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My Ten Year Bullshido Anniversary

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    My Ten Year Bullshido Anniversary

    It all started July 19, 2005, ladies and gentlemen. Let's revisit those faithful first few days:

    http://www.bullshido.net/forums/showthread.php?t=25094

    Originally posted by Savatuer

    There are alot of sites on the internet making incredible offers to people using words that would appeal. There is magic sites, fountain of youth medical machine sites, but the most interesting b.s site ( advertised on a martial arts site, interestingly) was one that tried to sell me Immortality Rings:

    http://www.alexchiu.com/affiliates/c...cgi?id=kunchan
    http://www.bullshido.net/forums/showthread.php?t=25790

    Originally posted by Savatuer
    Traditional martial artists sometimes complain that their art is being bashed for bad reasons. They say that skill depends on the person not the style; they say that they don't need to prove themselves to anyone. Some of them say that you need to depend with faith in the art. I have to say that almost all of them talk in rhetorics. Now all this is ok with me, but oftentimes these traditional martial artists go on and bash newer concepts like mixed martial arts.
    Here are some of the things they say about MMA:
    " Mixed martial artists throw sloppy blows."
    " They spend to much time on the ground."
    " They fight like monkeys."
    " Mixed martial arts have no forms! Forms are the life and spirit of all MA."
    " There are rules in UFC, so it is just another tournament. If they fought in our tournaments with our rules, they would probably lose."
    " MMA is overhyped."
    " MMA is not really old. The arts in them have been around for a really long time."
    " They have no grace."
    " It is not a real street-fighting situation."
    Ok, those are just some of the things those " victim" traditional martial artists have said. In my opinion, the negative viewpoint towards MMA is totally based on bad reasons. Here is what I have to say:
    1. " Mixed martial artists throw sloppy blows." Well, although the blows look sloopy, they are quite effective. Just because their punches and kicks don't look as impressive and intimidating as your mcdojo fancy jumping and spinning kicks, doesn't mean they aren't powerful. You try all day to perfect the form and technique of your punches so they look great ,well executed, and graceful. But just because you can throw a " perfect" punch in the air and in point sparring doesn't mean you can compete with the power and speed of the mma powerful punches and kicks. They can apply those blows under pressure, can you?
    2. " They spend to much time on the ground. If there were multiple assailants in a real fight against you, the ground would be dangerous." Well that may be true in some cases, but if you are taken to the ground, what do you do? If you can't fight back on the ground or counter takedowns to get off of the ground and prevent going there, you are at a lose. And plus, what if you are fighting one-on-one, and if you are taken down without the risk of being stomped on, how do you fight back? If a mixed martial artist got into a real fight, he/she wouldn't try to go on the ground with his assailant if there are more people around. He/she would fight back in stand-up, and if he did go to the ground, he would be able to fight back. You however, being taken down, would probably be at a lose. Ground fighting is more than simple horse play, it's serious. You can't use the punches and kicks you learned at this range, you are in trouble.
    3. " They fight like monkeys.' Good. You forget what modern science has proved monkeys to be. They are acrobatic and intelligent. They have skill, and when in a battle, they fight back with valor and ferocity. they are balanced, and often gentle when not fighting. I guess traditional martial artists don't like these traits.
    4. "MAAs have no form! Forms are the life and spirit of all MA." Forms? As in katas, which is what most mcdojos have their students spend all day on. Forms that have no application in a real fight; forms with fixded, fancy manuevers. You know what forms really were used for? They were used to secretly practice illegal martial arts in Asia. That's it. We don't need to keep practicing forms; MA is not illegal today. We could just practice techniques, and f MA becomes illegal, we make up forms based on those techniques.
    5. " There are rules in UFC, so it is just another tournament. If they fought in our tournaments with our rules, they would probably lose." Yes there are rules in the UFC currently, but alot less rules than your competitions. Due to this, the UFC is them most realistic simulation of any one-on-one fight. When the TMA bring up what is in quotes, they seem to try to tell ust that they think they could beat UFC fighters if there was no rules. They seem to say that a groin shot , a bite, and an escape would make themselves win. Well, the UFC guy ain't just gonna let you pull that off. Do you remember when, in early competitions, Karate men faught Thai boxers? The Muay Thai destroyed the Karate fighters. Imagine those fights without rules. Remember, the Thai guy has no rules laid on him too.
    6. " MMA is overhyped." That is because MMA is an effective combat concept that has overcome fighters practicing solely traditional arts. Like the Karate styles that, might I add, have been hyped in movies, products, and a sh*t load of other areas way before the advent of MMA. Remember, TMA is hyped alot by the mcdojos.
    7. " MMA is not really old. The arts in them have been around for a really long time." I will agree that that is true, but the CONCEPT of MMA is newer. In the old times, people joined arts and sports like karate and believed that their sole art was the best. They believed that the training they recieved was superior. Then guys like Bruce Lee started promoting cross-training so the student could aquire more skills in more areas. And now, in this age, people are catching on.
    8. " They have no grace." No grace? Trust me, in the UFC, it is hard to pull of an effective move under that sort of pressure. Without the skills and grace they have, they would be devastated. They don't look graceful because of the pressure. Plus, if you are implying that fancy, graceful movements are the key tro ggod fighting, then you should try fighting a mixed martial artist and see what yoy can pull off.
    9. " It is not a real street-fighting situation." I already covered this in most areas, but there is more to say. If the mma situations are not close to real SD situations, than neither are your katas or fancy kicks. You don't need to learn all those extra techniques to be a good fighter. MMA teaches students techniques often used in SD, and the mixed martial artists have an easy time creating there own personal style.

