Your significant other's apathy...

[Yrkoon9]

It isn't often that I write a serious topic. Usually I just snipe with my sarcastic comments. So I expect a few.

So here is the problem that maybe you can help me with:

HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH YOUR SPOUSE/S.O. AND THIER UNWILLINGNESS TO TAKE THIER PERSONAL SAFETY SERIOUSLY?

Let me describe my wife. The polar opposite of me. The sweetest, kindest, gentlist most optomistic person with the thickest set of rose colored glasses you will ever see. She lives in a world where nothing bad could ever happen to her. And with that mindset she is a sheep. Baaaaa.

I put a big steel security door on. I added more locks. I fixed the motion sensor floodlight out back. I have a pistol with hollowpoints downstairs, and a loaded shotgun upstairs. There are phones in every room.

...but here is the gist of it...I am in the military and have not been home for more than 4 or 5 days at a time for the last 6 months. I have another 6 months of training coming up, and then almost an immediate 15 month deployment. Simply put - I am not there. I powerless.

And she continually refuses to use common sense to protect herself.

She leaves the bedroom door open with a chain on the door so that one of the dogs can sleep on the patio at night (dog prefers it). The bedroom is on the 3rd floor but still...if I can climb up there so can someone else. I have 3 other locks on that fucking door and she doesn't use them. We don't live in the greatest neighborhood and the cops come around quite often. Helicopters are always circling shining the lights. And what does she do? Walks the fucking dogs out back with the door wide open. La dee da~

WTF?

So tonight we got into a fight because I jumped her ass about it. Well...not a fight. She just stopped talking. So I was lecturing a phone. But sonofbitch! Women don't listen to logic, reason, common sense, and certainly don't want to be reminded of thier vulnerability. How the fuck do you get through to them and wake them the fuck up BEFORE ITS TOO LATE?!?!

[Lampa]

Well, I started apparently started posting on this site again so, why not?

Though, the very first thing that came to my mind when you described your situation feels like it's severely crossing the line, even for bullshido. So, please accept this as I'm not trying to be an ass about this one. I just feel like I can't give substinative advice on this one without brushing against a potentially explosive topic.

The last time I knew a woman in a similar situation, I discovered she had a husband after the second time I'd slept with her. I only bring it up because I feel bad about it and think I learned something. Also, I am not implying anything about your wife. I don't know the woman. I'd just as soon assume she's a total sweetheart with no skeletons in her closet.

But, in my very strange experience I mentioned, I found that women who's husbands leave for long periods of time tend to resent some of the things the men swing in and do then swing back out again. I know any kind of in-depth psychoanalysis based on internet annecdote is bound to be pretty far from accurate. But maybe she doesn't listen to your safety concerns because, as you put it, they're about you not being there. Something she might not want to pay attention to. So she doesn't.

[DAYoung]

Leaving aside the 'women do X' stuff, which isn't all that helpful, I think this is a good question.

Perhaps the first step would be to see if she agrees with the dangers. If she doesn't agree that the dangers exist (when asked plain questions), then she's not going to protect herself.

Let assume she doesn't see the dangers. Then present her with some evidence. I'm sure there's plenty of statistical proof you could cite.

OK. That doesn't work. The next step is to ask if she'd do it for you, instead of herself. You're away. You're homesick. You miss her. One of the things that can help you do do your job so far from home is a sense of security - and only she can provide this.

In essence, you're asking her to protect herself for you, and your peace of mind.

If she won't do this, then you need to have a very different conversation.

[hoodedmonk]

Dayoung's advice sounds good to me. And I will ask my wife to read your post and get a womans input. One thing I would like to suggest (for what it's worth)is try to never fight with youre wife over the phone, or while youre away. Nothing will get resolved, and you probably won't get any sleep either. I will re post later after the wife reads youre post.

[Eldarbong]

Why don't you just move to Canada?

[Bang!]

I couldn't tell you who did this, it was second-hand information passed on through a buddy, but here's the gist of it:

A home safety guy quizzed a few women about what they'd do if an intruder came into their home. Many said that, even equipped with a weapon, they'd be unable to finish the person off. It was clear that they didn't even like thinking about the situation. The safety guy then asked what the women would do if an intruder was hurting their child. Hardened mercenaries would have turned pale at the angry descriptions proffered.

