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Stupid Things Doctors Say About Your Injuries

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    Stupid Things Doctors Say About Your Injuries

    So I finally got set-up with a new primary care physician and met with him yesterday. I asked about getting a referal to a hand-specialist to look into my mallet finger (I broke a tendon on the back of my finger, and it's now really tight so I can't bend it in as much or make a tight fist). Anyway, he seemed a little confused about why I wanted to fix my finger. I told him that I could no longer make a good fist.

    Doc: "Let me see your fist."
    Me: "Even a standard boxer's fist is hard for me. I study some martial arts stuff, and I'm worried that I'll injure my finger again."
    Doc: "How would you injure it again?"
    Me: "Well, from hitting people."
    Doc: "Why would you hit someone in martial arts?"
    Me: *stupid look on my face*
    Doc (with a very concerned look on his face): "Are you a... violent person? Do you get into lots of fights?"
    Me: "Ha, no. Not at all."
    Doc: "Where do you... hit people?"
    Me: "We normally aim for the center of the chest."
    Doc: "Do you wear gloves?"
    Me: "No."
    Doc: "You hit people with your fists?! Are you sure you arn't violent?"
    Me (with more stupid looks): "Eh, I'm not a violent person at all."
    Doc: "Why do you curl your other fingers so tight like that."
    Me: "A tighter fist hits a lot harder than a loose one."
    Doc: "You want to... huh? Can't you just... hit people lightly?"
    Me: "Oh, no. No. That wouldn't work."
    Doc: "So you hit them hard?"
    Me: "As much as I can, yes. I just can't really do so right now."
    Doc: "I don't really understand why you'd want to do that."

    The Doc seemed very ill-at-ease for the rest of the appointment. Now I have to set things up and talk to the specialist. I wonder how that'll go.

    Dagon Akujin

    #2
    Sadly my doctor is no longer phased by my level of stupidity:

    Me: My chest hurts.
    Doc: What did you do this time.
    Me: I got kneed in the chest.
    Doc: That wasn't very smart was it?
    Me: What should I do?

    (I'm not shitting you either this was his response!)

    Doc: Try not to get hit next time. Oh, and I'm sending you for X-Rays.

    I love my doctor, I especially love his new receptionist!

    TKD

    THIS IS NOT AN EXIT


    "Ladies and gentlemen, the pilot has instructed everyone to sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up." Henry Rollins

    Comment


      #3
      I'm more concerned about what my doctor doesn't tell me.
      "Prison is for rapists, thieves and murderers. If you lock someone up for smoking a plant that makes them happy, you're the fucking criminal." - Joe Rogan

      El Guapo says dance!

      Comment


        #4
        "Oh, crap. That's a nice cartilage tear you have there. Yeah, that's gonna be a good 2 months of no . . . what did you say you did? Grappling?"

        "But I'm joining the Army in less than two months."

        "Eh, you'll be fine for that."

        Sadly, he was right.
        "No. Listen to me because I know what I'm talking about here." -- Hannibal

        Comment


          #5
          Doc: "Why would you hit someone in martial arts?"

          That is, hands down, the most awesome line ever provided by the God of Straight Lines and you WASTED it.
          Monkey Ninjas! Attack!

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by Dagon Akujin
            So I finally got set-up with a new primary care physician and met with him yesterday. I asked about getting a referal to a hand-specialist to look into my mallet finger (I broke a tendon on the back of my finger, and it's now really tight so I can't bend it in as much or make a tight fist). Anyway, he seemed a little confused about why I wanted to fix my finger. I told him that I could no longer make a good fist.

            Doc: "Let me see your fist."
            Me: "Even a standard boxer's fist is hard for me. I study some martial arts stuff, and I'm worried that I'll injure my finger again."
            Doc: "How would you injure it again?"
            Me: "Well, from hitting people."
            Doc: "Why would you hit someone in martial arts?"
            Me: *stupid look on my face*
            Doc (with a very concerned look on his face): "Are you a... violent person? Do you get into lots of fights?"
            Me: "Ha, no. Not at all."
            Doc: "Where do you... hit people?"
            Me: "We normally aim for the center of the chest."
            Doc: "Do you wear gloves?"
            Me: "No."
            Doc: "You hit people with your fists?! Are you sure you arn't violent?"
            Me (with more stupid looks): "Eh, I'm not a violent person at all."
            Doc: "Why do you curl your other fingers so tight like that."
            Me: "A tighter fist hits a lot harder than a loose one."
            Doc: "You want to... huh? Can't you just... hit people lightly?"
            Me: "Oh, no. No. That wouldn't work."
            Doc: "So you hit them hard?"
            Me: "As much as I can, yes. I just can't really do so right now."
            Doc: "I don't really understand why you'd want to do that."

            The Doc seemed very ill-at-ease for the rest of the appointment. Now I have to set things up and talk to the specialist. I wonder how that'll go.