    Well, there is much more to say, but I will be back. Next I will bash TMA!
    Originally posted by Savatuer

    You realize there is also something called Street MMA, which trains in mixed arts for realistic fighting. Those people don't have to do UFC and sportfighting.
    UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

    http://www.bullshido.net/forums/showthread.php?t=25915

    Originally posted by Savatuer
    Idle thought: What if we took, oh let's say:
    A Tai Chi Chuan practitioner
    A Yellow Bamboo practitioner
    A Yoga practitioner
    A Pilates practitioner
    A Jazzercise practitioner
    A Yogilates practitioner
    A Person Who Watched A Video On How To Fight
    A 5th Degree Dan From A Mcdojo
    Any Other Pseudo-"Martial Arts" Person You Can Think Of

    We take these fighters, making sure they are elite in the knowledge of their style, and we put them in a UFC style elimination tournament against each other. This tournament will have less rules than a normal UFC tournament, the only rules being " No weapons" and " No escaping from, or tossing other fighters out of, the octagon". The fighters would defeat their opponents in a normal MMA fashion. Now, the question is, which practitioners, with the training and conditioning they have, would defeat which other fighter? For example, let's say the first fight is Yoga vs. Tai Chi. Who would win? Also who would win the tournament?
    Originally posted by Savatuer[FONT=Arial
    Yeah, I'd pay money and skip work to see this. Hell, I would get a plane and fly to the event. I think I can afford Hooter's Air. I would have little ready cash, but that would be okay because I would not need to buy or change clothes. I would just wear the pants I'm wearing now, Vibrating Khakis. I am NEVER taking these of, and I'll kill any man that tries.... [/FONT]
    As for the fighters, I think the winner should have have the privilege of getting the shit beat out of him by all the real UFC Hall-of-Famers. At the same time. We could also have guys from the nearest MA school or fightclub to go over and beat up the losers and to help the Hall-of-Famers. I just hope those MA school guys practice Kendo. One can only hope.
    As for the video script idea by Year Zero, I could write it.
    I also had an extensive argument with someone about the history of pilates in that thread. I knew nothing about the history of pilates but had just discovered Wikipedia and was under the impression at the time that it was infallible.

