"It gets SO much f***ing better than that Arch! You have NO IDEA, I'm LEAVING!"

[foxd]

When I left my JJJ school, I didn't show up for a few months, but then felt really guilty because all the people there were nice as hell. I did what a people here already said; I went in, sat down, and told the instructor that I just wanted to do more a more competitive oriented martial art. I actually think he noticed I wasn't happy doing it, so he was cool with me leaving.

[Krat0s]

G-off, I think its best if your are being honest to the instructor/ assitant instructor e.t.c...., I remember I used to larp alot when I was like 10-12 (I was a preteen, more dumb then a teen) I really liked the people larping with me and the head larper instructor, they were nice people and had good intentions, very social, the head instructor was a good role-model. Lucky I was there for around 5 months, I wasnt that attached to the ppl but I will remember them, and how much they were dedicated in teaching the larp. I also been to another school before Muay Thai and it was alot less larp, and sparring, it was pretty fun =), I found Muay Thai more effective then the "larper" place i went to (also a fun atmosphere), still haz my gi and belts

[Kintanon]

Folks are steering you wrongly. Don't lie. But it's not necessary to imply his art is crap either. Explain that you feel like you want to go in a different direction from the focus of their school and really need the extra time to improve your ground game, so you have to give up teaching on Wednesdays to incorporate the additional training you need. It's not that their school/art is crap (though it may be) it's just that you want to move in a different direction. Imply that you might like to come back at some point and leave open the possibility of you bringing back T3h AntiGrapple to teach there.

All nice and tidy.

[crappler]

Just be firm that you want to try something new and branch out. Nothing bad with what they are doing, you just want to see how it goes somewhere else. They will pressure you, tell you to concentrate, don't "dojo hop" blah blah blah.

Just be firm and say you need to see.

[G-Off]

Thanks for the replies. I'm probably going to pursue the "competition" line or reasoning; I'm not really comfortable lying. I won't be going into grad school till spring (who knows where) and even then I'm not planning to stop training...though we all know the deal on "plans."

I'm thinking I'll say something along the lines of wanting to try a competition focused art while I have the freedom to do so before grad school/real life/etc., and leave the future vaguely open.

Still not sure whether I'll talk to the assistant instructor tomorrow first or wait till Thursday.

[ysc87]

Also, remind him how much you enjoyed your time with him.

This situation for some reason vaguely reminds me of when I got my recommendation from my ap english teacher in high school 5 years ago. Long story short:

(Keep in mind I was an A student and was initially on good terms with him)

-I wrote a 15 persuasive speech relating the Bush administration to unprotected anal sex (which left the entire room silent except for the him, who actually fell off his chair laughing)
-I wrote an editorial for my school's underground newspaper which was just flat out racist, which I proudly signed in my name (which everyone, including him, read.)
-The class was about American writers, and I decided to write my final paper about George Orwell
-I made a girl cry in class on the day I asked him for a recc

Needless to say, I was scared shitless when I asked him to write the letters for me. (Many of the schools I was applying to needed one from an english teacher.) However, I ended up going to one of the best schools in the country, and I got into a few more, so the letters couldn't have been too bad.

The point being, if I could get a proper recommendation out of that situation, I don't think you're going to have much of an issue with your KF teacher.



Congrats, you get my first post in months.

[LThornton]

I'd probably go straight to the studio head, unless they're real big on you going up the "chain of command."

As far as your minor questions, don't leave them in a lurch, either. Help them out with the adjustment time while they shuffle the schedule, if they need you to. If students ask, just say you're going to be really busy with other stuff.

[kenpostudent]

I had a similar experience as the OP with my old kenpo teacher and his instructor this weekend. In a three hour phone conversation, I tried to explain why I didn't want to do kenpo anymore and instead am training at an MMA gym in BJJ and Judo. My instructor is VERY blunt and wouldn't take any excuses. I took the approach that the OP probably shouldn't use: told him how limited his art was and why judo and BJJ fill holes in my game.

He was not so supportive. He gave me all the anti-grapple arguments: broken glass, mass attack by ninjas, lava, the deadly streets, ect. He even tried to say judoka are off balance in their attacks and "cancel their own dimensions" when applying techniques. He tried to say BJJ is for sport and will get you beat down when the dirty tricks are used. Finally, I had to just tell him that I'm 31 and want to do something different that kenpo. I got my brown belt, find forms and sets pointless, want to do an art that I can do into old age, and want learn grappling. While he did not take it too well at first, he accepted it. I left the possibility open to coming back to kenpo classes and sharing ideas. However, I will not pursue any more rank in kenpo. That was that.

I think honesty is the best way to go. For my instructor, it was a hard blow because he spent tons of time investing in me in hopes of grooming me to be his assistant instructor. We are friends, too. So, it's hard, but he is supportive.

[Meex]

@OP -
Um. . .
you obviously care about these people, or
you wouldn't be asking for advice here.

You're trying to do the 'right thing' while
not leaving yourself, or them, vulnerable.

That said, don't start with a lie.

There are many reason for you leaving
that are the truth, and yet, not directly
detrimental to them or their school.

"I have been thinking about this for a while: "

1 - I want to expand my martial knowledge
2 - I want to compliment the training I received here
3 - We know there are gaps/holes in our training
4 - I want to see what it's like to be a more complete fighter
5 - I want to seek my martial 'grail'

Remember, you're leaving for something positive,
not becausade of something negative.

Make sure they know you are not going to out and
open your own dojo, and/or teach at another place
that would be competing with them for students.

