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    Judo and creative writing.

    I write. And when I do, I often wax poetic.

    I do not write often in English. I need the help of Bullshido.

    I wrote a little sonnet about judo (hence YMAS). In French, there are rules about how to cut syllables in poetry, how to treat the usually silent final letters, etc. This results in words not having the same numbers of syllables in poetry as compared to everyday life use.

    I've written this in dodecasyllables but I'm not sure they really are alexandrines. I don't know if English has any special syllable cutting rules. If anybody could check my alexandrines for me, I'd be grateful. English usually uses accentual verse, but since I'm French, I use syllable verse. Also, being ESL, accentual verse would be extremely hard for me, as I often do not stress correctly.

    Additionally, I splitted them classically in half because I'm awesome. I would've probably done a better job in French, but I wanted to test myself in English.

    Any other comments/criticisms are welcome, of course.

    Two figures clad in white, locked in exquisite dance,
    Circling, moving, floating, flying across the mat.
    One can hear slight ruffling, as the two shadows prance,
    The music of progress, the sound of true combat.

    An opportunist's art, both seek their opening,
    To reach for a clear mind, a sloth's pure victory.
    The moment to take flight is always worth seeing,
    Which one will soar above, an expert's mystery.

    Time has stopped going by, as the men exploded;
    Powerfully subtle, mercifully gentle.
    As with nearly all things, only one is conquered.

    One man then ascended, striving to grasp his kin,
    The hovering white forms, observing from the sky.
    Today this man was me, next time perhaps a twin.
    Last edited by kikoolol; 1/23/2010 10:24pm, .

    #2
    This is gayer than grappling.

    Comment


      #3
      Keep it in french, frenchie.

      EDIT: En Francais, sil vu plais? (aware of bad spelling and Aussie accent).
      GET A RED BELT OR DIE TRYIN'.
      Originally posted by Devil
      I think Battlefields and I had a spirited discussion once about who was the biggest narcissist. We both wanted the title but at the end of the day I had to concede defeat. Can't win 'em all.
      Originally posted by BackFistMonkey
      I <3 Battlefields...

      Comment


        #4
        I hope the translation is a poor one because it isn't that good otherwise. As sirc said, pretty gay.
        GET A RED BELT OR DIE TRYIN'.
        Originally posted by Devil
        I think Battlefields and I had a spirited discussion once about who was the biggest narcissist. We both wanted the title but at the end of the day I had to concede defeat. Can't win 'em all.
        Originally posted by BackFistMonkey
        I <3 Battlefields...

        Comment


          #5
          damn, and you wonder why you can't get girls.

          Comment


            #6
            This is shit. Why am
            I reading this instead of
            Throwing jackasses?

            Comment


              #7
              Maybe people would appreciate this more if it were in French, or they weren't dickheads. Puis-je regarder en francais?
              Soon-to-be BJJ sandbagger?

              Comment


                #8
                Best laugh I've had today despite the splitting headache I have that makes me want to hurl.

                Good effort kikoolol. Prance on, poet!
                "I'm reluctant to sound like a total fa66ot as well, but my background in sculpture gave me an edge in understanding how we're expected to move thru space." - The Other Other Serge

                Comment


                  #9
                  I'm quitting judo...

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Kiko, I write. And when I do, I often wax poetic.

                    I do not write often in French. I need the help of You, Kiko

                    I wrote a little sonnet about Life and Love. In English. I tried to translate it for a challenge (I haven't spoken french since i tried to nail a french chick so forgive me if this isn't correct).

                    Vous aimez bien con les hommes te laichent le cul?
                    Originally posted by Judoka_UK
                    Judo is the PC to Sambo's Mac.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Martial arts is about fighting. It's not about poetry, inner spirit, self-discipline, spiritual awareness....etc.
                      Now STFU and train.
                      "Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities." Voltaire.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        That is a joke right?
                        GET A RED BELT OR DIE TRYIN'.
                        Originally posted by Devil
                        I think Battlefields and I had a spirited discussion once about who was the biggest narcissist. We both wanted the title but at the end of the day I had to concede defeat. Can't win 'em all.
                        Originally posted by BackFistMonkey
                        I <3 Battlefields...

                        Comment


                          #13
                          I liked it . It is nice =)

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Originally posted by kikoolol View Post
                            I've written this in dodecasyllables but I'm not sure they really are alexandrines. I don't know if English has any special syllable cutting rules. If anybody could check my alexandrines for me, I'd be grateful. English usually uses accentual verse, but since I'm French, I use syllable verse. Also, being ESL, accentual verse would be extremely hard for me, as I often do not stress correctly.
                            In English, iambic pentameter (five feet of unstress/stress: e.g., "When I|, against| myself|, with thee| partake?") is the traditional meter for a sonnet, though obviously there have been many, many variations on the classic Shakespearean and Petrarchan sonnets.

                            However, if you're looking to write a traditional sonnet in English, then first you need to stick to iambs (though there are some accepted variations, like trochaic substitutions), and take either the Shakespearean or Petrarchan pattern. So, that would mean three cross-rhymed quatrains (four lines rhyming abab) followed by a couplet (two lines rhyming aa) for the former, or an octave (eight lines rhyming abbaabba) followed by a sestet (six lines rhyming in one of several patterns) for the latter, with a volta (a turn of meaning).

                            I'd suggest checking the Poetry Free For All if you're looking for a useful online resource.
                            BJJ Beginner FAQ, Artemis BJJ, GrappleThon.org (BJJ for Charity)

                            Comment


                              #15
                              this one time i saw two guys making out in front of a night club, this poem was slightly gayer than that.

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