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Advice?? Cuz I'm Pissed!

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    Advice?? Cuz I'm Pissed!

    Hi.. My name is Zach and I have a dillema on my hands that just arose today.. I live in a small town in Texas where I have been training in Hapkido for almost 2 years. I just recently got my first Dan BB rank...

    Anyway.. My Instructor and I have been pretty tight over the last year or so.. Sometimes he calls me up and we go have lunch and talk Martial Arts.. Lately here, I've been wanting to do some extra curricular sport oriented stuff(kickboxing, boxing, etc..) to boost my workouts, as he has a pretty extensive schedule and can't really help me out too much with that..

    .. So today at lunch, I tell him about what my intentions are.. I tell him that I have no intention of leaving his Hapkido Dojang either, but that I just wanna branch out and get a more sport oriented workout training regimen going(aside from the Hapkido Workout)..

    Well.. He acts like he can't believe what I'm saying and proceeds to tell me that this is something that he just flat out wouldn't "allow" his students to do.. He also adds that he has no intention of starting a kickboxing curriculum at his school, and that it would pretty much be out of the question..

    I'm 29 years old.. I've been in MA off and on since I was 13 or 14, and have never had to confront an attitude like this.. I will be 30 at the end of the summer, I'm a grown man.. I don't see that I should have to put up with this kinda crap from anyone. However, I already payed the guy for this month, not to mention the trip to Korea that has already been bought and payed for that we are going on In March '08.

    I've put allot of money into the association that our school is with too. This guy is like the only legitimate Hapkido Master in N. Texas. He's actually backed by the S. Korean Government.

    My gut instinct tells me to pack my bags, but then again all that money would go for nothin'.. Am I overreacting with this?.. Should I just bite my lip and deal with it?.. Should I just say screw it and go behind his back, which he would eventually find out about anyway??..

    Has anyone had to deal with this before?

    #2
    I think other members here have much more experience than I do with this, but I'll throw my hat into the ring. Welcome to the forum BTW.

    You're a grown man. It's none of his business what you do outside of his school. If I were in your place, I would leave without hesitation. If you really feel like you can't break loyalty to the school, then do what you have to do. Regardless, go ahead and train like you want, it's nobody else's decision.

    Dave

    Comment


      #3
      Originally posted by theprotz
      My gut instinct tells me to pack my bags, but then again all that money would go for nothin'.. Am I overreacting with this?.. Should I just bite my lip and deal with it?.. Should I just say screw it and go behind his back, which he would eventually find out about anyway??..

      Has anyone had to deal with this before?
      Refusing to allow crosstraining is usually a bad sign, especially at your Dan BB level.In other words, it's not like you're a noob who wants to train 50 things at once and learn none of them. Then again you said you've only been training Hapkido for two years which on first glance seems pretty fast to get a black belt- no offense, but this also may be a bad sign.

      It's his school, so if he doesn't want to add kickboxing its his call, but if he was really, truly against you yourself studying anything else, again, that souds pretty bad.

      Your first concern before you make a decision should be the financial/legal status of any contracts, payments, and deposits you've made. Find out what their status is and what options you have open- ie. did you only make a deposit for the trip and won't be stuck losing all the money?

      If a) he is truly dead-set against crosstraining and b) you have any real inclination to study something besides Hapkido, your paths will likely part.

      Also, not to make you paranoid, but are you sure he's the "only legitimate Hapkido master" in N. Texas? Does backed by the government just mean he has a certificate of appreciation from a VIP, etc.? I know people who have signed (by autopen) letters from Bill Clinton, George Bush, etc. and they don;t "have the backing" of the US government. Just something to think about.

      I think your gut may well be right.

      edit- Whorian beat me to the 2-yr BB!!! :knob:
      They killed JFK in '63, so what the fuck you think they'll do to me?

      Comment


        #4
        I love to break this to you, but your effort and ability are probably all for nothing. Hapkido doesn't have a decent reputation, and for a reason.

        Take this for what it is, a paid employee telling you you can't hire someone else. Leave. Leave now. Check any contacts/agreements you signed and see whether you can get your money back.

