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    Douchebag Newbies

    This is a dead horse. I know.

    We have a newbie where I train. According to him, he's done some catch wrestling in the past. He also played rugby and is pretty damn strong. Plus, he's got retard strength. Big time.

    The dude's got no breaks on him. At all. He has two modes - pretty mellow outside of rolling, and full-retard-mode spazz when rolling. And by full-retard I mean hiss-moan-foam-at-the-mouth retard mode. He beats the shit out of other newbies. He hates to tap. he pukes his guts out after every training session. Strangely, outside of rolling he seems like a reasonable enough guy, a nice guy even.

    Yesterday, 3 hours into my 4 hours of trainings (preparing for a tournament) he asks me to roll. I've played that game before and, given that I'm pretty low on gas and don't want to get hurt, I go 100%.

    Pull guard -> sweep -> americana -> he spazzes, wiggles out somehow, his shoulder pops once, he yells at the top of his lungs -> I let him go.

    I give him another lecture on chilling out, that he's gonna get hurt at this rate, and that he's not gonna learn anything either. We reset.

    Pull guard -> he goes for the gracie gift -> triangle -> he picks me up to go for a slam -> I block the slam and apply full pressure -> he falls on his side, drools, and then, lo and behold, taps out. -> I wipe his drool off of my shorts.

    I give him another lecture on chilling out. I get in his face. He's sorry (genuinely I think) and promises to chill. We reset.

    I go into his guard -> posture and pass -> he spazzes -> i secure sidemount -> he yells at the top of his lungs.

    Apparently, the dude managed to ankle-lock himself to the point of it popping. I read him another lecture. Time runs out.

    This all happened the course of 6 minutes.

    I had a talk with my instructor after class. I'm gonna go 100% with this dude every time from now on. I can't afford to let him get anything on me - I don't wanna get hurt.

    I will be very surprised if he lasts a month. Too bad really, he's a nice guy off the mats and has ridiculous amounts of talent.
    You say what about my rice?

    #2
    Some people....they just can't get through their heads that every roll isn't a life or death situation. I rolled with a newbie a couple weeks ago who was really similar. Totally chill guy when you talked to him, but as soon as we started rolling he went uber-spaz. He was quite a bit bigger than me (and I'm not small), but the worst part about it was his breath: he was one of those people who have been smoking so long that their breath permanently smells like cigarettes. I can't remember exactly what happened, but I pulled guard (probably trying for a triangle) but he totally overpowered me and got to mount. His newbie rage was in full swing at this point...he was out of shape and breathing pretty hard right in my face, and I was seriously having difficulty dealing with the cloud of smoke I felt like I was in. I decided to go 100% on him and managed a sweep and Americana, but was feeling really light-headed by the end of it because of all the nasty smoke residue I had inhaled. I haven't seen the guy since then, and I can't say as I'm very sad. I saw him tearing through a bunch of other newer students nearer to the end of class, and he left looking pretty smug. Guess he thought it wasn't worth his time to come back.

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      #3
      surely you have what's called a class size regulator at your gym? some 230lbs oxen brown belt? just let them roll every day. hell get the picture.
      Originally posted by Sarcastro
      He screams like a little girl as the pain ripples through his arm, shoots up into his brain, and now your dick is hard.


      Comment


        #4
        Hah reminds me of yesteray and my first experience with a n00b, since we don't get too manny new people at my gym.

        The day before yesteray:
        So this dude's been training a month now and wants to grapple. I throw him once or twice, then I decide I will let him throw me. So he does and I instruct him on the americana and keeping side controll(as you call it).

