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Why all the Shou Shu hate?

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    If shoe show doesn't spar, then what is this?



    I mean, besides terrible. I can't tell which is funnier, the Catherine Heigl movie soundtrack, or that the Lil' Bullshidoka are better than the teen instructor.

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      [glow=red,2,300]Robert Hamilton:[/glow] Here it is, gentleman: The NEW Captain Asshole's Brawlatorium. It has surpassed its predecessor in every way possible. Once the butt of every IMMAF joke in existence, it is now.......

      http://www.eikongraphia.com/wordpres...e_at_Night.jpg

      ...... HOME TO THE MOST POWERFUL MEN IN THE MMA WORLD!

      Robert Hamilton's booming voice practically capsizes the boat on which he stands.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] Shut the fuck up, man. If you keep shoutin' in the air like that, you'll blow the cover of the entire armada.

      [glow=red,2,300]Robert Hamilton:[/glow] It wouldn't matter either way if we were spotted, Frazier. You see, there are three separate factions of my army that will be involved in this attack.

      Hamilton turns to his men on board, who all stand at attention.

      [glow=red,2,300]Robert Hamilton:[/glow] My noble warriors, the strategy in which we will use for this invasion is simple: Hit em' high, hit em' low, and hit em' dead center. In part one, a squadron of Power Rangers will overtake the Brawlatorium roof. This will create a diversion that will allow my ground forces to take the floor of the building by surprise in part two. Then, in part three, an aerial squad lead by Bayan Bayar will bombard the mid-section of the building while Brawlatorium forces are mobilizing.

      Hauser has to be in that phallic building somewhere, and in this way we'll be able to get him as fast as possible.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] That all sounds fine and well, Mr. Hamilton, but I'd just like to know one thing.

      [glow=red,2,300]Robert Hamilton:[/glow] What's that?

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] Where exactly do MY men fit into your little plan?

      [glow=red,2,300]Robert Hamilton:[/glow] Mr.Frazier, your "PitFighters" are nothing but a bunch of raggedy-ass thugs whom you picked off the street. We need real soldiers for this mission, not weekend warriors.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] Hmmmmm.... Real soldiers, eh?

      Frazier points to one of Hamilton's men.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] You there, what is your profession?

      Ryan Henderson: I manually masturbate animals for a living, sir.

      Frazier points to another man.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] And you?

      [glow=black,2,300]Kono Smitack:[/glow] I shoot birds at the airport.

      Frazier turns to his own men.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] Men.... What is OUR profession?

      [glow=gold,2,300]PitFighters:[/glow] WAR!!!!!!!!

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] You see, Hamilton, there are more soldiers in my band of men than in your entire army!

      Robert Hamilton just gives Frazier a Matt Hughes-esque dismissive gesture.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] .... You know what, Hamilton? I think I'm gonna make an addition to your little plan: How about I go into the fuckin' Brawlatorium first and you guys pick up the pieces I leave behind?

      To everyone's shock, Frazier whips out an Uzi and blasts off the chains tethering a motorboat to the main ship. Despite the pleas of his own Untouchables, Frazier hauls the boat into the water and takes off for the Brawlatorium.

      ...............................

      We cut scene to the ground floor of Captain Asshole's Brawlatorium. The marble floor glows under the fluorescent lights as Mitch Armour talks with the lone receptionist, Teila Ramirez.

      [glow=hotpink,2,300]Mitch Armour:[/glow] Hey. I found this huge mound of feces next to the Chaos Crew gym the other day. I assume Hauser had something to do with it, and I'd really like it if he moved it as soon as possible.

      Teila Ramirez: He probably did put it there himself. I'll see if I can get him on the line.

      As Ramirez goes to pick up the phone, a maniacal war cry and the sound of crashing glass rips through the air. Greg Frazier shoulder-smashes through the front door and then boots Mitch Armour twelve feet across the room.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

      Hauling an M16 assault rifle with an M203 grenade launcher attachment, Frazier blasts Ramirez in the tits with eighty bullets. Ramirez drops to ground, more or less incapacitated.

      Frazier zips passed Armour to get to the stairwell. Armour coughs up blood when Frazier steps on his scrotum.

      [glow=hotpink,2,300]Mitch Armour:[/glow] *Cough*Cough*..... What the shit?

      Kazaam!

      A blinding light erupts in the room and cloaks everything in a white gloss.