        Go check out other schools. Check the Throwdown forums for events in your area, I understand we have quite a few Texans on here.

        Does this instructor have a name or a website?

        Don't feel down, most people on this site (myself and the majority of the staff included) once trained at a shit MA school whether because it was made up, overcharging or insistant on bollocks like you're describing.
        "Listen to Iscariot you Vicchysoise ninja-fuckers!" - kohadril
        "Are you going to rise to godhood out of the ashes of Earth? " - frumpleswift
        "I'll pray for you Iscariot." - Mas
        "Iscariot, check your pulse and report back. We need to know if you are in fact, not alive." - Lu Tzu
        "Iscariot is victorious!" - Dai Tenshi
        "More God delusions." - DAYoung
        "Iscariot, despite our obvious doctrinal differences, I salute your exquisite bastardry, and take back half of all the bad things I ever said about you." - Zendetta

        Comment


          #5
          Well.. I actually had a brown belt from another Hapkido Dojang in another state.. That one took me about 2 1/2 - 3 years to get(without stripes).. He made me start over, but I flew through allot of the ranks because I already knew a bunch of the techniques..

          Believe me.. I have been to allot of McDojos in my day though, so I know why anyone would think 2 years is not enough to have a black belt..

          Yeah.. you're right though about the government backing.. It really doesnt mean much anyway.. the guy's attitude sucks regardless of who may or may not endorse him.

          Thanks to all that have replied so far.. The general consensus here so far is that I should leave.. anyone with more advice would be appreciated though..
          :tellme:

          Comment


            #6
            If you can't get your money for the trip back, and it's a lot of money, would this be an option: continue going to his school, crosstrain other places, and just don't discuss the subject with him. Then after the trip, drop him. Just an idea.

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by Iscariot
              I love to break this to you, but your effort and ability are probably all for nothing. Hapkido doesn't have a decent reputation, and for a reason.

              Take this for what it is, a paid employee telling you you can't hire someone else. Leave. Leave now. Check any contacts/agreements you signed and see whether you can get your money back.

              Go check out other schools. Check the Throwdown forums for events in your area, I understand we have quite a few Texans on here.

              Does this instructor have a name or a website?

              Don't feel down, most people on this site (myself and the majority of the staff included) once trained at a shit MA school whether because it was made up, overcharging or insistant on bollocks like you're describing.
              Hey thanks allot for the words of encouragement..

              I got into HKD really because I wanted to learn escourt techniques(I used to work in a bar as a bouncer), and also standing joint locks for knife defense. It never occured to me at that time that I was gonna want to really get sport oriented(really thinking hard about kickboxing)..

              I was thinking the same thing in regards to being told I wasn't "allowed" to pursue anything else..

              I have been checking around allot lately, so your advice is very well accepted here.. I already have some ideas as to where I may end up..

              Probably won't be able to get my money back on the trip, but hey.. win some lose some.. As long as my peace of mind is intact, I think I'll be ok.. No contracts binding me either.. THANK GOD!

              I'm not really in the market to slander this guy or his school. His opinion is his opinion.. He was only conveying what he thinks.. As long as we can keep it like, I will probably just disappear and no harm no foul.. Now if he badmouths me to anyone, I'll be on BS quicker than greased lightning shot out of a cannon with his name and address of his Dojang..

              Thanks again for all your words..

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by hitechhillbilly
                If you can't get your money for the trip back, and it's a lot of money, would this be an option: continue going to his school, crosstrain other places, and just don't discuss the subject with him. Then after the trip, drop him. Just an idea.
                This was an idea that I had pondered.. still may go along with it.. only things is now, I would feel like a complete tool working out up there.. It's good advice though..

                Comment


                  #9
                  Name of instructor?

                  Name of school?

                  Website of school?
                  "Listen to Iscariot you Vicchysoise ninja-fuckers!" - kohadril
                  "Are you going to rise to godhood out of the ashes of Earth? " - frumpleswift
                  "I'll pray for you Iscariot." - Mas
                  "Iscariot, check your pulse and report back. We need to know if you are in fact, not alive." - Lu Tzu
                  "Iscariot is victorious!" - Dai Tenshi
                  "More God delusions." - DAYoung
                  "Iscariot, despite our obvious doctrinal differences, I salute your exquisite bastardry, and take back half of all the bad things I ever said about you." - Zendetta

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by Iscariot
                    Name of instructor?

                    Name of school?

                    Website of school?
                    Take my word for it.. I would like to put this information up here(cuz I'm pretty pissed off), but I think at this time it would complicate matters. I havn't even confronted the guy yet on my decision and he looks at this website.. In the future though, once it's all said and done, I'm sure that it won't be a problem.. Hope you understand.. LOL.

                    Again though.. I really appreciate the advice.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      If you don't want to leave, and you want to cross train, you could just not tell him. Is what you do outside of class really his business?

                      Now if you're worried about your relationship with the guy (it seems like you're friends), then you don't have a martial arts problem; you have a problem with personal boundaries. If you decide to cross train, and you feel he should know, then just be up front with him.

                      You can say, "I value our relationship and your instruction, and I would like to continue my training here. However, unless my cross training compromises my current training, I feel that what I do outside of class is my personal business. If you make me leave for wanting to grow as a martial artist, that will be your decision, but you be losing a dedicated student who is still willing to learn."

                      But, then again... how nice you want to be is completely up to you. You would be justified with a simple, "Fuck off," but it sounds like you like the guy.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        1) He is actually YOUR employee. You are not his. If you pay him for instruction then you are the boss. So he really doesn't have too much of a say in what you are allowed to do.

                        2)Loyalty to a school or org is a nice thing but it shouldn't overshadow point 1.

                        3) The "backing by the S. Korean Government" think seems both hockey and insignificant. Trust me on that. Hell when I was living in Korea it was hard to find a sabunim who WASN'T backed by the government or claimed to be.

                        Bottomline do what you feel is right for you. I would simply tell him in no uncertain terms that I plan on doing Kickboxing, Boxing, etc and would rather have his support but its not required.

                        You shouln't have to hide anything from him.
                        ______
                        Xiao Ao Jiang Hu Zhi Dong Fang Bu Bai (Laughing Proud Warrior Invincible Asia) Dark Emperor of Baji!!!

                        RIP SOLDIER

                        Didn't anyone ever tell him a fat man could never be a ninja
                        -Gene, GODHAND

                        You can't practice Judo just to win a Judo Match! You practice so that no matter what happens, you can win using Judo!
                        The key to fighting two men at once is to be much tougher than both of them.
                        -Daniel Tosh

                        Comment


                          #13
                          tell him to go fuck a donkey. remember you are paying HIM for the crappy martial art you are learning, not the other way round. YOU call the shots.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Originally posted by ninjafetus
                            If you don't want to leave, and you want to cross train, you could just not tell him. Is what you do outside of class really his business?

                            Now if you're worried about your relationship with the guy (it seems like you're friends), then you don't have a martial arts problem; you have a problem with personal boundaries. If you decide to cross train, and you feel he should know, then just be up front with him.

                            You can say, "I value our relationship and your instruction, and I would like to continue my training here. However, unless my cross training compromises my current training, I feel that what I do outside of class is my personal business. If you make me leave for wanting to grow as a martial artist, that will be your decision, but you be losing a dedicated student who is still willing to learn."

                            But, then again... how nice you want to be is completely up to you. You would be justified with a simple, "Fuck off," but it sounds like you like the guy.
                            You hit the nail on the head with this one actually.. I liked the guy up to this point.. Now.. well.. I'm kinda sceptical about his true intentions.. And I was confiding in him as a friend.. that's what started all this actually.. I told him that I wanted to cross train and he went in to Master Instructor mode.. It really blew my mind actually..

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Originally posted by Alex
                              tell him to go fuck a donkey. remember you are paying HIM for the crappy martial art you are learning, not the other way round. YOU call the shots.
                              I'm starting to think that it couldn't have been said any better.
                              Last edited by theprotz; 6/12/2007 4:25pm, .

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