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John Castle: Douchebag of the Month

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    John Castle: Douchebag of the Month

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    I'll let you in on a dirty secret of mine...

    I absolutely love seeing professional protester hippies get pepper sprayed. Seriously, I could watch a two-hour YouTube video of nothing but streams of capsaicin coating smug, overpriviledged youth like a frantic Buffalo Wild Wings kitchen prepping for the Super Bowl.

    And I suspect many of you feel the same way, whether you'll admit it or not. The reason for this is because Bullies, of the capital-B, Bullshido Member variety, love seeing sheltered idiots get their commuppance. It's a beautiful thing when the righteous fist of Reality comes crashing into the doughy-soft, pampered face of a person who, up until that point, has done everything they could to deny it.

    It's no different than seeing the Yellow Bamboo dipshits get knocked on their ass; an Art Jimmersonian moment of schadenfruede at its best.

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    But what happens when the dirty hippies actually have a point... broken clock being right twice a day and such?

    Whatever you think of the Occupy Wall Street movement, it's glaringly obvious that the gap between rich and poor in the western world is widening at an frightening rate. We've got double-digit unemployment, as high as 20% in some parts of Europe and the US, and an economic system that's being exploited by old men who are more concerned with extracting wealth than enabling progress.

    Bullshido, as an editorial platform, isn't directly concerned with politics, economics, and other such things. As many of our dedicated readers know, our mandate here is to eliminate bullshit. And to do that, we start with ourselves, individually, by eliminating it from our thinking; nonsense that holds us back from achieving our maxiumum potential. After that, we expand our focus to include bullshit that holds other people back. This has until recently primarily revolved around martial arts, fitness, and health-related subjects.

    That's for a good reason. Because if you're fit and healthy, you have the physical foundation for achieving success. When you're properly trained and prepared, you can defend the people and causes you care about against a hostile world, chock-full of liars and crooks; when the body is right, the mind follows.

    And once you've got your foundation laid, once you have your house built, it's time to go out into the community and help your neighbors with theirs. That's at the core of what we do around here, by fighting against BS. People, in general, don't choose to feed their bodies with trash and garbage; everyone would rather have a nice meal than dig through a dumpster. But when it comes to information, what goes into their heads instead of their mouths, people happily consume all sorts of sewage and refuse. And with the Internet, there's a 24-hour-a-day banquet laid out with piles of steaming shit mingled amongst plates of prime rib.

    This may all seem a bit unnecessary as preamble to an article about why someone is an asshole. But we felt it was important given how our members have been expanding the focus of our mission over the past few years to help fight against BS in all it's forms, not just within our original mandate of the martial arts. And more specifically, it's important because it comes back to the conflict between entrenched, corrupt power, and new progress. Because there will always be a conflict between those who make their livelihoods selling bullshit, and they'll always be in conflict with those people, like us, who want to use them and their wares as fertilizer.

    That brings us to John Castle.

    John Castle is a man whose made his money raiding companies and extracting their value, like Dracula with an MBA and a taste for green blood.

    Which is perfectly fine with me, hell, I'm a capitalist. Some of our audience, especially our European Bullies, might think this is enough to qualify him as a douchebag, but as far as Meesta Phrosty goes, it's not. In fact, I'm all for a guy making so much money he can buy the property of an American political dynasty. Besides, if you want to spend millions of dollars to live in a monoclimate and be gang-raped by mosquitos on a daily basis, more power to you. Fuck Florida.

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    (We only put this picture in here to keep those of you with shitty attention spans happy, but if you have to completely enclose your outdoor pool because of mosquitoes, your state sucks)

    But what isn't fine with me, or us, is thinking that your legitimate accumulation of wealth somehow makes you superior to the guy serving you a sandwich.

    You see, Mr. Castle is accused of, ALLEGEDLY (read this in the most obnoxious Thurston Howell III voice possible), breaking the finger of a waiter for committing the unforgivable faux pas of bringing the bill to the table.

    As reported in the Palm Beach Daily News for People Who Are Too Frail To Handle Actual Season Changes And Consequently Chose to Live in Northern Cuba While Fencing Out Said Brown People Except at Restaurants Where they Work in the Kitchens:

    Kucik stated that Mrs. Castle requested that Kucik bring her their dinner bill. Kucik stated that when he returned to the Castles' dinner table, Mrs. Castle instructed him to give the bill to her husband, John Castle who was seated across the dinner table from her.

