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Guns to Impress Your Boyfriends​ at The Range

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    Guns to Impress Your Boyfriends​ at The Range

    Since my serious gun thread degenerated into every internet cliche' in human history I thought I'd dedicate one special firearms appreciation post that even the hardest, most based, God Tier Mall Cop can massage their prostate to.

    I give you: GUNS YOU ONLY BOUGHT TO AROUSE YOUR CLOSETED STRAIGHT LIFE PARTNERS

    #1 ) Boutique AR 15

    Made to the exacting machining standards of a genuine Neo Nazi Cannibal Cult everyone will gasp with excitement when you whip out this conspicuous display of purchasing power.
    You could have bought a Colt for half the price but it was worth maxing out two credit cards to support THE BROTHERHOOD.
    Click image for larger version

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    #2) Wilson Combat 1911
    You were looking at a pimped out Lincoln with hydros and a hot bitch airbrushed on the hood but instead you chose to get an appropriate gun for the glovebox first.
    Money can't buy class but it can buy a less reliable version of a much cheaper gun. At least that one uncle who always ruins holidays will like it.
    Click image for larger version

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    #3) Taurus Raging Bull

    What you wanted was an S&W model 29 but you're not actually cool enough to know that.
    This was the closest thing to a Hitachi Magic Wand in the case at Bass Pro so you just went for it. Fit and finish matches your toe nails.
    Click image for larger version

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    #4) H&K PSG1

    I get it. Sniper was tight. But Billy Zane's character was the weakest shooter in the film. He had no liver and intentionally flubbed his shot for lack of killer instinct.
    That rifle was mad boner worthy though am I right? Unfortunately "you suck and H&K hates you".
    So you had to pull strings, call in shady favors from your FFL and take out a second mortgage to own the world's​ most overrated DMR.
    That's a real perty CETME you got there, Hoss.
    Click image for larger version

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ID:	4336586

    #5) S&W 416

    Your Ragging Bull jolted itself out of time again so you finally bit the bullet on a real American hand cannon.
    The .416 round was designed specifically to one up the .454 Casull for the most petty and gratuitous reasons. Sure the .416 has a dramatically reduced service life due to it's decadent levels of win but that's all worth it to see the look on a Desert Eagle owner's face when their wife offers her body to you in tribute.
    It's not the surrogate peen that Gotham wants. It's the peen that Gotham needs.
    Click image for larger version

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    #6) Vintage Luger 9mm

    Whenever CPS asks you just tell them it's "a collectible war relic" your Grandpa brought over. Never mind it was his issue piece. They​ always forget about it once they see the lamp shades anyways.
    Looks great stuffed IWB under your shitty "Blut und Ehre" tattoo.
    Your Novesky dealer loves it.
    Click image for larger version

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Size:	13.7 KB
ID:	4336588

    #7) Holland & Holland Double Rifle

    A paragon of absolute, uncompromised​ engineering and artistry. Capable of taking any large game on the planet the H&H double barrel is as fine a killing machine as has ever been crafted by the hands of men.
    It is perfect for Safari but you will die covered in blood, cum and offal before you ever let this four bedroom townhouse of a gun get anywhere near being scratched in the field.
    It will languish unfired in the depths of your most secure storage safe until the day your ingracious heirs fist fight each other for it.
    You should have bought a T.C. Contender you poser.
    Click image for larger version

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Size:	42.0 KB
ID:	4336589

    Those are my picks. Ad your own or Larp Troll below.
    Last edited by Mr. Machette; 2/27/2019 3:15am, .

    #2
    Wait, Novesky is a neonazi cult?

    Comment


      #3
      Originally posted by ghost55 View Post
      Wait, Novesky is a neonazi cult?
      "Central Oregon" joke.

      Comment


        #4
        Originally posted by Mr. Machette View Post
        "Central Oregon" joke.
        I thought John Novesky as murdered by the ATF...

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by ghost55 View Post
          I thought John Novesky as murdered by the ATF...
          It's a dig at PNW culture you goofy fuck.
          Post a joke about a stupid status gun and stop asking boring questions.

          Comment


            #6
            Want to fulfill your trashy gangbanger dreams of owning a Tec-9 while also flexing on poor people? Well look no further!



            Based off of the same shitty Swedish subgun that would go on to be beloved by gangbangers in inner cities all over the country, the B&T GHM-9 is the best "budget" way to flex on the poors if you want to make sure that everyone knows that you're too good for a CZ Scorpion while not being able to afford an MP5 or the marginally more expensive MPX. $1100 if you look in the right place will get you and awkward blowback 9mm "handgun" that takes proprietary mags and needs another $200 for a brace or a tax stamp to be actually useable. But that doesn't matter, because you can wave around the "made in Switzerland" stamp on the side every time you go to the range.

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by ghost55 View Post
              Want to fulfill your trashy gangbanger dreams of owning a Tec-9 while also flexing on poor people? Well look no further!


              Hot damn! Who needs standard mags when you can finally look like a bad guy from Lethal Weapon?
              The L.A.P.D. will be green as ghouls when you rip this one out an yell "DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY"!

              Comment


                #8
                I cant take credit for this but its still funny.

                EDIT: looks like the resolution has been lowered (damned phone!). Just google firearm personality indicators and enjoy.
                Attached Files

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by Kravbizarre View Post
                  I cant take credit for this but its still funny.

