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    Toxic Femininity in Facebook group page

    So I am trying to respect their privacy but I've been part of the Women's Grappling Group Page since it's inception. I was invited in because the founder of the group was actually a student of mine. Over the years I stopped posting in there as I realized that I might be producing a bit too much testosterone to actually have a conversation there. In the past year though I've noticed a few conversations starting to place emphasis on how poorly men perform during classes, competition etc. I don't think they realized that, not only myself, but there were 4 to 5 other guys that could see their respective groups.

    So naively a lot of them started going after each other. It was truly becoming a.....well I'm going to say normal but they want to use the term "toxic" not realizing that everything they said in the group could be screen shot and shared. Apparently that happened this last weekend and Gordon Ryan (IIRC) commented on the post on IG. Since the the entire group started to implode. I told my former student that I am going to make a quiet exit as I am anticipating some serious social backlash coming up. My trolly side wanted to make a gotcha moment and point out that in a lot of ways women are just as bad if not worse trolls on the internet as men.

    For those who don't know the back story of what was shared, apparently a student felt that they were raped by another student because the male student, possibly instructor, went over her house. Things got a bit out of hand and she felt that she couldn't say no but she never said yes. I obviously don't have all the specifics but you can imagine what happens when males hear this story. What are you guys opinions?

    #2
    Were the cops called?
    Falling for Judo since 1980

    "You are wrong. Why? Because you move like a pregnant yak and talk like a spazzing 'I train UFC' noob." -DCS

    "The best part of getting you worked up is your backpack full of irony and lies." -It Is Fake

    "Banning BKR is like kicking a Quokka. It's foolishness of the first order." - Raycetpfl

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      #3
      Originally posted by BKR View Post
      Were the cops called?
      I don't believe so. I don't have all the details because everything became a shit show and decided that I should choose the better part of Valor and get the fuck out.

      Comment


        #4
        Originally posted by Omega Supreme View Post
        So I am trying to respect their privacy but I've been part of the Women's Grappling Group Page since it's inception. I was invited in because the founder of the group was actually a student of mine. Over the years I stopped posting in there as I realized that I might be producing a bit too much testosterone to actually have a conversation there. In the past year though I've noticed a few conversations starting to place emphasis on how poorly men perform during classes, competition etc. I don't think they realized that, not only myself, but there were 4 to 5 other guys that could see their respective groups.

        So naively a lot of them started going after each other. It was truly becoming a.....well I'm going to say normal but they want to use the term "toxic" not realizing that everything they said in the group could be screen shot and shared. Apparently that happened this last weekend and Gordon Ryan (IIRC) commented on the post on IG. Since the the entire group started to implode. I told my former student that I am going to make a quiet exit as I am anticipating some serious social backlash coming up. My trolly side wanted to make a gotcha moment and point out that in a lot of ways women are just as bad if not worse trolls on the internet as men.

        For those who don't know the back story of what was shared, apparently a student felt that they were raped by another student because the male student, possibly instructor, went over her house. Things got a bit out of hand and she felt that she couldn't say no but she never said yes. I obviously don't have all the specifics but you can imagine what happens when males hear this story. What are you guys opinions?
        This is frequent theme, dojo drama that ensues when members have sex with other members or instructors have sex with members.

        My own position is that the dojo is not a disco, and having sex with training partners inevitably leads to negative effects on the training environment, and thus should be avoided.

        Even more so for instructors, as once that Pandora's box get opened, other members never see the instructor the same way again, let alone the member with whom they had sexual relations, so it is best avoided, with rare exceptions for people who find themselves in truly long term relationships.

        Regarding consent, that is of course a larger discussion.

        Can an adult student give consent to an adult coach? Yes.

        I still wish instructors would not engage in this practice, as it lowers the waters for everybody else's boats in many ways.

        "No" means "no", that is clear enough.

        Regarding the question of did the student give consent by not saying "no"...

        All I can say is that I am very glad that I have been married for 25 years, and I am no longer on the modern and very confusing dating scene.

        One could argue that without a written waiver of liability, no one should have sex anymore.

        Which is why I would like to talk to you all today about our new product lines of male and female sex robots, easily disinfected, always glad to see you, no unwanted pregnancies, they will make you a sandwich, pretend to listen to you sympathetically, and have an off switch...

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          #5
          It's hard to to say without the specifics. The #ibelieveher movement was/is a big thing here due to a couple big trials of this nature. It is a thing. Toxic masculinity is a thing. I've had friends who were victims and believe their position of feeling over pressured to the point of threatened. Who am I to believe any different being a dude...

          At the same time I know what guys think too. The girl's reputation comes into question. Texts and messages are examined. False accusations are a thing. Our local park was once closed off for 2 days and police time was wasted here once due to an admitted complete fabrication. This is the first I'm seeing the term "Toxic Femininity," but I'm not doubting it's also a thing.

          Gray area I guess. I know of instructors that don't do privates with the opposite sexes due to the complications of trends and headlines like this, and gyms that strive for good male and females coaches to cater to those ratios and demands since when it comes to professions and reputations, you can't be too careful apparently.

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by Dr. Gonzo View Post

            One could argue that without a written waiver of liability, no one should have sex anymore.
            .
            And for the last time Murphy..... quit trying to email a waiver I didn't ask for. Liability was never the problem....



            My current wife came to train Jiu Jitsu because she had a huge crush on me. I did instruct a basics class but i was not a black belt at the time.
            Anyway, we have been together for the better part of a decade now.

            I know of several black belts that have had the same scenario go down. I don't think a woman that doesn't train could be with us while us training Jiu-Jitsu five nights a week.

