0h N0es!! Can it be?!!

[Shinkengata]

Day 1


Dear *NEW* Diary,


Welcome to the world of a Ninja. You were selected among all the other wide ruled spiral notebooks to be my companion and recorder in my new empire of awesomeness. One has failed where you will succeed, having been captured by the cops.
I'm hiding out in a secret compound from my enemies, who think I'm dead. Me, dead? Are you kidding? I'm a Ninja. We don't die. We only assimilate into shadow.

I'm starting a new clan, called The Nintenjutsu Ryu. I'd get the owner of the compound to join, but he stays drunk most of the time, and constantly goes off on rants about the government and not letting NAMBLA do their thing. I think NAMBLA stands for the National Association of Marine Battalion L33t Attackers. It makes sense, since he was in Desert Storm. This compound is small....portable so we can disappear at a moment's notice. We have to sleep in the same bed to be able to watch each others' backs. I don't really mind, aside from the fact that he likes to drape his leg over me, and he snores. It makes me feel a little crowded. I find that its a good time to astral project.


I visited my "grave" once. I found it to be soothing. I took one of my neighbor's Bingo daubers and drew the Kanji of the new school on my headstone. I live on, bitches...just like Rikimaru. Bingo ink is h3lla tough. It never washes off. I did that just for the cemetary caretaker. His grandson is a Muay Thai-er. Try and wash that off, ya old shin-kicking fuck.
I dipped one of my shurikens into the ink and gave myself a tattoo of a shuriken on my arm. Ha. How cool is that? That's like using a bullet to pierce your ear and then wearing an earring in the shape of a gun or something. It totally fits. I think it made me sick, though, cuz I spent the rest of the night on the compound toilet with a mean case of the Shinobi Squirts.

I bet my parents are all upset and shit. Screw them. Maybe now they'll realize just what a kickass son they brought into the world. I mean, seriously. How cool must it feel to know that you squirted a ninja from your loins? Dad must have Ninjism. Sucks I had to die for them to notice me, though. I bet if I'd been in the Muay Thai gym they would have supported me. Shows what lame-asses they are.

Anyway, I'm going to sleep now. It's late and I have to get up and go refill the propane for the compound tomorrow, then I have asphalt shadow-glide training. Glad to have you with me, new diary. Just be sure and keep it ninja.

[bearich]

Wrong forum. This isn't YMAS

Edit--nevermind, thread has been moved

[kendamu]

Sweeeeeeet!

I've been wanting more Ninjerism for awhile!

[Airman Kai]

Bout fuckin' time.

[Shinkengata]

Day 2


Dear Diary,


Today is turning out to be a slow day, so I'm just gonna kinda write about what went down with the whole dying thing. It wasn't me that got killed, it was one of my other students who was with me and D1ablo that day. I guess it was my fault. He once asked me what he would have to do to become a master at Danzig Ryu Ninjitsu. "Catch a bullet with your hand." was the answer I gave him. I suppose he was going for his master rank that day.

I got pepper sprayed. God that sucked. Apparently I'm allergic to Cayenne and I spent the next two days hallucinating in my uncle's RV. I found the last diary entry I made while I was in that state. LOLZ. I thought I was dead and in heaven. That's wicked queer. (Like that? I heard a guy from Boston say that once.)

So I'm still here in my uncle's RV compound. The other guys in the park are pretty cool, but they drink a lot. Some of them make fun of me when I'm out practicing. They call me "Kung Fu Man" and shit. IT pisses me off. Ninjitsu is h3lla better than "Dung Pu".

There is this one guy who lives in an RV with his 15 year-old girlfriend. He's an asshole. Sits in front of his house in a lawn chair wearing nothing but TAPOUT shorts and drinking Old Milwaukee. He calls me Ninja Fagg. I'm gonna teabag that motherfucker in his sleep and steal his girlfriend. She looks at me a lot, neways.

I'm currently working on the ranks and by-laws for Nintenjutsu Ryu. I'll write them down here when they're finished. My new Ryu is gonna be wicked sw33t.


Keep it Ninja, D-Izzle.

[kendamu]

Nintenjutsu Ryu? Does this mean someone's going to try to use the Wii remote and Nunchuck as real Nunchaku at some point?

[colonelpong2]

Excellent. More ninjing!
And in a trailer park too! Splendirificas!

[fes_fsa]

Excellent. More ninjing!
And in a trailer park too! Splendirificas!

there's alot of ninja stealth to be had at a trailer park.

[Snake Plissken]

Is this the return of Diary Of A Teenage Ninja??
http://www.bullshido.net/forums/showthread.php?t=36461
Sweet!!!
Best Thread EAVAHHHH!