                  EDIT: looks like the resolution has been lowered (damned phone!). Just google firearm personality indicators and enjoy.
                  Not your phone, forum attachments get shrinkage.



                  I like this one:
                  Consider for a moment that there is no meme about brown-haired, brown-eyed step children.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by Mr. Machette View Post

                    #5) S&W 416

                    Your Ragging Bull jolted itself out of time again so you finally bit the bullet on a real American hand cannon.
                    The .416 round was designed specifically to one up the .454 Casull for the most petty and gratuitous reasons. Sure the .416 has a dramatically reduced service life due to it's decadent levels of win but that's all worth it to see the look on a Desert Eagle owner's face when their wife offers her body to you in tribute.
                    It's not the surrogate peen that Gotham wants. It's the peen that Gotham needs.
                    [ATTACH=CONFIG]18158[/ATTACH]

                    .
                    You have a typo I think. You meant .460 SW or .480 Ruger I think.

                    Great post none the less.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by Kravbizarre View Post
                      I cant take credit for this but its still funny.

                      EDIT: looks like the resolution has been lowered (damned phone!). Just google firearm personality indicators and enjoy.
                      I'm going to tell you what my therapist told me. It's clear I have a multiple personality disorder.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Originally posted by Raycetpfl View Post
                        You have a typo I think. You meant .460 SW or .480 Ruger I think.

                        Great post none the less.
                        Yup. Yup.
                        You are correct, sir.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Originally posted by Kravbizarre View Post
                          I cant take credit for this but its still funny.

                          EDIT: looks like the resolution has been lowered (damned phone!). Just google firearm personality indicators and enjoy.
                          http://paratus.info/2017/02/23/firea...ype-indicator/

                          This one is pretty good.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Haha. Great post.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Originally posted by Mr. Machette View Post
                              Since my serious gun thread degenerated into every internet cliche' in human history I thought I'd dedicate one special firearms appreciation post that even the hardest, most based, God Tier Mall Cop can massage their prostate to.

                              I give you: GUNS YOU ONLY BOUGHT TO AROUSE YOUR CLOSETED STRAIGHT LIFE PARTNERS

                              #1 ) Boutique AR 15

                              Made to the exacting machining standards of a genuine Neo Nazi Cannibal Cult everyone will gasp with excitement when you whip out this conspicuous display of purchasing power.
                              You could have bought a Colt for half the price but it was worth maxing out two credit cards to support THE BROTHERHOOD.
                              [ATTACH=CONFIG]18154[/ATTACH]

                              #2) Wilson Combat 1911
                              You were looking at a pimped out Lincoln with hydros and a hot bitch airbrushed on the hood but instead you chose to get an appropriate gun for the glovebox first.
                              Money can't buy class but it can buy a less reliable version of a much cheaper gun. At least that one uncle who always ruins holidays will like it.
                              [ATTACH=CONFIG]18155[/ATTACH]

                              #3) Taurus Raging Bull

                              What you wanted was an S&W model 29 but you're not actually cool enough to know that.
                              This was the closest thing to a Hitachi Magic Wand in the case at Bass Pro so you just went for it. Fit and finish matches your toe nails.
                              [ATTACH=CONFIG]18156[/ATTACH]

                              #4) H&K PSG1

                              I get it. Sniper was tight. But Billy Zane's character was the weakest shooter in the film. He had no liver and intentionally flubbed his shot for lack of killer instinct.
                              That rifle was mad boner worthy though am I right? Unfortunately "you suck and H&K hates you".
                              So you had to pull strings, call in shady favors from your FFL and take out a second mortgage to own the world's​ most overrated DMR.
                              That's a real perty CETME you got there, Hoss.
                              [ATTACH=CONFIG]18157[/ATTACH]

                              #5) S&W 416

                              Your Ragging Bull jolted itself out of time again so you finally bit the bullet on a real American hand cannon.
                              The .416 round was designed specifically to one up the .454 Casull for the most petty and gratuitous reasons. Sure the .416 has a dramatically reduced service life due to it's decadent levels of win but that's all worth it to see the look on a Desert Eagle owner's face when their wife offers her body to you in tribute.
                              It's not the surrogate peen that Gotham wants. It's the peen that Gotham needs.
                              [ATTACH=CONFIG]18158[/ATTACH]

                              #6) Vintage Luger 9mm

                              Whenever CPS asks you just tell them it's "a collectible war relic" your Grandpa brought over. Never mind it was his issue piece. They​ always forget about it once they see the lamp shades anyways.
                              Looks great stuffed IWB under your shitty "Blut und Ehre" tattoo.
                              Your Novesky dealer loves it.
                              [ATTACH=CONFIG]18159[/ATTACH]

                              #7) Holland & Holland Double Rifle

                              A paragon of absolute, uncompromised​ engineering and artistry. Capable of taking any large game on the planet the H&H double barrel is as fine a killing machine as has ever been crafted by the hands of men.
                              It is perfect for Safari but you will die covered in blood, cum and offal before you ever let this four bedroom townhouse of a gun get anywhere near being scratched in the field.
                              It will languish unfired in the depths of your most secure storage safe until the day your ingracious heirs fist fight each other for it.
                              You should have bought a T.C. Contender you poser.
                              [ATTACH=CONFIG]18160[/ATTACH]

                              Those are my picks. Ad your own or Larp Troll below.
                              Magnificent OP, dude, tremendous !

                              I didn't know you were capable of such humor.

                              Comment

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