Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Gather around Bullies and allow me to tell you the tale of the Anti-Grappler

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    [PART 4]

    Arnold C.J Asswhoopings:......... Donald "The Duke" Martin?
    The Duke: In the flesh.
    Arnold C.J Asswhoopings: Why the HELL are you trying to board the ship, man?
    The Duke: Why, to retrieve my partner in crime of course. Mitch "The Dauphin" Armour.
    You see, after you knocked off Hauser, there's been a war going on between all the Homo-Gangs of the world; we all want to achieve supremacy in the absence of Whoreschach. And I, being the new leader of the Chocolate Finger Gang, need to be at full power to do as such.
    Arnold C.J Asswhoopings: You knocked off Gaylord Fisketti?
    The Duke: Yes. I gave him a lethal swirlie........ And I made sure to take a little keepsake from him.
    The Duke reveals his right hand to show the Anal Wave emitting, mind-controlling ROBOT HAND is attached to him.
    The Duke: Now step aside; I need to shove my finger up Armour's ass.
    Arnold C.J Asswhoopings: OVER MY DEAD BODY, BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Asswhoopings charges full-force at Donald "The Duke" Martin; Martin, showing surprising finesse, grabs Asswhoopings' lapel when he's in arms reach and throws him thirty feet across the deck. Pouncing on him, The Duke starts to wreck Asswhoopings' shit with his one-dimensional GNP.
    Bunanananana.
    Asswhoopings bridges on his head and thrusts The Duke fifteen feet in the air; Asswhoopings is already on him when Martin falls on his side next to a wall and smashes him with two Joe Frazier-style left hooks.
    Bunananananananananana!
    The Duke leaps upon Asswhoopings' shoulders and GNPs him midair; Asswhoopings responds to this by rearing up and slamming him into the ground. The two crash through the floorboards and land into the boiler-room, sending the startled crew running away.
    Bunananananananananananana!
    Asswhoopings ass-drops on The Duke's face multiple times, leaving a little bit more blood on his pants each time. A pissed of Duke finally up-kicks Asswhoopings and sends him ten feet in the air to land in a heap on the deck. The Duke jumps up onto the deck himself and lands like a cat.
    Bunananananananana.
    The Duke: I tire of this monotony!
    AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Suddenly, Delta Jackson leaps onto the deck with an American Flag in his hand. Utilizing his mighty muscles, he hurls the flag like a spear; it hits The Duke's ROBOT HAND and tears it clean off.
    Delta Jackson: BITCH!!!!
    The Duke is absolutely stunned.
    Arnold C.J Asswhoopings: Jackson! Don't worry about me!!! Go protect Mitch Armour! Protect him at all costs!
    Jackson nods and runs off.
    The Duke, having recovered, uses his left hand to whip a silver pistol out from his vest. The gun is massive; the barrel is probably thicker than Leonard Hauser's dick. He fires off a shot that goes right through Asswhoopings' singlet and pierces his kidney, flooring him. The Duke goes over to Asswhoopings and bears over him.
    Meanwhile, Delta Jackson is kicking down all the ship's doors using his Nike sneakers. He finally finds Mitch shaving his pubes in the bathroom; without hesitation, he picks him up and runs off with him.
    Mitch Armour: Yo, what the fuck!
    Without any explanation, Jackson Randleplexes Armour over the top rail of the ship and they both go down into the sea. Jackson dunks Armour's head underwater in an attempt to conceal him.
    We cut scene back to Asswhoopings.
    The Duke: Well, Asswhoopings.......
    He points the gun into Asswhoopings' face.
    The Duke:........ I guess you're not getting that reward money. Hahahahahahahaha!
    Suddenly Asswhoopings, exhibiting cat-like quickness, slashes the pistol with his hand and breaks The Duke's wrist.
    Bunanananananana.
    He stands up and starts pistol-whipping Martin in the face with his own arm.
    Bunnnananananananananana!
    The Duke retaliates by head-butting Asswhoopings right in the nose, sending the cartilage into his brain. Asswhoopings nonchalantly rubs his face and dislodges it.
    Bunananananananananananananananana!
    With serpent-like quickness, a pissed off Asswhoopings smashes The Duke in the face with a Butterbean-style overhand right, causing his face to explode blood like a volcano and sending him sprawling all over the floor.
    Bu NA NA NA NA NA!
    Asswhoopings holds up The Duke by the lapel.
    Arnold C.J Asswhoopings: Bitch, I'm gettin' the reward money for Hauser's dead body AND yours now.
    The Duke (Gurgling blood): Interesting. Say, Asswhoopings, did I mention that the real reason that I invaded this boat was to create a diversion so that the FUCKMEN could revive Hauser without being noticed?
    Arnold C.J Asswhoopings: WHAT THE!!!!!
    Asswhoopings looks up to see the Bowelship perched upon the top of the cruiser.
    Arnold C.J Asswhoopings: SONOVABITCH!
    The Duke : Hahahahahaha!
    Asswhoopings smashes The Duke's head clean through the floorboards, finally knocking him unconscious. Once again using his mighty leg muscles, Asswhoopings makes a massive leap into the sky.
    Asswhoopings is zipping right over to the Bowelship; then, suddenly, Homo-Fett, the late Leonard Hauser's armored bounty hunter, jet-packs right out of nowhere and knocks Asswhooping out of the sky. Asswhoopings falls to the ground in a heap, and Homo-Fett follows it up by lassoing his corpulent body with a cable-gun.
    Meanwhile, in the cargo-hold of the cruiser, all the living members of the FUCKMEN solemnly stand around the deceased Hauser.
    Chuck Norris: My roundkicks....... Can destroy planets. My roundkicks........ Can split open a rift in the space-time continuum. My roundkicks.......... CAN GIVE LIFE!!!!!!
    Norris rears up.
    Back on the deck, Asswhoopings is struggling with Homo-Fett's steel-cables.
    " Now how did that Bas Rutten DVD go?" Asswhoopings thinks.
    Homo-Fett attempts to reel Asswhoopings in, but Asswhoopings utilizes his beautifully muscled arms to flex his way out of the grasp of the cords.
    " Ah! I think I remember now," Asswhoopings thinks.
    Asswhoopings shatters Homo-Fett's helmet visor with a right straight. BAM!
    Asswhoopings cuts through the broken glasses to land a crushing left straight to Homo-Fett's exposed nose. BOOM!
    Asswhoopings grabs Homo-Fett by the wrist and shoots him in the face with his own wrist-mounted lasers. BA-DOINK!
    Homo-Fett is completely unconscious and his face is totally exposed; it turns out he was Loki Davis. Asswhoopings disgustedly tosses him aside.
    Chuck Norris positions himself right over Hauser. Using his incredible powers he throws a blindingly fast roundkick, a roundkick more powerful than any roundkick thrown before it. When his razor-sharp foot makes contact with Hauser's flesh, a flash of lightning is seen and the boom of thunder is heard. For a second, Norris' foot appears to be merged with Hauser's face. Then, in another instant, Norris is quickly sucked in to the depths of Hauser body, having been completely absorbed.
    Sean Tovin: Well, what the fuck did that accomplish?
    The Earth begins to rumble......
    Meanwhile, Asswhoopings is investigating the Bowelship when he begins to feel the vibrations.
    "Damn, they must already be in the cargo-*RUMBLE*- Woah, what was that? An Earthquake?" Asswhoopings thinks.
    Suddenly, Asswhoopings is put into a state of awe when a concentrated beam of purely golden light shines down from the Heavens and pierces the ships floors.
    .........All the members of the FUCKMEN hear a strange, 2001 Space Odyssey- style "Bunananananana". ( www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWnmCu3U09w)
    BUUUUUUUUUU! NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! NAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
    BU NAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    The light from the sky pierces the ceiling and shines upon Hauser. His body beginnes to quiver.
    BUN BUN BUN BUN BUN BUN BUN BUN BUN BUN BUN BUN!
    BUUUUUUUUUU! NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! NAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
    NAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! NAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Hauser's body vibrates wildly.
    BUN BUN BUN BUN BUN BUN BUN BUN BUN BUN BUN BUN!
    BUUUUUUUUUU! NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! NAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
    BU NA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Hauser's eyes opens.
    Bu Na NA! NAAAAA! NA! NA! NA! BUN! BUN! BUN! BUN!
    Bu Na NA! NAAAAA! NA! NA! NA! BUN! BUN! BUN! BUN!
    Hauser, now a golden-bronze god-like being, levitates above the ground.
    I HAVE THE POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    NA! NA! NAAAAAAAAAAAA! NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!
    Asswhoopings bursts into the cargo-hold at that very instant. With inhuman speed, Hauser roundkicks him right in the face before anyone else was aware of his presence; the force of the blow sends Asswhoopings zooming straight out of the atmosphere and into the vast void of space. This awes Mr.T and brings him to his knees.
    Mr.T: You are..... A god!
    The cruiser shakes harshley and begins to break up; Hauser scoops up his comrades and leaps into the air and places everyone into the Bowelship. The FUCKMEN, now complete, fly off and watch as the S.S IMMAF once again meets its own doom.
    FIN.
    HE'S BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Last edited by Tranquil Suit; 4/01/2016 4:45am, .

