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    Which "guy" are you?

    I searched for this but if its been posted my bad I'll try to drill my search-fu.


    Rigor Mortis Guy:

    His plan is to not let you do anything you want to, by grabbing your sleeve, pants or whatever and holding them at arms length. He doesn’t really care if he gets swept or not - as long as his arms remain frozen stiff…he’s won!

    Parkinson’s Guy:

    A close relative to Rigor Mortis Guy He displays the same brilliant strategy, but makes it extra special by shaking violently due to muscular fatigue.

    Commando Guy:

    Thinks that all forms of underwear restrict his game and hence chooses to go without. Nothing like a testicle rubbing on your inner thigh to freak you out and let him pass with ease. (Does help sharpen your north/south position escapes though.)

    Kaji-Kempo or Japanese Jiu-jitsu guy:

    Lets you work on your inferior BJJ techniques and wants to only work on his BJJ techniques as well, but has no problem telling you that if you were “really rolling” he would have done a wristlock to escape but he knows his techniques are superior so he doesn’t need to work on them.

    “No Time To Tap” Guy:

    thinks that hurting your teammates is a necessity and will put his hips into every armbar, triangle, choke, heel hook etc. Gives you no time to tap whatsoever and pops your elbow until you decide you don’t want to roll with the freak anymore. The guy may even be apologetic afterwards but if you feel so bad why the **** didn’t you give me a second to tap???

    Sambo Guy:

    I get this one all the time. People think that because I studied under Val Ignatov I have awesome leglocks…Actually most of our game was working the top position, getting position, and some cool armbars. We have some good leglocks but don’t completely dismiss your guard game because of it.

    The Wrestler

    NEVER does the takedowns the BJJ instructor shows because they are inferior, and even when you are drilling that move shows you the “real” way to do it. Always stands up in your guard and you always have long grueling matches with him but he never taps you out. However, your neck is always sore for the next two days because he has such good head control.

    The Professor:

    He’s the 34 year-old, chubby guy in the corner with the knee-braces who never rolls anymore b/c he’s recovering from a neck injury (for the past year or so). That doesn’t prevent him from sharing his “encyclopedic” knowledge of grappling with anyone with the misfortune to sit within 15 feet of him. He’s “best-friends” with the instructor. He’s been to every UFC, every local seminar in the past 10 years, and has memorized every instructional video and book available, and will tell you about every possible variation, especially moves that wouldn’t work on a person in a coma. Oh, and the Professor will be getting his purple belt “any day now” — “just as soon as my neck’s better.”

    Puny Human Guy:

    He doesn’t want to use (or for you to use) any strength at all (as if Bjorn were supposed to develop telekinetic powers). Whenever you tap him, he’ll look disgruntled because, of course, you only got him by using strength.

    The Attention Deficit Disorder Guy:

    You think he should be force-fed an overdose of Ritalin before every class. He’s rolling with you, but at the same time he’s listening to every single conversation happening on the mat, and paying some attention to every other fight. He’ll give advice to the guys rolling near you AS he tries to pass your guard, he will laugh at a joke someone made on the other side of the mat space when you have him in side control, and he will also interfere with someone else’s conversation when he is in your guard. One sure way to tap him is pointing to the entrance and say something like “what’s Royce doing in here ?” and then take his back as he begins to look around. Oh yeah…he’s the guy who is always babbling when your instructor is showing a technique too…

    Stinky Guy:

    We all know one. Take an f’ing shower once in a while.

    Nail Guy:

    Looks like you just rolled with Freddy Kruger afterwards.

    Preparation Guy:

    this guy takes 30 minutes to get ready back-stage while the class is doing pushups. He tapes every finger and toe with medical tape for some reason

    The Pre-Tapper:

    This guy has such a quick mind that he’s able to tap 3-4 moves ahead of an actual submission!

    Positive Reinforcement Guy:

    Taps you 10 times in 6 minutes and then goes “man, you’re getting a lot better.”