      Meanwhile, Greg Frazier is hauling ass up the stairs to reach the second floor. He becomes uneasy upon entering the vacant, cubicle-lined room and makes sure to watch every step he takes. The piercing sound of alarm bells abruptly booms throughout the entire building. Every door in Frazier's room is automatically sealed with 8-inch thick battleship steel and a mysterious tube opens up in the ceiling.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] Aw shit, they're gonna gas me.

      Rather than gas coming out of the tube, the PUTTY PATROL falls out instead. Frazier laughs, but wastes no time in decapitating the first line of Patrollers with his M16. Shoving one unfortunate clay-man aside (He trips five times on his own feet), Frazier calmly walks under the tube and unloads a grenade right into it. In a shower of glass and plaster, the tube completely shuts down. Frazier can hear the stuck Patrollers scream and gasp for air as the struggle with one another in the closed tube.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] Hauser's just toying with me right now.... I have to do the unexpected.

      Walking passed the sealed stairwell that leads to floor three, Frazier goes to the elevator on the other side of the room and blasts it open with a grenade. Whipping out a grappling gun, Frazier fires upwards and begins to scale the interior of the shaft.

      Meanwhile, the door to the cubicle room is kicked clean off as Robert Hamilton (Now as The Karate Streetfighter) enters in a huff.

      [glow=red,2,300]Robert Hamilton:[/glow] That useless idiot Armour couldn't tell me a damn thing! And now what is this?!?!?!

      Hamilton examines the bodies of the smoldering Putty Patrollers.

      [glow=red,2,300]Robert Hamilton:[/glow] Well I'll be damned.... It looks like that dumbass Frazier blew himself up trying to fight these guy. I suppose there's no shame in calling in the aerial squad now that I know he won't be up there.

      C'mon men, let's move on!

      Hamilton rips open the door to the stairwell as a line of men follow.

      The sound of explosions echoes throughout the elevator shaft. Frazier struggles to keep his footing on the rumbling walls.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] Jesus Christ, I bet Hauser uses this shaft as a vibrator for his cock!

      All of a sudden, the noise and vibrations rapidly begin to increase. Looking upward, Frazier sees a severed elevator barreling down at him at an alarming speed.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] Shiiiiiiiiiit!!!!!!!

      Fighting against the negative effects of simultaneously suffering both a heart attack and a stroke, Frazier unloads every single grenade he has at the oncoming ram. The searing, twisted mix of metal and fire rips through his body but collapses over him before it can drag him down. Unknown to himself, Frazier had let go of the grappling gun but managed to grab onto that magical elevator cable that propels you upwards whenever you hold it. Frazier is launched up fifteen stories before being ripped from his flight and thrown onto a beige rug.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] *Cough* Holy shit.

      Someone kicks Frazier in the ribs and makes him turn to his back. Through blood-stained eyes he can see that he's looking down the barrels of guns held by Eric Mann, Ed Lauzon, and about ten assorted henchmen.

      Eric Mann: I want your weapons and your clothes. Now.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] Shit, man, give me a minute. My goddamn eyelids are filled with shrapnel.

      Mann shoots Frazier in the shoulder.

      Eric Mann: Now, bitch!

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] Ok, you the boss.

      Frazier pulls a knife out of his pocket.

      Eric Mann: I want the heavy artillery first, numbnuts.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] What do you expect me to have? I dropped my M16 when you hit me with the fuckin' elevator.

      Suddenly, Frazier clicks a switch on the knife and the ballistic blade shoots directly into Mann's throat. Blood spurts everywhere as Frazier does a crazy-ass capoeira move to trip five of the henchmen to the ground and grab a hold of Mann's arm. Frazier uses Mann's own gun to kill most of his men before hurling him into the open elevator door to plunge to his death.

      Whipping dual Berettas out of his coat, Frazier offs the rest of the henchmen with ease.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] Now where the fuck did ol' Fishsticks run off to?

      With a bang, buckshot grazes the top of Frazier's head and nearly floors him. Standing at the doorway of an adjacent office is Ed Lauzon holding a shotgun.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] Shiiiiiiiiiit!!!!!!!

      Frazier somersaults around the corner of the hall as Lauzon gets off another shot.

      Ed Lauzon: We could have been partners once, Frazier! But instead of joining me, you ruined me! And now, I'm going to blast a hole in your scrotum wide enough to reach through your anus!