    Comment


      Cool story bro.

      Comment


        Originally posted by Plaz-bro View Post
        Despite the incredibility disrespectful albeit humorous commentary I'll have to give respect to The Villain for seeking out and fighting top level competition. I always learn a lot watching top level leg lockers fight.
        I've seen Gordon Ryan compete in person and do well against some very good submission men.

        As far as the Villain losing, he did better than I did against Gordon Ryan, because I did not step up and compete against him.

        There are no fighters who cannot lose or never lose.

        There are only those who stepped up, and those that did not.

        But, all fighters, if they fight long enough, or face the wrong opponent on the wrong day in the wrong place eventually lose.

        We're not here to always win. We're here to fight until we die. And we all die eventually.

        Comment


          Originally posted by Plaz-bro View Post
          Despite the incredibility disrespectful albeit humorous commentary I'll have to give respect to The Villain for seeking out and fighting top level competition. I always learn a lot watching top level leg lockers fight.
          The commentary is the best part of that fight, bro.
          Consider for a moment that there is no meme about brown-haired, brown-eyed step children.

          Comment


            Originally posted by okiwen View Post
            I was just observing that perhaps you'd receive a quicker response on 911 if you would request help from someone WITHIN the USofA. Minor detail. I will return to my box. It is possible that the acronym "RCMP" was a trigger for me I was unaware until now.
            Yes, please...

            Comment


              Originally posted by Plaz-bro View Post
              Despite the incredibility disrespectful albeit humorous commentary I'll have to give respect to The Villain for seeking out and fighting top level competition. I always learn a lot watching top level leg lockers fight.
              I respect The Villain's abilities quite a bit.
              But man that video was just to damn funny to not share.
              Hopefully he can laugh at himself some.

              Comment


                Originally posted by The Cap
                The commentary is only one aspect of the dimension.
                No offense to my bro Jordan, but I giggled a bit when he screamed instead of tapped.
                Consider for a moment that there is no meme about brown-haired, brown-eyed step children.

                Comment

                Collapse

                Edit this module to specify a template to display.

                Working...
                X