    Kucik stated that he attempted to hand Mr. Castle the bill and Mr. Castle became irate with him and yelled, "You schmuck, why did you bring the bill to the table?" Kucik stated that he replied, "because your lady asked for it." Kucik stated while he stood on the left side of Mr. Castle, he (Kucik) attempted to hand Mr. Castle an ink pen. Mr. Castle began ranting and grabbed Kucik's left hand and began squeezing and twisting his fingers. Kucik stated that Mr. Castle had a very tight grip of his left hand and Kucik had to pull his left hand out of Mr. Castle`s grasp. Kucik stated he was not certain which hand Mr. Castle grabbed his left hand with, but he believed Mr. Castle used his right hand.

    Kucik stated that he immediately notified his employer of the incident, but no action was taken. Kucik stated he began experiencing pains in his fingers as a result of Mr. Castle's actions. Kucik stated that on January 8, 2012 at 9:00 a.m., he went to the M.D. Walk-In Clinic located on Lantana Road. Kucik stated an X-Ray of his fingers indicated that his left ring finger was broken.

    I did observe that Kucik's left ring finger and pinkie finger were wrapped in blue medical tape.
    It's at this point in the article where the author is flirting with the idea of admiring its subject for having such grip strength at the age of 76, but realizes he shouldn't because that might derail the festering outrage the reader is now feeling after having read that.

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    (Bullshido can confirm that Mr. Castle is not a member of the Von Erich wrestling family)

    So instead, we'll just close with this: Fuck You Mr. Castle. Guys like you are why people dreamed up the idea of Karma. Because daydreaming about you coming back as a Floridian mosquito whose short life is ended when crushed against the arm of a sweaty food service worker on a smoke break, makes us wish the Hindus were right.

    Guys like you, who are in the 1% of wealth holders, with 40% of the USA's wealth in your sagging, wrinkly hands, can only keep people distracted and sedated with Sports and Snookis and Soma, for so long before shit like this will cause blood like yours to run in the streets.

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    Thank Shiva for the Second Amendment.

    DQ for small joint manipulation, the waiter wins!


      Preach on.


        Originally posted by Vorpal View Post
        DQ for small joint manipulation, the waiter wins!
        In the dangerous world of elite dining clubs, there are no disqualifications.


          At first I wasn't sure about this article when it started about how spraying hippies is cool, but I like it. Kucik showed a lot of restraint when some Gatsby prick breaks his finger and he didn't retaliate.


            Amen, brotha!


              Dude needs an ass whipping.

              I don't see the connection to wealth, though. He's an asshole. The end. Sure, he's the 1% but you can damn sure find another 99 broke asses acting like douchebags in McDonald's.


                True, but it's not reflective of the wealth and power disparity issues that are currently sparking revolutions all over the planet, and may very well result in more than a few lynchings of guys like this unless there's some dramatic changes in how things operate.


                  Originally posted by Phrost View Post
                  True, but it's not reflective of the wealth and power disparity issues that are currently sparking revolutions all over the planet, and may very well result in more than a few lynchings of guys like this unless there's some dramatic changes in how things operate.
                  I for one have some poor people to kill when the lynchings start, too. My list is long and it gets updated daily.


                    You had me at "Fuck Florida".


                      I feel sorry for him (Mr Castle).

                      I mean, come on! Look at that Bugle! (Schnozz to you 'Mericans) Fuck's Sake it's bigger than Jimmy Durante's!

                      (What a marvellous target. And he has to go through Life with THAT?! haha)


                        Climate change means so much more precipitation that Florida is likely well on its way to becoming a big reef in the near future (universally speaking).

                        The surfing off Georgia's and Alabama's coasts will kick ass, though.


                          Originally posted by Phrost View Post
                          True, but it's not reflective of the wealth and power disparity issues that are currently sparking revolutions all over the planet, and may very well result in more than a few lynchings of guys like this unless there's some dramatic changes in how things operate.
                          The only problem is the lynchings are usually on he wrong people when shit like that goes down. Generally speaking when poor people riot they are pretty indifferent about their targets. They will pillage and lynch in whatever neighborhood is next up from theirs. The London riots are a good example of how indiscriminate people are when shit hits the fan.


                            If today is be pissed off at rich people day, I pick this motherfucker:



                              I'll bet if you punched this guy in the nose, money would come out. He looks like Oswald Cobblepot.



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