            Its a pretty high number of high level practitioners that marry students and team mates.

            Probably a bout 1/3 of black belts or so marry a girl/guy that trains?
            Women black belts almost have to marry a guy that trains I would bet.Most women want to feel feminine. Being able to snuff their man's lights out without getting sweaty doesn't make girls feel real lady like.
            The Caucasian always has stronger strength and when comes to grappling, Caucasians mostly win easily. I do know grappling and if I used it on Asians my size, it works. - Kung Fu dude that got waxed at OneFc try out.

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              #7
              Originally posted by Omega Supreme View Post
              I don't believe so. I don't have all the details because everything became a shit show and decided that I should choose the better part of Valor and get the fuck out.
              Good move on your part, for sure.
              Falling for Judo since 1980

              "You are wrong. Why? Because you move like a pregnant yak and talk like a spazzing 'I train UFC' noob." -DCS

              "The best part of getting you worked up is your backpack full of irony and lies." -It Is Fake

              "Banning BKR is like kicking a Quokka. It's foolishness of the first order." - Raycetpfl

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by Raycetpfl View Post
                And for the last time Murphy..... quit trying to email a waiver I didn't ask for. Liability was never the problem....



                My current wife came to train Jiu Jitsu because she had a huge crush on me. I did instruct a basics class but i was not a black belt at the time.
                Anyway, we have been together for the better part of a decade now.

                I know of several black belts that have had the same scenario go down. I don't think a woman that doesn't train could be with us while us training Jiu-Jitsu five nights a week.

                Its a pretty high number of high level practitioners that marry students and team mates.

                Probably a bout 1/3 of black belts or so marry a girl/guy that trains?
                Women black belts almost have to marry a guy that trains I would bet.Most women want to feel feminine. Being able to snuff their man's lights out without getting sweaty doesn't make girls feel real lady like.
                Never really thought about it til you mentioned it. But there are alot of couples that train where i am. My coach married his student. They been together something like 7 years.



                Without specifics who was at fault? Anyones guess. You would have to analize their relationship at the gym and outside (texting, dates ect). Im also a believer of dont fool around with team mates/coaches unless its going to be a serious relationship.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by Ulsteryank View Post
                  It's hard to to say without the specifics. The #ibelieveher movement was/is a big thing here due to a couple big trials of this nature. It is a thing. Toxic masculinity is a thing. I've had friends who were victims and believe their position of feeling over pressured to the point of threatened. Who am I to believe any different being a dude...

                  At the same time I know what guys think too. The girl's reputation comes into question. Texts and messages are examined. False accusations are a thing. Our local park was once closed off for 2 days and police time was wasted here once due to an admitted complete fabrication. This is the first I'm seeing the term "Toxic Femininity," but I'm not doubting it's also a thing.

                  Gray area I guess. I know of instructors that don't do privates with the opposite sexes due to the complications of trends and headlines like this, and gyms that strive for good male and females coaches to cater to those ratios and demands since when it comes to professions and reputations, you can't be too careful apparently.
                  The problem with Toxic Masculinity is that there's no clear cut definition for it. The same for Toxic Femininity. Definitions tend to be very arbitrary and convenient to the speaker.

                  Comment


                    #10

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by Omega Supreme View Post
                      The problem with Toxic Masculinity is that there's no clear cut definition for it. The same for Toxic Femininity. Definitions tend to be very arbitrary and convenient to the speaker.
                      That's a legit problem I agree with, and believe what the American Psychological Association said about it is bullshit. It'd be nice to get a clear definition, or even just a better term that didn't just align with outrage culture, because it's hard to combat without being "toxic" by quite a few definitions.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Okay, so Omega is a rape apologist. You shouldn't even be thinking about asking these questions, just believe, she is a woman and her experience must be believed because men are rapists. If you are even reading this you are part of the problem.

                        As a feminist, it sickens me to read this type of thing, Trump truly did a number on all of you.
                        GET A RED BELT OR DIE TRYIN'.
                        Originally posted by Devil
                        I think Battlefields and I had a spirited discussion once about who was the biggest narcissist. We both wanted the title but at the end of the day I had to concede defeat. Can't win 'em all.
                        Originally posted by BackFistMonkey
                        I <3 Battlefields...

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                          #13
                          Toxic humanity, /end thread
                          Falling for Judo since 1980

                          "You are wrong. Why? Because you move like a pregnant yak and talk like a spazzing 'I train UFC' noob." -DCS

                          "The best part of getting you worked up is your backpack full of irony and lies." -It Is Fake

                          "Banning BKR is like kicking a Quokka. It's foolishness of the first order." - Raycetpfl

                          Comment


                            #14
                            I get where she is coming from. I don't believe it. But I get the argument. In my opinion, if she didn't say no, there is no reason for him to think that what he was doing was wrong. Especially if he was invited over there. Now if she would have said no, then he should stop right then. Or at least try to negotiate. :)

                            The whole line of thinking that she felt like she should have done it because of his position and she felt like she would have repercussions if she didn't, is bullshit. Especially if you are just talking about a martial arts training facility. She would have a better argument if it were her boss. But I would still call bullshit.
                            Combatives training log.

                            Gezere: paraphrase from Bas Rutten, Never escalate the level of violence in fight you are losing. :D

                            Drum thread

                            Pavel Tsatsouline: kettlebell workouts give you “cardio without the dishonour of aerobics”.

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                            Comment


                              #15
                              Regretting sex post factum isn't the same as getting raped.


                              Right, battlefields?
                              go to http://www.bullshido.net/forums/prof...do=editoptions > under Thread Display Options > Number of Posts to Show Per Page: 40

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