Weirdest moments in training?

[cam4276]

I guess this is more embarassing than weird, but here goes:

A few weeks ago I was rolling with a guy and I honestly cannot remember the exact position we were in when this happened. I do however remember that I was being submitted, my mouth was partially covered, and my best way to tap was to literally pat him on the ass. The really bad part was when I said the following without thinking: "sorry I tapped your ass."

Dave

HA HA HA HA HA HAHH A... you win man. Nearly fell off my chair laughing. "sorry i tapped your ass"... ha hah ahha ah a

[socratic]

I used to go to a BJJ club [lead by a blue belt instructor who taught out of a book. I think it was like 'Mastering Brazilian Jiu Jitsu' or something. Sorry, an overweight, aikidoka, son of an aikidoka, BJJ blue belt. The first thing I learnt was wrist locks...] at my university, where there would be a lot of walk-in joiners from students, a fair amount of which would be not-fluent English speakers from Asian countries. Well, lucky me, I get paired with a guy who spoke probably about 5 words of English, and I accidentally kick him in the head whilst performing an armbar from mount [seriously, how else do you get your outside leg around to the other side?]. I apologise profusely, he doesn't say anything. Next we do a wrestling take down, and he does it at full speed. I go straight into the air and head first into the mat. "Is that the roof? Why can I see the roof? BAM"

I'm laying there, coach comes over and helps me up and I start wondering whether I need to go to hospital. Bronze-coloured fluid begins to come out of my nose [blood + sinus fluid I guess]. I feel fine but just kinda weird. Asshole who threw me apoligises half-assedly and I spent the rest of the sparring wiping my nose. It was just all generally awkward, especially my coach's flippant response. Dude didn't even know how to check for concussion, if memory serves.

I've also had the classic BJJ dilemmas: huge fat dude and smelly dirty dude. Huge fat dude was good for training because when I had to do slow-motion [thus muscled] double-leg takedowns, I was practically screaming and could only barely get his toes off the ground; I guess if I'd kept going I'd have gotten hella stong. I just wanted to get far, far away from dirty dude; his gi was once white and now a greenish off white colour and heavily stained; he wore wrestling shoes and a dirty as hell headguard and had no clue what he was doing, even though we were doing wrestling takedowns. God, that club sucked.

Back when I did kung fu, we'd start each class with various kung fu exercises and some qigung standing meditation. Well, I'd be pretty good at the meditation- I'd be very relaxed. So relaxed in fact my stomach groaned loudly each breath I took. Inhale, SQUELCH, exhale, SQUELCH... That and I seriously couldn't hold in the farts whilst doing that. At all. Coach said that was natural, but I was embarrassed as hell.

[Sri Hanuman]

My weirdest moments in martial arts all come from my TKD days. I first started when I was 14, and about a year in my instructor was a banging hot 21 year old with double Ds. There was the time that we were demonstrating an escape from a collar grab with both hands; she told me to really turn my wrists into it and I ended up pulling her uniform open.

There was the time that she forgot a sports bra and was leading us in jumping jacks and I sprouted wood in the front row.

My personal favorite though, was the time she asked me to help her stretch. She was doing the strech where you put your leg on a person's shoulder and they walk towards you until you are getting a good stretch. The thing of it is, she is so flexible she could put her foot flat on the wall behind her with her leg fully streched, so I end up standing about 2 inches away from her with her legs in a posistion I didn't know girls could be in. It was so awesome and so awkward at the same time my teenage brain exploded.

Also, there was a lady in the class for a while who had even larger boobs, to the point that they basically covered all the legal areas to strike on the torso. Sparring her was never good, except that it was always awsome due to the TKD bounce.

The TKD bounce and boobies, proof that there is a god

Combine that with BJJ, and you do indeed prove that god loves us.

[socratic]

Combine that with BJJ, and you do indeed prove that god loves us.

That said I think BJJ and other grappling arts lead to way more of the embarrassing moments than any others put together. I recon it's probably the level of body contact which makes it happen so much, but I bet there isn't one grappler here who hasn't seriously felt uncomfortable at training at least 2 times.

[Sri Hanuman]

That said I think BJJ and other grappling arts lead to way more of the embarrassing moments than any others put together. I recon it's probably the level of body contact which makes it happen so much, but I bet there isn't one grappler here who hasn't seriously felt uncomfortable at training at least 2 times.

Try passing a woman's half guard without getting a hard-on...
Or the 6-12...

In the above scenarios... damn...

[socratic]

Try passing a woman's half guard without getting a hard-on...
Or the 6-12...

In the above scenarios... damn...

Your first north-south is certainly eye opening.

I trained with women back in kung fu, and goddamn they used to piss me off. They were the light-contacters, and me and my friends were the balls-to-the-wallers. Not akward so much as "You fucking suck, you don't want to get better, get me the fuck away from here".