      Lauzon turns the corner, but ends up just getting a faceful of flashbang grenade. Blinded and partially on fire, Lauzon fires wildly but gets both his kneecaps simultaneously shot off by Frazier. Frazier drives Lauzon back onto a desk and unleashes a hellish amount of fury on his head with his fists. Frazier only manages to shatter Lauzon's jawbone into two-hundred separate pieces like he wanted to long after he passed out.

      Injured, weary, and with no other enemies in sight, Frazier pulls himself into a nearby office and locks the door. As he's resting and putting bayonets on all of his handguns, Frazier speculates on how the rest of the invasion is going. It is at that point that he looks out the window and sees Leonard Hauser's personal bounty hunter, Homo-Fett, street-grappling with both M. Bison and the Pink Ranger's jet in mid-air.

      Frazier watches as Bison hits Fett with a multitude of electric bolts, but a barrage of Cock Rockets fired from Fett's wrists soon plucks Bison straight from the sky. A second wave of rockets rips into the Pink Ranger, and the battle is then taken elsewhere.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] Damn..... I gotta watch my step in the upper stories.

      Frazier scans his surroundings as he carefully exits the office and makes his way down to the next stairwell. Although the floor he's on now seems quite, odd sounds are coming from the floor above him. Frazier is intensely alert as he makes his way up to the next floor when a body is suddenly flung to his feet from above. He nearly unloads an entire clip into the man before he realizes that he's unconscious and missing an arm. The man is Donald Martin, sans his mechanical hand.

      A stunned Frazier looks up to see a bloody and disheveled Bayan Bayar standing at the top of the stairwell.

      [glow=blue,2,300]Bayan Bayar:[/glow] Frazier!

      Frazier rushes to the top of the floor to greet Bayar.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] Bayar! What the fuck happened?

      [glow=blue,2,300]Bayan Bayar:[/glow] A lot of my aerial squad was gunned down, so we were forced to kamikaze our planes into the side of the Brawlatorium! Those of us who survived have been fighting with the goons in here ever since.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] Do you have any idea where Hauser might be?

      [glow=blue,2,300]Bayan Bayar:[/glow] I don't know, but I'm not going after that bitch-monkey without finding the rest of my men first.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] That's ok, I'm more or less content on tackling him alone.

      [glow=blue,2,300]Bayan Bayar:[/glow] Whatever. Just be wary of fires, collapsing ceilings, and sporadic fighting for the next ten stories or so.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] I will. You be good now, you filthy Mongol.

      Bayar goes left and Frazier goes right in the dingy, smoking hall. Almost immediately Frazier comes across Gorga Gonzalo, Chris Whiteford, and Richard Pryor's zombie quietly street-grappling in the corner of the hall. Frazier just ignores them because he can't figure out which sides their fighting for.

      Frazier's heart almost bursts through his chest when he hears someone spin out of a door behind him and click a gun. Frazier turns around like lightning, only to find that it is Mark Javelin with his Walther PPK.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] Dude! You gunnin' for Hauser, too?

      Mark Javelin: Nah, man, I'm lookin' for Jonas D.

      At that moment, Jonas D. pops out of the adjacent door and grabs Javelin's arm in a crazy-ass kung-fu lock. He then slams Javelin with a quadruple palm strike before tearing the gun out of his hand and aiming it at his temple.

      [glow=white,2,300]Jonas D.: [/glow] You fuckers are messing up everything!!!

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] What?

      [glow=white,2,300]Jonas D.: [/glow] I've been working with the CIA for eight years trying to slowly bring Hauser down! But you guys are exacerbating the situation by trying to invade this place!

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] Jonas... I need to know where Hauser is, I need you to tell me!

      [glow=white,2,300]Jonas D.: [/glow] You're not strong enough to take on Hauser! No one is, now!

      Before Frazier can say anything, Jonas D. drops Javelin with a hook kick and then hurls himself out a window. When Frazier looks out, he's completely disappeared. Undeterred, Javelin puts together his Golden Gun and follows Jonas in suit.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] Dude, that's totally asinine!

      Ignoring Frazier, Javelin begins climbing alongside the building in an effort to find Jonas. Frazier just shrugs and walks along again.

      Contrary to what Bayar had claimed, the next few floors are eerily quiet. Frazier grows more and more suspicious with each step, almost certain that the remaining people in the Brawlatorium are pooling their efforts to set up a trap for him. He fears every turn of a corner, for he knows that they're watching his every move.