    The Class-Size Regulator:

    every now and then, when the class gets too big and the instructor starts making money, this monster comes around and injures about 20 dudes- resulting in a much more comfortable training environment for all.

    “Talker, Texas Ranger”:

    These are the guys who are so afraid of subs that they can’t rely on tapping but have to verbally submit. But instead of yelling “TAP!” or “STOP!” They say non-decisive things like “yeah, ok” or “you got it” When someone gets a knee blown out or someone gives up a hold thinking you verbally quit because you can’t just tap the guy’s body, that’s bull****.

    The Spaz:

    Closely related to “Let’s go light” guy except he doesn’t try to fool you into thinking he’s going light before he goes spastic. This guy usually is medium sized and just goes crazy in every position available. If you’re on your knees trying to work for position he’ll often either bum rush you or try the traditional shove, the spas will push as hard as he can from every position and often with much force so it’s almost a punch, the spaz is also prone to slamming out of submissions.

    The Latecomer:

    This guy shows up to every class exactly when the grueling warm-up is over and is always fresher than everybody else come rolling time.

    Dumb as a Rock Guy:

    you try to teach him a technique and he just won’t get it. After 3 month of drilling upa, he’ll say: “ok, what arm do I grab again?”

    Faux Gay Guy:

    He finds it humorous to act gay and scare people on the mat with it. He is known to tie his t-shirt under his gi, or challenge other people while lisping on the mat. Sometimes he will make sexual gestures while rolling while rolling while the victim has no clue why the rest of the class is laughing. He often requests the instructor to put on 80’s new wave when he turns on the radio.

    WON’T LET YOU PRACTICE **** GUY:

    This guy is the HANDS DOWN WORST guy to practice with. Whenever learning a new technique, or sweep…anything, this guy wont let you do the move (during practice not rolling). This guy comes in different forms. 1. He won’t let you do the move, because he resists it so much, so you’re never able to learn the move properly…and you look like an ass because everyone else in the room is doing it, but you can’t because of your “tough as balls” partner. His constant resistance makes you look like crap in front of the instructor. 2. This guy won’t let you learn the move properly because he ****ing collapses before you’ve completed the sweep. This guy is like a loose ass piece of paper. You’re transitioning for the sweep, before you even kick his leg to turn him, you find he’s already on his back, and he most likely pulled you on top of him to full mount. Yes, this guy makes you look great, but in the tournament you get your ass handed to you, cuz for some reason, your opponent turns into Douche Bag #1 who resists!!

    Self deprecating superstar: This guy is extremely talented and picks up a technique instantly. Whenever he taps you he often says things like "Damnit that was awful, that was such luck" even though this is the 5 time hes done the same thing. If you're this guy you will of course down play your abilities and often point to your instructor or Marcello Garcia and say I'm no where near them. This guy makes everyone he rolls with feel like a worthless pile of crap.

    I am for sure A.D.D. except I don't talk while my instructor talks I fear his wrath (aka Triangle choke). Took this from http://onthemat.com/gumby/?p=60. You all know you're one of these guys. I would also add guy who constantly plays guard and never lets you work guard even he sweeps you he just lets you get up and jump back into guard.
    Last edited by DKJr; 9/09/2008 6:36pm, .

    #2
    What, no comedy option?
    Calm down, it's only ones and zeros.
    "Your calm and professional manner of response is really draining all the fun out of this. Can you reply more like Dr. Fagbot or something? Call me some names, mention some sand in my vagina or something of the sort. You can't expect me to come up with reasonable arguments man!" -- MaverickZ

    "Tom Kagan spins in his grave and the fucking guy isn't even dead yet." -- Snake Plissken