    http://www.bullshido.net/forums/showthread.php?t=25919

    Originally posted by Savatuer

    Hello, here's the deal. I am organizing a fight club match, and it it will take place in my friends basement/ family room. Normally, the room is crowded with furniture, however we had moved the chairs out of the way and padded the t.v to so it won't break. We also padded the hard floors and walls somewhat with several thick layers of carpeting and bubblewrap. We also added tape for stability and good springs that make the floor bounce to some extent. I am thinking about adding wooden stakes into the padding to interfer with movement. Here are the two sole fighters:

    1. Name: The Flying Douchebag ( his nickname)
    Height: About 6-0
    Weight: About 155lbs
    Physical Features: Caucasian in shirt ninja mask
    Build: Athletic
    Fighting Style: Claims to be a master in a dozen arts. Known arts are Tai chi, Yellow Bamboo, Boxercise, and Streetfighting.
    Comments when questioned about this fight: " No one can beat be me!!!!! I'm to fast and to drunk to even be remotely harmed, #$%#[email protected]?!?!!!! "

    2. Name: James " Crusher" Jerome
    Height: About 4-2
    Weight: About 60lbs.
    Physical Features: Caucasian with very little hair.
    Build: Very Lean, perhaps puny
    Fighting style: Boxing, Wrestling, TSD, TKD, Judo, Jujutsu, Karate, Savate, and Sumo.
    Comments when questioned about this fight: " Grrr.... yes Grrrrr."

    Yes, they are real people. They were fooling around when commented. The rules of the fight are " No groin shots, no bites, no eye gouge, no timid behavior, no ignoring the ref, and no running away. Fish hooking is allowed, and so is headbutts and any unarmed combat method not listed. You can win by submission, knock out, ref stoppage, and disqualification. We try to avoid injuries, but if one happens, you will be dropped off at a hospital and left for yourself." A select few people will be able to watch the fight and the fight will be filmed. It is a bareknuckle fight with striking and grappling. My friends parents, who own the house, don't know about the fight yet. We plan to tell them on the day of the fight.

    I was just wondering if you had any suggestions for this fight. I can post it on this site the day we film it. I call this fightclub the USC, the Ultimate Slap fighting Championship.
    http://www.bullshido.net/forums/showthread.php?t=25955

    Originally posted by Savatuer
    I used to go to this TSD school; even though it started out to be a good, it eventually started slipping into being a mcdojang that only taught traditional methods and katas. Either way, there were many things about the school that made it difficult to work there. Here are some of them:
    1. The teacher rarely actually taught class. She spent more time operating the front desk. This meant that the most senior student, no matter how capable or what his/her age was, would teach class( or atleast warmups). This happened more consistantly as the years went on.
    2. The teacher got pregnant twice in my entire 5 year stay at TSD. This caused her to miss even more class.
    3. When her boys were born, she often didn't have any babysitter to take care of them at home, so that meant that they were let loose to run around class. They really caused us to freeze in our pathes some times when training or sparring. The teacher, many times, had to leave and take the children home, meaning more class is missed.
    4. Now, sometimes when she actually taught the class, she taught us good, effective techniques and methods. However, most of the time she came out just to teach katas. Now that I think of it, she participated in class a little more than I described. Jeez, even a few forms are to much.
    5. She had this annoying tendency to push her martial arts beliefs on us. Of course, this is not abnormal and probably should be done. However, when the beliefs are: " Don't judge an art by it's one-steps, judge it by it's forms". " Get your kicks high." " Don't grab his leg while he is kicking( high-kicking by the way), grabbing is not a part of sparring." " Although Japanese arts have fast hand techniques, they would not expect a head kick in a tournament." , we aren't really learning anything useful.
    6. The teacher and other heads of the TKD/TSD federation organized a point sparring tournament each year. I went to one, and what I found out is that first you have to wait until everyone gets to the tournament, then you have to wait until everything is assembled, and then you have to wait until your weight class is ready. The entire time before I actually fought was about 3-5 hours and I didn't even stay for trophies. The teacher yelled at me for not going to new tournaments.
    7. The school consistantly got new students and those students consistantly quit.
    8. The school was consistantly underfunded. I have no idea where my fund raising profits( to buy mirrors for the school) went to. We never got new mirrors. A week after I quit, the school moved back to rent it's old location for a few hours a week.
    9. Point touch sparring with gloves and sometimes pads.
    10. When I became senior, I had to teach class often, meaning not alot of learning for me. And what I did learn was traditionalistic crap.
    11. Another annoying tendency that a senior student said: " You have to be in a good position when being knocked down so you can be ready to ground-fight." We never actually learned how to ground fight.
    12. Being made to learn the arts history and how to speak Korean.
    13. Spending alot of time practicing techniques, and often not learning how to apply them.
    14. I've said it before and I will say it again: So much emphasis on forms!

