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BREAKING NEWS: How to win amateur grappling/mma events

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    BREAKING NEWS: How to win amateur grappling/mma events

    After hearing from buddies about their recent adventures in various grappling/mma events, I've notice a disturbing trend on how to win. Here is my guide on winning. I sure wish I would've just done this instead of like, trying to win.

    Guide to winning grappling tournaments

    Step 1:

    Take up wrestling.

    Step 2:

    Go to tournament.

    Step 3:

    Keep pushing for single leg, until you get a single leg.

    Step 4:

    Hold on to dear life until time runs out.

    Step 5:

    Win via points.

    Easy, isn't it? It's just as easy as it sounds. Don't learn grappling techniques, just focus on a single leg, learn to pin someone well and how to circle and you will win. If you come up with someone else who is working on this technique, just do it marginally better than him.

    Guide on how to win Amateur MMA

    Step 1:

    Take up wrestling.

    Step 2:

    Get fight.

    Step 3:

    Keep pushing for single leg, until you get a single leg.

    Step 4:

    Hold onto dear life, circle, hold onto dear life until time runs out.

    Step 5:

    Win via decision.

    - Mark Coleman "How I became a UFC Champ" (C) 1997.

    See the nice thing about mma "fights" is that if you're circling or just kind of squirming, the ref can't say that you're not improving your position. You don't even have to throw a single punch!

    That'll be $10 please.

    paypal: [email protected]

    #2
    Um yeah, it's called being "Tito Ortiz'ed"

    Comment


      #3
      I will never pay for common knowledge.
      GET A RED BELT OR DIE TRYIN'.
      Originally posted by Devil
      I think Battlefields and I had a spirited discussion once about who was the biggest narcissist. We both wanted the title but at the end of the day I had to concede defeat. Can't win 'em all.
      Originally posted by BackFistMonkey
      I <3 Battlefields...

      Comment


        #4
        Actually don't send me any money. Mark Coleman might sue me for plagiarizing him and Greg Jackson might get mad I'm giving his secrets away.

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by Sirc View Post
          After hearing from buddies about their recent adventures in various grappling/mma events, I've notice a disturbing trend on how to win. Here is my guide on winnin g.I sure wish I would've just done this instead of like, trying to win.
          This is not how you use the conditional case.

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by Lindz View Post
            This is not how you use the conditional case.
            It's cool bro. I'm just trying to be like my peeps, you know. And like, using words and shit they can relates to.

            We cool, nig?

            Comment


              #7
              When you say amateur grappling events do you mean the beginner division of grappling events?

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by RandomTriangle View Post
                When you say amateur grappling events do you mean the beginner division of grappling events?
                Beginner to Int.

                Sorry, I was trying to use a single sweeping phrase to catch everything. But yeah.

                I've discovered that after blue belt, if you're still relying on Orteasing people who don't have this secret technique, then you're probably going to drop out of competition all together because all of a sudden, people are submitting you.

                BUT THEN

                I hear that when you get to black belt level, you go back to this strategy, only, now the both of you are REALLY good at this game again.

                Comment


                  #9
                  I think they need to take away the point system in grappling tournaments.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Now you just need a time machine to teach this to yourself before the DTT gong sau

                    Comment


                      #11
                      It's a start.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Originally posted by Cybren View Post
                        Now you just need a time machine to teach this to yourself before the DTT gong sau
                        You do TKD which means you have only one testicle.:ingun:

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Originally posted by Cybren View Post
                          Now you just need a time machine to teach this to yourself before the DTT gong sau
                          That's more selfish than going back and winning the lottery.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            U.S. grappling has a no point, no time limit (submission only) submission grappling tournament.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              How to defeat first strategy

                              Step 1

                              Take wrestling

                              Step 2

                              Learn to defend single leg
                              "Emevas,
                              You're a scrapper, I like that."-Ronin69

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