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Your best "more balls than brains" moment

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    Your best "more balls than brains" moment

    This thread is dedicated to those moments in our lives when, for whatever reason, commons sense, logic and anything resembling actual thought leaves us and we do something so completely stupid, there can be no explanation for it.

    I was trying out a Judo dojo. Didn't know them, they didn't know me. Really nice guys, friendly, warm, engaging, and hard-training. Instruction followed by randori each class session. Unlike a lot of idiots, who act like you could not possibly know anything, and don't think it important to ask if you actually do (since they care not for the safety of you or their peeps), these guys asked and I informed them I knew a bit. Had a shodan in krotty, but we did a fair amount of rolling. In fact, I had years of rolling under my belt.

    So I rolled around with this impossibly strong guy who eventually let me submit him (I think) and moved on to fighting this guy who looked like King Leonidas in that movie 300. It was quite obvious he was powerful and well-practiced.

    I tried some non-judo crap, hoping to at least hold my own. Grabbed his foot. He goes "wrestling?" and Jerks it loose. We circle. He reaches out and I am slapping his hands away. I think I actually hurt his hand because I slapped fairly hard. He held it for a second and I apologized.

    Then I tried to move around his back, which was pointless. He circled away. Next thing I knew I was up in the air. Panicking. He soothingly tells me "it's okay, I got yah, I got yah" and puts me down gently.

    Nobody bothered to tell me, but later on I was looking up player names on their website.

    His name?

    Jake Larsen.

    In my second MMA fight, I got my brains punched clear out of my head early on in the fight. At one point, I through a bruce lee-style running sidekick from across the cage, which actually landed. I then attempted to follow it up with a Ryo Chonan-style flying scissor, which definitely *didn't* land, and I got GNP'd like nobodies business after that. Pool of blood and everything.


      I rolled all my weight across my own hand attempting to defend a single leg takedown by flying/rolling omoplata.

      I also attempted to backflip out of a single leg takedown and landed on my head.

      Sometimes I have to be reminded that I do groundwork because I'm not a fucking gymnast.


        I went to pull my friend's sister out of a crack house. Ended up having to smash my way through about 7 or 8 people using whatever was within reach. No brains, no use of skill, just adrenaline and hulk smash.


          One time I wanted some cereal like a motherfucker, because the munchies is a bitch. The milk that was there was left out for like a day by accident. I said fuck, I want cereal. And cereal I motherfucking had.


            Well, there was this one time at band camp...


              Originally posted by JingMerchant! View Post
              Well, there was this one time at band camp...
              when the blind girl said "that ain't no picalo"


                Ne waza training, Me = 32yrs, 5,8, 81Kg red belt with shitty, shitty cardio vs 19yrs 6,1, 85kg Black belt who also played rugby for fun.

                I had spent every free moment of the lesson, ripping the piss out of him in preperation for that moment!

                Fun times!


                  When I was a skinny, weak ass 17 year old, I was snowboarding with some friends. We come out after eating at the lodge to find that this girl friend of mine's snowboard was gone. I had checked on the boards 5 minutes previous, so I knew it might not be far. I ran through the parking lots of the ski area, and on the last one, I saw two guys walking at a distance, but only one of them was carrying a snowboard. I gradually caught up with them, and discerned that it was my girl's snowboard.

                  As I got close, they noticed me, and the smaller of the two, probably trying to throw me off, asked, "yo, homie, you know what time it is?" I said "yeah, it's time to give me that fucking snowboard back." Big guy, who's carrying it it, says "This isn't yours, turn around and go back." I get closer and say, "it belongs to a girl I know, and you're gonna give it back." The smaller one tries to flank me, and I shift my position and say very loudly, "don't try that shit again, motherfucker!" I look straight back into the big guy's eyes and calmly say, "please do not make me ask for the snowboard again." He thought silently for about 10 seconds, and then handed it back. These two guys could've pummeled my skinny ass easily, but snowboard jackets don't really give away physique, I guess. The victory march back with the reclaimed snowboard was a BADASS moment of teenage life.


                    This may be a little off topic, but, if you want a true story of selfless badassery, I'd have to tell the story of a guy I knew named Mike, because it's one of the most inspiring stories I've ever known, and this shit really happened.

