Guys, Jesus didn't tap.

[3moose1]

How can we, mere mortals, fathom an intellect as vast as what God's must be? It'd be like the ants in an ant farm asking why the kid who owns the ant farm keeps putting crippled bees in there for them to fi.. Oh wait, I've figured it out. He's a gigantic cunt.

"projection"

[Moleculo]

See, this is EXACTLY what I'm talking about:

Masterful stereotyping! You go, girl!

Please Lord, make it stop.

[Lu Tze]

Actually "turn the other cheek" is just a bad translation of an original Aramaic axiom that every jits guy will know well, "never lie flat on your back".

BJJ wins again!

[conceited]

Keep in mind when giving the free will argument, by doing so we create the premise that God does exist. God is omnipotent in all things and a part of all things around us, therefore things outside of human control is within God's control. So it is safe to say he is in control of all things around us.

Therefore, when a hurricane kills people, God kills people. When a terminal disease infects a child God infects a child etc etc... The next argument on this road is, "It's not God, it's Satan doing this." To which the next logical response would be "Why doesn't God stop Satan?" Whether the next argument is "he can't" or "he won't" simply nullifies the presence of God. The 4,000 internet buckaroo's is still up for grabs.

Man those rap songs are lolllllllsville.

[Moleculo]

God created man.
Man started to get lonely.
God said holy fuck I didn't see that one coming.

[Lu Tze]

Therefore, when a hurricane kills people, God kills people. When a terminal disease infects a child God infects a child etc etc...

Ergo, cunt.

Give me my fucking money!

[EmetShamash]

OMG the holy montain of psychotic rediculousness! That shit is hours of pure weird, it turns brains to jelly and not the nice kind for play time, the itchy sandy stuff that is hard to get off without hurting the sensitive bits.

I just got to back track a little and post the real 10 commandments real quick. You know the ones Moses didn't smash... geez didn't Mel Brooks teach you anything? Notice #10 is about your sinful cheeseburgers and the special place in hell they will bring you. We Jews are a little more serious about the commandments and have about 613 I believe. Notice that stealing, killing, coveting, etc are not there.

From: 50 Things You're Not Supposed To Know

[JudOWNED]

Ergo?

YouTube - Ergo... Vis a Vis.... Concordently

[MrBadGuy]

Thou shalt make thee no molten gods.

God giving us free will

Like the free will to choose between open and closed guards?

I'll let you decide which is good or evil.

[Lu Tze]

Hah, does anyone else think it's ironic that The Architect would never pass the Turing test?

[IMightBeWrong]

OMG the holy montain of psychotic rediculousness! That shit is hours of pure weird, it turns brains to jelly and not the nice kind for play time, the itchy sandy stuff that is hard to get off without hurting the sensitive bits.

I just got to back track a little and post the real 10 commandments real quick. You know the ones Moses didn't smash... geez didn't Mel Brooks teach you anything? Notice #10 is about your sinful cheeseburgers and the special place in hell they will bring you. We Jews are a little more serious about the commandments and have about 613 I believe. Notice that stealing, killing, coveting, etc are not there.

From: 50 Things You're Not Supposed To Know

I bought that little white book myself. There's a ton of good stuff in it. I particularly enjoyed the part mentioning how we barely avoided a nuclear holocaust in the 90's. History always gets me.

Its no surprise that the bible as most people know it is loaded with BS. The new testament wasn't even in existance until about 200 years after Christ's death on the cross, but I guess people aren't supposed to know about that either.

[Dagon Akujin]

This is from an old blog of mine. Yes, Dagon speaks in the third person, because 3 is more than 1.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

The 10 Things We'd Like to Think Are the Ten Commandments

The "Ten Commandments" are back in the news again, but out of sheer necessity Dagon needs to point out that you are all idiots. When most Christians speak (read: argue) about the Ten Commandments they often have trouble listing them off. So, for sake of clarity, here they are, in DNMV (Dagon's New Mouthbreather Version):

1. Yo, don't have no other gods.
2. Don't make no idols.
3. Don't use your God's name in vain.
4. Keep your Sabbath holy-
5. Yo, honor your parents.
6. Don't do that murdering thing.
7. Don't be all up in adultery, yo.
8. Don't be taking nobody's stuff.
9. Don't lie.
10. Don't covet. (Exodus 20)

Okay, now here comes the idiot part. Exodus never calls those the Ten Commandments. Instead it says that God was giving the Israelites a lecture so they were like "Don't let God talk to us or He'll yell at us again." If you Christians read your bible instead of just yelling things that sounded good you'd get to where the actual Ten Commandments are listed in Exodus 34. Again, in DNMV for easy reference:

1. I'm all jealous, yo, so do not make treaties with any other people but smash their stuff instead.
2. Don't make no idols.
3. Eat unleavened bread for seven days in the month of Abib.
4. Firstborn boys are Mine.
5. Don't show up at My place empty handed.
6. Work 6 days out of the week.
7. Celebrate the wheat harvest and the Feast of Ingathering.
8. All My homies must meet Me three times a year.
9. Don't mix My sacrifices with liquor and stay away from My leftovers.
10. Don't boil babies in their momma's milk. (Exodus 34)

Dagon felt fit to report all this because he was watching when God wrote all that stuff down for Moses (Moses was really forgetful). So afterward Dagon went up to God and was all like, "God, why didn't you just use that stuff you were all yelling at them last week?" And God was all like, "I'm God. I can't use the same material twice!" So Dagon said, "Yeah, but that stuff was poetic. You really screwed up with that whole Abib and Ingathering stuff. What were you thinking?" And God was all mad and stuff and saying, "Don't make Me chop off your hands and head, yo! Talk to the Hand!" So Dagon was all, "Dude, just trying to give some advice and all." So God was like, "Maybe you're right. I'll try to fix it a little bit in Deuteronomy."


Dagon Akujin... stay away from my leftovers!


Deuteronomy 22-
Lying about your wife's virginity: 100 shekels
Raping a virgin: 50 shekels
Wearing a wool and linen blend? Priceless

[bjjgame]

The Old Testament Hebrew law condemns tattoos. It also condemns cheeseburgers.

Christians are not required to be good little Jews.

May I be forgiven by the person I know I am inside for allowing my childhood christian indoctrination to defend christianity right now:

You may eat any animal that has a split hoof divided in two and that chews the cud. However, of those that chew the cud or that have a split hoof completely divided you may not eat the camel, the rabbit or the coney. Although they chew the cud, they do not have a split hoof; they are ceremonially unclean for you. The pig is also unclean; although it has a split hoof, it does not chew the cud....(It goes on and on)

He (Peter) became hungry and wanted something to eat, and while the meal was being prepared, he fell into a trance. He saw heaven opened and something like a large sheet being let down to earth by its four corners. It contained all kinds of four-footed animals, as well as reptiles of the earth and birds of the air. Then a voice told him, "Get up, Peter. Kill and eat." "Surely not, Lord!" Peter replied. "I have never eaten anything impure or unclean." The voice spoke to him a second time, "Do not call anything impure that God has made clean."

Obviously the rules changed in the new testament.

[tharuz]

STFU bitch.

[laevus]

Jesus didnt tap.

He verbally submitted. Hands nailed down, people, come on. ^_-