Critical Mass: Douchebag of the Month - March 2011

[neoex]

No, it actually just shows that you are a royally privileged asshole. "Let them ride a handbike!"—without any knowledge of person's health or economic situation—is no different than "Let them eat cake!" I look forward to you getting in a horrifying accident on your bike and being told to walk to the hospital, and when you can't it being recommended that you just crawl instead.

Saying "You hate cripples because you ride bikes!" is not being asshole? But saying "cripples" can ride bike too, if they want, makes me asshole? Well, suit you sir. Did you even read my first post? No?

[neoex]

People in cars and on bikes both do stupid shit on the road. The difference is only one goes around once a month to intentionally fuck with everyone trying to get anywhere. When people start using cars to make blockades against bikers your point will be valid.

Like parking on bikelanes? Or stopping on bikelanes? Or... well, you get the point.

Just to be clear again. I don't condone anyone fucking up traffic, be it in cars or on bikes.

[JollyRoger]

WAR CAR!!!

[Kovacs]

Similar events happen in London, not that often but they do involve hundreds of people and they screw up the capital for hours. The irony is, cars standing idle are still fucking the environment and when the meet ends all of the angry drivers are going to be gunning for cyclists on their way home to their spoilt dinners. It's a double fail.

[Devil]

I can't even begin to explain the joy that filled my heart when I watched that car plow through those turds like bowling pins. I would've given anything to be standing on that sidewalk with a bowl of popcorn.

Watching their smug expressions being wiped off their faces was epic. It is so fucking sweet whenever someone stands up and does the exact thing everyone else wants to do. Too bad the guy will be locked up for a long time. Maybe I'll find out where he'll be imprisoned and send him money and porno mags every month.

[neoex]

I can't even begin to explain the joy that filled my heart when I watched that car plow through those turds like bowling pins. I would've given anything to be standing on that sidewalk with a bowl of popcorn.

Watching their smug expressions being wiped off their faces was epic. It is so fucking sweet whenever someone stands up and does the exact thing everyone else wants to do. Too bad the guy will be locked up for a long time. Maybe I'll find out where he'll be imprisoned and send him money and porno mags every month.

This. This is what I meant. It's like applauding terrorists hitting buildings with bloody planes, damnit. Screw this. I'll go look at something else for a while.

[Phrost]

A more apt comparison would be a one man plane flying into the PETA headquarters building. That doesn't mean it's justified, despite PETA's hypocrisy and connection with environmental terrorism, but it does more accurately draw a parallel to this gentleman mowing over the smug cyclists.

Again, I don't support the act, nor am I encouraging anyone else to do so.

That said, sure, there should be a bike lane, and even heavy fines for drivers that occupy it with motor vehicles. I grew up riding bikes, sometimes doing 20 miles in a single day just for the hell of it. So it's not cycling that we have an issue with here, it's this "organization", its methods, and largely, its participants.

[dwkfym]

I don't condone it, its not right, but its still really funny and satisfying in a twisted way.

[creativo]

This. This is what I meant. It's like applauding terrorists hitting buildings with bloody planes, damnit. Screw this. I'll go look at something else for a while.

Nah nevermind Devil, he's the resident limbaugh-troll here. Since he has no balls to put his opinions into practice, it'll probably be his offspring who'll take it to the next level for our amusement.

Anything that stops traffic hits those who aren't normally affected by the protester's problems, and that is one of the reasons to enact them. Like strikes, without which labor conditions would still be slavelike. The message isn't "fuck you cars" but more like "make it possible to go around with bikes without risking life".

[dwkfym]

Alright look the law says bikes have to ride on the road and have the same rights as cars. But if you do that you hold up traffic and piss off all the drivers. On the other hand if you ride on the sidewalk you scare and annoy pedestrians. Separate lanes really is the only solution.

I used to ride everywhere but stopped after nearly getting hit a few times by drivers that didn't see me or didn't bother to give me enough room when passing.

I just ride on the sidewalk. Not worth the risk.
I don't get why fuckers in San Diego protest. Better bike lanes than anywhere in Floridal

[Devil]

Limbaugh troll? LOL. Of course I wouldn't put my opinions into practice. I'm not an idiot. Even though watching a dude bowl a perfect strike right through an army of jerkoffs is a beautiful thing, it doesn't bring me enough satisfaction to go to prison for it. Duh.

How can anyone not see the humor in 30 arrogant cyclists getting ran over while disrupting a city's traffic protesting for bike safety? Oh, the irony! I wonder how many years you'd have to go back to count the last 30 cyclists that were injured by vehicles in that city. I think the message is pretty clear. If you want to decrease cycling accidents, quit having your stupid ass monthly clusterfuck bike rides.

If you didn't at least chuckle at that video, you have no sense of humor whatsoever. It was even better than the bully bodyslam video.

Edit: Just went back and watched it again. Still funny.

[creativo]

Let's see, you're the one with the "home defense" fantasy, who would nuke all the Arab countries, and who finds that scene funny.
You should stick to South Park and GTA, since you don't know the difference between fiction and real life. But you can still dream, maybe there'll be an Arab Zombie Bikers Apocalypse, so you can mow them down from your home M60 turret.

[Devil]

Let's see, you're the one with the "home defense" fantasy, who would nuke all the Arab countries, and who finds that scene funny.
You should stick to South Park and GTA, since you don't know the difference between fiction and real life. But you can still dream, maybe there'll be an Arab Zombie Bikers Apocalypse, so you can mow them down from your home M60 turret.

Watched it yet again. Still funny.

Showed it to coworkers. Belly laughs for everyone.

[Permalost]

I don't get why fuckers in San Diego protest. Better bike lanes than anywhere in Floridal

In San Diego, we complain whenever anything is less than ideal. It was really windy the other day and everyone was freaking out.