    That's all I can remember now. We sometimes had so many techniques thrown at us that we quite easily forget.


    With Love,
    Spondo
    http://www.bullshido.net/forums/showthread.php?t=26029

    Originally posted by Savatuer

    There is now something called Street MMA, which takes the powerful techniques and styles of Sport MMA( Like the UFC, Pride) and makes them more applicable to reality fighting. Street mixed martial artist study all the arts common to train in MMA competitions, such as MT, BJJ, Wrestling, and others. Street mixed martial artists tend to spend less time on the ground, although they can be skilled in ground-fighting arts, and train in a more realistic manner.
    Ugh... Ugh... UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

    http://www.bullshido.net/forums/showthread.php?t=26076

    Originally posted by savatuer
    I have discovered a new martial art. It is the deadliest of its kind; it was developed to destroy all other martial arts in combat. Developed a thousand years ago by intoxicated Tibetan Monks, this art has stood the test of time. Now, in this day, I have revieved this art and am the only Westerner to practice( In fact, I'm the only person in the world to practice this. Don't ask me where I discovered the art, you don't wanna know.). I have renamed this art Singing Lone Omnipotent Night Wolf( S.L.O.N.G), for the howling, mating wolves that live and attack people in my area. Learning this mystical art will give you the ability to kill anyone you fight, whether they be bigger, more expierenced, better trained, smarter, drunk, a serial killer, incontinent, ect. As I have said before, many of these techniques have been kept secret until now. And now, you will be able to learn this amazing, obscure, powerful art today. Here's a free, online lesson for you:

    Now, the object behing S.L.O.N.G is not to resist your attackers force; rather, absorb his force using your head. Here is a technique in which you can do this: When facing your opponent, get into a deep split( face forward and spread your legs apart really far) and put your hands behind your back. When your attacker throws a strike, make sure it hits your head. If your attacker throws a blow to the torso, quickly duck down and absorb the strike into your temple. This will cause your attackers arm to shatter while giving you an incredible amount of chi, magic, magick, adrenaline, and Satanic energy from force. Now, a basic offensive manuever in S.L.O.N.G is called the Douche. To do the Douche, get on one foot and vigouously hop up and down. Swing your arms like a maniac on drugs; don't worry about balance. Now, if your opponent is close, he will be hit by your deadly blow(job) of the arms. However, if he is at a distance, you should charge at him head first. The fantastic headbutt that you will give him will cause him to explode in a mess of body matter. Remember, this art is deadly and if you learn it, you should not spar or enter casual tournaments. Your art will make everyone who challenges you die a lonely death. Now, another fighting manuever common in S.L.O.N.G is the coxucker vegina. When attacked, by any means, you clap your hands together to make a spear like hand thing. Duck your head down and swing your spear hands around as you scream " Kung-Fu Power!!!". When the police wake you up from of the ground, your attackers should be gone. Now, chi plays a very important part in S.L.O.N.G. In fact, you can get a substantial amount of chi energy just by thinking about S.L.O.N.G! When pushing your opponent, escpiecially a larger one, scream " Power Shove!!!!" when you make contact. This will give your push an incredible amount of chi power, and it will kill your opponent in a bloody mess. Now, when you start to get proficent in S.L.O.N.G( which takes about a few seconds; this art is real easy to learn), you will be able to rip an opponent's arm out of his/her socket and stab his/her chest with it effortlessly. Now here is the final basic technique: To humiliate your opponent, insert your penis into his/her mouth( if you don't have a penis, rub your vagina in your opponents face). Make him/her perform oral sex on you. This will give you pleasure while it emotionally destroys your opponent.

