I just posted this video (With a title designed to bring in views), and it got me thinking about the topic. I'm certain this was a big point of debate in the early days of Bullshido, but now I think it's time to decide once and for all what the worst martial art actually is. Bullshido has been around for what, twelve years? It's about time we settle this question.
Now, when I say worst, I don't just mean worst for fighting. I think a lot of styles will probably teach you equally as little about combat, so it would be hard to determine how bad they are on that merit alone. After all, could you really say a pussy Taekwondo guy is any worse than a pussy Shotokan guy? No, I would have to think the worst martial art is not only a system that churns out bad fighters, but also bad people. You not only get zero benefit from the training in any way, shape, or form, but also come out of the workouts WORSE in some respect than when you went in.
With that stated, here are my thoughts on the subject:
- In my book, Taekwondo, Wushu, and Capoeira are out of the running. Feel free to nominate them yourselves, but I just think they have too much to offer. Done right, you at least look COOL executing flying flips and kicks, and all that exercise is intrinsically beneficial.
- Yellow Bamboo felt like a strong candidate at first, but when I thought about it I began to feel it was a bit too fringe for a fair nomination. Throwing it into the mix would be like entering a hunk of roadkill into the "World's Ugliest Dog" competition. If included in the running, it would be too obvious of a ringer. The vast majority of other styles, even the pussy ones, are at least based on the sound principle that you have to touch another person to physically harm him. It would be an automatic win if we actually let it in:
- Aikido is up there. A lot of practitioners take up the style because they want to exude an aura of badassery under a veneer of civility. It looks a little bit cool, though, so I can't in good conscience say it's the worst. Plus, the magic pants they wear allow you to train with your cock out. The only other style you can do that in is wrestling.
- With Ninjutsu, you're at least left with some good larping equipment after you quit. So it's out.
- I've narrowed my own personal choices down to three: Wing Chun, Pressure Point Fighting, and Krav Maga. I can't come to a solid conclusion which is the single worst style right now, but here are my arguments for why these three are the crappiest disciplines in all of martial arts:
Wing Chun
1. It's for pussies.
2. Students take up the style to pretend they're Bruce Lee or Ip Man.
3. It doesn't even look cool.
4. Practitioners are probably the smuggest cocksheaths in the martial arts community, and have been for a LONG time. Remco Pardoel even stated he signed up for UFC 2 to stop all the Wing Chun and Pencak Silat guys in Europe from bragging about how they're the best fighters in the world.
Pressure Point Fighting
1. Like Yellow Bamboo, it's not based on any version of reality known to modern science.
2. Unlike Yellow Bamboo, it seems to have had a considerable impact on the martial arts community over the years. After UFC 1, for instance, Black Belt magazine actually consulted George Dillman in regards to how one could defend himself against a Gracie Tackle.
3. Around UFC 15, Big John McCarthy drafted a new set of rules for the promotion in order to appease the activists and politicians who were aggressively trying to abolish the sport from television. The new list of fouls included several fluff rules in order to make the regulations seem stricter than they really were. One of these new stipulations was "No pressure point attacks." Although this unenforceable, arbitrary foul was not included in the modern Unified Rules of MMA, TO THIS DAY Dillman followers are still giving this as the reason for why they don't compete in MMA.
4. Assuming there exists a plane of existence where all of Dillman's claims are actually true, one can apparently defeat any pressure point assault by simply raising one big toe and planting the other.
Just to add, a non-Dillman pressure point stylist did fight in UFC 7. Funnily enough, his opponent was... Remco Pardoel:
Krav Maga/RBSD
1. Like Wing Chun pussies, Kravists are smugly adamant that they're the baddest mofos on the planet.
2. Practitioners worry about fighting multiple opponents wielding shotguns when they can't even take on one opponent without bursting into tears after eating a hit.
3. I sparred a Kravist with a bowel condition once, and he repeatedly soiled himself on my coach's mats while I was putting the lay on him.
So what are your thoughts? Any arts you feel should be nominated? Any arts I gave a pass to that you feel I shouldn't have? If we narrow it down enough, we could get a final poll going on to settle this issue once and for all.
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