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Diary of a Teen Ninja

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    Diary of a Teen Ninja

    Day 1:

    Dear Diary,

    I was walking home from school today with Vampirefr34k and D1abl0 and we saw this hella s1ck poster advertising Ninjitsu classes. It said we could learn to be Ninjas, which is hecka cool. I copied the number from the poster down into my cellphone with the HIM logo on it and walked home. Mom got p1$$ed when i asked her if i could join. She said something about me being gay enough as it is. I called her a bitch (under my breath, of course). I swear my parents just don't understand me.

    A little background 1nfo for you, diary: My dad tried to put me in football when i was in 8th grade, but i quite after a week when i got hit too hard and peed in my jockstrap. It was the worst day of my life. After that i changed my image and became a total badass. I started wearing all black and painted my nails. I would sometimes put white base makeup on, but had to stop when my mom caught me using hers. Anyway, the kids at school were totally freaked out by me, and left me alone. Even today i like to sit in class with my Slipknot hoodie on and listen to my walkman, and nobody messes with me. I'm just too dark and 3vil for these mere mortals. haha!! Anyway....

    Im gonna go eat dinner and then talk to my internet girlfriend from the Phillipines for awhile and hit the coffin (bed! lolz). later Diary.

    Day 4

    Dear Diary,

    I've done it. After much pleading with mom, she finally let me start training to be a real Ninja!! It's totally badass too. I was learning some stuff im kinda scared to talk about even with you, Diary. Sensei says its like, super top secret stuff str8 from the scrolls. I was learning how to kill people by hitting a point on their arm that will make them crap out their heart 2 days after being hit. Plus we got to throw stars, and we trained in how to use the Ninja sword. Sensei has the exact one i almost talked my dad into buying for me at the flea market last year. Of course dad said he wasn't paying $50 for something i would just use to carve up the neighbor's cat. Yeah right, dad. I'm part tiger anyway. That's what my mentor on the Vampire online game says. So why would i kill my own species?

    Newayz, im gonna go watch American Ninja 4 that Sensei let me borrow. See ya l8trz, diary.

    Day 10

    Dear diary,

    I caught my older sister Jamie making out with some guy in his car last night. I snuck up on them just like sensei trained me. I made a mask out of pieces of my old black Korn t-shirt that i don't like anymore. When i popped up beside the window they both screamed. It was hella sweet. He got out and said he was gonna kick my ass and i hit him right on the spot sensei showed me, so he should be crapping out his heart any day now. He might have given me a black eye, but im gonna be the 1 laughing tommorrow. That's all for today. I can't wait for class tommorrow!! We're gonna be studying shadow transferring.

    P.S... I forgot..i cant go to class becuz Jamie told on me and im grounded for a week.

    Day 20

    Dear Diary,

    Class was killer!!! We learned how to defend ourselfs against getting put on the ground, which is rilly useful becuz i see a lot of guys fight at school and one of them almost always tackles the other one to the ground and wins. Sensei says also that cage fighters do that stuff, but that we don't compete there becuz all of them are too skeered of us and won't let us in because of our deadly strikes and stuff. Maybe i should go in and just tell them that i do regular karate. haha!! I'd kick all there asses. Its not a half bad idea, either. Top prize is always a lot of money and im getting my drivers license soon, so i need to be getting a car. Mom's Corolla is just embarassing.

    PS.. Jamie's boyfriend is still alive, so i might need a little more practice on hitting that pressure point. He's a total @sshole.

    Day 35

    Dear diary,

    I got in my first real fight today. It was totally sweet. He started talking trash about my nail polish. I told him that his feeble mind was too weak to comprehend the symbolism behind it, and he called me an emo fagg. I felt all the power of all the Ninja grandmasters through the years swell up in me as i kicked him over in his wheelchair.

    I can't wait 'til class tommorrow so i can tell Sensei that i've tested my skills. After he hears of it, i wouldnt be surprised if he teaches me the water kata thats supposed to build up your chi so you can walk over water. That would be good...because im tired of stepping in piss puddles that our dog leaves in the hallway.

    Newayz...mIRC is calling, see ya diary!!

    Day 36

    Dear Diary,

    I got suspended for kicking that guy's ass at school, so im sitting here at home. It's all good tho, cuz D1abl0 is coming over and we're gonna watch the newest Anime porno he downloaded off the net. This one is supposed to have Sailor Moon banging Avatar. He wants me to show him some Ninjitsu, but i told him i would after he got my shields up to Lvl. 97 on Runescape, so he's gonna do that for me while he's here.