    My Bullshido fan club threads:
    Tom Kagan's a big hairy...
    Tom Kagan can lick my BALLS
    Tom Kagan teaches _ing __un and bigotry?
    Tom Kagan: Serious discussion here
    Lamokio asks the burning question is Tom Kagan a pussy or just cruising for some
    I'm Dave the gay Kickboxer from Manchester and I have the hots for Tom Kagan
    TOM KAGAN, OPEN ME, THE MKT ARE COMING FOR YOU ! ARE YOU MAN ENOUGH TO MEET ?
    ATTN TOM KAGAN
    World Dominator 'Kagan' in plot to lie about real Kung Fu and Martial Arts
    Tom Kagan just gave me my third negative rep in a day
    I am infatuated with Tom Kagan
    Tom Kagan is a fat balding white guy.

    Comment


      #3
      I'm a cross between ADD guy and Posative Reenforcement Guy. I roll with a lot of wrestlers. They love the can opener and try go as fast as possible even when they don't know what they're doing.

      Comment


        #4
        We can't all be comedic geniuses Tom. Atleast its not another Lebell post?:pancakebu

        Comment


          #5
          Just transfer these over to Judo


          So I used to be the Wrestler...simply because the last grappling experience I had was HS Wrestling. I got over that quick.

          About 2 times I've been the stinky guy. It wasn't really a bad stink...but one time someone said I smelled like French Fries...????? Any rate I make sure to check before hand nowadays.

          And I can do a damn good Faux Gay guy....


          Now sprinkle some ADD Guy all around and you'll have it.
          Last edited by danniboi07; 9/09/2008 6:38pm, .
          "The pedant is he who finds it impossible to read criticism of himself without immediately reaching for his pen and replying to the effect that the accusation is a gross insult to his person. He is, in effect, a man unable to laugh at himself."Sigmund Freud, The Ego and the Id.

          Comment


            #6
            "The Class-Size Regulator" made me spit water all over my keyboard...

            Comment


              #7
              I'm The Teabagger.
              Dan Severn loves raping people.

              Comment


                #8
                I'm "That Guy."

                Comment


                  #9
                  I have been the pre-tapper once or twice before, especially with higher belts. Fear takes over and often I think they're about to sink something in when really they were just trying a sweep I haven't come close to learning yet. Experience has helped me with that.

                  I have practiced with the WON’T LET YOU PRACTICE **** GUY a few times too. Beyond frustrating. It pisses me off so much that when I'm literally trying even the simplest move for the very first time that he freaks out and digs in every ounce of resistance he can.

                  I just had an experience with a guy that was mentioned here, but you didn't really talk about. The "let's go light" guy that lulls you into calmness with a laid-back attitude and then all but molests you. He comes up to me (we had never met before) and says, "hey I haven't been here in a while, are you up to roll?" Sure "Let's go light 'cause I haven't been here a while" No problem. We're just establishing grips and such, I'm kind of leaning into a sweep when he yanks down on my head with both hands and jumps onto my back, simultaneously throwing his forearm into my neck. I've never been happier to defend, transition, and sweep a guy in my life.

                  Dave

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                    #10
                    WON’T LET YOU PRACTICE **** GUY:


                    This is the guy that doesn't respond to a strike that would have spread his nose over his face or uses your gentle sparring mode to strenuously resist where he wouldn't have been able to????

                    I hate this guy and I will confess I have (after due warning) smacked a lot of them. I HATE, HATE, HATE this guy.



                    Ok, it's out of my system now.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Puny Human guy, I sometimes say tap, but that's cause my arms are trapped or something.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        I'm the guy in class that actually practices outside of class. So I would have to say I probably am the "self deprecating" guy. I truly don't mean to make you feel bad.
                        Last edited by seriousmantid; 9/09/2008 7:12pm, .

                        Comment


                          #13
                          I'd be "ADD postitive reinforcement guy who never taps anybody".

                          Comment


                            #14
                            God, I've come across that last guy last night at training. In his defence he was a noobie.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Was that a Kefka referance?

                              Anyways, I'd probably be the ADD guy.

                              Comment

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