[Shinkengata]

Day 3

Dear Diary


I was at the store today buying a Sparks for Uncle Pete, and I almost got ran over by this truck that was pulling in to get gas. If I hadn't went back into ichicuchi no kamae to get out of the way, that guy's bumper would be dented like hell. Its nice to see I still have my Ninja reflexes. If I had trained the kamae as a stance, and not a posture, he would have hit me.

Then I would have been REALLY pissed...


He got out of his truck with his little poodle dog and his cabana shorts and penny loafers, yelling hysterically...telling me I was costing him money by getting in his way. I still don't know how. I stuck a shuriken in his windshield and ran. It was sweet.

That dude in the Tapout shorts wants to be me so bad. When I got back to the park, he was wearing socks with his flip flops. I told him he wasn't worthy to wear tabi. What a t00l.

I've been putting together a mix tape of Relient K and Simple Plan for his girlfriend...I'll slip it under the door when he goes to get more beer next time. I'm gonna try and get her to come over sometime when Uncle Pete is passed out.

Pretty short day today, Diary. I'll have more next time.


Keep It Ninja.

[kracker]

Thanks Shin, your stories are TOO AWESOME!!!! Are you by any chance secretly Joe Rogan? He's the only other guy I've ever heard of who's as funny as you are.

[Shinkengata]

Day 4


Dear Diary,


I know you feel violated. I know you feel wronged. I sincerely apologize from the bottom of my heart. I should have been here. I shouldn't have been out training while Uncle Pete ripped sheets from your ordained spirals and wiped his ass with them. I would have rather him used my gi. I've told him for the last three days that we were about to run out of toilet paper and he never listened. I suppose that's what happens when you leave an alcoholic to do things for himself. He definitely has no place in the Nintenjutsu Ryu.


God, what is wrong with me? I can't even defend my own diary. NO!! I cannot think like that. Must train harder, must meditate. Moving on...


The Tapout asshole was at it again today. He hit me in the back with an apple core as I was duck walking across the asphalt. I instinctively reached for my shurikens, but his girlfriend was sitting behind him. He saw my move and stood up and slapped his chest and stuck his chin in the air. I went elsewhere and resumed my training.

*sigh* His girlfriend's name is LeTrene. She is so beautiful. I'm waiting until he goes over to Chank's RV to "smoke a bowl" as he puts it. I'll slip the mix tape to her then. It has some really good Hawthorne Heights on there, too. Maybe she's wanna come over. Uncle Pete has been passing out at about 8 every night. I'm pretty sure I can just drape a blanket over him and she and I can hang out on the sofa.

I'll pack some extra pepper bombs tonight just in case we get caught. I'll let you know how it goes, Diary.


Keep it Ninjizzle.

[jkdbuck76]

Shin,

some people just don't get "IT".

[tiktok]

Welcome back, Shin! I have to admit that I wasted not nearly enough of my employer's time laughing my ass off as I read the previous Diaries...stoked that you've returned for more ninja awesomeness.

Keep it ninja.

Always.

werd

[Shinkengata]

Day 7


Dear Diary,



I ventured into town the other day to get some supplies, and ran into a guy who was wearing a Wing Chun t-shirt. I asked him about his art and he invited me to come train. I told him I didn't need training, and that I was a Grandmaster, but alright. Maybe I could school them.

So I hopped on Uncle Pete's Vespa and went there yesterday. Let me tell you, those guys have w1cked fast hands. If I didn't have the ability to slow down time, it would have been too fast for me. I'm letting their instructor teach me their fast hand ways, in exchange for Ninjato lessons. We'll both be even more deadly.

Uncle pete has also been showing me some of the government's most secret and deadly military hand-to-hand combat stuff. He even lets me practice it on him after his Trazodones kick in. IT's h3lla sweet. He's shown me this one move where the guy stabs in at you with his bayonet, and you twist his rifle up in his arms, breaking both his arms with the sling. We tried it with a stick and a string tied to each end. It looked like it would really work if it were an actual rifle with its sling. He's also been teaching me some uber-deadly strikes where you scratch your anus and then dig your nails into your opponent's face. Gives them a w1cked infection, he says.


I think I'm gonna try and snake some of the Wing Chun guy's students to join the Nintenjutsu Ryu. A few of them would be definitely interested. One kid shows up to class with a bokken. He doesn't use it during class...he just brings it. I think he's probably waiting for someone to come along and teach him how to use it with fatal efficiency...the way a Ninja would.

Anywayz, I'm out for now.



Keep It N1NJA.