Explain that it is a personal journey you 'need' to take,
not coincidentally beginning with the end of one school,
and the beginning of another chapter in your life.

This is the time, because you are also changing schools.
That is all true, and makes perfect sense. Especially in
regards to that letter you're so worried about.

Of course offer to teach until they can make necessary
adjustments to their training/class schedule.

And, tell students the same thing. You want to 'see what's
out there' martially. It's true. And, it may do the same for them.


As for who/how/when?
If you're friends with your (Wed) instructor, tell him casually
on Wednesday, and let him know you're going to sit down with
his 'Dad' on Thursday, to tell him. Then, ask his (son's) advice.

Then, make a point to go early, and speak with Dad.


Good luck, bro.
And, congratulations!

`~/


.

[Meex]

I had a similar experience as the OP with my old kenpo teacher and his instructor this weekend. In a three hour phone conversation, I tried to explain why I didn't want to do kenpo anymore and instead am training at an MMA gym in BJJ and Judo. My instructor is VERY blunt and wouldn't take any excuses. I took the approach that the OP probably shouldn't use: told him how limited his art was and why judo and BJJ fill holes in my game.

He was not so supportive. He gave me all the anti-grapple arguments: broken glass, mass attack by ninjas, lava, the deadly streets, ect. He even tried to say judoka are off balance in their attacks and "cancel their own dimensions" when applying techniques. He tried to say BJJ is for sport and will get you beat down when the dirty tricks are used. Finally, I had to just tell him that I'm 31 and want to do something different that kenpo. I got my brown belt, find forms and sets pointless, want to do an art that I can do into old age, and want learn grappling. While he did not take it too well at first, he accepted it. I left the possibility open to coming back to kenpo classes and sharing ideas. However, I will not pursue any more rank in kenpo. That was that.

I think honesty is the best way to go. For my instructor, it was a hard blow because he spent tons of time investing in me in hopes of grooming me to be his assistant instructor. We are friends, too. So, it's hard, but he is supportive.

What kind of friend would do this on the telephone?
That's downright disrespectful.
Were you afraid you wouldn't do it in person?

If it was me, I woulda gone to your house and beat
the crap out of you, then, agreed that you need to
go and train in something else - haha!

Over the years I have trained in a lot of different arts,
in different places, and have always been welcomed
back to every one of those places to train, and share
whatever knowledge I may or may not have gained.

Do it right.
`~/

[kenpostudent]

What kind of friend would do this on the telephone?
That's downright disrespectful.
Were you afraid you wouldn't do it in person?

If it was me, I woulda gone to your house and beat
the crap out of you, then, agreed that you need to
go and train in something else - haha!

Over the years I have trained in a lot of different arts,
in different places, and have always been welcomed
back to every one of those places to train, and share
whatever knowledge I may or may not have gained.

Do it right.
`~/

My instructor's instructor lives in Phoenix. I live in Las Vegas. Sorry, I'm not making the trip on my student budget for that. My old instructor lives across town and I have spoken with him in person. His instructor called me to get the scoop. I guess he wanted to hear it for himself. My instructor understands and is cool with everything. He also understands that, as a student, I can't afford to pay him and an MMA gym. He also gets that my training time is very limited because of study demands.

[Petter]

I had a similar experience as the OP with my old kenpo teacher and his instructor this weekend. In a three hour phone conversation...

Woah. Why on Earth did you feel obliged to talk to him for three hours?

While I recognise that things can be a lot more complicated with friendships, teaching obligations, and so forth, I still think that Rob Redmond has a point

For my instructor, it was a hard blow because he spent tons of time investing in me in hopes of grooming me to be his assistant instructor. We are friends, too.

...Enter the complications. Well, absent this crap, I would stand by the above!

[kenpostudent]

I just happen to be friends with the guys, too. My instructor is applying to the same law school I attend. Professionally, we will probably have a relationship outside of martial arts, so, I want to keep that intact.

As for his instructor, we are also friends. I spent the time to talk to him because he is a man that I deeply respect and I wanted him to understand that there are no hard feelings and that neither he nor his student failed in any way. I just believe that training alive is a better use of my limited time. Unfortunately, he even admitted that kenpo is difficult to train alive without injury. In that sense, I would rather rely on techniques that can be trained with full resistance than techniques where I have to guess the outcome because they are "too dangerous" to apply full force.

He understood. There was no disrespect in the encounter. My old kenpo instructor also does BJJ, but not as regularly. So, he is well away of my criticisms of kenpo. He agrees with much of what I say but likes what he does.

[Meex]

My instructor's instructor lives in Phoenix. I live in Las Vegas. Sorry, I'm not making the trip on my student budget for that. My old instructor lives across town and I have spoken with him in person. His instructor called me to get the scoop. I guess he wanted to hear it for himself. My instructor understands and is cool with everything. He also understands that, as a student, I can't afford to pay him and an MMA gym. He also gets that my training time is very limited because of study demands.

The way it was worded, it sounded like a three-way phone call.
Since you did speak wth your instructor face-to-face, it's cool.

`~/

[G-Off]

@OP -
Um. . .
you obviously care about these people, or
you wouldn't be asking for advice here.

You're trying to do the 'right thing' while
not leaving yourself, or them, vulnerable.

That said, don't start with a lie.

There are many reason for you leaving
that are the truth, and yet, not directly
detrimental to them or their school.

snip...

Good luck, bro.
And, congratulations!

`~/


.

Ok, thanks for the advice. I think you're right that using positive language/reasons is likely to be received better, so I'll do that. I'm certainly going to avoid lying as much as I can, both for my instructor's sake, and because I think it'll give me more closure anyway.