It's quite possible that your wife doesn't want to be made to feel like a child. Shutting down completely during a discussion/argument may be indicative of that. So don't make it about her. Make it about the safety of the dogs. Better yet, make it about how much you worry about that stuff and how she'd simply be putting your mind at rest.

You're spending way too much time around guys if you're surprised that your arguments aren't working.

[Ke?poFist]

You're a purple belt too now Yrkoon!? Damn seems everyones moving up in rank but me

Congratulations!

[Yrkoon9]

I been a purple belt since like...2005....whats *IS* sad is I got my blue in like 1999/2000

[NunOnBreak]

Dayoung's advice sounds good to me.

Wait until Yrkoon9 gets the bill.

I have somewhat of an 'issue' in the same vein. Now that my wife has been taking kajukenbo for a while, she has told me she wants someone to jump her because she thinks she is a badass now and wants to use her skills.

She is 5'9" and weighs 110 pounds. Obviously that doesn't translate into a power puncher, especially considering that she is female. At least she doesn't go looking for a fight or hang out in alleys, and our neighborhood is very safe.

[colonelpong2]

Im with dayoung, on the whole.

But, you could come off as a little paranoid..

How big are her dogs and what breed?

[shmuel]

Does anyone here have a wife or girlfriend that leaves the car engine running unattended in the morning to warm the car up?

Drives me fucking insane!

[HonkyTonkMan]

But maybe she doesn't listen to your safety concerns because, as you put it, they're about you not being there. Something she might not want to pay attention to. So she doesn't.

I agree.

Subconciously she is hoping for something to happen , so she can hold it over your head to punish you for being gone so much.
It could also be plain rebellion against you for the same reason I mentioned above.

MOM34 is fairly safety concious. She sets the alarm when she is in the house alone. Doesnt leave blinds open at night. Knows how to and WILL use the .38 I got her for around the house.
However, this came about from years (we have been togehter since 1988) of harping on her about safety.

Your approach is all wrong IMO.

I am sure you have done this but, simply appeal to her that the reason you would like for her to follow your "safety advice" is to make sure you will come home and find her happy and healthy. Tell her that you love her and cant live without her. You know that you are gone a lot, so you feel that you cant always be there to protect the most important thing in your life. Thats why you do all of the things she finds petty or useless safety wise.
Tell her that if she doesant want to bother then ok, you understand, you only take the precautions out of love.

THEN DONT EVER BRING IT UP AGAIN.

[Nid]

Subconciously she is hoping for something to happen , so she can hold it over your head to punish you for being gone so much.

That's very presumptuous. Most women are like Mrs. Yrkoon. Relying on a simple house alarm and 911.

Bad situations and mean people ALL UP IN YO FACE* are just unpleasant to think about.

*Like Julia Stiles.

[Truculent Sheep]

The best way to view it is see the matter from her perspective. Why does she think like that? Why does she get so stubborn? Plus, no one likes a nagging husband/wife/partner/parent, especially if they're making you feel like a child. Imagine how you would feel in her place?

Your house seems to be pretty much zombie-proof, but until such time that the dead walk the earth, are all those precautions really necessary? Maybe she feels claustrophobic? Or to put it another way, maybe you just need to learn how to trust her?

My apologies for being so presumptuous here. But there needs to be dialogue, not monologue.

[fanatical]

I'm not a fan of women. I'm a bit misogynist, but in the end, I enjoy the vagina, so what can I do?

With this in mind, I wouldn't give a rats ass what a woman thought and I'd gladly think of even chicks I care about as mindless drones whom I have a much better understanding of the world around us than they do.

However, you seem emotionally attached in such a way that this will be important for you. Keeping her safe I mean. I think this is one of those times where you need to be a bitch and tell her that unless she's safe, you'll feel like shit. One of the reasons she chose you is most likely because you're half-paranoid and want to protect her like crazy, so I doubt telling her to wisen up or you will go insane, can be a bad thing. If nothing else works, hire someone to assault her without harming her and tell her you told her so afterwards :)