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Martial Arts Styles and Technical Support

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    *ring*... TS: "Animal style kung-fu help line, this is Jim, how may I direct your call?"

    Caller: "Hi, I'm taking monkey-style kung fu lessons, and I had some questions I'd like to have answered before taking my next class tomorrow."

    TS: "Very well, sir, I'll transfer you to our monkey department. Please hold."

    (hold music, followed by beep)

    Caller: "... Hello?"

    TS: "Oooo aaa aa aaa (sniff sniff)... EEEE! EEEEEE!"

    Caller: "Jesus..." (click)


      Welome to kung fu tech support. This is a recorded message. To direct your call please select the number after the prompt.

      If you would like; forms information press one now, if you have questions about kung fu history press two

      <presses two>

      You have selected "kung fu history". If you would like reasons why kung fu appears to be either innefective or a substitute for medicore kickboxing, press one,

      <presses one>

      Please select from the following excuses;

      The real fighting masters were persecuted by the Communists, press one,

      The Chinese who immigrated taught a watered down version to please the lazy westerners, press two

      The Chinese government subsidises wushu at the expense of real kung fu, press three

      People don't realise that the forms hide the real techniques, which are unlocked through sparring, press four

      If you would like to talk to an operator press five.

      <presses five>

      I'm sorry, all our operators are in maoist prisons for teaching the real kung fu. If you would you like to hold and be placed in a queue untill kung fu is seen in the UFC, press one now, or hang up and try again later. Kung fu tech support values your call, which is why we don't even bother paying some sod six dollars fifty an hour to talk to you. Have a nice day.....

      <hangs up>



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