      Then, on one particular turn, he walks not into a trap but a hall with the walls blasted off by a fiery kamikaze plane. Despite the intense heat that the wrecked vessel is emitting, Frazier is chilled to the bone by the wind coming into the open hall. Most shockingly, when he walks over to the edge of the hall to look down the building, a giant set of eyes suddenly manifest and look back at him. Frazier immediately knows that they are the eyes of "Super" Roger Knight Richardson.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] Ass! Ass! You almost gave me a heart attack!

      Before Knight notices him, the massive Emmanuel Yarbrough suddenly leaps from a higher story and land smack on Knight's face. Frazier watches as Super Knight topples over onto smaller buildings, killing hundreds of bystanders with his girth.

      The appearance of Yarbrough rocks Frazier to the core. He knows that if he sees one Fuckmen, the others must be nearby. At the point, Frazier loses all inhibitions and just starts running. And running. And running. Aimlessly. Whether it be up the stairs or down, right ways or left, Frazier just keeps on going.

      Eventually, he reaches a dead end: A marble column-lined hall with an elegant double-door at the end. Frazier doesn't lessen his momentum, however, and plows right through the doors. To his surprise, he begins falling into a dark abyss. His face and arms slam onto a very solid surface with tremendous force. Dazed, Frazier rolls over to his back but does not want to move any more because he thinks both his shoulders might be dislocated.

      Frazier attempts to decipher where he is. The room appears to be dimly lit, as he cannot see where he had fallen from. Leaning up, Frazier thinks that he is lying on a table of some sorts. That's when he sees the glowing, bald head of Dana White.

      [glow=white,2,300]Dana White:[/glow] We're all very impressed that you made it this fucking far....

      White pauses to take a swig of nitrous from his gas mask.

      [glow=white,2,300]Dana White:[/glow] ..... But what is it that you're really fucking looking for? As we've watched you fucking around our building, we've come to the conclusion that you're not on a fucking quest for Leonard Hauser. Rather, you are on a quest for fucking truth.....

      White takes another swig of nitrous.

      [glow=white,2,300]Dana White:[/glow] ..... Would you like to know what that fucking truth is, Mr. Frazier?

      Suddenly, the walls begin to crack and break away around them.

      [glow=white,2,300]Dana White:[/glow] YOUR OWN FUCKING DEATH, THAT'S THE FUCKING TRUTH!!!!

      Frazier is now lying in the middle of an enormous, blue-chrome room. He gets to his knees to take in his surroundings, and immediately figures out where he is: The Brawlatorium Gym.

      About thirty feet away, Frazier can see his many executors: Most of the Fuckmen, a gaggle of rogue PitFighters, a huge assortment of Power Rangers villains, and a massive amount of other Hauser henchmen. At the head of this evil army stands a grinning Harley Thomas. He shakes his head and waves at Frazier.

      After a few short seconds pass by, one man breaks away from the group. At first Frazier thinks he is Leonard Hauser because of the mustache, but in truth he is nowhere to be seen. Only when the man gets close does Frazier realize that he is in fact the mighty CHUCK NORRIS , aka "Ozymandick" as he is known in the Fuckmen. Frazier immediately realizes what's in store for him.

      The roundkick comes fast, but with the adrenaline flowing through Frazier's body it seems to move in slow motion. Frazier knows that he really is about to die now, without ever having come to terms with himself about his bleak life of violence and treachery. That powerful, God-like foot edging towards Frazier's face marks the end of him ever finding any kind of self-atonement.... And in a flash of steel, it is gone.

      [glow=gold,2,300]Bruce Campbell:[/glow] Groovy!

      As the bloody, severed leg of Chuck Norris hits the ground, Frazier looks up to see the benevolent Bruce Campbell standing above him with a chainsaw. Behind him is the rest of Hamilton's army, Hamilton himself (As the Karate Streetfighter), Bigblacksecurity.com..... And Frazier's very own PitFighter army. The Fuckmen are momentarily shocked as the Anti-Hauser Army files into the gym through a hole they blew in the wall. Then their attentions turn back to Bruce Campbell...

      [glow=hotpink,2,300]Andy Dick:[/glow] Did you see that!?! He killed Chuck Norris!!! HE KILLED CHUCK NORRIS!!! GET HIM!!!!

      And with a massive war cry, both sides charge one another. With his body pulsating with a new-found courage, Frazier slams both his shoulders to ground as his comrades run around him with their weapons in hand.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] AHHHHHHH!!!!!!