    That was it for your first online S.L.O.N,G lesson. Next, I will give you exercise, adavanced technique, and reality-based lessons. Be back soon, and remember, don't perform this art on anyone unless your life depends on it. You don't need to prove yourself to anyone.

    Edit: Sorry
    Sorry.


    Last edited by Holy Moment; 7/28/2015 7:30pm, .

    #2
    You fucking piece of fucking.

    So at what point did you tap out and stop reading?
    Last edited by Holy Moment; 7/28/2015 7:38pm, .

    Comment


      #3
      There are no pictures of bunnies in this thread. One down-vote for you.

      Comment


        #4

        Comment


          #5

          Comment


            #6
            So what would the summary for 10 years worth of TL;DR?

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by Cake of Doom View Post
              So what would the summary for 10 years worth of TL;DR?
              I was a moron when I was fifteen.

              Comment


                #8








                Comment


                  #9
                  Street from the start.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by Holy Moment View Post
                    Looks like my bunny.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by savateur
                      Idle thought: What if we took, oh let's say:
                      A Tai Chi Chuan practitioner
                      A Yellow Bamboo practitioner
                      A Yoga practitioner
                      A Pilates practitioner
                      A Jazzercise practitioner
                      A Yogilates practitioner
                      A Person Who Watched A Video On How To Fight
                      A 5th Degree Dan From A Mcdojo
                      Any Other Pseudo-"Martial Arts" Person You Can Think Of

                      We take these fighters, making sure they are elite in the knowledge of their style, and we put them in a UFC style elimination tournament against each other. This tournament will have less rules than a normal UFC tournament
                      How is this different than the early UFC?

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Originally posted by Permalost View Post
                        How is this different than the early UFC?
                        Those are all the styles that didn't show up to early UFC.

                        I, for one, would have wanted to see Yellow Bamboo vs. Savate, Jazzercise vs. Ninjutsu, or Yoga vs. Wing Chun.

                        My money would have been on Savate, Ninjutsu, and Yoga, in case you were wondering.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Originally posted by W. Rabbit View Post
                          Those are all the styles that didn't show up to early UFC.

                          I, for one, would have wanted to see Yellow Bamboo vs. Savate, Jazzercise vs. Ninjutsu, or Yoga vs. Wing Chun.

                          My money would have been on Savate, Ninjutsu, and Yoga, in case you were wondering.
                          Hell naw. Jazzercise is Street as fuck.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Originally posted by Holy Moment View Post
                            Hell naw. Jazzercise is Street as fuck.
                            You're forgetting the ninjaerobics from "Ninja III: The Domination".

                            Street as fuck is Lucinda Dickey possessed by the ghost of a dead Ninja assassin, teaching aerobics, in 1984.

                            Keep in mind she's only warming up here to go on a demonic murder rampage armed with ninjutsu.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              I read on an encyclopedia that a BJJ theory is that the main advantage of a bigger person is longer reach and greater strength. On the ground in close quarters, these advantages are taken away, thus giving the smaller fighter a beater chance. Do instructors really tell you this?
                              Penis.

                              You could do an eye gouge in a real fight, but I'm not sure they allow that in BJJ.
                              Peeeeeeeeeeeenissssssssssssssss.

                              Strikes are good for wearing down an opponent for a submission.
                              I was a comedic genius when I was in middle school.

