"Your mileage may vary": MA legal disclaimer thread

[DdlR]

This is spun off by popular demand from another thread.

Post the legal disclaimers you'd want to see prominently displayed on the martial art/martial arts school/personality/movie/product/etc. of your choice. Bonus points for being funny while at least making an effort to use legalese.

[tharuz]

Martial arts instructors are not liable for any claims on their part.

A Black Belt is not a certificate immunity.

We do not guarantee that your child will be any less whiny after achieving his black belt.

[Crushing Step]

Trio Martial Arts:

Training with us does not guarantee any level of protection on da street. Students of "sensei" Brett may be tagged permanently as "douchebags" with or without their knowledge by the rest of the martial arts community. Trio Martial Arts makes no warranty against random acts of humor, mockery, humiliation, shame and / or ass-kickery received resulting from your study of the martial arts that we made up.

Thank you and we wish you the best.

HIYAH!

http://www.triomartialarts.com/index.php?content=main

[ZenOfAnger]

I'll start this off.


Ninjutsu Outfit (any color):



* Does not allow the wearer to vanish into the ninja dimension to escape pirate attacks.

* Must not be worn for a drivers license photo.

* Does not make you invisible to the naked eye, nor does it give you awesome powers.

* Is only intended for LARPing and those too ugly to be seen without a ninja-hood.

* Does not dictate fighting skill, or any skill for that matter.

* Will cause retardary which may be fatal.

* Makes you eligible for a serious beating in real life.

* Makes you my bitch.

[DKJr]

WARNING prolonged exposure to Bujikan Taijitsu has been shown to produce larping and cause testicular shrinkage in lab rats.

[DannyMac]

DISCLAIMER: We're not mathematicians, but there is roughly a 110% chance we will not understand the fundamentals of grappling.

Signed - any TKD school

[Beorn]

gracie ju jitsu (tm) is not responsible for any or all homosexual feelings you may or not feel while grappling. Remember, its only gay if you make eye contact.

[TheSlade]

Warning Bullshido has had reported side effects of dojo storming, fake claim call outs, ninja bashing, and rectal leakage.

Only use Bullshido as directed.

[TheRuss]

WARNING: Do not apply directly to street.

NOTICE: Knowing kung fu will not get you a kiss from Monica Bellucci.

LIMITED WARRANTY: This black belt is guaranteed to hold your pants up. Other uses are at bearer's own risk.

FINE PRINT: Wire team, fight choreographer, and computer-generated imagery sold separately.

[DannyMac]

WARNING: Archaic weapons and hokey religions are no substitute for a good blaster at your side.

(Okay, so I didn't make that one up personally, but it seemed to fit the thread.)

[DdlR]

WARNING: Archaic weapons and hokey religions are no substitute for a good blaster at your side.

(Okay, so I didn't make that one up personally, but it seemed to fit the thread.)

:occasion1

[DunkelAnanas]

WARNING: Archaic weapons and hokey religions are no substitute for a good blaster at your side.

(Okay, so I didn't make that one up personally, but it seemed to fit the thread.)

Seriously, this needs to put as a disclaimer in front of every ninjutsu school.

Anywho, here are some disclaimers I would like to see:

*Any claims of ki, chi or qi techniques are for entertainment purposes only. Ki techniques have not been proven to exist by any serious scientific organization and are obviously ridiculous to anyone who has half a brain. Teachers of ki techniques are not liable for any scrawny bitches with overinflated egos who pick fights in bars only to be ripped to shreds.

*Success with anti-grappling is not typical.

[fadfad]

*may be a direct-negative correlation between rank and skill

[Kistrael]

Ninjertsu:
By signing this waiver you agree to that earning any rank in this style of martial arts does not confer the ability of the signee to be a ninja.

Ki:
In the unfortunate circumstance that the undersigned has his/her ass kicked on teh St33t, the undersigned has agreed that liability falls soley upon them for not using enough ki.

[DarkPhoenix]

WARNING:

Taking our 2 class trial, does not make you a black belt.