      With a snap and a crush, his shoulders pop right back into their sockets. Grabbing his dual bayoneted Berettas, Frazier charges passed his pack and runs straight up the Brawlatorium wall. Hurling himself at the Fuckmen like a fireball, Frazier blasts everyone with both barrels. He lands like a cat on Freddy "The Mage" Martin's Arwing spacecraft and continues to take pot shots at the crowd.

      All hell is breaking loose on the ground. Harley Thomas and Kono Smitack meet eachother head-on and an epic machete duel breaks out. Cheech is getting repeatedly kicked in the nuts by Brett Rogers. Harley Thomas is carrying around Kono Smitack's severed head and screaming like a madman:

      [glow=orange,2,300]Harley Thomas:[/glow] THIS IS A BATTLE OF EPIC PROPORTIONS!!!!

      The most intense fight is occurring between The Karate Streetfighter and Andy Dick, who is now in his Dr. Manshatin form. Both men exchange tremendous street-blows as they step over Neil Quinian grappling with Robert Campbell on the ground. Hamilton is hitting Dick with a plethora of Karate Uppercuts, but gets shot back to the wall by a gigantic energy bolt. Taking note of the burnt hole in Hamilton's stomach, Andy Dick cockily approaches him.

      [glow=hotpink,2,300]Andy Dick:[/glow] Only human....

      [glow=red,2,300]Robert Hamilton:[/glow] KAZAAM!

      A magical lightning bolt thrown by the Wizard Shaq rips through the Brawlatorium. The Karate Streetfighter uses his super-speed to evade the bolt, letting Manshatin take the brunt of the pain.

      [glow=hotpink,2,300]Andy Dick:[/glow] FUCK!

      [glow=red,2,300]Robert Hamilton:[/glow] KAZAAM!

      Zap!

      [glow=hotpink,2,300]Andy Dick:[/glow] FUCK!

      [glow=red,2,300]Robert Hamilton:[/glow] KAZAAM!

      Zap!

      [glow=hotpink,2,300]Andy Dick:[/glow] FUCK!

      The rest of the Fuckmen watch on as Manshatin squirms in agony.

      Meanwhile, on the Arwing, Greg Frazier is blasting Gorga Gonzalo in the back of the knee as he's trying to eat Scott Starnes from behind. Suddenly, Korda the Comedian leaps down from the roof and begins strangling Frazier with a piano wire. Frazier struggles tremendously with Korda, and both men roll straight into the cockpit before Frazier has a chance to simultaneously stab both of his eyes with his Beretta bayonets.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] Merry Christmas.

      Frazier spits on the late Comedian. But unknown to both him and The Mage, Korda was merely a distraction for Mr. T to jump up and try to stop the plane in its tracks. Martin gains his composure in just enough time to fire his lasers. The Arwing still hits Blackman Metropolis head on, and everyone crashes through the wall and into the room behind the gym.

      [glow=black,2,300]Mr. T:[/glow] *Gasp*

      Mr. T's heavy chains sit by his side as his lungs begin to fill up with blood. Frazier lifts his bleeding head up from the seat in front of him, and both fighters slump out of the cockpit when The Mage opens the shuttle door.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] T....

      Frazier quickly crawls up to the mohawked man and grabs him by his chains.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] T, you have to tell me where Hauser is! All this shit was started by him in the first place, he has to be brought to justice!

      Mr. T wearily points to a wretched spiral staircase behind Martin.

      [glow=black,2,300]Mr. T:[/glow] There. Brace yourself, fools, for you are about to know more about yourself than you ever have before...

      As the Fuckman's mind slips into unconsciousness, Frazier stands up and glares at the tall stairway. Frazier and Martin briefly make eye-contact before clambering up the metal structure to the moldy wooden door at the top. Frazier hesitates for a moment before turning the knob and thrusting himself into the unknown.

      Martin and Frazier end up in a room totally cloaked by blackness. As they attempt to adjust their eyes to the darkness, the door shuts and locks behind them.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] .......

      Then, with explosiveness, light erupts into the sanitary white room so fiercly that it almost knocks the two off their feet. There, staring at them from across the room, is the maniacal and perverted Leonard Hauser.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] AHHHHH!!!!!!

      Frazier whips out another Beretta and empties the entire clip; with a wave of his hand, Hauser turns all of his bullets into rose petals.

      [glow=red,2,300]Leonard Hauser:[/glow] Hehehehehe!!!

