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Biblical Brazilian Jiu Jitsu

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    Biblical Brazilian Jiu Jitsu

    From here: http://www.thebricktestament.com

    Jacob knew the real anti-grapple:

    This makes more sense as to why Christian groups should study a grappling art instead of Karate... it's totally in there! And while I know some of you might think it's irreverent, funny, or both... I am a christian and feel self humor is a good trait!


    Genesis 32:22
    Jacob got up that night and sent his two wives, his two slave-girls, and his eleven children, across shallow part of the Jabbok.



    Genesis 32:23
    And Jacob was left alone.



    Genesis 32:24
    And a man wrestled with him...



    Genesis 32:24
    ...until the rise of dawn.



    Genesis 32:25
    When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he struck his hip socket, and Jacob's hip was dislocated as he wrestled.



    Genesis 32:26
    The man said, 'Let me go, for day is breaking.'



    Genesis 32:26
    Jacob said, 'I will not let you go unless you bless me.'



    Genesis 32:27
    The man said to him, 'What is your name?' He said, 'Jacob.'



    Genesis 32:28
    The man said, 'Your name will no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have wrestled with God and with men, and you have prevailed.'



    Genesis 32:29
    Jacob asked him, 'Please tell me your name.'



    Genesis 32:29
    The man said, 'Why do you ask my name?'



    Genesis 32:29
    And he blessed him there



    Genesis 32:30
    Jacob called the name of the place Peniel, for he said, 'I have seen God face to face, and am still alive.'



    Genesis 32:31-32
    The sun rose on him as he went across Peniel, and he limped because of his hip. That is why to this day children of Israel do not eat the sinew which is attached to the socket of the hip, because the man struck the socket of Jacob's hip near the sinew.

    #2
    ...

    So technically, the only known Martial Art, known to have been used against God succesfully... Is the art of grappling...?

    And even if this never happened, the writers of the bible deemed the art sufficient and powerful enough to take someone like God down, even with a broken hip?


    Oh My God.

    I have an idea for a bestselling novel now.

    We should get the pope to Canonize the guy, Jacob - Patron Saint of Brazillian Jiu-Jitsu.

    Think of teh publicity my novel will gain, it's a win-win situation!

    Comment


      #3
      Dumbest.





      Thread.







      EVER!





      BanPlzKthxBi.
      If you can't laugh at yourself,
      Others will be happy to do it for you. :evil6:

      The 2 most abundant elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.


      Comment


        #4
        i have another viewpoint on this.

        this madman named jakob was a friggin bully travelling around with his TWO wives and his SLAVEgirls and ELEVEN children.

        that makes him likely to be a tinker.

        so this guy is wondering around bullying people and this traveller passes by and jakob attacks him and starts wrestling him.
        it takes a while and the guy gets bored being polite and snaps his hip socket a bit.

        you would think the average normal guy has had enough by then, but noooooo...jakob insists on being blessed etc.

        so the traveller is probably: 'omg this guy is gfucking crazy, lets just play along otherwise ill never get home' so he blesses him and feeds him some bullshit about a new name and then takes off without ever giving jakob his name so he's sure jakob can never find him again.

        jakob probably tried to sell his dog to the poor traveller too.

        so the traveller is happy he got rid of the crazy person and jakob thinks his new name is israel and that he wrestled god.

        this is much more likely.

        Comment


          #5
          So wait, he sends away his womenz and childrenz, then gets it on with some dude?


          Yea. BJJ wins again alright.

          Comment


            #6
            BJJ? That's obviously Krav Maga.

            Comment


              #7
              "YOU'RE DEAD GOD. DEAD!"

              Please get the fight quest reference....

              Comment


                #8
                Real fighters train for T3H H34V3N.

                Comment


                  #9
                  God even cheats though; punching Jacob. It doesn't matter; Jacob doesn't give a fuck about a dislocated hip, he still submits God.

                  My only question is what he submitted God with. I'm thinking a heelhook or a tight armbar. The old testament is vicious, no pussy chokes. Only bone shattering submissions. If only we had a Joe Rogan there, we would've known who won.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    I thought it would've been THE EZEKIEL CHOKE.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Goldburg "And WE are UNDERway!"

                      Rogan "Jacob is deffinetly going to want to take this one to the ground. Anyone who has seen the God vs Sodom and Gamora knows that Gods striking is TOP notch"

                      Goldburg "Right you are Joe"

                      Rogan "Jacob shoots and gets the take down. This guys ground game is scary. This is not where God wants to be right now"

                      Goldburg "Now we get to see if all that training God has put in for this fight pays off"

                      Rogan "Jacob is looking for mount but it looks like God is doing a good job trying to get back to guard. Jacob has to be carefull here OH! It looks like God just landed some devistating hip shots. I have always said that strikes to the hip off your back are the most underated technique in MMA right now"

                      Goldburg "How does Jacob get out of this Joe"

                      Rogan "Jacob has the mount! He has God in a armbar! God is tapping! But Jacob is not letting go of that arm!

                      Jacob "BLESS ME BITCH! SAY MY NAME! WHo Is YOUR DADY! Call me ISREAL!"

                      Comment


                        #12
                        God loves you _un .

                        Originally posted by Creepy Van
                        Goldburg "And WE are UNDERway!"

                        Rogan "Jacob is deffinetly going to want to take this one to the ground. Anyone who has seen the God vs Sodom and Gamora knows that Gods striking is TOP notch"

                        Goldburg "Right you are Joe"

                        Rogan "Jacob shoots and gets the take down. This guys ground game is scary. This is not where God wants to be right now"

                        Goldburg "Now we get to see if all that training God has put in for this fight pays off"

                        Rogan "Jacob is looking for mount but it looks like God is doing a good job trying to get back to guard. Jacob has to be carefull here OH! It looks like God just landed some devistating hip shots. I have always said that strikes to the hip off your back are the most underated technique in MMA right now"

                        Goldburg "How does Jacob get out of this Joe"

                        Rogan "Jacob has the mount! He has God in a armbar! God is tapping! But Jacob is not letting go of that arm!

                        Jacob "BLESS ME BITCH! SAY MY NAME! WHo Is YOUR DADY! Call me ISREAL!"

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Looks like a hammerlock to me...

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Creepy Van I lol'ed HARD! Push ups time!

                            And lol @ "obviously Krav Maga"...

                            Comment


                              #15
                              There are 2 important points that I feel need to be adressed:

                              1. With what technique did Jacob submit god? Does he submit god, or simply pin him until god gives up? Did Jacob rely on Lay & Pray?

                              2. What sort of submission dislocates the hip? (personally I'm imagining something like the banana split)

                              Either way it sounds to me like god had some kind of Sombo/Catch like style that aimed at leglocks while Jacob was a 'position before submission' kind of guy who focused on getting to a controling top position.
                              Last edited by SBG-ape; 11/17/2008 9:55pm, .

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