Your significant other's apathy...

[Yrkoon9]

Okay, UPDATE. And no, I haven't talked to her since I started this thread.

We have 2 dogs. A 70lbs pit and a 70lbs shepard mix. I doubt seriously if either would 'attack' - but they growl and bark at strangers. So I dunno.

I HAVE taken her to the range. She did not like it and would not come back. I tricked her into it when I went. I knew it was lady's day with no range fee and gun rentals were free. So I bought a box of ammo and jedi'd her into shooting it.

We had an 'incident' that should have put the fear of god into her. I have told the story about waking up to the sound of breaking glass at 3am when visiting her Gmother (no phone in room, and no weapon in the house) where she got really freaked the fuck out. Another time someone came up the back door of our condo just minutes before I got home and started asking if she was home alone and weird shit like that. Freaked her out a little bit.

Set her up and freak her out? No thanks.
Move out the area? Can't. It is 1 mile away from her school. She loves the place. On top of that...it's in her name.

Now seriously. I am at my wits end. We have been married for 9 years (known her for 20 years) and I have ALWAYS been there to do my job. That is to defend the home. And right now I cannot do that. We are looking at me being GONE for like 2 years. I cannot provide the security that I once did. So I tried to put some new measures in place. But it isn't enough. I am asking her to be a little more active in the role while I am gone. And the result is I am actually being sabotoged.

[colonelpong2]

man this thread reminds me of dr Ruth for some reason...
all the subconcious stuff and all.

You mean stupid armch chair psychologist wannabe's spouting shit they heard on tv? Yep, sounds right to me

[colonelpong2]

In your case; if you really want to have a mock break in, don't have friends do it... have these guys do it:

http://dsc.discovery.com/fansites/it...bios/bios.html

Hey.... forget that. Get those discount ninjers from that thread a while back!

[Teh El Macho]

This thread reminds me of one of my younger sisters... and sometime my mom. They like walk in la-la land. Fortunately they live in a good neighbourhood and are not alone... BUT, shit, I wish they weren't so rosy-colored sometimes.

There is no good solution this type of situation. Really. You either see things rosy (until shit hits the fan) or you don't.

[Lebell]

man this thread reminds me of dr Ruth for some reason...
all the subconcious stuff and all.

[Matsufubu]

If you set up a mock break-in to prove your point, all you'd be proving is that she should get a divorce.

Agreed, that would be a step too far in proving your point.

In my experience, women don't have the same consciousness for self-protection as men do. Hell, maybe I'm a sexist, but I'm just saying my piece. Perhaps man's traditional role as protector and woman's role as protected is responsible for making women so passive about the issue, especially if you are a 'manly' man like me :besos:

It may well be that she sees protection of the house and herself as your role. The fact that you are absent much of the time is perhaps the reason that nothing is done. It sounds like your house has loads of security that you have installed. That will only further confirm her view of you as the protector and her as the protected.

When you're back at home, talk to her. Ask her what she'd do if X were to happen, with the way she does things now. Ask her if she thinks that you are being overprotective or paranoid - if she thinks you are then she will ignore what you say on the issue of security. You have to make her see the sense in what you are telling her. Discuss it, make it a two-way thing. Lecturing her will put her into a child role, and children love to be rebellious, even at their own risk. I don't know what you need to say; I don't know you or your wife. I agree with other posters about not making it all about her: make it about the house, the dogs, the kids (if you have any, or if not, then kids in the future), and ALSO her. I dunno, find out if anything bad has happened on your block (assaults, muggings, burglary, etc), and tell her about them, and how she intends to prevent it happening to your house and family.

I used to date a girl who was hopelessly naive and got raped. That has made me determined not to allow it to happen to other girls I've dated, and FUCK, does it frustrate me when I hear BS examples of 'girl power' attitude from them when they've never had anything bad happen to them. IMO, female empowerment has gone so far as to convince many women that they are invunerable.

Best of luck to you.

[money]

If you set up a mock break-in to prove your point, all you'd be proving is that she should get a divorce.

[DAYoung]

See? All the intellige-...er...thoughtf-...no...ummm...all the repressed homosexuals agree with me.

And that's a good thing - they're keenly attuned to acute psychic conflict.

[JohnnyCache]

You have to make this about you, if you want her to listen to it. If you make it an attack on her, where she's careless, etc, then it's you swooping into the home you left her in charge of, telling her what to do in it, and heading out again.

