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Mercenaries

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    Mercenaries

    I have every belief that this thread will be Trollshidoed rather quickly, as the whole question is ridiculous, but I felt it could at least provide a few good moments of entertainment for us all.

    So, my questions are simple: One, just how the HELL does one go about hiring a mercenary!? I mean you can't just look into the yellow pages...

    Two, how would you go about becoming one? Is there any kind of quality control?

    That is all. You may now begin ridiculing me.

    #2
    try craigslist.

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      #3
      http://www.blackwaterusa.com/employment/jobfairs.asp

      Good luck with your job search, and may the hand of Allah crush you.

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        #4
        Start small. Before going with the big boys trying to fight international wars, get a few jobs with local gangs fighting for a few blocks of turf. Move your way up to counties, states, and then when you get to level 40, you can finally start taking over other countries. That's where the big bucks are.

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          #5
          Oooooh, do I get to wear a cool costume then too? Do I?

          I wanna wear one like Deadpool. Or Taskmaster...or Deathstroke...

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            #6
            God damn son.

            U = dipshit.

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              #7
              Can we start the beatings now?

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                #8
                What? I said I knew the question was stupid. I thought it would at least be possible to get a few laughs out of it.

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                  #9
                  NO! Now go stand in the corner and start slapping yourself!

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by SFGOON
                    NO! Now go stand in the corner and start slapping yourself!
                    And remember, video or it didn't happen.

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                      #11
                      I see an untapped niche market here:

                      "Sign up for your three DVD set which reveals the Real Mercenary Deadly!"

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                        #12
                        Just offer your services to your local Daimyo

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                          #13
                          Originally posted by Gosai
                          You may now begin ridiculing me.
                          Thank you, you are a twat.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            From Soldier of Fortune magazine
                            Wanted: Small group of like-minded people to overthrow central African government and repell loyalists after the coup. Must provide own uniform, or matching berets at the very minumum.
                            From Mercenary Monthly
                            Bored of the same old same old? Looking for a new challenge? Need some post-Xmas funds to clear debts? Looking to travel and see other cultures? Look no further than Merc-Tac. We'll broaden your horizons, you'll blow up our enemies.
                            No French need apply.
                            It's all there if you look at the trade press.

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                              #15
                              All you really have to do is sit in a tavern and wait for the Mysterious Stranger. Upon receiving commissions from the king/baron/duke/whatever to perform acts unsuitable to the soldiers of the realm, the first thing all Mysterious Strangers do is begin trolling local drinking establishments looking for able-bodied warriors, rogues, clerics, and mages. So sit down, look tough, and be on the lookout for hooded figures drinking alone. If all else fails, at least you'll get drunk.

                              (it's a wonder I ever got laid)

                              Or you could try your luck with these guys http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/French_Foreign_Legion

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