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    Ninja Stories

    Drunken Wolverine-Ninja-Kung Fu

    #2
    Convinced by his own Power of Suggestion, Ashida then promoted himself to "25th O-dan Ultra-Grandmaster of Shadows Kim" and wrote a new book on creative ninja suicide options featuring photos of really stupid people (his senior students) demonstrating. Upon selling the first copy, he masturbated furiously.

    THE END.

    Comment


      #3
      I kinda have a true story... when I was at school, there was an older guy - Billy - and he was ninja.
      Not A ninja. He was ninja. He may also have been Legion, but I can't quite recall.
      Stories abounded of Billy's prowess (they mainly came from Billy) and his work as one of Night's Dark Agents.
      His knowledge of Ninjitsu was encyclopedic... he'd seen all the American Ninja series and so many more. In fact, he could often be seen around the video shop, dressed in black, possibly plying his deadly trade.
      His dedication to his art intrigued our 10 year old minds.
      We'd ask him - "Billy, where did you learn ninjitsu?" but he couldn't tell us as he could never betray his sensei. "How many men have you killed?" That was a secret too. He was the very epitome of discretion. We were suitably impressed.
      Then, it happened.
      He disappeared. I don't mean in a plume of smoke, I mean he dropped off the face of the earth.
      Rumours abounded... had he been killed, captured or otherwise? Had he failed his latest mission and been honour-bound to end his now-hollow life?
      About six weeks later, Billy the Ninja came back. He was quieter, and his head had been shaved. His expression was pretty much vapid (he was never the most aware of people, but he seemed much worse now), and to our horror... his trademark black clothes had gone.
      They'd been replaced by a checked workshirt, jeans and boots.
      One of my friends dared to sidle up to him and hiss at him "Billy, are you undercover?"
      Blank stare.
      "Billy, are you still a ninja?" Flicker of recognition... he turned to my friend Jon and said:
      "No. I'm a farmer. I farm." and sauntered away.
      We followed him, convinced it was some kind of ploy, but we were intercepted by his mum, who told us to leave him alone, as Billy had been into a "special hospital" to rest for a few weeks and was tired and wouldn't remember about being a ninja any more.
      We left disillusioned.
      Our ninja hero was really a mentally incapable delusional youth who was prone to psychotic episodes.
      We weren't downcast for long: we had a pet retard and we'd goad him until he snapped. Farmer? Hah.. try timebomb.

      So, that's where my opinion of ninjas went from Cool to Tool...
      And, whoever it was on here that coined the phrase "A Retard of Ninjas" really knew their stuff.
      Where there is only a choice between cowardice and violence, I would advise violence.

      Gandhi

      Comment


        #4
        Uri,
        From your style section it seems like you gave up on the booj?
        There is no cheating, there is only jiu-jitsu.

        Comment


          #5
          There are only 2 types of b00j,

          those who gave it up,

          and those who will give it up.

          ( this usually occurs at about the same age as the revelation about Santa Clause.)
          Last edited by FickleFingerOfFate; 5/23/2007 7:31am, .
          If you can't laugh at yourself,
          Others will be happy to do it for you. :evil6:

          The 2 most abundant elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.


          Comment


            #6
            I always thought Batman was cooler. As a kid when I would get dressed up it had to have a cape dammit.
            Judo is only gentle for the guy on top.

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by jkartigue
              I always thought Batman was cooler. As a kid when I would get dressed up it had to have a cape dammit.
              Ahh but Batman was a ninja too, therefore you vicariously wanted to be a ninja also.

              Comment


                #8
                Aha got ya!

                Batman was the first MMA fighter in comics. He used the silly ninja as training tools to become a bad mofo.

                BTW true Batman fans know that the movies are so inaccurate they make you want to scream.
                Judo is only gentle for the guy on top.

                Comment


                  #9
                  I just want to look like Christian Bale and train with my shirt off. In front of womens and stuff.
                  Which martial art is best for that?
                  *********************************************

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Vegetable-Fu



                    Lo-Cal-Ryu


                    Die-Te
                    If you can't laugh at yourself,
                    Others will be happy to do it for you. :evil6:

                    The 2 most abundant elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.


                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by Uri Shatil
                      I'm pretty sure that it's Ninjas Suck month. There's a highlight video. Anyways, for lack of an abundance of ninja content (as we had during the fruitful Aikido Sucks Month), I present to you a poorly written ninja story. Please excuse the lack of indents.



                      He thought he was invisible. He was lurking in the shadows, as he had always been trained to do. Steve had been practicing Ninjutsu for almost two years now, and he thoug

                      [blah blah blah.........]


                      d by his own sword in his own hand.
                      ok. you took time to write this? for god's sake, did ninjers steal your 1st born? ok, I took time to read this. i'll never have that time back.

                      is this part of your therapy session? did someone tell you to put your diary online? was it YOU that started to throw slow lunge punches at someone? in YOUR BJK practice did they really tell you "okay, make sure you punch slowly"?

                      just checking in. we're here for you on Bullshido. let it all out.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Originally posted by jkartigue
                        Aha got ya!

                        Batman was the first MMA fighter in comics. He used the silly ninja as training tools to become a bad mofo.

                        BTW true Batman fans know that the movies are so inaccurate they make you want to scream.
                        It's your sole purpose to make me want to banish you in every thread now isn't it?
                        I think only idiots assume that someone who trains for the ring can't make the switch to the street as soon as things change. - dweidman

                        Comment


                          #13
                          What level dungeon master are you?
                          Judo is only gentle for the guy on top.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            *snort* dungeon mansters dont have levels...idiot *high fives nerd friend*

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Originally posted by FilipinoNinja
                              *snort* dungeon mansters dont have levels...idiot *high fives nerd friend*

                              Now if you only had a friend.

                              Comment

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