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Dear James Bond, (spoilers inside)

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    Dear James Bond, (spoilers inside)

    You suck at Jiu Jitsu.

    Really, you do. Please stop altogether doing anything that resembles the Arte Suave and go back to that Wing Chun faggot shit you did in the previous movies. Really, even Tae-kwon-Do would be an improvement from that bastardized bullshit you insisted on pulling in this most recent cinematic offering.

    I was reasonably impressed with the first woman-child you bedded early in the film. I was actually reasonably upset when she turned up dead in the hammock. Your second choice of bed patterns was a bit of a let down. I mean she kind of looked like she had spray painted on her lipstick in most scenes, but alas I digress.....

    You failed at the rear naked choke, sink your fucking hooks for Christ's sake!

    You failed miserably when offered the (in order from what I can remember):

    - Kimura
    - ArmBar
    - Head and Shoulder
    - (your first offering of) Rear Naked Choke

    All in all I was fairly impressed with this outing with the exception of your pathetic jiu Jitsu skills. I should say that Helio is most likely highly disappointed with you right now, as am I for that matter.

    In closing, I would suggest staying away from the skills that are topical and stick to the ones that your stunt men know best. I mean after all what the fuck else are a bunch of wing chuners going to do other than choreograph fights? You should at the very least allow them to choreograph a neato scene with you doing sticky hands or something.

    Yours, somewhat disgusted,

    TKD

    PS - Really, what the hell did you see in Vesper? She seemed more like an 'opportunity fuck' than anything else? As I look up to you and your womanizing ways you should attempt to set the bar a bit higher next time out.

    #2
    Dude. Vesper is HOT.

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      #3
      Duhhh, TKD this was his first mission as a 00. Cut him some slack. He wasn't a very good agent either. As his agent skills increase, so will his BJJ skills. Besides, he had just fallen down a flight of stairs. Though I do agree with you about the women. Of course, that's just character development in the making as well. I like the view the film gave because it's showing how he became a badass, not just that he is one.

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        #4
        Agreed, it's only realistic for him to do worse at such things in the prequel. It's not like the character would be very experienced yet in that film.

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          #5
          Ermm, I have to ask if Americans get a different cut of this film to us Brits? When I went to see the movie I was impressed by the fact that the film seemed to cut to a shot showing just his feet putting in the hooks for the RNC but I've heard a few guys who saw the film in America say they didn't see this bit whereas all the Brits I've talked to did see it?

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            #6
            There was a brief shot of seting the hooks in but the hooks later disappeared.

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              #7
              Half of you are dipshits. It seemed pretty obvious that this Bond isn't the same bond as in previous movies. This didn't strike me as a prequel but rather as signaling that Bond is a recyled name. How many comments along the lines of "fitting your name" and "finding out who you are" are needed? How about the resurfacing of Felix Leiter, this time played by a black man?

              And yeah, it was pretty disappointing that they didn't have him keep his hooks in for the final angle. It probably looked "gay".

              It would have been better if he'd freed a hook to trap the arm reaching for the gun. That's what I would have done if fighting after falling down a stairwell and getting cut with a sword.

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                #8
                He sunk the hooks.

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                  #9
                  Originally posted by UpaLumpa
                  It would have been better if he'd freed a hook to trap the arm reaching for the gun. That's what I would have done if fighting after falling down a stairwell and getting cut with a sword.
                  Sort of like how El Dirte trapped Pat's arm?

                  TKD

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                    #10
                    Every bond movie to date has been mind numbingly stupid. Why should this one be any different? We've also already had a black felix. Probably more believable now than when the first one appeared. Back then all cia agents were cut out of lilly white with a cooky cutter. Cubby understood that these were supposed to be cartoons. Barbara does not. That said , mike myers as austin powers is not funny. You can't re-tell the same joke badly and not expect it to be anything but an inbred bastard.

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                      #11
                      Originally posted by TKD Black Belt
                      Sort of like how El Dirte trapped Pat's arm?

                      TKD
                      What?

                      And this movie is certainly not dumb. Best Bond movie yet, by far (a tad long though).

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                        #12
                        didn't Felix lose his leg in "Licensed to Kill"?

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                          #13
                          Originally posted by UpaLumpa
                          What?

                          And this movie is certainly not dumb. Best Bond movie yet, by far (a tad long though).
                          Joe Doerkson vs Patrick Cote, its how Joe finishes the RNC on Pat.

                          Agreed, definitely the best Bond to date. I actually looked at my watch and only thought 1.5 hours had gone by. Didn't dawn on me till I actually got outside that 2.5 hours had whipped by.

                          TKD

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                            #14
                            Originally posted by TKD Black Belt
                            I mean after all what the fuck else are a bunch of wing chuners going to do other than choreograph fights? You should at the very least allow them to choreograph a neato scene with you doing sticky hands or something.
                            What kind of movies do you watch, sir? Most of them have wu shu choreographers as far as I know... Wing Tsun is not really theatral. You know, sissy slapping and the like... No flying in the air to meet someone midway.
                            But I understand, you have been upset by non-kosher BJJ techniques.
                            You probably didn't even mean it...
                            Tonuzaba

                            CLICK & WATCH
                            :
                            I got BULLSHIDO ON TV!!!

                            "Bruce Lee sucks because I slammed my nuts with nunchucks trying to do that stupid shit back in the day. I still managed to have two kids. I forgive you Bruce.
                            " - by Vorpal

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                              #15
                              It could be worse. The film could've featured product placement from Tapout.

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