for many years

**Margaretthowl** · 1/30/2017 5:20am,

A million CDs by bands youve never heard and wont like

Wow, Joe, that really is a "Day of Wrath"

If Ellington/Strayhorn could do it for Grieg and Tchaikovsky, why not Verdi?

Announcement

A million CDs by bands you've never heard and won't like

A million CDs by bands you've never heard and won't like

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