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I elect we rename BJJ to "Mary and Nancy pick flowers."

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    I elect we rename BJJ to "Mary and Nancy pick flowers."

    Or at the very least, "delicate sissy pants."

    There's an upcoming tournament this weekend held by GrapplingX in Fresno as well as a pankration tournament.

    Before I continue, no, I am not getting video for you to see. And before you complain about that, please shoot your mouth with a super soaker full of pee. Thanks. If you need a clean sample, pm me your address, I'll mail you one in the morning.

    Here we have THE RULES.

    Now when they made THE RULES, they had a 4 year old gorilla from the San Diego zoo with a crayola brand crayon write it and then CC'd to Sean Hannity to edit and make sure there was some kind of continuity and semblance of balance and fairness.

    Basically they've disallowed all submissions below the hips for anybody who isn't a brown or above.

    Illegal submission-
    No heel hooks, straight ankle, toe holds, knee bars, crushes and
    wedges. No Neck cranks or submissions which involve dynamic twisting
    or pressure against the neck joint or spine are prohibited. These
    submission will be allowed in adult advanced only.
    Heel hooks, I can understand. Straight ankle lock, knee bars, calf crushes? That's bullshit. That's nancy pants bullshit. Hell that's horseshit.

    So basically for the 17.5 people who study Sambo who just so happen to be coming to this tournament or any tournaments held by these people are screwed. I mean shit, a lot of my guard passes involve leg attacks.

    Basically this is a Judo tournament without the 10 second grappling rule and everyone has bad ukemi and can't throw. This is like sitting in a Ferarri F355 Spyder converted Fiero. On the outside, it looks good enough but when you're actually in it, everything creaks, it smells like gasoline, you're afraid of catching on fire, the radio doesn't work, and only 1st and 3rd gear work, but only if you give it $50.

    Oh yeah that's another thing, the entrance fee is $50 for the grappling tournament or pankration or $65 for both pankration and grappling tournament. Which sounds like a great deal, right? If only ALL OF THE SCHEDULING DIDN'T OVERLAP.

    Yeah that's right, if you're an adult and grappling, it's almost going to be impossible (unless you just lose outright in your first match) to get to the pankration tournament, because it starts about 2 hours after the adults start. Woohoo!

    And what about the pankration rules? Pretty much the same. This is more like combat BJJ than it is Pankration. Which brings me to my second point:

    FUCK YOU.

    But I do really enjoy this:

    Illegal Strikes-
    No strikes to the face or the head. No Kicks with the instep, bottom
    of foot, blade of foot, ball of foot, toes, shin and knee to the face.
    No elbows to the face. No strikes to joints, back, spine, groin or
    other vital points are prohibited. No head butts, fish hooks or eye
    gouging.
    So I guess if I can hit someone with surgical precision with the very top of my foot to the head, then I'm golden. Or use a spinning heel kick. Which I think I might, just for shits and giggles. But I'm pretty sure they'll be pissed about that. But hey it's their rules.

    So basically, every year, these kinds of BJJ orgs are slowly watering down BJJ and finally will come full circle and just become Judo again.

    Wish me luck.
    Attached Files

    #2
    I think Eddie Bravo already has that name trademarked.

    Just call it a flower sweep, Eddie! Everyone else does!

    Rudy Reyes > Bear Grylls

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      #3
      Straight ankle lock, knee bars, calf crushes?
      Yeah, fuck that. Ankle locks are safer than armbars, imho.
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        #4
        No strikes to the face or the head. No Kicks with the instep, bottom
        of foot, blade of foot, ball of foot, toes, shin and knee to the face.
        No elbows to the face. No strikes to joints, back, spine, groin or
        other vital points are prohibited.
        Now, admitted, English is not my first language. But would that not read as: "You are not allowed to hit the head, but squashing your opponents balls is ok"?

        Comment


          #5
          I take issue with that 'no pressure on the neck' thing. I've always wanted to collar-choke a turtleing bastard with my shin on the back of their neck. That would be all kinds of awesome.
          Soon-to-be BJJ sandbagger?

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by marcusdbrutus View Post
            I take issue with that 'no pressure on the neck' thing. I've always wanted to collar-choke a turtleing bastard with my shin on the back of their neck. That would be all kinds of awesome.
            I regularly shin surf people in Judo.

            You just have to be very subtle about it. Also fun anecdote: there's a guy who weighs 290lbs at my Dojo. On monday I was surfing his shoulder/back by balancing myself on his shoulder/back with my chest. He just... stood up. With me still on his shoulder. :(

            Originally posted by kwan_dao View Post
            Now, admitted, English is not my first language. But would that not read as: "You are not allowed to hit the head, but squashing your opponents balls is ok"?
            I'm gonna go for a balls attack with my heel.

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by Sirc View Post


              I'm gonna go and lovingly caress many balls with my heel.
              Edited that for you

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by Ka-Bar View Post
                I think Eddie Bravo already has that name trademarked.

                Just call it a flower sweep, Eddie! Everyone else does!
                <---- That's a disturbingly clever avatar.

                Huzzah! Sir.

                Comment


                  #9
                  edit: double post.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    I don't get it. What are you complaining about again?

                    Illegal submission-
                    No heel hooks, straight ankle, toe holds, knee bars, crushes and
                    wedges. No Neck cranks or submissions which involve dynamic twisting
                    or pressure against the neck joint or spine are prohibited. These
                    submission will be allowed in adult advanced only.
                    It seem standard to me. Most competitions require you to have a certain level of expertise before using these submissions. If you really want to show off your bad leglock attempts, then join the advanced division.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by Munacra View Post
                      I don't get it. What are you complaining about again?

                      It seem standard to me. Most competitions require you to have a certain level of expertise before using these submissions. If you really want to show off your bad leglock attempts, then join the advanced division.
                      But it's only fair if he gets to use his leglocks against people with no experience.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Perhaps you can affect a "Wit and Witticism" submission to take home the gold.

                        Comment


                          #13


                          Sirc is the chubby guy with the sword and helmet in the back.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Yeah, I know what you are saying. The more techniques that you make illegal, the less you have to defend against, and the more predictable the fight becomes.

                            Pancration sounds like a lot of fun, until you read the rules and realize that it is really just a TKD tournament with takedowns.
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                              #15
                              Just skip it if you don't like the rules. Grapplers Quest allows ankle locks and kneebars at the whitebelt level. Do that instead when they come around.

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