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5 Movie Fighting Styles Too Awesome to Actually Exist

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    5 Movie Fighting Styles Too Awesome to Actually Exist

    I honestly don't know where to start. It makes me a sad bunny to think that 5 years ago some of the points on that list could have made me offended / snort derisively and doubt the real martial arts expertise of the author of the article.

    http://www.cracked.com/article_15966...lly-exist.html

    The best part in many ways are hidden in the 142 comments though, best summed up by this gem

    Wow! Sure enough, a Cracked article about ridiculous make-believe martial arts techniques, from zany movies has drawn in no-sense-of-humor martial arts guys, who still live in their mom's basements to hold forth and scold about the believability of "Gun Kata." Awesome. "Yo mom! -Can we get some more meatloaf?!"

    #2
    Does this mean that Nullboxing is real too?

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      #3
      Wow! Sure enough, a Cracked article about ridiculous make-believe martial arts techniques, from zany movies has drawn in no-sense-of-humor martial arts guys, who still live in their mom's basements to hold forth and scold about the believability of "Gun Kata." Awesome. "Yo mom! -Can we get some more meatloaf?!"
      And what exactly is wrong with living in your mom's basement?
      Originally posted by Goju - joe
      being a dick with skill is only marginally better than being a dick without skill.

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        #4
        I think the "to awesome to exist" part covers it.

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          #5
          Originally posted by The Question
          And what exactly is wrong with living in your mom's basement?
          You amass more than 2,500 posts on an internet forum in under a year?

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            #6
            Originally posted by Slindsay
            You amass more than 2,500 posts on an internet forum in under a year?
            EDIT: Touche.
            Originally posted by Goju - joe
            being a dick with skill is only marginally better than being a dick without skill.

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              #7
              That's because these "Cracked" magazine fags have never happened upon a stone pommel horse in the middle of the forest.

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                #8
                What were the styles & from what movies? I can't view the link.

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                  #9
                  Originally posted by aardvarks
                  That's because these "Cracked" magazine fags have never happened upon a stone pommel horse in the middle of the forest.
                  That famous quote does make a lot more sense after seeing the gymkata clip:

                  Sport fighting doesn't work in the street because on the streets you have lava, broken glass, land sharks, AIDS needles and pommel horses.

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                    #10
                    Originally posted by Errant108
                    What were the styles & from what movies? I can't view the link.
                    Gun kata = Equilibrium
                    Gymkata = Gymkata
                    Moq'bara = Star trek
                    Bladesong = D & D
                    Goutetsu-ryu Ansatsuken = Street Fighter

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                      #11
                      Ansatsuken was just Kyokushin.


                      How did they leave out Shinanju?

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                        #12
                        Originally posted by Errant108
                        Ansatsuken was just Kyokushin.
                        Yes, ansatsuken, which may or may not actually translate to "assassin's fist," is the ultra-violent martial art practiced by Ryu and Ken Masters in the Street Fighter series. Ryu and Ken learned the style from Gouken, who'd sworn to create a less violent version of the martial art created by his master Goutetsu, which in video game parlance means you're simply going to add "for peace" to the end of every cut scene dialog as you continue to remove someone's testicles through their anus.
                        Of course the most useful technique is the hadoken, which allows the fighter to unleash a deadly ball of energy that flies at the opponent at a speed of about 15 miles an h
                        then they add:

                        But would it actually work?
                        It's likely that no amount of practice will allow you to hurl fireballs just by crouching, moving towards someone and then punching the air. Still, if you do run across an opponent who's dressed in a gi (with sleeves that appear to have been ripped off in savage fury), it's probably best to steer clear of them.

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                          #13
                          Somehow, they still forgot Hokuto Shin-Ken. Still, I love Cracked.com.

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                            #14
                            Only noobs use hadouken

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                              #15
                              yeah, what about sinanju? thats got to be the greatest fake martial art ever. its got bullet dodging, pressure point killing, and pretty much everything else you can think of, not only that but its supposed to be THE ancestor of all martial arts.

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