    The Judo dojo up on keeling street called Sensei a fake and challenged him to a match. Sensei says he's gonna go home and meditate tonight and pull all his grandmaster's spirit into him and go and take on the whole school tommorrow. I wish i could go. I think its gonna be hella awesome when he starts kicking their asses. People just don't understand that Ninjas....we aren't the kind of people you wanna fuck with.

    D1abl0's here, so i'll write more later, Diary.




        hmm. Your tale is quite intriguing.
        Its bitter to taste at first...
        but your strange moon juice brew leaves me wanting more.

        Please continue.


          can I be the grandmaster's spirit?

          I could do the voice of that old japanese guy from Conan the barbarian....


            Are you getting this from real expirence ;)

            keep going I am still laughing.



              That is all great post please continue!


                I get the feeling Shinkengata has a very dark ending to this story planned, from the outset. Almost cringing to find out what it is.
                Hurry man! This is great


                  He meets and then is stomped into mashed potatoes by Dagon.

                  When are we going to get our video buddy?


                    What's wrong with HIM?




                      Could go higher though, we'll have to wait for the next installment of As the Ninja Churns.
                      Shut the hell up and train.


                        I'm just posting so that I can get the email update about this thread. Hopefully we'll get an update on this soon, it would make my work day go by faster.


                          Originally posted by kungfujew
                          What's wrong with HIM?

                          Last edited by Rubberduck; 7/10/2006 11:13am, .


                            That's awesome. I gotta admit, sometimes you're just in the mood for gothic schlock rock.
                            Last edited by kungfujew; 7/10/2006 11:54am, .


                              The saga continues

                              Day 41

                              Dear Diary,

                              I started teaching d1abl0 Ninjitsu today. Sensei says i was ready to teach since i've reached Camouflage belt. Vamp1refr34k doesn't hang out with us anymore becuz his dad runs the Judo gym, and sensei says he's our enemy now. He tried to tell me that sensei got his ass kicked at the challenge. Pssh...yeah right. He's just trying to make his dad look good. Any id1ot could look and see that those bruises came from practicing dive rolls down stairs.

                              Now that we have enuff students, Sensei's gonna take us on a Ninja camping trip. It's gonna be totally sweet. We're gonna learn how to sneak through the woods, climb trees and make fire with our chi. I hope Sensei makes us full-fledged Ninjas then.

                              I've got some packing to do. Stay tuned, Diary.

                              Day 46

                              Dear Diary,

                              I'm sitting here in my tent using my chi for light so i can see to write. Haha...just kidding. It's my dad's flashlight. There are a lot of bugs out here. Sensei says picking ticks off our scrotums was good practice for the deadly "ant bite" technique. It's this really painful way to pinch pressure points with the very tips of your fingers. Gawd im gonna be totally badass because i picked all the ones off of mine without hurting myself. Even the small ones. How's that for accuracy? Only a Ninja!!! We practiced throwing chi balls at rabbits tonight for dinner. We would have gotten it too if one of the students hadn't pulled out his BB gun and shot it. That's not very ninja. It was still pretty good to eat though. My head hurts right now though because my mom kept calling my cell phone while we were doing meditation up on the high rocks and sensei slapped me in the back of the head. I think he might have used some chi too, because i have this tingly feeling in the back of my head...............

                              No...wait...scratch that was a fucking spider. OMGZ!!!

                              (short burst of unintelligble scribble)

                              Day 47

                              Dear Diary,

                              I just got home from the hospital. The doctors shaved my head and gave me a shot of "antivenom" or something. I've been sick most of the day. Sensei cast a healing chi bubble over me, and sometimes i can feel it working. I tried practicing my unarmed stuff, but i started moving a little too much, i guess, and i puked on the dog. He deserved it anyway. I'm still pissed that they cut my hair at the hospital. IT took me forever to get it to look like the singer's hair from AFI. That dude's a total fr34k. I bet he's a Ninja too.

                              Sensei's making me come to class tommorrow even tho im sick. Its not easy being a Ninja, ya know? People just don't understand. I'm gonna continue building my chi to force the poison out of my body. Catch ya later, Diary.

                              PS My nuts still have a lot of red spots on em. I'll have to put off taking pics to send to my girlfriend until they go away. hehe.



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