      A blazing, black hole rips open in the ground and starts to suck the air out of the entire room. Frazier and Martin start to suffocate, although Hauser remains unharmed.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] *Gurgle*

      Suddenly, the sucking stops and Frazier lifts his head off the ground to see a frowning Hauser staring into his own lap. It is at that point that Frazier notices Hauser is sitting in a wheelchair.

      [glow=red,2,300]Leonard Hauser:[/glow] If I were to kill you now, it would be for the wrong reasons. I know why Hamilton had commenced this invasion: Because he believes I have committed murder against Delta Jackson and my sister. 'Twas not me, rather it was..........

      Red Hunt! He puts on a facade of integrity and respectability, when in reality his only goal in life is to destroy!

      Hauser begins crying.

      [glow=red,2,300]Leonard Hauser:[/glow] He killed my sister and her lover, but did not deal me the same fate. Rather, he crippled me and cut off my right hand.....

      Frazier notices now that Hauser is wearing Don Martin's robotic limb.

      [glow=red,2,300]Leonard Hauser:[/glow] ..... He's ruined me! I can only walk now by shoving a metal rod up my ass!!! I can't compete like that, lube rusts the metal!

      If you ever tell my story, man, let it be known that I only fought for the love of cock, not evil! Hauser, out!

      Twin sets of rockets pop out of Hauser's wheelchair and propel him through a hole in the roof. Hauser laughs maniacally all the while.

      [glow=green,2,300]Greg Frazier:[/glow] ..... Shit.

      Martin and Frazier both pass out as the fighting rages on outside.

      .....................

      Cut scene to outside. An enormous lid opens up in the Brawlatorium roof, scattering the remaining Power Rangers who were stationed there. The legendary BOWELSHIP hovers out and rockets off into the night sky at the speed of light.....

      Bunananananana!

      Comment


        Fix the formatting tags so I can upvote that shit, you maroon.

        Comment


          Originally posted by ermghoti View Post
          Fix the formatting tags so I can upvote that shit, you maroon.
          I want to preserve that in all its original glory. It was something I wrote five years ago on another forum.

          Comment


            It has aged well.

            Comment


              Originally posted by Machina View Post
              They worked some of the roughest clubs in town as guards. I'm pretty sure they're not b/sing.
              Machina, I'm not picking on you, this is a larger issue that needs to be addressed:
              Can we all please stop with the "My instructor/training partner is a bouncer" as a litmus test for efficacy of a training system, as though every bouncer is Patrick Swayze in Roadhouse?
              In all my years as a club rat, I have seen exactly zero karate deathmatches involving staff. The one karate deathmatch (read: drunken haymakers and schoolyard headlocks) that I did see occur was broken up by club patrons before any of the security staff even arrived.
              Unless your martial arts gym has some secret technique for checking ID's and telling people not to congregate in the hallways, it's a pretty much irrelevant career.

              Comment


                Originally posted by TheMightyMcClaw View Post
                Machina, I'm not picking on you, this is a larger issue that needs to be addressed:
                Can we all please stop with the "My instructor/training partner is a bouncer" as a litmus test for efficacy of a training system, as though every bouncer is Patrick Swayze in Roadhouse?
                In all my years as a club rat, I have seen exactly zero karate deathmatches involving staff. The one karate deathmatch (read: drunken haymakers and schoolyard headlocks) that I did see occur was broken up by club patrons before any of the security staff even arrived.
                Unless your martial arts gym has some secret technique for checking ID's and telling people not to congregate in the hallways, it's a pretty much irrelevant career.
                This. I work as a security guard, and my job also is severely lacking in Karate death matches. In case one might begin to happen, company policy entails me running away and calling the police.

                Comment


                  I want to go to the school that turns physically inept, passive, out of shape people into competent fighters. Turning a bouncer into a fighter is really by that big of an accomplishment.

                  Comment


                    I agree. Experience in bouncing, security, police or military experience should not be used as the criteria. As a bouncer and a martial artist I see both sides. I have worked with some skilled fighters, but most of them have had some type of formal training. I have also worked with guys who where useless in a fight. No karate death matches so far but myself and my co workers have all been in more altercations than I can remember. I have injuries from bouncing that will last a lifetime. I always say that rolling in class with a skilled grappler is a lot harder than most of the guys we face in the bar, but its sure a lot safer.
                    Last edited by rnc357; 7/17/2014 7:26pm, .

                    Comment


                      Originally posted by Machina View Post
                      Yeah, I guess I can see your points.
                      One of the posters said "to the golden glove champion who teaches tkd"
                      No,! golden gloves champion teaches Shou Shu and says its better than both boxing and jujitsu. who is the same bodyguard. Don't you see how I could be convinced after someone with a long history of kicking ass says that an art of kicking ass is effective and that this form of kicking ass is superior to old forms of kicking ass?