                    About 10 years ago, Mike (19 years old) was tubing in a mountain river in the Cascades (Washington State) with a big group of people. Apparently, they hadn't done their homework properly, because suddenly, people along the side of the river started yelling at them that there was a waterfall coming (the sign which warned about this had come down for some reason).

                    Anyway, everyone got out of the water, except one girl, who Mike didn't really know, because she'd gotten too far and wasn't strong enough. She was clinging to a rock near the waterfall. Mike went back in to get her, made it too the rock, but couldn't get her and himself back out. He was a strong dude, and could've gotten out himself, but wasn't willing to leave her The waterfall was about 40 ft and pretty rocky. Instead of saving himself, he wrapped his arms and legs around this girl he didn't even know an went over the waterfall with her.

                    She lived. He didn't. Life cut short at the age of 19 in the most heroic and selfless act of anyone I've ever known. I have tears just writing this. Mike was a badass in life, a hero in death, and I can only hope that I would have his courage in a similar situation. The most moving part was going to his memorial, where the girls dad thanked a man he'd never met for saving his baby.


                      One time downtown I arched back and jumped as hard as I could to get some asshole off my back who was trying to choke me. Knocked the wind out of him- probably from me landing on him.

                      He was smaller than me, so it probably wasn't so impressive, but you do what you can when you're being choked.


                        @ RWaggs, That's badass, but kind of a thread killer you fucker.

                        I have balls > brains moments pretty much every time i paddle out surfing/bodysurfing, that's kind of the point so i'll forgo those.

                        While i've never gone over a damn waterfall, on various occasions i've rescued a total of 6 people in the waters around here. (Not including working as a guard at the Waikiki Roughwater Swim, i pulled dozens of assholes out one year...)

                        Usually i just yell at them, maybe slap 'em upside the head to make them stop panicking and they are all good and they swim in pretty much of their own accord, with a little guidance.

                        One time i was riding my bike along the Ala Wai Canal and was flagged down by an old woman pushing her husband in a wheelchair.

                        "The baby! The baby!!",

                        she panted frantically while pointing at the fetid canal.
                        Yep, sure enough there was someone's kid floating face down.

                        So fuck, here i go and jump right into the oil-slickdiaperpalmfrondrottencarpetshoppingcartstampo nappliocatorsevilmantisshrimpsMRSA water and grab this brat and drag him up on the grass.
                        I did the routine pretty much textbook style,
                        "Hey you in the red shirt call 911 now, get an ambulance!"

                        He wasn't breathing when i pulled him out.
                        I had him on a slight slope and when i was checking his airway he started coughing.

                        ..just then these enormous hands drag me away from the kid and he's immediately surrounded by the drunken, freaking-out family members who were bbq'ing a short distance away.
                        I was not given a second look after that, no thank you, nothing.


                          Chen: I kinda figured you'd have some stories, with your background. And yeah, sorry for the thread kill. Probably should've tabled that one for a few hours.


                            A friend of mine and I decided to climb Mt. Shasta. We were 23 years old. And stupid. This is a 14,000 foot peak with snow and ice all over it. Ice axes, crampons, etc.

                            So we get the ice axes and crampons at the rental shop, camp overnight at the base camp, and get up in the morning, clad in blue jeans and ski jackets. Everybody else looked like the Michelin man with helmets, like they were climbing everest. My friend actually was wearing shorts, and he was stung by a bee so his leg was swelling.

                            At a certain point, my friend loaned me one of the liner gloves he had, so each of us had a liner glove. I think he was actually wearing shorts.

                            We decided to head up this snow chute and this giant boulder the size of a television came down. I ran one way, it changed direction toward me. Ran the other way, it did the same. Flew by my head.

                            A couple of time my feet went flying out from underneath me and I barely grabbed my axe which was stuck in the snow.

                            I don't know what made us turn around. Probably brains.


                              While posing as a gas man one time, I ended up in a protracted stand-off with a large, territorial turkey in a deserted suburban alleyway. It was obvious this prehistoric-looking son of a bitch wasn't going to leave me alone, so rather than spritz it in the face with my dog spray I decided to strip down naked and take the motherfucker on Beowulf style. The fight ended with me bagging the cock and tossing it over a fence to some pitbulls I knew.

                              Something to note is that I neglected to put my clothes back on, which made it a lot more difficult to get into people's houses. But I swear, I read every single meter in my quota that day.



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