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Fail Sauce (AKA Ranch Dressing): Douchebag of the Month

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    #16
    Ack!

    Originally posted by Phrost View Post
    You realize that the reason you, and 5 year olds, put fail sauce on vegetables is because your palate is undisciplined and you're giving in to the craving for fat-salt, right?

    Food is fuel, not entertainment.
    Food is both fuel and entertainment. Eating is one of our few 5 sense experiences.

    It's the lazy bastards who can't understand a mass-energy balance equation and feel that they deserve a 120000 calorie dinner every night that fuck everything up.

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      #17
      Oh, and I can't stand ranch dressing. Or mayonnaise. If you're coating everything you eat in something that resembles spunk, perhaps you should re-examine your life choices.

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        #18
        CHEEZUSSS! 140 calories / two chicken nuggets? (Like fried chicken by-product isn;t bad enough already...)

        That's @ 500+ extra calories per meal!

        I've never been a huge ranch eater so I didn't bother checking the serving infromation but I had no idea it was THAT rich and nasty.

        The obesity epidemic is starting to make a little more sense to me considering the vast portions of this shit slathered upon the already over-taxed metabolisms of your average American schlub.

        Welp. Now I have an official reason to hate on the stuff other than my usual "it tastes like sour creamed ass".

        On the upside, if you walk around Gresham, Oregon with some on your dick you'll get a blow job for sure...

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          #19
          Originally posted by judoist View Post
          I disagree. Who is to say that the only way in which food can be entertainment is because of cravings for unhealthy/addictive ingredients?

          Maybe learning how to cook a tasty and healthy meal is just the ticket for impressing a girl, not to mention the satisfaction of eating something you've prepared yourself.
          That's the thing though, the vast majority of people can't understand nuance; whether it's because they're incapable of resisting biologically hard-wired impulses, or are just mentally weak.

          So for those people, rules of thumb like that one, which like "Fail Sauce" I hope catches on, is a useful mantra to regurgitate; especially if you're the type who does find yourself looking forward to the prospect of a Baconator more than going for a jog.

          If everyone had the capability of regulating his own behavior and impulses, we wouldn't need the Martial Arts in the first place and we'd be several thousand years further advanced as a species.

          But then, this is a response to an article in which I used the term "fuckbucket", so maybe I should just back off a tad on serious social commentary.

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            #20
            Originally posted by Phrost View Post
            If everyone had the capability of regulating his own behavior and impulses, we wouldn't need the Martial Arts in the first place and we'd be several thousand years further advanced as a species.

            But then, this is a response to an article in which I used the term "fuckbucket", so maybe I should just back off a tad on serious social commentary.
            Psh, naw. I've spent a lot of time writing on similar sentiments. We'd be much more advanced if humans would cut that crap out. Politics, the legal system, and self-defense all exist because people act like animals and pursue their own impulses instead of improving society. Huge wastes of time and resources, all. We spend too much of our energy dealing with each other instead of going forward.

            Being a faulty human and just as guilty doesn't mean you can't think or speak about those things.

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              #21
              Re: Fail Sauce (AKA "Ranch Dressing): Douchebag of the Month

              Originally posted by jnp View Post
              So ranch salad dressing is a legitimate argument for eugenics? Is that your point?

              Maybe someone who wrote an article on BS is upset that all that ranch dressing goes straight to their hips?
              All valid points and I agree 100%.

              Let's get this straight, I use ranch dressing as a gateway drug to get my son to try vegetables he would normally condemn as the spawn of Satan. After a while, the ranch gets dropped in favor of something else, like lemon juice on broccoli. Like I said, it's a gateway drug.
              I don't believe this at all. Vids or it didn't happen.

              ps. I was channeling some of our members who are reading comprehension challenged except the last paragraph. That stuff is all true.
              duuhhhhhh......... huh???

              Comment


                #22
                Originally posted by doofaloofa
                Hey Devil

                Do you put Ranch dressing on your sausage balls?
                Fuck no! Why would anybody do that? It already has the two essential food groups - sausage and balls. Anything else is just pure gluttony.

                Comment


                  #23
                  Originally posted by itwasntme View Post
                  I don't believe this at all. Vids or it didn't happen.
                  Demanding vids of a child? Odd, brah.

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                    #24
                    Re: Fail Sauce (AKA "Ranch Dressing): Douchebag of the Month

                    Originally posted by Raving&Drooling View Post
                    Demanding vids of a child? Odd, brah.
                    There's vegetables involved so that makes it a perfectly healthy request.

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                      #25
                      Here's a good counter-argument on Ranch dressing's behalf:



                      Eat enough Ranch and you'll be able to do this.

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                        #26
                        In other news...

                        Heart Attack Grill's 'spokesman' dies of heart attack

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                          #27
                          Originally posted by Phrost View Post
                          Ranch Dressing isn't bad because it's 99% fat. I won't go into the fats vs. carbs debate here, but I'll just say that bacon isn't responsible for the Holocaust as some people operating on dietary knowledge from the 1970's would have you believe. Our bodies are set up to consume fat because it's a very efficient source of energy. Our ancestors, who hadn't yet invented Death Metal, used to literally suck the marrow out of the bones of their prey, just to get at the fat content.

                          No, Ranch Dressing is "bad" because it's one of the most calorie-dense food(ish) substances out there; it's up there with ice cream and the tears of your enemies. As you can see, two tablespoons of the stuff has as many calories as a fuckbucket of broccoli. (By the way, if you eat broccoli by the bucket, send us an email).
                          This shit contradicts itself.

                          Fat is calorie dense.

                          Nothing wrong with ranch or mayo.

                          In moderation, ranch or mayo can be good for you if you're struggling to fill your caloric needs.

                          Put it on some tuna and you've got a solid meal but eat with some breaded fried food and french fries and you're just asking for trouble.

                          Here's olive oil which is considered by many to be healthy.

                          Click image for larger version

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                          Olive oil has 50 more calories per tablespoon. I'm comparing them because both are dressings in a sense and both are fat dense.

                          I call bullshit. But whatever... it's funny.

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                            #28
                            Excellent article packed with win and lulz. Now this is what I come to Bullshido for ;)

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