                      No, dude, i've never used SS in a fight. I Just started, and the people there (who train with the right people there) are good. So i figured it would be good.

                      I've been able to use some of the forearm strikes, elbows and grabs in wing chun efficiently, I don't think that it's terrible like the claims being made of it.

                      Another dude in the class (who is also a bodyguard) Beat up five dudes without being touched! idk about you but wouldn't you be convinced as well? He wasn't the one telling me this either as he's not the bragging type. Someone who worked with him told me this (another security officer not previously mentioned)
                      Some of the dumbest shit I have read in a long time, this cant be for real.

                      Comment


                        Shou Shu can beat any other art

                        You guys are all just delusional and fools.
                        Shou Shu can beat any other art
                        Obama actively recruits people from out schools to help him with secret service missions.

                        No, but in all Honesty.
                        I quit Shou Shu and saw through the bull a few months after making this post.
                        I can't do anything but laugh now reading back on this thread.
                        1 year of Muay Thai and and MMA later I'm in the greatest physical condition I've been in ever and am really serious about my art.

                        Comment


                          Shou Shu EGO

                          First time posting, so not sure if I am placing this in the right area, but I just wanted to ad my Shou Shu experience. I trained in Shou Shu for the 8 months I was on contract. I was in it mostly for exercise so I didn't mind the BS, but OMG there was SOOOOO much BS. I have trained in 8 different schools in multiple arts for the past 20 years, and this is the only school where I have heard so many "Shifus" brag about all the street fights they have been it,jaws they have broken,etc. even saying, " they can't wait to get into a fight so they can try A,B,C..." I've never heard this kind of talk from any of the 7 other schools Ive trained in. Very unprofessional. They never heard Miyagi say, "karate for defense only" haha. If all this jaw breaking street fighting stories were true, these guys would be in jail, or being sued, not in a MA class. The story of Al Moore Sr. RIP learning in China and beating everyone up sounds like the premise of every 1980's Van Dame movie. it is obvious the base is Tracy Kenpo, and Ive even seen certificates of Chung do kwan and Shuai Jiao in the office of the school. Anyone with MA knowledge can see this is far more a kenpo system, than a traditional CMA system. Too much emphasis on that piece of cloth known as a black belt. Every traditional MA school I've attended, you bow before coming onto the mat, then a bow before and after class. Here you have to constantly bow "salute" black belts even during class. If you don't you get yelled at. Im 35, and paying 100 a month, I don't need to be scolded like a child for not bowing to a black belt when I didn't even know they where in the room, but that is how Shoe Shoe works. There are many senior student that know that the story of Moore Sr. learning in China is false and they still train. I have more respect for these students than the ones who believe the "legend." It is amazing how many students really believe that this is the most devastating killer martial art. Most Black belts cannot kick over their waist, but that is ok since all you have to do is kick in the nuts. The instructors have no respect for their students. In the 8 months I was there, I saw multiple students get hit hard, and slammed hard to the point of bruising, bleeding, and even getting teeth knocked out. No respect for Uke. But its OK, you have to learn to take it (according to them). All of the black belts really believe they are a force to be reckoned with and have no respect for other arts. The other style I've done from japanese Jujutsu, TKD, and real Kenpo where all ridiculed in the face of the devastating Shoe Shoe. We are also always taught how to deliver a death blow, perhaps we don't want to kill our opponent. I also wonder why they wear "Gi's", and called "Shifu", not sifu, and count in English. If it wasn't for all these cons and Da Shifu's BS story Shou Shu could have been a respectable Kenpo type style. We also never warm up before class. You can learn from anyone who is a black belt, so the problem is you learn a technique with multiple variations due to too many teachers. The black belts believe they are gods. I'm a second degree in TKD, so I know how to kick, imagine the annoyance of having a 16 year old first degree with two years experience telling me Im not doing a side thrust kick properly. On retain nights there is Black belt class. When the black belts come in, you can smell the ego, and of course they get mad if you don't individually salute them as they arrive. Why is Moore Jr. Called Jung Moon? Ive met him, nice guy, good martial artist. Why do white people need Asian names? I am white, I don't need to be called Chong Lee. Reminds me of that white Ninja douche Ashida Kim. And we don't spar, too deadly. for the street not the ring. Yet they sell sparring gear in the studio, WTF????? Oh well, an 8 month learning experience, beck to TKD for me. I know TKD won't make me the ultimate fighter like Shoe Shoe, but at least we know that;) Let the Shou Shu enthusiast challenges begin. And go......