Make it something she can do to help you. Make it clear that you thought about these things when you were home, as well, and you want to know if she thinks about them as well, rather then "Me the protector. Me no here. How you get protect?"

You have to say the same things, but basically in a sort of womanese that remains untranslated at this time. Good luck.

[Snake Plissken]

Really wide-sweeping generalization time here:

I think it comes partially from the fact that as a rule, we as men are more liable to get into physical confrontations then ladies, hence we are usually more prepared for said physical confrontation. We, as men, know how scummy our gender can be and usually are distrustful of other men. We try, as is proven by this boards existance, to be physically and mentally ready in any event.

Women, dealing with other women, *usually* don't get into physical confrontations. Granted sometimes they do...some women do....but usually it's word-play and overall bitchy-ness. They are less apt to fight then we are, so they usually don't take as much stock in that form of preparedness as we men do.

Until my wife had a problem with a kook (before my meeting her and her marrying a kook), she was a little more on the lax security side. Now: extra locks on the house, alarm, cameras outside the home, she owns three stun guns (one on her side of the bed to stave off romantic approaches), a kubaton keychain, balisong, pen-knife and is taking MA classes. She's small (5'3" 110lbs) and realizes that physically she would have a REAL difficult time taking down a man, but at least she can react, hopefully nuetralize the situation enough to get away and then...get away. Whatever she can grab and use from the aforementioned list the better.

It took her having a problem to get serious. Before it was always "I can take care of myself"....until she realized she couldn't. I really don't think anyone on here wants your situation to get to the point of "I told you so" and obviously neither do you. Your phycial absence from the home makes it all the more frustrating.

1) Is there some form of military spouse's group your wife is a member of and if so can you get local law enforcement or a local MA studio to put on some form of rudimentary women's self-defense classes. Yeah, yeah....many consider them a joke, but at least a seed can be planted.
2) Are any of your buddies into MA? Get their wife or girlfriend and your wife into something together. Again, some consider it a joke but at least she won't be alone.
3) Get an alarm system....she will be less likely to leave the patio door open. Since you spent the money for the damn alarm, she might be more likely to use it.
4) Get a security camera system. They are actually kinda cool.
5) Most self-defense things (like guns) are made for men and are intimidating. Ask a local dealer what is usually popular with ladies and take your wife to a shooting range where she can try a *pretty* gun.
6) All else fails, tell her you will be paying, out of the vacation fund, for security partols around the house....either that or forcing her to watch the Lifetime Movie Network for 3-months straight...nothing like movies of women in peril who rise-up and smack-down the oppressor.

I agree with most of the other posters....the more you try and force her in doing this, the less likely she will just out of sheer independance.

[fanatical]

youre advising yrkoon right into his divorce....diabolical....

I give yrkoon's intelligence more credit than that :P I doubt he takes my advice to heart :P

[saturnjunkie]

Take her to the range and show her how much fun a handgun can be.

That's all it took for mine :)

She was scared to death as we pulled up to the range. She stayed in the car until everyone else left or was leaving. I set up some targets, she took aim, and fired. Completely missed her first few shots. Then, she started getting into it.. and 100 rounds of 45 acp later she's now talking about how if anyone ever breaks in they're going to get shot.

<3

In your case; if you really want to have a mock break in, don't have friends do it... have these guys do it:

http://dsc.discovery.com/fansites/it...bios/bios.html

[It is Fake]

My wife, on the other end of the spectrum, locks me out when I go to the mailbox. She grew up in a big city.

Wow, my type of paranoia.

I think much of it does come from where you are raised. I got her to stop leaving the car running, lock the doors on the car, no shopping late night, parking the car as close to the front as possible etc. etc.

I think it stems from the whole "my home is my castle" therefore we are safe. That's why I think it is less about gender.

A former instructor at my old school had 3,000+ stolen out of his car because, he left it in his car, in the driveway.

So, even though some of the other things irritate me I'm winning the war.

[Lebell]

I suggested that yrkoon should get some people together and make a mock-robbery! This way she would definately learn.

I'm only robbing you because I love you baby!

youre advising yrkoon right into his divorce....diabolical....

[chingythingy]

I tried explaining to her about certain things and it takes scary shit to get her to listen. When we first started dating she would leave her front door open. I told her the scary rape stories and why you can't do that in the big city. Don't leave your door unlocked. Don't let repairmen in unless the complex assigns a day and time. Check credentials all of the paranoia crap.

My wife, on the other end of the spectrum, locks me out when I go to the mailbox. She grew up in a big city.