[Evergrey]

The first time I was stuck in a Critical Mass Clusterfuck, I was driving a friend with disabilities to a restaurant. It should have taken about 15 minutes to get there, and it would have taken well over an hour to take the bus there. My friend also happened to develop the massive shits on the way there, which he was attempting to hold. Then Critical Mass came and blocked an intersection, going around and around in circles. A vehicle had been caught in the intersection, and some nasty dreadlocked motherfucker climbed up on top of the car and was pumping his bike in the air like a caveman with a speak in one of those cheesey old movies. He was jumping up and down on top of the car, denting the hell out of it. He got arrested, but it took quite a while for traffic to clear up. My friend's dignity, however? That took longer.

The second time, I had a severe back injury. I had to go out and get something, maybe it was medicine or maybe it was food. I don't remember. There was no way I was physically able to ride any kind of bike- I was in an incredible amount of pain. I couldn't take public transportation- it takes a lot more time than I could endure, and the bus and even BART were far too jarring. The one time I tried, I ended up on the floor of the subway, screaming. Walk? Shit, I could barely walk down the aisle of the grocery store, heavily leaning on a cart, and taking a ton of breaks.
I wasn't actually supposed to be able to walk at all, but I'm a stubborn bitch that way.

On top of the actual back injury, I had sciatica, which kind of feels like knives constantly cutting through your leg down to the bone. Sitting puts extra pressure on the sciatic nerve, which causes even more pain. Sitting in my car for a long period of time was sheer torture, but I had to eat, and I had medications I had to take, so I was out there on the road for a short trip.

In came Critical Mass, blockading traffic completely and sreaming at the people in the cars.

"FUCK YOU, GO TO HELL, YOU'RE MURDERING THE PLANET!!!!" one screamed, while keeping at least 40 cars stuck on the road for a half an hour longer than they would have been running.

"I HOPE YOU DIE YOU SELFISH STUPID FAT LAZY BITCH," one shouted at me. I did my best to hold back the tears, because I knew very well how my body had been ruined by being unable to roll over without help for months, and because I was in so damned much pain and I needed to get home and lie down in bed so badly. The pain was getting intense enough that it was hard to focus. I felt like I was going to throw up. I felt dizzy. I felt like screaming but I'd learned long ago that screaming just tensed my back muscles up and made it worse.

I wondered how many people were trying to get home from a long commute who would be stuck commuting 6 hours a day if they didn't have a car, and who lived where they lived because that was the only place they could afford to. I wondered if anyone was heading to one of the local hospitals to visit a loved one who might not make it. I wondered if anyone else was in my situation. I wondered what made those guys out there think they were given a "get out of being a decent human being free" card just because they rode bikes, as if that meant they were faultless, flawless, above reproach.

I wondered how many of them had really been through intense hardships, and why they hadn't learned any empathy because of it. I wondered if they thought everyone was privileged enough to be able to just take the time to run some longass protest for a couple hours every week. I wondered if it ever occurred to them that not everyone in the world is a physically healthy, non0disabled 20something. I wondered if they'd ever thought about how much if costs some people physically just to go out to get a loaf of fucking bread, and how much it wears down a person's spirit. I wondered if they knew that there are some injuries, some disabilities, that cause someone to be bedridden for DAYS because they had to push themself just a little too far.

I was stuck sitting in that car long enough, I started to get so angry, and I started to despair. The Critical Massers were riding around, having a grand old time, threatening to kick people's asses and beat them up for being planet murders, driving those evil cars. They were laughing and grinning and exclaiming "WOOOOO" a lot, and when they left they were high 5ing and looking incredibly smug because they'd accomplished so very much and were MAKING A DIFFERENCE, MAN, because they were AWARE! I think they threw crap at some of the cars for good measure, flipping people off and hurling a few choice insults before finally leaving.

I'm pretty sure I wasn't really able to go out again for days after that. It was too much of a strain on my body at that time. So hey, I guess mission accomplished, they kept an evil car driver off the road for a while!

There are good bikers in the bay area, who are considerate and careful and who follow the rules of the road.

A lot MORE often than that, however, I watch bikers blow through red lights, stop signs, weave in front of faster moving traffic, ride OUTSIDE of the bike lanes, and try to dart around a right-turning car on the car's right, when they are going straight. A lot of bikers seem to think that the rules of the road do not apply to them, for they are so much more righteous than those dirty car drivers. Many seem blissfully unaware that self-righteousness does not, in fact, trump the laws of physics.

There are shitty drivers out there who don't pay attention too, and that can be deadlier. But shit man, a guy on a bike CAN actually do some pretty serious damage to a pedestrian (I have almost been run down by bikers many times, and only wasn't because I managed to haul my ass out of the way) and you know what? It's scary having to share the road with them. It's stressful as hell. I don't want to run someone over. I don't want to see someone lying in a pool of blood in the street every time I close my eyes. I hate sharing the road with bikers not only because many of them are inconsiderate and do not let faster traffic pass when they can safely do so (which I am pretty sure you are supposed to do when you have three or more vehicles backed up behind you and are going a lot slower than the speed limit) but because a lot of them are erratic, unsafe motherfuckers who might do something illegal and dangerous at any time. So I get pretty worried that there's going to be an accident.

"I am riding a bike" does not mean "I am more evolved than everyone else," it does not mean "I don't really have to obey the law," and it doesn't mean "physics don't apply to me, and it's always the evil car driver's fault if physics happens." You have to be a considerate human being if you want other people to be considerate human beings to you. And you might want to consider the fact that other people have circumstances and lives that differ from your own, and make them unable to do the things that you do.

But why think about things like that? That's complicated and hard and doesn't make you feel all pumped up and great about yourself like running around in a mob yelling at people.