                          Comment


                            Originally posted by Machina View Post
                            You guys are all just delusional and fools.
                            Shou Shu can beat any other art
                            Obama actively recruits people from out schools to help him with secret service missions.

                            No, but in all Honesty.
                            I quit Shou Shu and saw through the bull a few months after making this post.
                            I can't do anything but laugh now reading back on this thread.
                            1 year of Muay Thai and and MMA later I'm in the greatest physical condition I've been in ever and am really serious about my art.
                            Welcome back from the rabbit hole.

                            Comment


                              Originally posted by The Druid View Post
                              First time posting, so not sure if I am placing this in the right area, but I just wanted to ad my Shou Shu experience.

                              I trained in Shou Shu for the 8 months I was on contract. I was in it mostly for exercise so I didn't mind the BS, but OMG there was SOOOOO much BS. I have trained in 8 different schools in multiple arts for the past 20 years, and this is the only school where I have heard so many "Shifus" brag about all the street fights they have been it,jaws they have broken,etc. even saying, " they can't wait to get into a fight so they can try A,B,C..." I've never heard this kind of talk from any of the 7 other schools Ive trained in. Very unprofessional. They never heard Miyagi say, "karate for defense only" haha. If all this jaw breaking street fighting stories were true, these guys would be in jail, or being sued, not in a MA class.

                              The story of Al Moore Sr. RIP learning in China and beating everyone up sounds like the premise of every 1980's Van Dame movie. it is obvious the base is Tracy Kenpo, and Ive even seen certificates of Chung do kwan and Shuai Jiao in the office of the school. Anyone with MA knowledge can see this is far more a kenpo system, than a traditional CMA system. Too much emphasis on that piece of cloth known as a black belt. Every traditional MA school I've attended, you bow before coming onto the mat, then a bow before and after class. Here you have to constantly bow "salute" black belts even during class. If you don't you get yelled at. Im 35, and paying 100 a month, I don't need to be scolded like a child for not bowing to a black belt when I didn't even know they where in the room, but that is how Shoe Shoe works.

                              There are many senior student that know that the story of Moore Sr. learning in China is false and they still train. I have more respect for these students than the ones who believe the "legend." It is amazing how many students really believe that this is the most devastating killer martial art. Most Black belts cannot kick over their waist, but that is ok since all you have to do is kick in the nuts. The instructors have no respect for their students. In the 8 months I was there, I saw multiple students get hit hard, and slammed hard to the point of bruising, bleeding, and even getting teeth knocked out. No respect for Uke. But its OK, you have to learn to take it (according to them).

                              All of the black belts really believe they are a force to be reckoned with and have no respect for other arts. The other style I've done from japanese Jujutsu, TKD, and real Kenpo where all ridiculed in the face of the devastating Shoe Shoe. We are also always taught how to deliver a death blow, perhaps we don't want to kill our opponent. I also wonder why they wear "Gi's", and called "Shifu", not sifu, and count in English.

                              If it wasn't for all these cons and Da Shifu's BS story Shou Shu could have been a respectable Kenpo type style. We also never warm up before class. You can learn from anyone who is a black belt, so the problem is you learn a technique with multiple variations due to too many teachers. The black belts believe they are gods.

                              I'm a second degree in TKD, so I know how to kick, imagine the annoyance of having a 16 year old first degree with two years experience telling me Im not doing a side thrust kick properly. On retain nights there is Black belt class. When the black belts come in, you can smell the ego, and of course they get mad if you don't individually salute them as they arrive.

                              Why is Moore Jr. Called Jung Moon? Ive met him, nice guy, good martial artist. Why do white people need Asian names? I am white, I don't need to be called Chong Lee. Reminds me of that white Ninja douche Ashida Kim. And we don't spar, too deadly. for the street not the ring. Yet they sell sparring gear in the studio, WTF?????

                              Oh well, an 8 month learning experience, beck to TKD for me. I know TKD won't make me the ultimate fighter like Shoe Shoe, but at least we know that;) Let the Shou Shu enthusiast challenges begin. And go......
                              There, I paragraphed that for you.

                              Please...don't do it again.

                              Comment


                                Nice post druid. Got any more stories?

                                Comment

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