            Dagon Akujin
            The doctor wasn't being wierd, he just knew you did Wing Chun.

            Comment


              #7
              When I got my ear de-cauliflowered I was blessed with about twenty hilarious minutes of "Ohhh, you do martial arts, better not piss you off! You might explode into a chi-blast rage and super-mega-kamehameha the hospital down!" etc.

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by Thinkchair
                I dont know what your expecting, he is a doctor. Doctors don't know much about fighting, big suprise.
                I think the point is that fighting and 'Martial Arts' were, as far as he was concerned, totally unrelated.

                Comment


                  #9
                  About knee injury: "It will clear up in a few years."

                  I just had surgery done on it, 5 years after the diagnosis. 5 years of it getting steadily worse.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by Shawarma
                    About knee injury: "It will clear up in a few years."

                    I just had surgery done on it, 5 years after the diagnosis. 5 years of it getting steadily worse.
                    I got EXACTLY the same thing.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      I dont even bother going to the docs office anymore unless Im certain he can do something to fix the injury (i.e. surgery). If all hes going to do is tell me whats wrong with it, hes not going to fucking help me a whole hell of a lot

                      I had visited a local hospital to get my ear drained the first time I got cauliflower ear, the conversation was something like this:

                      Doc: so whats the problem today?
                      Me: I've got a lot of fluid in my ear, I need it drained
                      Doc: lets see... yeah theres alot of swelling in there, howd you manage that?
                      Me: Wrestling, its a common thing, I need the fluid drained
                      Doc: Well, if wrestling is causing the injury, then common sense would have you stop doing that to recover
                      Me: Thats not an option Im going to entertain- its my job and its something you have to learn to be able to do regardless of your injuries- I need it drained
                      Doc: well Im afraid we dont do that. Go home and ice it for the next few days and stop wrestling and let the swelling go down
                      Me: Doc I could have figured that one out on my own, I didnt come in here for you to tell me that, just grab a syringe and drain the thing
                      Doc: Im afraid thats not how to treat the injury
                      Me: Fine- next time doc, just tell me you have no idea what you're doing and save me the time.

                      and with that I left

                      Conviently, my mother is a ER triage nurse. Unfortunately my right ear was never drained in time, which leaves it badly scarred now, but as time has passed by shes drained my other ear approx. 10 times- its a piece of cake. Because she knows what happens, she also wont let any of the wrestlers from the local high schools who come in leave without draining their ears. Truth be told, the docs have no fucking clue about cauliflower ear or what to do for it. When my mom saw one of the docs send one of the wrestlers out the door without draining his ear, she stopped the kid and the doc, asked what happened, and explained how it had to be drained. After she insisted, the doc suggested she do it herself, at which point she gave him a brief list of the materials needed, set the kid down on the bed and drained his ear- the doc then looked at her and said "you've done this before havent you?"

                      Comment


                        #12
                        General-practice Doctors are mostly incompetent, hence the existence of consultants and specialists.
                        Luckily spitting on the wound and rubbing it with my magic bear-claw had it right as rain within days. I saw that one for a dog-bite on a telly program about 'shamans' in the eastern bloc. It worked, amazing. Better than doctors ...

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Sports-Medicine specialist FTW. Always. Just another cost of our hobby.
                          You can't make people smarter. You can expose them to information, but your responsibility stops there.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            The only reason I keep going to see my doctor is because of his willingness to learn. He's very sports orientated in his personal life and this transfers into his professional life.

                            Of note, I wasn't making fun of him for ignorance I was pointing out his dry sense of humour. I've learnt more tricks to keep myself on the mat from him than two or three coaches combined.

                            TKD

                            THIS IS NOT AN EXIT


                            "Ladies and gentlemen, the pilot has instructed everyone to sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up." Henry Rollins

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Yeah, I've got a couple of stories for this too...

                              First one was similar to Gumby's experience... got cauliflower ear and went to the hospital to get it drained. The doc told me that sticking a needle in the ear could cause it to get infected and deform anyways, so I was better off letting it go down naturally... sure enough my ear deformed slightly going the natural method... next time I'm insisting.

                              The funniest one was after the ear a few months later. I can't recall how, but I had bit the left side of my tongue during Jiu-Jitsu. I had actually gone to see the doc cause I was sick and couldn't shake the cold. To let him know that the tongue swelling was unrelated I told him ahead of time... conversation went something like this:

                              Me: Just so you know, I bit my tongue a few days ago, it's not from the cold.
                              Doc: How'd you do that.
                              Me: Oh, I did it at Jiu-Jitsu.
                              Doc: What's Jiu-Jtsu?
                              Me: It's a martial art.
                              Doc(frowning): What do you use your tongue for in a martial art?

                              ...I almost laughed in his face... and laughed quite a bit after the appointment. LOL.

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