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I am a recovering ninja.

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    I am a recovering ninja.

    As a masochistic prick, I feel the need to share this with the people most likely to ridicule me for it. SO LET'S GO.

    In my formative years, I... thought I was a ninja. I owned nunchucks, and a black gi with a hood and various other wierd attachments. I was "t3h d34dl3y". I attended classes at "Kevin Hawthorne's Ninja School" - http://www.khninja.com/ It was like a mcdojo, only lower budget. The one thing I will say in favour of it is this: No contracts. Payment was on a week-by-week basis. Classes were held in a local hall. Corriculum included strikes which can supposedly kill or cripple instantly, use of traditional weapons, extremely dodgy "camoflage", cat stances, horse stances, and bad judo.

    I shudder to think what would have happened if I ever tried to apply any of the utter tripe taught by the instructors of this school. They apparently subscribed to the philosophy that ANY fight can be quickly and satisfactorily resolved by a single strike to the groin or throat. I tend to think that teaching this to young children is not only misleading but dangerously irresponsible. In any situation where violence is actually required, a kid as young as I was, in the shape I was in would probably be better off flailing wildly and shrieking for help. That crap only ended up getting used on other kids and causing retarded injuries (generally on the part of the person using the technique).

    Speaking of retarded injuries, WHAT KIND OF PARENT BUYS A 12 YEAR OLD BOY A PAIR OF NUNCHUCKS? Fortunately I never knocked my teeth out or anything, but I had a few "funniest home video" moments (read: groin shot). Nevertheless, I thought they were cool as hell and when they eventually broke in half and sent one handle catapaulting out a closed window I was devastated. Later I realized that an object whose only purpose is to do fruity weapons kata and make you hurt yourself is probably something I was better off without.

    In hindsight, I recognise exactly how I fell into what was essentially a group wank for goofy teenagers. You see, I was a little fatty and ridiculed for it. If everyone there was like me, I probably would have thought "what a bunch of wannabes" and left immediately. But there were a few advanced students who I thought were fucking awesome. At the time I really had no concept of what made an effective fighter, but these guys were big, mean, and executed all the various silly techniques we did with style. I was sure if I faithfully attended classes once a week I would be just like them. Yeah, that was stupid.

    The whole problem is education. Parents need to have the balls to tell their precious little kid that joining a silly dress up club will not make you fit. It will not make you a killing machine. It will just make you look like a fat kid in a black gi, hitting himself with two sticks and a piece of chain. Put your kid in football for chrissakes. He will get more fitness there and probably get a good deal more fighting experience.

    I eventually kicked the habit and gave up martial arts all together. I got my health and fitness under control by using a revolutionary program known as "DIET AND EXCERCISE". If my parents/techers/instructors had just savagely beaten me untill I was motivated to start jogging I would have done it years ago. But they didn't, because noone wants to hurt the fat kids feelings. After moving towns and bouncing around looking at a few different schools, I took up hapkido. Yeah, I realize you're gonna troll me for my new school as well as my old one.

    I sometimes wonder about the students I thought were so cool and what their reason was for dressing up. And how genuinely cool they could have been if they hadn't wasted their time with such a lame school.

    #2
    Don't worry, guy. We all have our own sad, strange tales of teenage LARPing. Here's mine:

    http://www.bullshido.net/forums/show...49#post1458549

    Hey, at least you figured it out eventually and got the fork out of there. Teenagers do that shit - it's when they never grow out of it that it gets scary. We were beside a ninja booth at the MMAExpo and damn, for a bunch of 40 year old men in jammies, they take themselves seriously!

    Comment


      #3
      bs...i never larped.
      i started with traditional jiu jitsu and kyukoshin (correct spelling?not sure)karate at 10.
      even as a small boy i knew ninja's were full of it,because the biggest pussy in our street did that and we could still hit the living daylights out of him when he was being a prick.

      Comment


        #4
        Originally posted by AeroChick
        Don't worry, guy. We all have our own sad, strange tales of teenage LARPing. Here's mine:

        http://www.bullshido.net/forums/show...49#post1458549
        funny story...hey..uhm...you still have that uniform..?:icon_bigg

        Comment


          #5
          How exactly is Hapkido better? It has got "Ki" right in the middle of it!
          What's with all these retarded location descriptions lately? "South of the Great Southern Land." WTF?

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by Lebell
            funny story...hey..uhm...you still have that uniform..?:icon_bigg
            Sadly, no. But I could lend Fes the strap-on knife and snake boots, if you like!

            That is presuming that she doesn't already have her own......

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by Lebell
              bs...i never larped.
              i started with traditional jiu jitsu and kyukoshin (correct spelling?not sure)karate at 10.
              even as a small boy i knew ninja's were full of it,because the biggest pussy in our street did that and we could still hit the living daylights out of him when he was being a prick.

              It's ok lebell,

              You're amoung friends here.

              Let it out,


              You were that little boy, weren't you?

              The one who got his ninjer ass beat every day.

              Let it out, you'll feel better after you tell uncle Fate.






              CONFESS, DAMN YOU!!!
              If you can't laugh at yourself,
              Others will be happy to do it for you. :evil6:

              The 2 most abundant elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.


              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by AeroChick
                Sadly, no. But I could lend Fes the strap-on knife and snake boots, if you like!

                That is presuming that she doesn't already have her own......
                why fes? you think it would look better on her?
                a/s/l plz.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by Lebell
                  why fes? you think it would look better on her?
                  Yes. She'd probably have much more fun with it than me. I'd be more likely to try to impress you with my singing.


                  :la: Wilhelmus van Nassau, ben ik van duitschen bloed....
                  Last edited by AeroChica; 6/14/2007 10:10am, .

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by AeroChick
                    Yes. She'd probably have much more fun with it than me. I'd be more likley to try to impress you with my stirring rendition of Wilhelm van Nassau.
                    ah, the dutch national anthem in which we sing 'we are of german blood'.
                    video of that please!!! :-)

                    i dig chicks in uniform by the way.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by Lebell
                      ah, the dutch national anthem in which we sing 'we are of german blood'.
                      video of that please!!! :-)

                      i dig chicks in uniform by the way.
                      Interesting. Where were you when I was in Holland, in uniform, and 18 years old? You were probably that creepy guy following me around Brabant, weren't you?

                      Comment


                        #12
                        He was in febo.
                        There is no cheating, there is only jiu-jitsu.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Originally posted by AeroChick
                          Interesting. Where were you when I was in Holland, in uniform, and 18 years old? You were probably that creepy guy following me around Brabant, weren't you?
                          Brabant...ugh...that's peasant province.
                          i'm in the Holland province,the civilised part.
                          If you were in Brabant and in uniform there might be a chance you were doing the vierdaagse in Nijmegen?

                          I'm not creepy thank you.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            hey... don't feel bad.

                            if you grew up in the 80's... you went through a ninja craze. there's no getting around it.

                            even i did.

                            of course... i was a little kid, wore a foam turtle shell, and was proud that i actually had a brother named Rafael.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Originally posted by fes_fsa
                              hey... don't feel bad.

                              if you grew up in the 80's... you went through a ninja craze. there's no getting around it.

                              even i did.

                              of course... i was a little kid, wore a foam turtle shell, and was proud that i actually had a brother named Rafael.
                              perhaps there was a ninja craze in the u.s.,not here.
                              i vaguely remember a show on tv called the master.
                              and there was a white (snow?)ninja in gi joe.

                              i'm more of an a team person.
                              and he-man ofcourse.

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