        Yesterday:
        Last 15 min. of the session he says the instructor sets him up with someone his weight class, and he points across the mats to me and says "No I want him."(as if he could take me, or somthing). So I walk over and he thinks yesterday was him dominating. I say OK. We shake hands and him looking smug goes for a throw (I'm short, he's tall) wich I feel from a mile away > suplex > side > rolls facedown > I choke > He taps.
        I ask him why did he say he wants me. He says I'm not as intence(The other dude in my weight class is a rambunctious as a mofo). Ok we shake hands he goes for the same throw at the same speed. I grab both legs > double leg slam > mount > armbar(again loose and slow, since he's new) > he goes to escape > omaplata (my first one ever) > taps... and so on.

        Come to think of it he probably didn't mean it, but at the time he came off as a huge D-bag.
        Originally posted by MrBadGuy
        The Dog kid's mom is parked next to me in the parking lot. He runs up and asks me a question. "Hey dude, where did you learn that stuff?"

        "That was grappling. Real MMA."

        "Where do I go for that?"

        I was a little shocked. Sure, he changed sides quickly, but I guess even a dog can realize it has more in common with the wolf than with the shephard.

        I give him the names of some BJJ schools in the area, and we go our separate ways.

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by Gabetuno View Post
          surely you have what's called a class size regulator at your gym? some 230lbs oxen brown belt? just let them roll every day. hell get the picture.
          We don't. It's a very new school and we don't have any regulars like that. It's left to us lowly 190-pound blue belts to step up to that role. That's pretty much what I walked to my instructor about - I will roll with him every time he shows up and go 100%. He'll either figure it out or get hurt.
          You say what about my rice?

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by Gabetuno View Post
            surely you have what's called a class size regulator at your gym? some 230lbs oxen brown belt? just let them roll every day. hell get the picture.
            Hehe, I got tapped so many times by a 250lb oxen purple belt. All of a sudden, I learned the joy of technique over power. Which is a good thing, if you spazz and use a leglock, you can really injure someone. Yikes!

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              #7
              I'm the president of a college BJJ club we get this every 6 weeks haha. Easy way I have found to deal with this is tell them training is about doing the technique right not winning, not challenge matches and not "measuring your dick size" (always gets a laugh). I try to give them time to adjust to whats going on.

              Anyway you handled yourself well (better than me in some instances, lol but funny stories result.)

              Edit: Aw you guys are making me feel weak it only took a 185lbs purple to get me to stop spazzing.:sad1:

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                #8
                This seems more problematic with striking- the whole puncher's chance thing. I was sparring with a new guy under san da rules, and he would rush in and throw big overhand punches while marching forward. I kept back and threw push kicks at will, or stepped in to clinch and reap, because even though I have more experience, I'm not too comfortable staying in range for some guy to try to punch my head full power.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by CodosDePiedra View Post
                  This seems more problematic with striking- the whole puncher's chance thing. I was sparring with a new guy under san da rules, and he would rush in and throw big overhand punches while marching forward. I kept back and threw push kicks at will, or stepped in to clinch and reap, because even though I have more experience, I'm not too comfortable staying in range for some guy to try to punch my head full power.
                  Definitely, it is much harder to dominate someone without hurting them. Striking you usually have to spar down.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Reminds me of a time when I still did BJJ in college. We had this new guy come in, seems like a cool guy when not on the mats. So we get paired up in the free rolling time, I pull him into guard, and he then proceeds to smash his forearm into my jaw and throat, and manages to shove his arm against my wind pipe (I'm pretty green myself mind you), and I tap. Some of the other guys see this and tell him to calm down, he says alright, we shake hands and reset. He goes for the same thing with his forearm and my throat, caught it the second time around and sweep him, he starts to turn around and give me his back, I get one hook in, and then he stands up and walks away saying how he's tired or something. Now he trains at redline, oh boy.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Smash all noobs

                      it's for their own good

                      Comment


                        #12
                        It's a rough lot being a noob. It seems like a bit of a catch 22 sometimes.

                        Last week one of the BBs decided I wasn't working for enough throws, so he took me for a randori session and basically threw me hard any time I went more than 5-10 seconds without trying a throw. Unfortunately he was pushing me backwards pretty aggressively and none of the throws I've learned well enough to be confident with exploit that. I got flustered and ended up going over about 7 or 8 times. I don't know what he threw me with, but I went up high and came down with the wind knocked out of me most times. After a few throws he started saying "Hey you ok?" after each one, and I tried to be a good sport but eventually i just said "No, im not ok...i gotta go sit down" and walked off the mat.

                        I didn't feel it at the time but somewhere in there my shoulder got messed up pretty good. I couldnt use my left arm at all for a few days and a week and a half later my shoulder is still stiff and it wont bear weight through the full range of motions.

                        Maybe it'll be good for me in the long run, but it sucks to be out for two weeks when I'm just getting started. Smashing noobs is nice and all, but do remember we may not know how to fall or protect ourselves just yet.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          In the 2 months ATT Wellington has been open, I've only had one problem with a Noob. I have shoulder problems, and my right rotator cuff was bothering me bad. A noob came in, smaller than me, about 145lbs, I haven't sparred all week due to my shoulder, Shark tells me to go with him, and let's him know about my shoulder, kid goes okay, and we get ready.

                          Once the bell goes off, it's like this kid is fighting for his life. I don't like beating on Noobs, and take it relaxed. But this kid goes right for my right arm and shoulder like it was a prize. He gets mount, I roll him off, and he goes for a triangle. I'm 240lbs, no chance in Hell he's gonna get it, but he keeps trying and now is trying to rip my right arm off. I stack him on his neck, and thrust choke his collar over his throat, he starts to gurgel, and defends the choke, freeing my right arm which I then pull his legs off my head.

                          I come down on him side control and start the shoulder of justice, and since it was only a 2 minute sparring drill, time runs out before I can put all 240lbs on his face.

                          I haven't seen him back since then. I find out later he's a wrestler, and I ask Shark why didn't he tell me so I could prepare for that type. Shark says he wanted to see how I would react. Of course the whole time I'm stacking him, he's saying, "Don't break his neck".

                          I go as hard as they want to go, but damn I hate spazzes.
                          Originally posted by Sifu Rudy Abel
                          "Just what makes a pure grappler think he can survive with an experienced striker. Especially if that striker isn't following any particular rule set and is well aware of what the grapplers strategies are".

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                            #14
                            the biggest problem with spazzy noobs; they beat unspazzy noobs. They muscle the shit out of the other noobs and usually just end up throwing a forearm over the kids throat until he taps. That makes the unspazzy noob want to spaz to be competitive with spazzy over there. I think the only way to solve that problem (its how judo solved my spazzyness) is to tap/throw/punch/whatever the spazzy one much harder and more often than the non spazs. That makes the non spazzes think they are progressing faster than the spaz (they are) and makes them not competitive because they see themselves as better on that scale.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Originally posted by Beorn View Post
                              the biggest problem with spazzy noobs; they beat unspazzy noobs. They muscle the shit out of the other noobs and usually just end up throwing a forearm over the kids throat until he taps. That makes the unspazzy noob want to spaz to be competitive with spazzy over there. I think the only way to solve that problem (its how judo solved my spazzyness) is to tap/throw/punch/whatever the spazzy one much harder and more often than the non spazs. That makes the non spazzes think they are progressing faster than the spaz (they are) and makes them not competitive because they see themselves as better on that scale.
                              The biggest problem with spazzy newbies is that they aren't smart/experienced enough to know when you're going gentle on them.

                              This is VERY marked with me, since I try reallllllllllly hard not to humiliate new guys when they roll/spar with me. It's not going to help them to have the 165 pound chick tap them the first time they're on the mats -- 90% of them assume the blue belt is for time served, so they think their dicks just disappeared if I tap them.

                              Unless they try to hurt me. Then I tap them. I find it funny that I'm at a point now where I can calmly tap/tap/tap someone who outweighs me.
                              Monkey Ninjas! Attack!

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