                              I mean it. I live in New Jersey of the United States( of Mars) and I can bring some more people( Let's see, I can bring: Roseanne Barr, Pennywise the Dancing Clown, Douchebag Jones, Fatass Maloy, Phil Elmore( against his will), Leslie Crotchmonger, Eric Shin, Pett Zahutt, Tits Magee, George W. Bush, The Flying Douchebag, him, and anybody else I see on a daily basis. We are very tight knit, and we really can't undo the stitches.). I will fly over to Tokeyo( I'm spelling it wrong on purpose. No ofnse) and I will do the dirty deed, and I will fight the good fight, and I will snort Wasabi.
                              I skimmed over this quote slightly but couldn't finish it because the douche-chills were cramping my back.

                              Oh, by the way if you don't know, Pennywise the Clown was Stephen King's it monster.
                              Here is an idea: Take a victim as a prisoner and take care of him. Then, after a week, you break his pinky finger. Give him a caste, treat him well. Then after another week, break his ring finger. Treat him well, and so on breaking his fingers. Then, after all fingers on one hand is broken, break part of his arm. Go up the arm until the shoulder. Then work the fingers and arm on the limb. Still treat him well, and in another week, work the legs. Keep finding differant body parts to break after weeks. He'll die in about a year.

                              Also, film him/her while he goes to the bathroom.
                              Context is for pussies.

                              I bought this SD book, Ketsugo, from a catalouge, and I must say it is fascinating. A 65-page, black and white soft-cover book with 205 illustrations for " easy learning". According to the summary on the back of this, you can be unbeatable just by reading. You can defeat stronger and more expierenced opponents. Also, the book says, that many of the techniques in this book have been kept secret until recently( the techniques have been taken from the arts of Judo, Karate, Ate-Wazi, Aikido, Yawara, Savate, and Jiu-Jitsu. Secret, right.). " Ketsugo, the greatest name in self-defense." Jesus, you don't even have to open this book to tell it is Bullshido. And when you do open this book, you will find amazing techniques and concepts such as: A Savate knife defense in which you throw a hook kick to the attackers head, a bunch of Karate hand techniques in which you would break your hands if you tried to apply them, throw an x-block to defend against a high punch and charging knee, an Aikdo rear bear hug defense technique that involves directly resisting your attackers strength, a technique to be used against a larger person who is pushing you that will ( if the attacker realises what your doing, or stops pushing, or is striking, or falls on you) backfire against the defender, a cat-stance like fighting stance that will leave your chest exposed, and loads of techniques that , not only are hard to master even with a partner but, are so complex, it would be improbable for anyone to pull them of under pressure. Also, this book is loaded with tiny, un-detailed illustrations that will hardly give you any help in mastering these techniques. The books text is un-detailed, they do not cover putting power in your techniques, they don't cover multiple opponents, they don't cover ground fighting, and they hardly give you any idea of what it is like to work under pressure. However, they do give you a handy-dandy little chart about pressure points and nerve centers( most of which you would hit without trying). The chart doesn't cover how to attach these points and how much pressure to use on this. This book was written by S. Henry Robert, Esq. and illustrated by Robert Urdang, of which I now call the Douchebag Two. The preface states that " No effort has been spared to make this a thorough, practical course on self-defense. " Yeah, right. This book is horrible Bullshido. Even if a begginer did learn something from this book, he/she would undoubtfully forget these techniques in a fight. This book is total suckage.

                              Which brings me to this question: What is the worst MA/SD book/video/DVD you have ever read or seen?
                              I lost the pamphlet while working as a Summer housekeeper in Rutgers University. My job was to rub my penis on the underside of all the dorm faucets and misplace old martial arts instructional comics in the lobby couches.

                              Oh crap, the Christian forums banned me because my username was Ihategod1234
                              That may be true for Japanese MA, BatRonin, but what is the point have high kicking when low kicking is faster? If you are kicking that high, then couldn't the Japnese artist just come in a punch because he sees you raise your leg above his waist.
                              As for JKDChicks sexuality: JKDChick is just a man with really big hooters.
                              Don't take this as a shot at you, JKDChick. Remember, it takes one to know one. And I think I have pictures of myself to prove it. Just wait.
                              Please unban Savatuer.

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