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    An actual craig's list personals ad

    I apoligize if this is old, but I just got this in an e-mail from my father-in-law and laughed my ass off.



    When I read this the first thing I thought was...this criminal must have had the misfurtune of attempting to mug someone from these forums!!



    Again if this is old forgive me...but shit like this warms my LEO heart:eusa_droo





    To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown the night before last.


    Date: 2009-05-27, 1 :43 a.m.


    I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.



    First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!



    I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].



    After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!



    I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]



    I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.



    Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in twothreatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.



    The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).



    In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.Have a good day!


    Thoughtfully yours,


    Alex


    P.S. Remember this motto ... An armed society makes for a more civil society!





    #2
    Originally posted by santathe power View Post
    P.S. Remember this motto ... An armed society makes for a more civil society!






    I was laughing until I hit this gem. Then my brain shutdown from an overdose of irony.
    "The pedant is he who finds it impossible to read criticism of himself without immediately reaching for his pen and replying to the effect that the accusation is a gross insult to his person. He is, in effect, a man unable to laugh at himself."Sigmund Freud, The Ego and the Id.

    Comment


      #3
      That little gem was actually part of the add I think.

      Comment


        #4
        Seen it a few times before. It's like Phill Elmore crossed with a 4channer.

        EDIT to add: If that floats your boat, you may get a kick out of this YouTube- Rednecks get their just desserts in BMW chase!
        Last edited by CrackFox; 12/04/2009 2:45pm, .

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          #5
          Originally posted by santathe power View Post
          That little gem was actually part of the add I think.
          I'm aware...that's what made it hurt so much
          "The pedant is he who finds it impossible to read criticism of himself without immediately reaching for his pen and replying to the effect that the accusation is a gross insult to his person. He is, in effect, a man unable to laugh at himself."Sigmund Freud, The Ego and the Id.

          Comment


            #6
            http://www.snopes.com/crime/justice/mugger.asp

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              #7
              YouTube- It's a faaaaaake

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by CrackFox View Post
                Seen it a few times before. It's like Phill Elmore crossed with a 4channer.

                EDIT to add: If that floats your boat, you may get a kick out of this YouTube- Rednecks get their just desserts in BMW chase!

                Wow...if that could have ended up pretty bad...the poor dudes just wanted to play baseball:eusa_ange

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by santathe power View Post
                  Wow...if that could have ended up pretty bad...the poor dudes just wanted to play baseball:eusa_ange
                  Yeah, except it's fake.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by badbadsanta View Post
                    Yeah, except it's fake.
                    *Ahem* I knew that:eusa_liar

                    I was going to say that those guys in the truck did sound a little like radio talk show hosts though..

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by santathe power View Post
                      P.S. Remember this motto ... An armed society makes for a more civil society! [/CENTER]
                      Fuck this maxim
                      Hatred is gained as much by good works as by evil. - Machiavelli

                      Comment


                        #12
                        An armed society makes for a more civil society!

                        That reminds me of a joke.

                        What do you call a gorilla with a machine-gun?
                        Spoiler:
                        Sir!

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                          #13
                          Well there is SOME truth to it, as the Great Sage, Robert E. Howard once said:
                          "Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be impolite without having their skulls split, as a general thing."

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Originally posted by Ian G.R. View Post
                            Fuck this maxim
                            Indeed. Shall we talk about the numerous examples of it being untrue in practice? Or shall we take a moment to examine its implication: that in an armed society you live in fear that someone may get pissed off with you for something minor and blow your head off?

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Originally posted by sleigher View Post
                              Indeed. Shall we talk about the numerous examples of it being untrue in practice? Or shall we take a moment to examine its implication: that in an armed society you live in fear that someone may get pissed off with you for something minor and blow your head off?
                              WHAT DID YOU SAY!?

                              :new_snipe
                              Hatred is gained as much by good works as by evil. - Machiavelli

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