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Your physical crappiness. In this thread, talk like Yoda you will.

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    Your physical crappiness. In this thread, talk like Yoda you will.

    This thread is dedicated to the most retarded, pitiful, pussy-like or downright moronic things you have done to/with/for your body (or to someone else).

    I'll start:

    When I was 9 I was playing with my GI Joe's in a creek outside my house. I tried floating their raft through a small culvert underneath a road. The raft got stuck halfway through the culvert so I started throwing progressively larger rocks to try and get them out, eventually taking a piece of limestone about the size of my head and trying to hammer-toss it into the culvert.

    I guess I let go a little too late because the fucking rock smashed my finger into the culvert, splitting it open from palm to second knuckle. So, with blood covering my hand and arm and with my bone exposed to open air, I walked my bawling ass back to my house where my dad promptly poured a bottle of iodine into a pan and made me hold my finger in it until he was happy that I wouldn't get an infection right away. The pain of that iodine had to be twice as bad as the initial injury.

    I now have a deformative scar all up that finger.

    So this doesn't have to just be injuries, it should be more about stupid shit you did or had someone do to you. Lily said she would go out with whoever has the best story.

    *and please don't fucking talk like yoda
    In summation your argument denotes a lack of intellectual honesty on your part. It is my contention that this matter would best be solved with fisticuffs. I believe I will be victorious in this regard.

    I was trying to cut a rope with an axe when I was about 10.. and one of my friends actually put his finger in front of the axe deliberately. I didn't chop hard enough to cut it of but he got a nice scar.

    The guy where involved in a traffic accident in 2004. He and a guy got really really drunk and hit another car in a front collision at high speed. everybody that was involved was killed.


      When I was young and in a gang, we sat around a table and took turns burning the backs of our hands with a lighter held upside-down. I burned each hand three times.

      Beat that for stupidity.
      Originally posted by Exodus
      Helio was submitted by Kimura


        I had to have open heart surgery at the age of 25 due to a genetic defect, now if that ain't physically crappy...


          Smoked for 20 years. That was effing stoopid.


            Way too many to count.

            I tried copying the fancy way the boxers in our gym entered the ring, literally leaping through the ropes and doing a roll once they reached the ring ground.

            I did that once, my foot got snagged on the ropes, So sad.

            There are way too many.

            How about Aikido? I tried to show of my Aikido prowess, yet instead of me doing a wristlock, the motherfucker reversed it and I got swung around till I hit the ground.

            I was lifting weights in the gym, really heavy weights, the kind of crap which could make people look at you with respect, so everyone was looking, till at the middle of my lift, both my arms locked, or cramped, I dunno, I screamed for help, still holding the weights, strange enough, my hands wouldn't budge.

            I tried choking somone, I got thrown, I don't know how, it was very fast.

            A girl beat me twice when we rolled.

            I should really stop, I've lost enough respect.


              In gym class in ninth grade we were running laps inside because is was raining outside. This guy in my class and I were horsing around, pushing each other as we ran. He pushed me particularly hard and I veered off course, laughing and not paying attention to where I was going, and ran right into a wall. I busted my eyebrow open and had to get stitches.


                Back when I was yet a teenager, my inability to bag chicks culminated in this great urge to watch things burn. Yes, I was a bit of a small time pyro. Nothing big.... pouring rubbing alcohol in the sink and lighting it, setting off a whole book of matches, trying to pop lighters by throwing them on their head. No biggie, right?

                Well, one day, bored out of my mind, I take to playing blow-torch with my mom's aeresol hairspray. It was a new brand she was trying, and I didn't care. I was sure it would be the same as the rest. So there I was, pretending to be Dhalsim in my bathroom, when I felt a light tingle on my face. Didn't think anything of it, but I did get bored, and stopped. Moments later, every square inch of exposed skin above my waist felt as if it were on fire. No longer Dhaslim, I had become Johnny Blaze, transformed into the Ghost Rider, without any of the awesome. It didn't stop. For hours, the burning was relentless. I splashed cold water on my face and arms repeatedly only to know the faintest sliver of relief.

                My personal fiasco started sometime soon after school, and by the time my mom got home after 6pm, my face was still burning. "What did you do" she asked. "Nothing, ma" was my reply. "You must have done something, peoples faces just don't start burning like that". Apparently, she felt I had already learned my lesson for whatever I did, and didn't press the issue further. The moral of the story; deny everthing.


                  When I was in navy boot camp, we were running PT inside with another division. I was running in the middle of a pack of about 200 people and did not realize that we were on a collision course with a bollard. When those in front of me converged around it I was not paying very close attention. Running with a high amount of momentum, and without much space between myself and the mass of steel and concrete, I figured that my best evasive action would be to try and jump it. I leapt up and spread my legs wide to try and get over safely.....big mistake.


                    Long of the short. I competed in a chicken nugget eating contest. Afterwards, I went to rugby practice without properly hydrating. I had to run some laps then all of a sudden my right calf shot up behind my knee. I'm not joking in the least. I couldn't bend or straight out my leg at all. It stayed like that for two hours. It was probably one of the most agonizing experiences. Right after setting myself on fire, but that was another story.
                    Sumus extra manum tuam.


                      Originally posted by Satori
                      When I was young and in a gang, we sat around a table and took turns burning the backs of our hands with a lighter held upside-down. I burned each hand three times.
                      I actually have a smiley-shaped scar on each forearm from doing this. In my defence, someone bet me a fiver I wouldn't.

                      I once sliced three fingertips off jumping off a phone box and cut my thumb to the bone by falling with a kitchen knife. And I broke my hand in two places compliantly drilling the double leg.


                        When I was about 10 years I was walking in the outdoors with my familly. We came across this old, run down rope bridge that was missing quite a few boards and had open spaces. I'm carefully walking along the bridge, making sure to watch my every step, when my dad yells out

                        "Be carefull not to fall through the any holes!"

                        As I'm walking I turn my head to give the ok, miss a step, and end up falling through a hole.


                          I'm the most ungraceful/uncat-like person I know. Case in point: I broke my L1 vertebrae on the O-course in USMC basic training; I flipped over that sucker like a sack of taters. Also, my jaw keeps locking up; I think I should go see a dentist or something, right? Oh, and I can't jump over a creek bed for the life of me. Jesus, this is embarrassing...


                            I was rolling with my coach, who has 55lbs on me, and I arm dragged him (this was before I knew the counter to an arm drag was another arm drag) and he arm dragged me right back sending me face first into the wall.


                              I was at a party, back in the day, and I was drunk enough to think I could pull off a wall-runup/turn.

                              My first step planted fine, the second one put me through the wall and then I fell on my head. I got up completely dazed/groggy "I'm cool! Equipment failure!"
                              Many things we do naturally become difficult only when we try to make them intellectual subjects. It is possible to know so much about a subject that you become totally ignorant.
                              -Mentat Text Two (dicto)



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