Your bi-monthly rage against womens self defense classes: IT moms and self defense

[SFGOON]

Or, what if the attacker has some sort of weapon, say something as sophisticated as a baseball bat with a bent, rusty nail through it?

Your spandex-clad, Xyience-slurping, ocatgon-nutriding, stripper-fucking, TapouT!-wearing, bald-head-and-goatee-having universe IMPLODES!! What is left is several contusions, a broken forearm, and a series of tetanus shots.

WE already know that criminals are bad people, as evidenced by the fact that they don't follow UFC rules during robbery and rape. Some would call it "cheating," but I digress. What is needed is a form of self-defense that circumvents UFC rules, going as far as training these female not-getting-raped hopefuls in underhanded techniques which will ensure victory in the back alley octagon!

For me, the important part is learning to pay attention to shit, like knowing when some shit wants to rob & rape you and staying out of situations where that kind of thing might be easy for these miscreants who constantly cheat at "street" UFC. Failing that, the employment of "weapons" (As seen in Sherdog, but metal!) and even "the buddy system" (TWO ON ONE, BITCHES!) may aid these not-getting-raped hopefuls in actually not getting raped!

So, I don't think BJJ by itself, (read it again bitches, BY ITSELF) will work.

[ADM]

SFGOON: Funny how you just picked out BJJ there and again related it purely to MMA / UFC.

No BJJ on its own is a sure fire way to get out of trouble, neither is Kyokushin, AIkido, Judo, TKD, Systema, Krav Maga, Muay Thai, etc (I could go on for ages).

We could play the 'what if' game all freaking day man, long story short though I feel a grappling art is very suited towards the types of attackers that would target women. I would also say Judo would be good. Mainly as well because of their focus on technique and leverage.

Not trying to have a go at you here man but I just dislike it when people play the 'what if' game. No Martial Art is a sure fire way of defending yourself in any fight.

[HappyOldGuy]

When you're getting armbarred in someone's guard, you take the free hand AND YOU PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE. Hard to follow, I know. If they have it fully extended, its a bit safer, but you're still in danger of slams and strikes.

Not defending the arm...
Posturing up to strike...
In order to throw crappy arms punches at a partially shielded head...
Sounds to me like the opening bars to that perennial favorite, "disgusting snapping noises with occasional scream."

[MaxThunderstone]

You don't really think a popped elbow ends the fight, do you?

[HappyOldGuy]

You don't really think a popped elbow ends the fight, do you?

Depends on the fight. I would say it is more reliable than crappy off balance arm punches.

[MaxThunderstone]

You're crazy. The punches won't end the fight, but if you take a 200 lb man and have him punch some chick in the face, she's probably gonna stop what she's doing.

[SFGOON]

No Martial Art is a sure fire way of defending yourself in any fight.

That's exactly what I'm TRYING to tell you guys! When it comes to teaching mousy, anorexic lirarians how to defend themselves against Mike Tyson, no MA on earth will help, just instill a false sense of confidence.

So - arguing over whether to teach an omoplata or an armbar is a moot as it gets.

[HappyOldGuy]

That's exactly what I'm TRYING to tell you guys! When it comes to teaching mousy, anorexic lirarians how to defend themselves against Mike Tyson, no MA on earth will help, just instill a false sense of confidence.

So - arguing over whether to teach an omoplata or an armbar is a moot as it gets.

Jesus christ. I think training any MA for self defense is silly. But there is this thing called an excluded middle and it's sitting on your chest like a beached whale in mount.

All MA are mostly useless in self defense != all MA are equally useless in self defense.

[TheRuss]

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that it'd be hard to get an erection with a freshly broken arm.

[MrBadGuy]

Depends on how old they are, really. In my younger days I've seen a fair share of erector sets being built during no gi grappling with a decently hot chick who is wearing nothing but spandex grappling gear and her nip nips are clearly poking through and what the hell, am I supposed to pretend I don't see them, and I know during one or two armbars I definately unintentionally groped the hell out of them, but it was an accident, and while she was armbarring me he yanked my hand in between them and how could someone NOT raise the flag to full attention?!

[SFGOON]

All MA are mostly useless in self defense != all MA are equally useless in self defense.

That what I've been TRYING to tell you people!

WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE!

Mr. Bad Guy, tell me you at least asked that young lady for a date!

[EricH]

Depends on how old they are, really. In my younger days I've seen a fair share of erector sets being built during no gi grappling with a decently hot chick who is wearing nothing but spandex grappling gear and her nip nips are clearly poking through and what the hell, am I supposed to pretend I don't see them, and I know during one or two armbars I definately unintentionally groped the hell out of them, but it was an accident, and while she was armbarring me he yanked my hand in between them and how could someone NOT raise the flag to full attention?!

Your Freddy Mercury avatar makes this less convincing.

YouTube - Queen - I want to break free

[MrBadGuy]

Mr. Bad Guy, tell me you at least asked that young lady for a date!

If by thanked her for a date you mean sheepishly walk away and pretended nothing happened next class, then yes. (PS It happens every class, and I'm not even trying to rape-grope her. I'd think she's coming on to me, if she wasn't taking this class with her boyfriend, who is 2x her age).


Damn you, EricH. I'll be humming that song while rubbing my man bosoms and flipping my hair all day long now.

[Kid Miracleman]

MrBadGuy, I trust you will elaborate on this story in your "Forever Fat" thread.

[MrBadGuy]

What story would be complete without accidental rape?