Martial Arts Styles and Technical Support

[Antifa]

Martial Arts Styles an Technical Support:

Recently I turned a co-worker at my job on to Bullshido. It broke his brain

He answered the phone "Thank you for calling systema technical support". Which got us thinking...

1) Systema Tech support: You cant get connected to the internet. So you edit the registry and remove all references to windows media player.

2) Bunjinkan Technical Support: Dont show the technique of technical support.

3) _ing _ung?

please have fun with this.

[Phrost]

Wing Chun Tech Support: Provides 11 answers a second but none of them work.

[Uechidude]

AshidaKim Tech Support : Use the Kata Dante Anti Virus program, it will kill everything in your computer in 5 seconds.

[Ajax]

Tai chi tech support, gaurenteed to slow you down to 5% of real operating speed, making you totally ineffective, unless a chinesse grandma is tring to hack your system.

[Doctor X]

Karate Technical Support: here, practice your typing on this fake keyboard for a few years. Remember to breath.

Aikido Technical Support: your software appears non-compliant.

BJJ Technical Support: your software is the best software ever created. In fact, the better selling Microsoft is based on BJJ software.

--J.D.

[Neildo]

Aikido Technical Support: your software appears non-compliant.

Oooh, good one.

[bad credit]

JKD: Check it out, I have every software emulator, EVER.

[Virus]

Welcome to _ing _un tech support this is Jeff how can I help you?

Yeah, Hi. I started doing _ing _un about a six months ago and I'm having problems dealing with grapplers.

This is normal, it usually takes ten years. Have you tried using the anti-grapple?

Nah, my package didn't come with anti-grapple. My teacher hasn't heard of BJJ or seen the early UFCs yet.

I see. Well I can book you into an Emin Boztepe seminar if you like?

Nah, that's OK.

Alright well in the meantime I suggest using an elbow to spine when they go for a takedown.

OK I'll give that a go.

Do you have a grappler near you at the moment?

Yeah, I think I do hang on a sec......yeah, my mate does BJJ he's over hear now.

OK get him to go for a double-leg and try using the elbow to spine on him.

Ah, Ok I'll give it a go.................It didn't work he still ended up in mount.

Well, as I said it usually takes ten years. Are you trying to use it in a sparring enviorment?

Yeah I am.

I see, well you know this package really isn't intended for use on a sporting platform. It's for the street.

Oh? I didn't know that.

Yeah so that's why it doesn't seem to work. You need to use eye rakes and groin grabs. Thye don't work during sparring.

Alright then.

OK so keep using the package for another nine and a half years then get back to me if you are still having any problems. I'll give you a reference number, you ready?

Yeah.

Ok. t3h-ing-un-is-t3h-sux0r. did you get that?

Yeah I got it. Thanks a lot, You know? I think I'll take that Emin Boztepe seminar.

Ok I've booked you in. Have a nice day sir.

Yea, you too. thanks.

[Emevas]

Boxing Tech Support:...wait, what was your problem again? Huh? I'd like a large cheeseburger and some fries.

[Kintanon]

TKD Technical Support: Your computer still won't work when we're done, but it will have one fantastic Screen Saver, Desktop Background, AND a new paint job, WITH GLITTER!

[HearWa]

Kung fu tech support: All other tech support companies evolved from us. Therefore we have it all.

Kung fu tech support: A buddhist monk taught us our tech support secrets.

Kung fu tech support: Here's a manual for the commodore 64, read it and troubleshoot the issues with this new dual core system.

(No, I don't hold grudges!)

[Virus]

Kungfu tech support: You aren't using the real Windows. Nobody has seen the real Windows. Only I have the real Windows.

[Virus]

Welcome to Bujinkan tech support this is Jeff.

Jeff? Don't you also do tech support for wing chun?

No sir, that's my twin brother.

um, you have a twin brother also called Jeff?

Yes that's right sir.

um..ok...that's a little wierd...

What's wierd sir?

Nevermind. I'm having some problems with my bujinkan. I've read through the manual and it says nothing about groundfighting.

Don't go to the ground sir.

Wha..? But what if I have to?

If your taijutsu is good you shouldn't have to go to the ground sir.

Well, ok, but let's just say I can't help it and I end up there, what do I do?

Taijutsu works on the ground too sir. If your standup is good, your ground skills will be good.

Ummm.. I'm not sure about that but anyway I'm also having problems when sparring with sportfighters. I don't think the wrist locks and stuff really applies from a grecco or thai clinch.

That's becuase you are fighting thier fight. That's not what we're about.

But I can't help it, they just collar tie me and I don't know how to counter.

You have the wrong idea about the art sir. We aren't about fighting toe to toe.

Well what do I do? They come at me and shoot for the takedown while I'm in ichimonji. We never did the counter to that.

Shoot him.

What...you mean with a gun?

Yes sir. Take him out with a scoped out rifle when he leaves for work in the morning.

What?! That's a little extreme isn't it?

OK sir, you could try and carbomb.

No. I'm not shooting and blowing people up. I just want some self defence.

Well this is what you have to do to survive on the deadly street sir. We are ninjas after all.

OK, well maybe I should just crosstrain in BJJ or something.

No sir. You will void your warranty if you do that. Besides, you'll pick up bad habits from them.

Like what? Actual fighting skills?

Haha sir. Don't mock the art. Takamatsu fought sixty people in a deathmatch once. It's in a book.

Yeah well, speaking of books I read that bujinkan doesn't have real ninjitsu and that there's no evidence of ninjitsu lineage.

I'm sorry sir I'm going to have to terminate this call..

..wait I just...

Sir this call is over. Good day.

<click>

[PockSuppet]

TKD McDojo tech support - The more you spend, the higher the version you'll receive, for no noticable improvements.

Dim Mak tech support - Your computer is too powerful to be used in any situation

Aikido tech support - the oldest versions will run better. They'll only interface with similar computers, any networking with other styles will result in non-compliance issues (slightly stolen joke)

[Steve]

Dim Mak tech support - Your computer is too powerful to be used in any situation

*ahem*

Ring...Ring...

Dim Mak Representative: Hello, Dim Mak tech support?

Clueless: Hi, my computer just died while I was searching about Dim Mak.

Dim Mak Representative: Oh, congrats, that's what is supposed to happen.

*click, dial tone.......................*