[AKRhino]

Not really a training story, and not all that weird, but I think it's funny: the following is a transcript from texts I recieved from my coach last night beginning at 2:29AM:

Jeff (my coach): OK going to submit a wrestling guy for 30 dollars

Me: Haha! Easy Money!

Jeff: OK going to submit a wresting guy for 30 dollars

Me: Just let go when he taps

Jeff: You should come down, it's best of 5, MMA for double or nothing

Me: No thanks, just got home, gotta work in 5 1/2 hours

2:55 AM

Jeff: I'm up 90

Me: Haha! That's hilarious, and not unexpected!

3:37 AM

Jeff: He opted out of the mma rd. 5 guillotines, 1 armbar, 1 triangle

LMAO! easy money indeed!

[omoplatypus]

i pitched a tent when a girl was trying to learn armbar from the mount on me.

i got laughed at and pointed out.

i don't roll with women anymore.

[AKRhino]

Don't know if this is weird or not, but again, I thought it was funny.

While back I'm rolling with a guy who I'm alot better than. I'm passing his guard, and he throws a guillotine right as I make it to half guard. Well, the guys strong, so I got stuck, he's squeezing as hard as he can on the choke (but I had an arm in, so it wasn't choking me, and I was having trouble getting passed the lockdown. So, I started whistling, just to show the guy that he wasn't choking me. He called me a bastard and let the choke go, I laughed, and we went on from there.

[AKRhino]

I blacked out for a second after I kneed myself in face doing a kip-up.

I watched one of our guys leg lock himself while rolling with my coach. Apparently he thought he was cranking on my coaches leg. My coach had a confused look on his face when Tre tapped.... lol.

[Matt Phillips]

I was rolling with a girl and she cut a loud fart.

Are you sure that was a fart, chief?

[socratic]

i pitched a tent when a girl was trying to learn armbar from the mount on me.

i got laughed at and pointed out.

i don't roll with women anymore.

Feeling junk squish on your elbow when your rolling partner isn't wearing a cup when doing armbars is kinda chilling

[u1ysses]

YouTube - Harai Goshi knock out from throw

3:20

Happens to the best of us, eh?

Not an awkward moment so much, but I felt awful the other day in judo. I was doing some light randori with a more advanced guy and he nails this beautiful ouchi gari, perfect timing and everything, I go down into my ukemi with my right knee a bit too high, and WHAM it makes full contact with his solar plexus. He coughs a bit and starts jumping up and down swearing in Russian. Needless to say I apologized my ass off, but man I felt bad ---and he hasn't partnered with me since...

[Hedgehogey]

Try passing a woman's half guard without getting a hard-on...
Or the 6-12...

Yes yes I certainly agree that having your clothed thigh be kindof touching a woman's crotch which is covered with 1-3 layers of thick cotton is the kind of temptation that would inspire rennaisance artists and harlequinn romance writers jesus what are you 14

[Whacker]

I've also whacked myself in the junk twice with eskrima sticks, once with a cup on and once without (right on the tip too).

I've been kicked in the junk twice while wearing a cup and my ball(s) were caught between the cup and my crotch. I'd rather have been kicked without a cup on than have that happen again.

This didn't happen to me, but I watched it happen. A (cute) girl at our school was working on one of her staff forms, and managed to clock herself square in the face hard with one of those heavy oak 5' deals. She almost broke her nose but luckily didn't, but she did get a nice black eye.

I'd also cut a hellacious fart during warm-up stretching that I didn't live down for a month.

We've also got running jokes about the "3rd" and "5th" fists. The 3rd fist is basically extremely bad breath. There're a few folks at our school whom we suspect have never met a toothbrush and toothpaste in their lives, doing anything close quarters with them is an exercise in patience and breathing control. The 5th fist is when you fart on someone while doing anything. This came about during one of our early chin na forms, we have a basic move where the attacker grabs your ear, you smash the grip and pivot to their side with your butt on their outside knee, then do a scissors takedown. You can probably see where this is going. One of our friends went to go do this, and as soon as he crouched to do the takedown, ripped a giant fart all over our other friend. That is and has been a running joke for months, I don't think we'll ever let that one go.

Finally, we've got this other running joke about using a crane's beak during a real fight that two of my friends came up with whilst extremely drunk. This is of course all tongue in cheek but it's still hilarious. Short background, we do have 3 forms based on the traditional kung fu 5 animal system, crane tiger snake leopard dragon, as well as mantis and monkey forms. We learn the crane form at white belt. The gist of the joke is, if any of us ever gets into a real fight in the future, and we hit (one of) our attacker(s) with a crane's beak, that means "Don't jump in and help me out, I'm good to go no matter how bad it looks for me". When we told our instructors this joke, the look on their faces and reactions were priceless, really wish we'd had a camera for that.

That's all I can think of for now.

Edit - Boob grabbery. We've done chin na a few times blindfolded. One of those times I was paired up with the cute chick who whacked herself in the face with the staff. She's also got an ENORMOUS rack as well, double D's at least. Needless to say, I accidentially got a few handfuls while working with her. :ninja2: