Diary of a College Samurai

[Kraken]

...grandmaster taught me years ago that a samurai develops his sixth sense by eating raw and uncooked food. Maybe it is merely my body getting used to eating food the way a warrior should.

If you get FoodPois while trying to develop your sixth sense, you've left your Floating Eye corpse in your pack too long. Who cares if Amaterasu is angry with you if you're telepathic?

[Don Gwinn]

No, that makes sense. This is HIS diary. It reflects the madness within.

Carry on.

[cyberwolf]

This guy fucking rocks!

[Steve]

(snip)

I discovered that there is a beautiful female who lives in the apartment dwelling next to me. I like to sit outside and await her emergence from her dwelling, and meditate...and i sound off a loud Love Kiai to spark her interest and draw her in when she comes outside. She hasn't yet spoken to me, other than to ask me "What the fuck are you yelling about?". She will soon succumb to the Love Kiai, and i will take her and show her my tachi, then we will watch Final Fantasy and eat Ramen noodles while she brushes my hair and does my topknot for me.

A samurai dreams.....

Until we meet again, Diary.

Love Kiai....

Just imagining this actually happening is priceless. :evil6:

[Carpe Noctem]

My god. The greatness continues. And I thought my week couldn't get any better.

SHINKENGATA FTW, BITCHES!!

[Airman Kai]

FTW indeed.

LOVE KIAI! KIAI!

[Shinkengata]

Day 12 1/2

Dear Diary,


Training has flourished. I have many students of the Samurai ways in my clutches now. I had to confiscate their swords after the achilles incident, because apparently these weaklings are not ready for tools of combat. I went and bought them all bokken and Shinai instead, and we practice with them. One of the main exercises, to strengthen their little weak bodies, is having them stand in horse stance while i strike them repeatedly with a Shinai. Now that i'm speaking of this, i think it would probably be a good idea to explain just what it is that i am teaching.

My style is a mix between Shinkage Ryu and Iron Body Kung Fu. I've also incorporated numerous deadly techniques from observing the modern-day densho that is Rorouni Kenshin. Both styles are supremely deadly, and have allowed Samurai such as myself to live and conquer for 7000 years. One of our pillars as samurai is to never go anywhere without your sword. For this reason mine either resides on my belt, or in the trunk of my transportation vessel. This is a very deadly mix of styles, and the only person in class allowed to move or hit full speed is myself, due to my mastery and control. They have become slightly stronger, but not without much work. They will be with enough time. My instructor used to dislocate my joints and make me pop them back in. That made me tough. I will not do that to them, however, because if i trained them here like they train in Japan, i would end up clashing with the authorities.(Not that i care, i would march towards them with my sword drawn and die valiantly in battle.)

I've taken to flaunting my availability for courtship around the campus by wearing sleeveless keikogi and uttering a small love kiai when around large groups of females. None of them have taken to it yet, but i am hopeful. My loins burn hot late at night when i am alone. But i am always alone...such is the curse of a Samurai. These women must recognize that, me being a warrior, i could die in battle at any time, and hence they do not want to get attached to me only to lose me so soon.

But i hope for the woman strong enough to be companion to a Samurai. Until we meet again, Diary.


PS: I bought the season 3 Kenshin DVD today, i will evaluate it and write my results soon.

[Bluto Blutarsky]

awesome,

This guy is an even bigger loser than your ninja teen. At least the ninja teen got laid with his girlfriend.

[tiktok]

I've taken to flaunting my availability for courtship around the campus by wearing sleeveless keikogi and uttering a small love kiai when around large groups of females.

The mental image that this conjures is almost too much to bear. Shinkengata, your ability to create such awesomeness is outstanding and will surely earn you a spot in Valhalla. But first, we must have MORE!!

:qleapfrog

[kungfujew]

Day 12 1/2

My style is a mix between Shinkage Ryu and Iron Body Kung Fu. I've also incorporated numerous deadly techniques from observing the modern-day densho that is Rorouni Kenshin. Both styles are supremely deadly, and have allowed Samurai such as myself to live and conquer for 7000 years. One of our pillars as samurai is to never go anywhere without your sword. For this reason mine either resides on my belt, or in the trunk of my transportation vessel.

Haven't I read about this guy in a bullshido thread a while back? About some college samurai who got his ass beat by one of the bullshido members? Old thread...
Anyhoo, not to denigrate your story at all, if you made it up, bravo; if you incorporated an old bullshido thread into the story, bravo as well.

[plasma]

Haven't I read about this guy in a bullshido thread a while back? About some college samurai who got his ass beat by one of the bullshido members? Old thread...
Anyhoo, not to denigrate your story at all, if you made it up, bravo; if you incorporated an old bullshido thread into the story, bravo as well.

Shut up. We have no idea what you are talking about.


The love kiai is sooo fucking awesome.

[polishillusion]

Haven't I read about this guy in a bullshido thread a while back? About some college samurai who got his ass beat by one of the bullshido members? Old thread...
Anyhoo, not to denigrate your story at all, if you made it up, bravo; if you incorporated an old bullshido thread into the story, bravo as well.

shut the fuck up. search is worthless.

[Obi.1]

I had a fucking teacher in High-School like this, Japanophile deluxe. He taught an Iaido club after school, so I signed up thinking it may be semi-cool. It wasn't. What-a-cunt.

[polishillusion]

Day 9

Dear diary,


I went to the doctor today after i fell ill on monday night. He informed me that i had contracted a foodborne illness due to undercooked or uncooked meat. I think this is a lie, because grandmaster taught me years ago that a samurai develops his sixth sense by eating raw and uncooked food. Maybe it is merely my body getting used to eating food the way a warrior should.

I attended the local flea market and purchased katana for my students, blessed them and named them, and presented them today. I procured some rather long carpet-roll tubes from the local flooring business, and we spent the entire class practicing tameshigiri. One student practiced a forward roll with his sword, and the sword slipped from his grip, flew, and sliced open his partner's achilles tendon. He lay there bleeding and in pain, and i reminded him that if he accepted defeat and succumbed to the pain, he must kill himself in shame. This sparked his motivation and he resumed class. There are pretty blossoming bloodstains on the carpet now. I am quite pleased.

What i am not pleased with, however, are the students forgetfulness in addressing me as "Oni-Sensei". I am supremely insulted everytime i am referred to as Sephiroth, or Kenneth (my birth name). I choose to no longer use my birth name, because it is american and i am chosen nihongo.

I discovered that there is a beautiful female who lives in the apartment dwelling next to me. I like to sit outside and await her emergence from her dwelling, and meditate...and i sound off a loud Love Kiai to spark her interest and draw her in when she comes outside. She hasn't yet spoken to me, other than to ask me "What the fuck are you yelling about?". She will soon succumb to the Love Kiai, and i will take her and show her my tachi, then we will watch Final Fantasy and eat Ramen noodles while she brushes my hair and does my topknot for me.

A samurai dreams.....

Until we meet again, Diary.

Thats it, the entire thread is invalid. Not funny. Not even fucking CLOSE! Your incredible inaccuracies in the placement of anime and mis-naming of such has brought upon you the wrath of thousands of samuri warriors. Accept your fate as you taste the fine edge of a blade of steel ritually doused in sake (or vodka, if your me) because of your misplacement of the anime "Final Fantasy" without properly informing us which of the numerous "Final Fantasy" animes it is. Among the list are -

Final Fantasy Unlimited (Not samuri approved due to the prevelance of "guns" and bushido among those without swords. Also, potatoes are eaten instead of rice. Blasphemy. )
Final Fantasy- Legend of the Crystals (Warning, possibly no Samuri. Kill self after watching.)
Final Fantasy-The Spirits Within (warning, possibly no samuri and plot. Youll want to kill self after watching)
Final Fantasy - Advent Children (Samuri approved because of a single sword containing like 10 other swords, and samuri motocylce battles that spur on for several minutes, but almost banned indefinitely because of the stark historical inaccuracies in the great Samuri Oni-King Sephiroth being dead. Lucky he returns to life, but is defeated by a mere non-samuri boy, leading us to in quesiton of our validity as men and warriors! WATCH AT OWN RISK THEN COMMIT SUICIDE TO PURIFY ONES SELF)(( and make sure you get it back to blockbuster on time, the extra fees are a bitch))
\

anyway, im done. k thnx bai

[plasma]

Thats it, the entire thread is invalid. Not funny. Not even fucking CLOSE! Your incredible inaccuracies in the placement of anime and mis-naming of such has brought upon you the wrath of thousands of samuri warriors. Accept your fate as you taste the fine edge of a blade of steel ritually doused in sake (or vodka, if your me) because of your misplacement of the anime "Final Fantasy" without properly informing us which of the numerous "Final Fantasy" animes it is. Among the list are -

Final Fantasy Unlimited (Not samuri approved due to the prevelance of "guns" and bushido among those without swords. Also, potatoes are eaten instead of rice. Blasphemy. )
Final Fantasy- Legend of the Crystals (Warning, possibly no Samuri. Kill self after watching.)
Final Fantasy-The Spirits Within (warning, possibly no samuri and plot. Youll want to kill self after watching)
Final Fantasy - Advent Children (Samuri approved because of a single sword containing like 10 other swords, and samuri motocylce battles that spur on for several minutes, but almost banned indefinitely because of the stark historical inaccuracies in the great Samuri Oni-King Sephiroth being dead. Lucky he returns to life, but is defeated by a mere non-samuri boy, leading us to in quesiton of our validity as men and warriors! WATCH AT OWN RISK THEN COMMIT SUICIDE TO PURIFY ONES SELF)(( and make sure you get it back to blockbuster on time, the extra fees are a bitch))
\

anyway, im done. k thnx bai

I'll going to drill holes in your kneecaps if you don't shutup.